


Just a Kiss Goodnight

by lincoln4460



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-07-16 14:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 61
Words: 101,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7271149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lincoln4460/pseuds/lincoln4460
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kate Sullivan has made a highly successful career out of being a geek and is enjoying the opportunities it creates. When she meets Tom Hiddleston, the impact he has on her life is one she couldn't have ever imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Three in the morning and I am wide awake, jostled out of sleep by the tumbling gymnastics being performed in my womb. A stray kick nudges near my bladder and I know I'll shortly need a quick trip to pee, but for now I am content to lay on my side, right hand rubbing rhythmically over my belly in hopes of calming my little dynamo.

Just like your dad, I think to it, looking at the beautiful man beside me, his boundless energy stilled for recharge as he sleeps so soundly. Softly filtered moonlight caresses his features and I find my gaze doing the same, lingering lovingly over brow, cheekbones, lips and jawline. I sigh contentedly and allow myself a feather-light touch to reposition an unruly curl falling over his forehead as my mind is drawn back to the day we met.

\-----

Oh, God, please don't let me miss this plane!

I was running down the concourse as fast as my legs would take me, my bag banging into my hips as I went. A few strange looks came my way, which didn't surprise me in the least. In my denim shorts, baggy Avengers t-shirt and Doc Martens, I knew I looked pretty scruffy. My hair was coming out of the side plait I had tamed it into and tendrils were sticking to my flushed face. Add to that I had been travelling for 12 hours already and was undoubtedly rather dishevelled and weary looking. I paid them no attention and just kept running to make the gate before the flight closed.

Gate 22! Gate 23! Almost there. Get a move on, Sullivan!

I had been scheduled to leave Taiohae, the capital of the volcanic Marquesas Islands - one of the administrative divisions of French Polynesia - early this morning on my first flight to Tahiti, in the Society Islands. Unfortunately a slight mechanical malfunction had delayed the two-hour flight, meaning I missed my connecting flight from Tahiti to LA. Although the next available plane left only a couple of hours later, it meant the time I had until my onward leg to London was cut to a mere 30 minutes and had resulted in this wild race through LAX.

Gate 25! Yes! Are they still boarding? Please, please, please, let them still be boarding!

I was in luck, a few passengers were still straggling forward, digging out their boarding passes and juggling bags, coats, parcels and documents. Making sure I had everything I needed in my hand, I thrust everything else away in my bag, breathed a deep sigh of relief and presented myself to the attendant awaiting our departure. The airline employee gave me an all-encompassing once-over when I handed over my boarding pass and I knew I didn't look like your regular First Class passenger. Cut me some slack buster, I thought, I've been building a school in the tropics for three months! Chanel just doesn't cut it when you're hammering in nails and painting walls!

Finally I was walking down the air bridge and on to the British Airways A380. The door was closing behind me as I was shown to the Upper Deck and my seat by an obsequious blonde and I noticed from the corner of my eye that there were only two other passengers in this section - a woman across the aisle and a couple of rows back, and a guy in the row right behind me. Taking a book, reading glasses, iPod and headphones out of my bag before stashing it, I settled comfortably in my seat and briefly closed my eyes at the thought that I was finally on the last leg of my journey. In ten and a half hours I would be back in London. Home.

Little did I know that in those ten and a half hours, my life would be changed forever.


	2. Chapter 2

While we prepared for take-off the blonde attendant - whose name tag pronounced her as Rachel - brought bottled water and hot towels. As I wiped away some of the grime of my prolonged journey, I groaned at the luxurious feel of the hot scented moisture on my skin. God, that feels good!

"Wow! I'll have what she's having!" an amused voice murmured softly from behind me. Recognising the quote, I realised I must have groaned louder - and more suggestively - than I had intended.

"I understood that reference!" the geek in me replied, turning slightly to be heard in the row behind, though the layout of the seats made it difficult as well as impossible to see who was there.

"And I understood that reference!" came back and I laughed aloud, knowing I had stumbled upon another Avengers fan.

After the safety demonstration we were served champagne and canapés and the two of us geeked out, discussing Marvel franchise directors and their differing techniques as well as the interweaving of superheroes throughout the Marvel Universe. When I introduced the subject of anti-heroes, his comments showed a depth of knowledge and character insight that surprised me. We were talking about Loki's many tricks and attempts to better Thor and take over Odin's throne when my fellow traveller quoted,

" 'And thus I clothe my naked villainy with odd old ends stol'n out of holy writ ...' "

" 'And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.' " I finished the quote with him - it came from Shakespeare's King Richard III - and sat without speaking for a moment as I absorbed the fact that he was apparently also familiar with my favourite playwright.

Having had a mother who was an English literature professor, I had been raised on Shakespeare practically from the time I was out of nappies. Our talk turned to Shakespeare's other great anti-heroes - Iago, Hamlet and Macbeth among them - and by the time it became apparent that dinner was about to be served, I knew he was pretty well versed on the bard. All the while I was growing ever more aware of the impact this man was having on me. I had no idea who he was or even what he looked like, but the soft tenor of his voice rolled around in my head and the passion with which he spoke made me feel .... Well, I didn't really know what I was feeling. Peace, warmth, excitement, nervousness - they all warred inside me, jostling for top position. I only knew that I was enjoying his company more than any man I had met for a long time.

"I'm Tom, by the way." He said as I realised we had been talking all this time without introductions.

"Kate." I replied, sticking to first name only as he had.

"Kate, I would be honoured if you would join me for dinner." And there it was, an invitation to continue to get to know him without the awkwardness of airline furniture and space between us.

"I'd like that, thank you." I said after a moment and unclasped my seatbelt, moving the bits and pieces from my lap to the safety of the tray beside me. As I stood and turned I caught my first glimpse of him and stopped in absolute shock. Paralysed for the briefest of moments, I stared at him before sinking slowly back down into my own seat and exclaiming, "Oh, that is so not fair!"

"Kate, I'm sorry!"

"The Avengers! You had me rambling on about The Avengers! And Loki! Oh my god!" I groaned, covering my face with my hands in mortification. "And Shakespeare! You've probably played half of those characters!"

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

Suddenly there was a flurry of movement behind me and I knew without looking that he was here, bending long limbs to crouch beside my seat and offer further apology.

"Kate, I didn't mean to embarrass you. I was enjoying our talk so much and I must admit, selfishly enjoying the anonymity too. It happens so rarely these days, but that is no excuse. Please forgive me, I really am terribly sorry."

His sincerity was evident in his voice. How could I not recognise that voice? I'd heard it live on stage several times, not to mention in movies. I lowered my hands and turned to look at him. And there was that face, the face known by millions and admired by only slightly fewer. The face of one of Britain's most talented actors, a rising star in the glittering and glamorous worlds of theatre and cinema.

Thomas William Hiddleston.

For a moment I felt how I imagined a fan girl would - overawed, nervous, tongue-tied - and I bit my lip as my brain reeled and whirled, seeking purchase on a coherent thought. God, his eyelashes are so long! OK, not that thought.

"Kate?"

I blinked.

And suddenly, I was back in focus and he was no longer Thomas, world-famous actor and movie star, Twitter-throb and sexiest man alive. He was Tom, the man whose (albeit anonymous) company and conversation I had been enjoying, with whom I felt at ease and who I definitely wanted to get to know better.

As if sensing my change of mood, his face relaxed and I realised he really had been anxious about upsetting me. His eyes crinkled and in a heartbeat he turned on me the most outrageously beseeching look known to womankind. Oh God!

"Does that puppy dog look always work for you?" I asked wryly, trying to look stern but knowing the corners of my mouth were lifting in the beginnings of a smile.

"Always." He replied smugly, a Cheshire Cat-sized grin now across his face.

At that moment the airline attendant appeared with our meals and Tom stood, holding out a hand to help me from my seat and before I knew it, I was beside him in the next row.

And there I stayed. Electronic entertainment and thoughts of sleep were long forgotten as we talked, joked and laughed together, discovering both similar and opposing opinions on a wide range of topics. Tom shared some hilarious stories of life on The Avengers set and had me clutching my sides in muffled laughter. I'm pretty sure I even snorted a couple of times, Go me! Occasionally one of us would go off to the restroom or to the bar for more water or tea (we drank a lot of tea!) and as we flew over mainland US and the Atlantic, I found myself feeling more and more at ease in his company. Each time our eyes met I experienced a tingling and warmth in my core and once or twice - as we both talked a lot with our hands - we would touch the other lightly and briefly, causing me to wonder if there were something wrong with the oxygen supply in the airplane.

The connection I felt with Tom both scared me and thrilled me.

When the announcement came that we would shortly be beginning our descent into Heathrow, I excused myself to freshen up. Catching sight of my mirrored reflection, I attempted to remove some of the travel grime, grimacing at the bags under my eyes, then untied my plait before making an attempt with water and fingers to tame the jumbled curls and comb it into some semblance of tidiness before re-tying it. I brushed my teeth and straightened my t-shirt, smiling to myself at the Avengers artwork and the memory it conjured of our earlier conversations.

Rachel the attendant was talking animatedly to Tom when I returned, so not wanting to disrupt them I sat in my original seat and began packing my few belongings into my bag, grabbing a jumper to put on once I exited the terminal. April in the South Pacific and April in London were two very different creatures! Rachel was still there when the fasten seat belt alert came on so I stayed where I was and strapped myself in, my mind pulling ahead to the minutiae of our arrival. The bag I had with me was my only luggage, so at least I was spared the tedium of waiting at carousels, and I had managed to contact my best friend Davey before I left Tahiti so hoped he would be there to meet me and take me home.

"Scared you away?" came a teasing voice from behind me.

"You were busy with a fan." I teased back and he chuckled.

"Give me your number before we part?" he asked before explaining that he would be met and ushered out by security people due to the crowds and paparazzi.

I caught my breath. "Yes" was all I managed as a happy dance began somewhere in my chest.

As the wheels touched down and we were given the all clear to switch our phones on, I took mine off flight mode and was surprised when it rang instantly with an incoming call. I smiled as I answered.

"Davey!"

"Darling girl, welcome back to the bosom of dear old Blighty!" Davey was nothing if not dramatic. "I am here to greet you with bells ringing, trumpets blowing and a gorgeously hot knight on a white charger to see you safely ensconced once more in your humble abode!"

I giggled, knowing the "hot knight" he referred to was James, Davey's own knight in shining armour. They had been together for five years and were getting married in a fortnight's time.

"You darling man!" I replied, thankful I wouldn't have to make my own way home as I realised sleeplessness and jet lag were beginning to catch up with me. "Take me home and throw me into bed and I will love you forever!"

"Promises, promises!" he replied, "You know you'll love me forever no matter what. Now hurry up and get your cute little arse off that blasted plane! I've missed you!"

"I missed you too. I'll see you soon." And I disconnected, still chuckling at Davey's flamboyant words.

By now we had arrived at the gate and the seat belt sign was off, enabling us to begin disembarkation. I stood and turned to Tom just as Rachel came over to me.

"Dr Sullivan, Mrs Forbes" she addressed the other First Class passenger and myself, "Please stay in the cabin for just a moment while we clear Mr Hiddleston. There is rather a large crowd awaiting his arrival and we would like to escort him through as quickly as possible."

I sent Tom a sympathetic smile and was about to give him the contact number he had asked for when the look on his face stopped me. Gone was the open, friendly and charming man I had seen over the past ten hours and I was now faced with a closed but courteous demeanour. His eyes didn't quite meet mine as he said in a voice that could have been talking to a complete stranger,

"Kate, it was a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for your company."

And with that, he turned to follow Rachel down the stairs and was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

"Ladies and gentlemen, pray silence for the best man ... er, maid."

I rose to my feet to generous applause and appreciative laughter at my introduction. As Davey had asked me to stand up for him and James had asked his best friend Hugh, we had laughingly been calling ourselves the "best maid" and "man of honour". The four of us wore matching black Armani tuxedos with a burgundy velvet waistcoat – mine suitably styled for my curvier shape, of course – and while I wore only the three pieces, the men sported white shirts and bow ties. A loud wolf-whistle from the nearest table drew my attention and I flipped the bird and a wide grin to the perpetrator.

"Thank you all so much for being here today. I know Davey and James are both grateful you came to help them celebrate their special day – well, except Ravi, that is." Another grin for the whistler, one of my dearest friends and member of "Our Gang", as I called the group of us who had been mates since university, who all laughed at my comment.

As best man speech tradition dictates, I thanked both sets of parents and also Hugh for his service to James as man of honour and toasts were raised.

"I have been fortunate enough to know David John Watkins for almost fifteen years so there are plenty of stories I could tell you involving drunken debauchery, illegal substances and late-night raids," I continued, "But I am supposed to keep this to tales about him and not about me." That got them laughing, so I went on to share a couple of stories from our early Uni days and finished with one tale our gang knew well and always enjoyed recounting.

"Davey has always had a generous heart, as many of you here are privileged to know. With me he has shared many things over the years including make-up tips, advice on men and even – on one memorable occasion – a date."

"Tim McConnell!" our friends at the next table all yelled amidst raucous laughter.

"Tim McConnell." I confirmed for the rest of the guests. "Tim and I had been dating for about three weeks," I explained to them, "and one night he came to pick me up to take me to dinner. Davey – who I was flatting with at the time – answered the door. Tim took one look at Davey and was immediately smitten, came out of the closet on the spot and told me I was an experiment to test whether or not he was actually gay." The mirth this received doubled when I added, "He and Davey dated for a month."

Once the hilarity died down, I smiled at the newly married couple and continued.

"I remember very clearly the night Davey came home and told me he had met the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with." My friend gave his new husband a loving glance. "And I didn't need to know James very long to understand why, or that these two people were destined for each other. I know that everyone here wishes you a long life together, filled with the riches of love, laughter, family and friendship." I cleared the lump in my throat and finished with, "Ladies and gentlemen, please raise your glasses and join me in a toast to the happy couple. To Davey and James!"

Much later, after the happy couple had departed, the band had packed up their instruments and most of the clutter had been cleared off the tables by the venue staff, I was sitting with the rest of "Our Gang" enjoying a cup of decaf. It was the first opportunity I had had to see most of them since my return from Taiohae and I was content to sit and catch up with all that had happened while I was away. Communications on the devastated island had been spasmodic and unreliable, to say the least, so I had mostly just sent a weekly "I'm alive and well" email to my brother Mike and to Davey.

I cooed over photos of Anika's new daughter who had been born just three weeks after I left and commiserated with Richard, who had recently broken up with his girlfriend of two years. Ravi's long awaited and well deserved promotion had me pumped and I shed a few tears with Jack and Ling, who after trying for six years had given up hope of conceiving a child and were now weighing other options.

As I sipped on my second cup of coffee I looked at the friends around me with a full heart. I was so blessed to have them in my life. Together with Mike and his wife Abby, these people were my family and had been my comfort, support and strength over the years. We were all very close and barely a week went by that at least a few of us didn't meet up once or twice. The only one missing from our celebration was Natalia, a model who had been working Fashion Week in Milan last month and was now reportedly swanning around the Mediterranean somewhere with a rich playboy.

"Half her luck!" Sophie laughed and we all agreed. "Maybe it's Leo Dicaprio – he has a thing for leggy models!"

"Forget Leo, give me a Tom or a Benedict any day!" Sue chimed in.

"Tom Hardy or Tom Hiddleston?" Sophie asked. I choked on my coffee.

"Either!" she replied, "I don't mind – they're both sex on legs!"

Oh my God!Is coffee supposed to go down my windpipe? I coughed and spluttered as the others joined in the laughter and good natured teasing and Ravi pounded me on the back. A vision of shining blue eyes and a mile-wide smile floated behind my closed eyelids as I struggled to control my breathing.

"Have you met either of the Toms, Kate?" Sophie continued the torture.

Shit!

It wasn't inconceivable that I could have done so, I did occasionally meet celebrities through my charity work with UNICEF and also on Geek Games, a TV game/quiz show on which I am a panellist. But I really, really didn't want to get into the whole meeting-Tom-on-a-plane-and-what-the-hell-happened scenario and I also didn't want to lie to my friends, so my mind was racing to come up with a reply.

"Soph...." Richard began.

"What? It's possible. Hiddles is a UNICEF Ambassador too."

Sophie had a point and one I hadn't considered, dammit.

"Yeah, but c'mon. Can you imagine our Kate - whose father read her Marvel comics from the time she was in the womb and who dressed as Black Widow for three Comic-Cons -" Rich gave me a sardonic look and continued "meeting Loki the God of Mischief and not telling us about it?"

Way to pile on the guilt!

Deciding my wisest course of action was to extricate myself before things became more uncomfortable, I said I was calling it a night and rose to my feet. That motivated the others to look at their watches and notice how late it was, so we began a mass exodus towards the doors. After thanking the venue staff once again and hugging all my friends goodbye, with reminders of a girls night out with Sue, Ling and Sophie the following week, I got in a taxi and headed home.


	4. Chapter 4

When my alarm woke me on Monday morning I was eager to rise and go about my usual routine. The last two weeks I had been busy recovering from my trip, helping with wedding preparations and generally settling back into my life. I had gone into the office a few times to see everyone and get an overall feel of how things had run in my absence, but this week would be my first opportunity to really get into it again and look at which projects needed my attention.

I got into my running gear, grabbed my iPod and earphones and set off on my morning run, turning onto Hampstead Lane and cutting into the north eastern corner of Hampstead Heath. The paths were fairly busy with other morning joggers but I tuned them out, matching my strides to the beat of the music playing in my ears. The cool air was a welcome contrast to my runs in Taiohae, where the heat and humidity were horrendous even early in the morning, but I had gotten used to groups of young Polynesian children running alongside me, chattering away to each other excitedly. Mostly I ran along the crescent shaped bay or up into the foothills of Mt Muake but either way I often had company. I missed them, I realised as I passed the last of the Highgate Ponds and exited the Heath, heading along the streets and back to my flat. In spite of the horrors wrought by the earthquake a year ago and the hardships they had endured since, their bubbling enthusiasm and inquisitive natures never failed to inspire me and bring a smile to my face.

As I showered and dressed again, thoughts of my trip inevitably lead to Tom and what had happened on our arrival. I was still confused and hurt by his sudden change from friendship and something that had hinted at possibly wanted to explore that further, to polite stranger. Spotting the time as I put on my watch, I told myself to stop thinking about the guy and concentrate on more immediate priorities. I grabbed a warm jacket, my handbag and phone and set off for the Tube station to head to work.

My resolution to forget all about Tom was predominantly successful. At work I met with the two vice-presidents who had run the company while I was in the South Pacific. They caught me up on what projects each division of the company – computer games/smartphone apps, business management systems and educational software – were currently working on and we looked at our upcoming production schedule and fiscal reports. KJ Systems was in an excellent position and I thanked Sam and Owen sincerely for their efficient management in my absence, even making a joke about being able to retire at 32 because I was obviously not needed here! They laughed it off, of course, but it did give me pause for thought about whether running the company was as much of a thrill and challenge as it had been when I started it. 

That thought was determinedly shoved to the back of my consciousness while I saw the men out and then wandered around the two floors of our offices, chatting briefly with every employee individually. I considered these people to be a part of my extended family and I wanted to know that they were happy in the work they were doing and felt like they could come to me if they were not. Throughout the week I sat in on departmental meetings, had lunch in the staff cafeteria and generally immersed myself in all things KJS again. 

Friday afternoon saw me leaving the office at three to prepare for the weekend ahead and the visitors I was expecting.

My brother Michael had met his wife Abigail when they were twelve and I was ten. We were all close friends throughout the remainder of our school years and the two of them began dating when they were twenty, married at twenty-five and promptly turned out two adorable children for whom I was both aunt and Godmother. Molly, aged seven and Matthew, almost five, regularly stayed with me for a weekend and as this was our first visit in nearly four months, I was really looking forward to it. I bought huge bags of groceries from the store, balancing healthy foods with a smattering of junk. The queen sized bed in the spare room, which they would share, was made up with a 'Frozen' bed set (Molly's current favourite fad) and I'd hired a bunch of movies for us to watch in case the weather wasn't at its best. I had a special treat lined up too that was remaining a secret for now.

When Abby arrived at five to drop them off Molly enveloped me in a huge hug which I happily returned. With her brown curls, snub nose and green eyes, she was the image of my brother but also sufficiently like me that we were often taken for mother and daughter, much to the amused chagrin of my blonde and blue-eyed sister-in-law. Matt rushed in after her and immediately my attention was caught by the intimidating stare from a certain horned helmet-wearing Marvel character on his t-shirt. 

"I am Loki!" he cried and waved an imperious arm toward me. "Kneel, Aunty Kate!"

I felt a small sucker-punch to the gut and took a few seconds to recover before crouching down to Matt's height in a bow before laughing and catching him up for a cuddle, smothering his face in kisses that caused him to giggle and squirm in my arms.

"Aunty Kate! Stop! You don't kiss Loki!" he cried.

Another punch! And oh God! Now I'm thinking about Tom and kissing!

I set him back on his feet and stood up, taking their backpacks from Abby while they ran into the spare room to take off coats and deposit toys on the bed. Abby gave me a searching glance.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Abbs."

"You look a bit peaky. You don't have to take them if you're not feeling up to it."

"I'm fine, really. I wouldn't miss their visit for the world, I've been looking forward to it all week."

"Alright. But call if there's any problem." Ever the worrying mum!

I assured her we'd be okay and she called Matt and Molly out to give her a kiss and hug and say goodbye, reminding them to be well behaved and not eat too much junk food, casting me a knowing glance as she said it. I looked innocently back but knew I hadn't fooled her. We waved goodbye from the back door and as I closed it, I asked,

"Right! What shall we do first?"

We built a blanket fort in the lounge room and played games in it before dinner and after that I bundled the kids into the bathroom for a quick wash and put their pyjamas on ready for bed. For story time I read a chapter from The Jungle Book for Matt, his favourite book. When I ruffled his strawberry blonde locks and kissed him goodnight, he put his arms around my neck and a wet kiss on my cheek.

"I love you Aunty Kate."

"I love you too, monkey boy." They both giggled. "Sweet dreams Matt." I tucked him in tight and turned out the lamp nearest his side of the bed, then picked up Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets to read a chapter to Molly. By the time Harry and his friends met Gilderoy Lockhart at Flourish and Blotts, she was fast asleep, so I tucked her in too and dropped a kiss on her forehead before turning out the light and leaving, with the door slightly ajar in case they got up in the night.

The next morning we were up early and after a hearty breakfast and much laughter involving milk moustaches, we headed off for a day of adventure. We visited the butterfly house at the Natural History Museum then a touring circus where we saw trapeze artists and trained animals, clowns on bikes and a lady performing tricks on the back of an elephant. As a special treat I had arranged for us to meet the elephant, Ganesh, as her trainer happened to be the uncle of an employee at KJS. We were all instantly smitten with this gentle, majestic animal and after feeding her pieces of cabbage and fruit, were thrilled to have a short ride on her back. Matt could barely contain his excitement while Molly and I both sported huge grins.

Lastly we visited the Children's Bookshop and when we finally got home I could see they were tired so I settled them in front of a movie while I prepared dinner. Bath time followed and I had barely read half a chapter of The Jungle Book before they were both sound asleep.

On Sunday morning I was awoken by both of them clambering into my bed around eight thirty, so we stayed there for an hour talking and giggling until suddenly I grabbed a pillow and gave Matt a soft whump! on his legs. A hilarious pillow fight ensued, followed by an equally riotous tickling match, until finally we were all completely out of breath and I collapsed on the bed, calling for a truce. When I suggested a picnic brunch at the park the children screamed off excitedly to get dressed while I packed food and drink in a backpack and we spent a happy few hours on the swings and slides and playing hide and seek amongst the trees. By the time Mike came to collect them at three, we had watched another movie and filled up on popcorn. I had loved every minute with my niece and nephew and was sorry to see them go.

Friday rolled around all too quickly and once again I left early, this time to go home and change before heading off to The London Studios for a guest appearance on Alan Carr: Chatty Man. The second season of Geek Games was to begin the following week and as we had gotten some pretty big names for our first episode – Luke Evans of Hobbit and Dracula fame and Rupert Grint from the Harry Potter movies – the producers wanted to promote it to the hilt.

I put on a simple red Donna Karan dress and my favourite Dolce & Gabbana tartan heels to give me confidence as I grabbed my handbag and coat and headed off in a taxi. I was to be the first guest interviewed so I sat in the Green Room for a few minutes until they called me to wait at the bottom of the stairs to be introduced.

Alan Carr performed his opening monologue and then I was being sent on. I paused momentarily at the top of the on-stage staircase to smile and wave briefly at the audience, then descended to be greeted by Alan. We had met a couple of times the previous year at television events and got on quite well, so he met me enthusiastically with a hug and cheek-kisses and guided me over to sit on the gold couch.

"Welcome, welcome!" he enthused. "You're looking gorgeous! We're used to seeing you in jeans and t-shirts on Geek Games and 'ere you are looking all glamorous! 'ave you got a hot date afterwards or something?"

"Sadly, no." I laughed at his cheeky grin and took a sip from the glass of water on the coffee table in front of me, hoping to soothe my nerves a little.

"Are you seeing anyone at the moment? 'ave you got a boyfriend?"

"No, I haven't." I decided to deflect how uncomfortable I felt with the question by joking with it and added, "Have you got someone you can set me up with?"

"I'll see what I can do, love!" and then, as if he had just had a brilliant thought, " 'ere! Tom 'iddleston's on the show later, he'd be right up your alley, so to speak!"

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Well that backfired! Wait, what? Tom's here? Double shit with a cherry on top!

The audience laughed and applauded at Alan's double entendre while I struggled to maintain my composure. Alan must have got a hint of my panic as he left the subject of Tom alone for his next question, although it was still a bit personal and I was beginning to get a little jumpy.

"Is it difficult to meet men in your position? I mean, you're a highly successful businesswoman, a self-made millionaire as it were, yeah? An' you're on the telly. Does that make it 'ard to meet someone?"

Again I chose to cover my awkwardness with humour and hoped there were no tremors in my voice.

"I work with computer geeks all day, Alan, it's not meeting men that's difficult!" More laughter from the audience, so at least they appreciated my attempt at humour.

Another sip of water.

Please talk about the show! Please talk about the show!

"Now, Geek Games. Season two is starting next week, yeah? What can we expect to see this time around?"

There was the opening I needed, thank God, so I gave the spiel the producers wanted me to say about the new games, introduction of audience involvement and extra special guests. When I mentioned the stars we had lined up for episode one the audience were very enthusiastic and I hoped that meant our viewing numbers would be good. We talked a little more about the show and then Alan asked,

"Now I've heard a rumour, yeah, that you're gonna be replacing Kelly on Dragon's Den. Is that true?"

I had been told only earlier that day that an official announcement would be made in the next 24 hours, so I thought I was safe answering it now and we discussed that topic for about a minute until my time ran out. Alan thanked me, the audience clapped and as we went to commercial I was relieved to hear him announce David Walliams as his next guest.

Not Tom! OK, breathe!

I thanked Alan for his support and left the stage. A production assistant removed the microphone and I headed back to the Green Room to retrieve my coat and handbag, breathing a sigh of relief that it was all over. Now I just wanted to get out of here so there were no chances of an awkward encounter with a certain lanky actor. Just as I reached the door it opened and David Walliams came out, heading for the stage entrance. We said a very brief hello and I went into the room, only to find it held another occupant.

One who had obviously arrived much earlier than was necessary.

One who looked up from the monitor where he must have been watching what was taking place on stage and met my astonished gaze head on.

One who looked just as startled as I was.

The lanky actor.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hello Kate."

I seemed to instantly notice everything about him - his hair and beard being a little longer, the way his navy suit moulded perfectly to his body and those incredibly long legs, his hands tightening the knot of his tie.

What surprised me was that I didn't feel as nervous and embarrassed as I had expected to, but rather now that I was face to face with the guy and the events from the plane were in the forefront of my mind, I was actually feeling a little peeved. I took a deep breath and told myself to keep a civil tongue.

"Tom. I just need to grab my things and I'll be out of your way."

"No, please, don't go, I ..." he stopped and ran his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry."

He's apologising. O-kay. Well, so he should.

"Thank you." I managed.

"Was it ... I mean ... had you ... been together long?"

Confusion. "Sorry?"

"Your ... boyfriend. Had you been together long?"

Boyfriend? For some reason his question just added to my peevishness so I might have sounded a little short when I replied, "I have no idea what you are talking about."

"You said in your interview that you don't have a boyfriend." He waved an arm towards the monitor.

"With you so far." I said dryly.

"And you did have a boyfriend three weeks ago." Perhaps the narrowing of my eyes gave him pause for thought. "Didn't you?"

"Did I?"

"Well ... ah ..." Another hand through the hair. "You ... you spoke to him on the phone. Just as we were taxiing. I ... I couldn't help overhear."

It took a moment for the penny to drop. "Davey? You thought Davey was my boyfriend?"

"Well ... yes. Ah, isn't he? I mean, wasn't he?" The makeup artist was going to need another go at his hair after the treatment he was giving it.

I left him hanging for a minute before I asked, "And that's why you ... left ... so abruptly?"

"Yes." He looked down and I swear the man actually blushed.

"I see." And just like that my ill humour disappeared and something quite different began pooling in my gut.

"Two minutes Mr Hiddleston!" a head popped in the door and announced. Tom thanked him then glanced at me. I watched him closely when I said, "Well, it might interest you to know that Davey is married." A fleeting look of something crossed his face - disappointment? - and a frown gathered on his forehead. I knew what he was probably thinking but I let him walk stiffly to the door before I added, "And gay."

He stopped in his tracks and looked over his shoulder at me.

"He married James. Last weekend. I was best maid. Lovely wedding." I smirked. And with that I picked up my things, swept past him and headed down the corridor to the exit.

Ball firmly in your court, Mr Hiddleston!

\--

The next day began as a Saturday usually does; I went for my run before heading off to the local growers market for fresh fruit and veges. In typical English fashion the weather, which had taken a decidedly chilly turn over the past few days, now produced a gloriously warm sunny day. As I walked back to my flat I was thinking about the events of the night before and wondering what Tom would do, if anything at all. Perhaps he'll just write me off as another silly fan-girl and be done with it.

I didn't have to wait long to find out. He was standing on my doorstep ringing the bell but on hearing me crunch up the gravel driveway, turned and gave me a small smile as I approached. I saw he was holding a posy of anemone and cornflour and I felt touched at his sweet gesture. Returning the smile I greeted him and invited him in; he took my shopping bags from me and stood back as I opened the door, following me into the kitchen to place the groceries on the counter.

"Kate, I came to apologise, most profoundly and sincerely, for - well, for everything. I do hope you can forgive me." And he held out the posy. "These are for you. A small peace offering."

He took a step closer and I made the mistake of looking up into his eyes. I felt like I was swaying under the intensity of that gaze and my mouth seemed suddenly to have lost all trace of moisture. Like a rabbit caught in headlights, it was simply impossible for me to look away. Another step brought him mere inches away and without breaking eye contact he took my hand, brought it up to his lips and kissed my knuckles.

"Please Kate?"

What the hell? Did he just kiss my hand? Seriously? We're not living in the eighteenth century; that kind of thing is so outdated it's .... Um, well, okay, it's kind of cute. Sweet, even. Chivalrous. Dammit!

In his eyes I saw nothing but sincerity and hope with a touch of pleading that reminded me of the forlorn puppy dog eyes I had been unable to resist three weeks before. I held out for a second or two but really, who was I kidding?

"Does that puppy dog look always work for you?" I quoted myself.

His smile lit up the room and made me catch my breath. "Always."

I released my breath in a sigh and shook my head at him, trying in vain to stop the corners of my mouth turning up. "Well then, give me the damn flowers."

He laughed and then just like that we were back to feeling at ease with each other. I put the posy in a vase and he helped me put the food away and then, inevitably, the kettle went on and we took our tea out into my garden to sit in the sun. We talked for hours until his stomach rumbled, so I invited him for lunch (which he helped prepare and wash up afterwards) and we went back into the garden where we sat in companionable silence for a while.

"This is nice." He sighed, settling back a little and stretching his long legs out in front of him.

"Yes." I replied. And it was. Very nice.


	6. Chapter 6

Around four thirty the air cooled considerably so we headed inside. I opened a bottle of red wine and began preparing dinner while Tom browsed the bookshelves in my lounge. Originally he was calling out the names of books we both owned but had to give that up as there were so many. He came into the kitchen as I was chopping vegetables and after spying my mobile on the counter, grabbed it and tapped something in. I raised a querying eyebrow which he ignored but a couple of seconds later heard his phone give a ding to signal an incoming message. He replaced my phone on the bench near me and leaned up against the wall, grinning to himself as he typed out a message.

My phone pinged.

Tom: Love your apron :)

I looked down at the apron I had put on while I did the vegies (let's face it, I just couldn't prepare food without making a mess of my clothes) - I hadn't really taken much notice of it when I whipped it over my head. It was a green chef's apron with a small embroidered Loki helmet inside a heart shape that Davey had given me last Christmas. Laughing, I spun around and threw a piece of carrot at Tom, who caught it and shook his head at me with a "Tsk, tsk!" and huge grin.

"Alright Hiddles, make yourself useful!" I directed him to the sideboard and asked him to set the table then left him to it while I finished getting everything in the oven. When I went back into the dining room he had finished the table (complete with lacy tablecloth and vase of flowers) and was looking at my Photo Wall. I had one wall of the room entirely covered with photos of all sizes, mostly of my friends and family but also some recent ones from my time in Taiohae. He pointed at one photo and asked, "Your parents?"

"Yes."

"You must miss them."

"Yes."

Wait a minute! I thought back over all the conversations we had had and was absolutely certain I had not told him about my parents having passed away. How did he ...? Realisation dawned.

"You Googled me?" He looked sheepish. "You totally did!" I was prepared to tease him about it but he looked rather like a mouse that's been cornered by the cat and I realised he was probably a bit wary of information on the internet and how easily it could get twisted and distorted. So I told him I honestly didn't mind and if he wanted to know anything about me, he had only to ask. We talked about a few other photos before he pointed to one of a young boy and girl.

"The girl is you, isn't it? But the boy doesn't look like your brother." Tom observed.

"No, that's Brian Cresney. He was my first boyfriend and first kiss."

Tom's astonished face was simply priceless as he bent in closer to get a better look.

"I was seven," I went on, "and he was a much more mature and worldly ten. We were neighbours. He used to carry my books home from school every day and bring me daisies he had picked from Mrs Simpson's garden, it was very romantic." I chuckled fondly at the memory.

"What happened?"

"His family moved to Blackpool not long after that and I never saw him again."

"He must have been crushed, poor lad. I bet he's been pining for his lost love ever since!"

"Of course!" I laughed as I headed off to the kitchen to check on dinner.

"Was it a good first kiss?"

"Thomas! A lady never tells!"

More childhood stories were swapped over dinner and afterwards Tom insisted on clearing away and stacking the dishwasher. We took a cup of tea with us into the lounge and I asked him about work. His face lit up with enthusiasm as he told me about a couple of projects that would be starting soon and how thrilled he was to be working with the directors involved. I watched him as he spoke, appreciating the play of light over the planes and angles of his face and the expressiveness of his hands as they waved about. It was clear from every syllable and gesture that he truly loves what he does.

But talk of work reminded him he had lines to learn for a read through on Monday, so he rose to take his leave. When we got to the door he took my hand and I was expecting another knuckle kiss, so was completely unprepared for the tumult of emotions unleashed when he turned my hand over, kissed the palm ever so gently then curled my fingers over it. With the sweetest of smiles he was gone and I stood behind the closed door still holding my hand out in front of me, as if it were a talisman.

Holy mother of mercy, what was that?!

—

Ping!

Tom: Good morning!

Tom: Sleep well?

Kate: Let you know when I wake up

Tom: It's a beautiful day

Tom: Birds singing

Tom: Sun shining

Tom: Children laughing

Kate: Go away you horrible morning person

Tom: he he he

(Three hours later)

Ping!

Tom: What are you up to?

Kate: Reading reports

Tom: Fancy a coffee?

Kate: Thought you were learning lines?

Tom: They won't stick

Kate: Want some help?

Tom: Be there in 10

—

"So Tom," I began, as we were taking a break after running lines for a couple of hours, "There's something I forgot to ask you yesterday."

"Hmmm, what's that?"

We were outside in my garden again and at the moment Tom was sitting scribbling notes in the margin of his script. He had been on his feet up until now, striding and jumping about while he practised his lines - it would have been fascinating to watch if I hadn't had my eyes pinned to the script, which I absolutely had to do because the blue t-shirt he wore was rather ... distractingly ... well fitted ... to his torso and abs. Even now I kept my gaze firmly fixed on those reddish blonde curls and away from strong shoulders and muscular arms ...

I cleared my throat and wondered what it was I had been going to ask. Oh yes!

"How did you get my address?"

"Hmmm?"

"Tom. You showed up on my doorstep yesterday. How did you find out where I live?"

"Ah. Luke made a phone call or two." He looked up and waved an arm around to indicate it was all very straightforward but I wasn't fooled; he hadn't met my eyes. Determined to get to the truth, I persevered.

"Tom."

"Hmmm." His head was down again and the pencil was hovering over the page, almost as if it were trying to look busy.

"Thomas."

No reply. I was beginning to enjoy myself; this was pretty much like trying to find out from Matt how a toy had been broken. You're not fooling me, Hiddles. I leaned forward and said in a voice as low and as menacing as I could manage,

"Thomas William Hiddleston."

He jumped and his head jerked up as I fixed him with a baleful glare and raised an eyebrow that quite clearly said Tell me now and no harm will come to you.

"I ... I rang the Chatty Man team but they wouldn't tell me." Ah-ha, putty in my hands! "So I got Luke to ring around and see if he could find out your publicist or agent but you don't seem to have one?" I shook my head to indicate I don't then gave him a signal to continue, "Eventually I thought of Amanda Kerslake and she rang someone and called me back with the address."

Amanda is the contact person at UNICEF UK who co-ordinated my trip to Taiohae.

"You rang all those people on a Saturday morning?"

"No ... ah ... I rang them Friday night."

I blinked. This man had gone to all that effort to track me down so he could apologise. In person. With flowers.

Oh my.

An incredible wave of warmth flooded my chest and I felt a tell-tale pressure behind my eyes. The only coherent thought I seemed to be capable of was that if he was putty in my hands, I was fast becoming putty in his.

And that didn't seem like a bad thing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading Tom and Kate's story; I hope you're enjoying it so far. I love receiving feedback, so feel free to leave comments!


	7. Chapter 7

Where is it written that when you want time to pass quickly, it drags slower than a snail on a lunch break? I wonder as once again I glance at my watch, impatient for five. Oh damn it, I'm the boss! And I give up clock prowling in disgust and start packing up my desk. It's not like I was getting anything worthwhile done anyway.

It had been a busy week so should have sped by but for reasons I was most definitely not allowing myself to think about, it had instead dragged relentlessly on.

Tuesday we'd taped the first new episode of Geek Games and that aired Thursday night. Viewing numbers were very good so of course the producers are extremely keen to get more big names on the show and I'd spent a good chunk of this morning on a conference call with them and my fellow panellists, brainstorming ideas.

Wednesday and Thursday had been staff performance reviews at work but my thoughts kept drifting away from the task at hand, causing me to pull myself up mentally a few times. Keep your head in the game, Sullivan! Wednesday night I had dinner with Mike, Abby and the kids and then last night with Davey and James, recently returned from their honeymoon. I'd gotten questioning looks from both Abby and Davey but had ignored them and prattled on about something or other, lord knows what. I knew Abby would give me space and not press me to talk until I was ready but as for Davey ... well, it was only a matter of time (and probably not much of that) before he'd be asking questions about my preoccupation.

And what was I going to say? Met a guy, can't stop thinking about him? Feel like a teenage girl who likes the best looking boy at school? Groan!

It's not like I hadn't heard from Tom; his schedule was more hectic than mine, but he'd sent a few text messages – usually a brief humorous comment on what was happening at rehearsals or a selfie he'd taken at a theatre opening – and I had sent a pic of me with Luke and Rupert and a few pithy comments of my own. And he had called and asked to take me out to dinner, it's just that when he was free I wasn't and vice versa, so there wasn't a mutually suitable day until next Monday.

Monday! God! Still three more days to get through! (Yeah, way to not think about him!)

By early Sunday afternoon I desperately needed distraction, so when Sophie rang for a chat I found myself inviting her and the rest of the gang around for a barbecue. I buzzed around organising food and drinks and setting up chairs and tables in my garden, which luckily held us all with a little room to spare. Most of them brought more food and drinks so it didn't take long for a party atmosphere to get going. As always around these friends I felt happy and relaxed so when Rich brought out his guitar and Seth his bongos, I grabbed my guitar as well and everyone joined in the singing.

When the doorbell rang about four thirty I was in the kitchen so just yelled "C'mon in!" assuming it would be James, who'd been held up at work. I grabbed a couple of the plates of nibbles I'd just put out and said, "James, be a love and bring that tray of drinks out with you please?"

"Um ..."

I looked up and saw that it wasn't James who had arrived at all. It was Tom.

"Oh! Hi!" I squeaked in surprise then grinned like a loon. Way to go Sullivan!

"Hi." He tilted his head with a smile as he looked me over from head to toe. And I must have been a sight; I had on a long maxi skirt and t-shirt, my feet were bare and my hair loose – meaning it was curling crazily and flying everywhere – so I probably resembled some kind of gypsy. He didn't look like he minded though.

"Um, hi." You already said that! "Ah ... I thought you were in Paris?"

"We finished earlier than expected." He'd been meeting with a producer about a possible new part in a movie. All very hush-hush apparently.

"Mmmm." Good grief woman! Trying to charm him with your witty conversation, are you?

"I thought I would see if you are free for dinner tonight, but I've obviously come at a bad time." And he half turned as if preparing to leave.

"No! I ... well um ... you're welcome to stay ... if you'd like to, that is. We're having a barbecue. It's just a bunch of my friends. They ... they won't bite." Cringe! God, I needed to slap myself on the face to shake me out of this verbal nightmare.

"Are you sure? I don't want to intrude."

I took a quick restorative breath and looked him in the eye. "You would not be intruding. But honestly Tom, if you don't want to, please ..." I didn't get the whole sentence out before he said,

"I do want to. Very much." His smile reached his eyes and my toes curled a little on the bare wood floor. "Is this the tray of drinks you need brought out?" And he picked up the tray and waited for me to precede him out to the garden. Alrighty then!

When we went out everyone was talking and laughing and Rich was strumming something softly, sounded like a Beatles number. Sophie saw me and began to say something but the words died in her throat when she saw who was standing right behind me. Then Davey saw her reaction and looked my way too and after that it didn't take long for the others to all look to see what they were looking at.

All sound stopped. All faces were looking at us – at him – most of them mouths agape. I stifled a giggle.

"So guys, this is Tom." I put the plates down and waved a hand to indicate him. "Tom, this is ... everyone." Waving in their vicinity. There was another minute of silence before they recovered, took the tray of drinks from him and began introducing themselves and shaking hands. Sophie grabbed me roughly by the arm and dragged me clear of the group, muttering fiercely,

"What the actual fuck, Kate? You said you'd never met Tom Hiddleston!"

"I most definitely did not say that." I replied firmly.

She turned a ferocious scowl in my direction and thought for a minute. "You said it by omission then."

I gave her my best withering look until she gave in. "Fine! But I want to know everything. Every. Single. Minute. Detail."

I sighed, knowing it was inevitable and promised to tell all, just not now. We returned to the group to find Tom had been given a drink and was sitting in my seat with my guitar and was strumming along with Rich and Seth, looking as if he had known these people all his life. Well, that escalated quickly! Seeing me, he immediately stood and offered me the chair and the instrument but I waved him back down again. Davey brought another chair and put it next to Tom's, so I sat and joined in the singing and Tom, Rich and I took turn-about with guitars.

Everyone had work to go to the next day so around ten we started clearing up. The guys stacked the chairs and tables away while the girls dealt with food and dishes. I tidied away the gas lamps I had set up when it got dark, Rich cleaned the barbecue and Davey wandered around with a recycling bin collecting up empty bottles and cans. When Tom was ready to leave I escorted him to the door, only to find a half dozen people crowded in my kitchen watching us, so I went with him out to the driveway, pulling the door firmly shut behind me.

"I had a wonderful time, Kate, thank you."

"I'm glad and you're welcome." I really was glad he had enjoyed himself, it suddenly felt important to me that he liked the people who are a large part of my life. Why that should be important got filed away for future examination.

He took my hand and laced his long fingers through mine. "I neglected to tell you how stunning you look today."

Ooph! Where did all the oxygen go? Captured by those eyes again, I somehow managed to whisper my thanks. He looked at me for a few moments then bent down and I felt his warm breath near my ear as he pressed a soft kiss to my cheek.

"See you tomorrow?" he asked.

"Yes. See you tomorrow." I smiled.

He released my hand and I watched him as he walked down the driveway, turning to smile and wave before disappearing from sight. I stood there for a minute or two then sighed, preparing myself for the barrage of questions I knew were waiting for me inside.

"Kate!"

"What the ..."

"How ..."

I held up my hands for quiet then gave them a brief, watered-down version of meeting Tom on the plane and then again at the Chatty Man studios – leaving out the embarrassing bits. They seemed satisfied with that story and finished sorting out belongings preparing to leave. As we hugged goodnight I could tell from Davey's face that he would be interrogating me for more details, but he didn't say anything in front of the others.

Finally I was left alone with my thoughts again, though now they were much more pleasant than before. I wandered around turning off lights and making sure doors and windows were secured before heading to my bedroom.

I've got a date with Tom tomorrow!

I'm pretty sure I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face.


	8. Chapter 8

Oh bloody, bloody hell! What have I done?

(Fourteen hours earlier)

I woke with a headache but dismissed it, thinking some fresh air would clear it and set off for my run as usual. About a quarter of the way along my route the music in my ears suddenly stopped and I looked at my iPod, only to find the battery flat. Damn! So I was left with just my thoughts to listen to and they began swirling in crazy circles around in my head. Memories from the previous day, anticipation of the upcoming dinner date as well as all the work I needed to get through today at the office.

Suddenly out of nowhere I was blindsided – I felt pressure and pain in my right thigh and hip and I found myself falling to the ground, tangling with metal and flesh and skinning my hands and knees as I went down. I thought I heard something flapping in the air and for a confused moment I wondered if I'd morphed into a Hitchcock movie.

Struggling to get upright, I banged my head hard on something and froze in pain as the impact accelerated my headache up a few notches. Ow! Shit! When I could open my eyes again the first thing I saw were the spokes of a bicycle wheel and then the rider came into focus, sprawled partly on me and partly still on the bike. It was his helmet that had connected with my skull.

"Are you okay?" I asked him as he struggled to free himself.

"Yeah, I'll make it. What about you, are you alright? I'm so sorry I banged into you! Are you hurt?"

"Well," I moved gingerly to find out. "No, just scrapes I think. What happened?"

"Frickin' magpie dive-bombed me! I was trying to frighten it off and lost control. I'm so sorry!"

Well, that explained the flapping. "No harm done. Is the bike okay?"

His bike didn't seem to have suffered much from our close encounter so after he apologised a few more times and I reassured him that I was fine he remounted and went on his way. I waited a couple of minutes because my hip was hurting a lot more than I had let on and I knew that was the end of my run for the day. My head was by now pounding in earnest and I turned around and slowly walked back the way I had come, longing for an Aspirin and a hot shower.

By the time I reached the office I was later than I had intended and still fighting off the pain in my head and hip as well as stinging from the scrapes on my hands and knees. To make matters worse I had forgotten in my rush to grab a coffee and without caffeine I was beginning to fray a little at the edges. I dumped my bag in my office and headed down to the staff cafeteria to fix that. Not great coffee, but much better than no coffee at all. Settling back at my desk, I grabbed the pile of paperwork needing my attention and got to work, pushing thoughts of pain to the back of my consciousness.

Fifteen minutes later I got a call from the manager of the educational software division to say they had suffered a major computer malfunction. I headed down a floor to their offices to find out the extent of the problem and after we finally isolated the issue as being with some software we had recently installed, spent a gruelling thirty minutes on the phone with the software company. They were not particularly helpful and my frustration was beginning to mount. Eventually I had to pass the phone on to my manager and I set my two best technicians the task of finding a way into the software so we could fix the problem ourselves. There would be no fools suffered gladly today.

Back in my office I returned to the pile of paperwork, only to be interrupted by my phone. It was Davey inviting me to lunch but I fobbed him off, knowing he would want to talk about Tom. I was so not in the mood right now. When the phone rang again ten minutes later I saw the caller ID just in time to stop myself snarling my greeting. It was Amanda from UNICEF, talking about a new campaign called One Year On and sounding me out about narrating a TV documentary as they would be using some of the video footage shot in Taiohae. We talked for an hour and arranged a meeting for later in the week and when I finally hung up I looked at the work in front of me and wondered if I would ever get it done.

Around three the software problem was finally fixed and I breathed a sigh of relief. My headache had lifted a little but my hip was hurting quite a lot and I was still grumpy with anyone who came near me. When Tom's first text message arrived an hour later it was like pouring oil on a fire.

Tom: Rehearsing pivotal scene. Not going well. Can we change dinner to 7?

My reply was brief but I was pretty sure that a man who had two sisters and was close to his mum would know what this answer from a woman really meant.

Kate: Fine

I turned back to the paperwork but had to give up at six so I could go home and change. His second text came as I was in the taxi, too sore and miserable to face the Tube.

Tom: Still struggling with scene. Director on warpath. Is 8 OK? So sorry.

I sent the same one word answer and fumed. Once home I swallowed a couple of the strongest painkillers I could find along with a glass of brandy (maybe not the best idea, but I was beyond caring at that point) and stomped into my room. By now I was seriously wondering if I still wanted to go out on a date but I was stubborn enough to not want to be the one to pull out.

Tom's phone call sent me over the edge. It came at 7.45, just as I was almost done fixing my hair and make-up. He explained that they had only just finished, that he was dirty and sweaty and needed to go home to shower and change and it would be another forty five minutes before he would be at my place. He apologised profusely but it was too late.

I let him have it. Both barrels. Poor guy never saw it coming.

I ranted and raved, I sobbed and wailed like a banshee as I poured out all of the pain and frustration and disappointment of my day from hell, unleashing it on this sweet, kind and unsuspecting man. By the time I was finished I was hiccoughing and badly needed to blow my nose. There was silence at the other end of the line and I quickly sobbed goodbye and hung up, sinking down onto the bed in tears as I realised what had just happened and how stupid and selfish I was being.

Oh bloody, bloody hell! What have I done?


	9. Chapter 9

Once I stopped crying I rang Davey, who arrived ten minutes later with a tub of double choc mint ice cream. He made me clean the ruined make-up off my face and we sat cuddled on the couch while I told him the whole story, from meeting Tom on the plane to my spectacular meltdown. We ate the ice cream straight from the container and he rubbed my back in sympathy, making soothing noises and just letting me talk without interruption. I loved that about him.

"You know you have to talk to him Katie."

"I know. But I doubt he'll want to talk to me Davey, I was like a psycho on crack."

"Darling girl, from the way he couldn't take his eyes off you at the barbecue yesterday, I'm pretty sure he will."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I mean those gorgeous baby blues of his were glued to you all afternoon. The man is very definitely interested, love."

A small glimmer of hope flared in my chest. "What if he won't take my call?"

"Then do it in person."

"I don't know where ..." I didn't know Tom's address but I realised I did know a way I could get it. I jumped up, grabbed my phone and started dialling Amanda while looking for shoes and handbag. When I explained that I needed Tom's address she was quiet for a minute, then asked, "Do I want to know what is going on with you two?"

"Probably not."

She sighed and said she would text me the information shortly. I grabbed my keys, gave Davey a big hug and kiss and told him to let himself out then dashed outside to find a taxi. When Amanda's text arrived I directed the driver to an address in Westminster and hoped like hell Tom would give me a chance to apologise.

—-

Forty minutes later I walked back in the door of my flat to find the lights still on and the aroma of food wafting around. "Davey?" I called. He must have stayed and ordered take out. I dropped my things on the kitchen counter and looked up as Davey came into the room. He could tell from my face what had happened.

"He wasn't home."

"No."

"Phone?"

"Went straight to voicemail."

"Oh sweetie, I'm sorry." He opened his arms and I went in for a hug but this time found little comfort. I desperately needed to talk to Tom and I was terribly afraid that he didn't want to have anything to do with me. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw another figure move into the kitchen from the lounge and I started in surprise, withdrawing from Davey's arms.

Tom?

My eyes flew to his face only to find dark waves instead of red-blond curls, brown eyes rather than blue, smoothly shaven chin in place of stubble. Tall, but broader than Tom and coincidentally, also an actor.

"Alex! What are you doing here?"

"Hey babe, glad to see me?"

"Don't call me babe. And no, I'm not glad to see you. What do you want?" Seriously, could this day get any worse?

"Aw, c'mon Kate, don't be like that. We had something good didn't we?"

"Good for you, sure. You asked me to marry you and then shagged everything in a ten mile radius." I couldn't believe he had the gall to show up at my place after I had tossed him out on his ear a year before. Davey was bristling beside me, ready to leap to my defence if I should need it.

"Listen, can't we talk in private?" he asked with a heated glance at Davey. They had never really gotten on – that should have been enough of a warning to me, but I was too blind to see it.

"No. Davey stays. Say what you came to say." My patience was wearing incredibly thin so that came out rather short, but I honestly didn't give a damn. I was weary and heartsore and what I wanted was most definitely not this man in my life again. I wanted to see Tom. I needed to see Tom.

"Okay, okay." He held his hands up. "I saw you on Chatty Man the other day and I realised I've missed you babe. I've missed you a lot. So I thought we could, you know ... rekindle our love or something." He took a step toward me, I took a step back and Davey took a step in between. I put a hand on Davey's arm to let him know it was okay and stared at Alex as I tried to work out exactly what it was he was really after. I didn't believe for a second that he still felt something for me, in fact I had often wondered if he had ever really felt anything for me at all.

"Mmm. Acting career going a bit slow is it?" I finally asked and knew I was on the right track when he looked a little flustered and defensive. "Maybe someone who is on a couple of TV shows and doing publicity interviews with Alan Carr would be useful to have around? Being seen with them would help get your name known a bit more?" I was stunned that even he could stoop this low.

He didn't even try to deny it and I wondered what I had ever seen in this man to be ready to marry him. Love makes fools of us all, apparently.

"Alex, I would not be with you if you were the last man on the planet. I don't think I can put it plainer than that. Now I'd like you to leave and don't ever bother coming back." And I walked to the door and held it open for him, giving him a look that told him I meant every word. Davey stood with feet apart and arms folded across his chest, glaring at Alex as if daring him to make a fuss. Davey was a pretty good fighter and Alex knew it. Thankfully, he gave in and left and as I shut the door after him I sank to the floor, elbows on knees and my head in my hands.

"God, what a day!"

Davey knelt down in front of me, put his arms around me and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "Want to me to stay over sweetie?"

It was a kind offer and I wanted so very much to say yes, but I had been selfish enough for one day and he had James waiting for him.

"No, hon, I'll be okay. Go home to your husband." I knew it was the right thing to do when Davey looked relieved at my reply. He helped me to my feet, gave me a huge hug and made me promise to call him immediately if I needed him. Once he was gone I locked up and headed to my bedroom. I tried calling Tom but once again got his voicemail so I hung up without leaving a message.

In stark contrast to the night before, I cried myself to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

By Thursday the bruising on my hip was beginning to fade, along with my hopes of ever hearing from Tom. My alarm woke me as usual; I got up and into my running gear, only to look out the window and see what looked like a rather brutal storm brewing in a very dark and forbidding sky. As I didn't have to rush into the office – I had my meeting with Amanda at ten – I decided I would forego my run and get some design work done until then, so I grabbed a quick breakfast then changed into work clothes. I had just sat down at my computer when a thunderous roar and loud crack overhead told me that the storm had broken and in seconds it began to bucket with rain. Well, so much for computer work! I thought, switching everything off and making sure my surge guard was plugged in; I didn't fancy the thought of losing all my data and possibly some expensive equipment from a lightning strike.

The kettle was just coming to the boil when there was a knock at the door – well, more of a pounding really to be heard over the noise of the rain. That'll be Davey, coming to check on me. He had been popping in regularly since the debacle of Monday to make sure I was okay and find out if I'd heard from ... well. I found it mildly amusing that he was getting pretty pissed off at Tom for completely ignoring me, whereas I was feeling ... a bit hollow inside.

When I opened the door I was stunned to find him standing there. Tom. Completely drenched and looking like a drowned rat.

"God, you're soaked! Why on earth haven't you got an umbrella? Come in, quick!" I ushered him inside. "Take your shoes off while I grab some towels." And I went to get towels as well as some clothes he could change into. I found some jogging pants and a t-shirt that I hoped would fit him; the track pants would be too short (he was a good six inches taller than me) but they would just have to do. When I took them out to him he was still standing just inside the door, as if unsure he should venture further in, but he had at least taken off his shoes and socks. I showed him down to the spare room so he could change and when he gave me his wet things I put the clothes in the dryer and his shoes on top of the hot water cylinder. They were good leather so shouldn't take long to dry. It was just as well I was too nervous to laugh because with my trousers only coming to mid-calf he did look rather hilarious. And totally adorable.

"Tom, I am so incredibly sorry ..."

"Kate I'm sorry I haven't called ..."

We both began, then stopped.

"Ladies first."

"Tom, what I said to you on the phone ... god, I'm so sorry. Truly, truly sorry. I had a totally shit day but that was no reason to take it out on you. I can't believe I did that when you so didn't deserve it and you had obviously had a trying day of your own and I completely ignored that and ... well, basically unleashed all the Furies on you. Is there ... do you think there's a chance you can forgive me for being such a heinous bitch?"

He simply said, "Of course."

"Really?" I swallowed a lump in my throat. "Just like that?"

"Kate, you were crying and obviously distressed – even in the midst of your ... um ... outburst" with a small smile. "I didn't take it personally and I'm so sorry you had such a horrible day."

Good lord, this man is too good to be true. Shit, am I dreaming all this? If I wake up now I am going to be so ...

"Now it's my turn to apologise."

That baffled me. "What on earth for?"

"For not getting in touch with you sooner." A hand ran through his hair, a gesture I was beginning to realise meant he was nervous. "Truth is, I was in a taxi on my way over here on Monday ... after you, ah, ended our call ..." Oh god, my heart jumped at those words. "... when my mother rang. My grandfather had had a stroke and was seriously ill in hospital so I had to fly up to Scotland – I redirected the taxi and was on a flight in under an hour. Then I've been in and out of the hospital for the past few days, so my phone's been off. I'm sorry, I should have called but I ..."

"Tom, god, you've got nothing to be sorry for, really. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather, is he going to be alright?"

"It was touch and go for a couple of days but the doctors think he'll be okay, though they can't tell yet how much damage has been done. So I was finally able to leave my mum ... my sister Emma is with her, so she's not on her own. I flew back this morning. I've got to get back to rehearsals, they've been doing without me but I feel bad about leaving them like that."

"I'm sure they understand, Tom."

I went to get his clothes and shoes, which were dry enough for him to put back on, and once again he changed in my spare room.

"We never did get our dinner." He said with a shy smile as he came back into the kitchen and returned the borrowed clothes.

"No." I returned the smile.

He tilted his head in thought for a bit. "Are you going to the Black and White Ball on Saturday?"

A fundraising event co-ordinated by a number of children's charities, the Black and White Ball was being held at the Barbican Centre this weekend, which had completely slipped my mind.

"Yes I am."

"Save me a dance?"

"I'm not sure – I've seen the way you dance!" I grinned and we both laughed.

I loaned him an umbrella and he braved the rain – which thankfully had eased somewhat – to head off to his rehearsals and I picked up my phone to let Davey know he could stop checking up on me. When I texted Tom later that day his grandfather's condition hadn't changed.

—-

My dress was an Ellie Saab black A-line chiffon sheath with ruching from bust to hips and hand-made lace with cap sleeves on top of the bodice. The chiffon hugged my curves in all the right places and my strappy silver heels gave me another two inches of height; I wore my hair in a low messy bun and diamond drop earrings and I felt amazing.

Mike and Abby collected me in a taxi and we headed into Central London. Abby looked stunning in a lace and tulle ball gown and my brother scrubbed up rather nicely in his tux. When we arrived at the venue there were press around which meant a few quick interviews and photographs. That was something I was still getting used to but I was always glad to promote causes I believed in and even when the only thing I was asked was the inane "Who are you wearing?" I mentioned the various charities and how worthwhile they were to support. Luckily the press were more interested in any big celebrities who were attending and I thought for a moment how fun it would be to stay and watch Tom arrive and do the red carpet schmooze.

Inside we found our allocated table where I was pleased to see we would be with people I knew from UNICEF, Action for Children and Oxfam, including a couple who had also been in Taiohae. We had drinks and mingled until it was time to be seated for dinner and although there was plenty of lively conversation and laughter at our table, I frequently cast glances around the large room hoping to catch sight of Tom.

"Kate, I hear you're to be involved in the One Year On campaign." Ken hadn't been at Thursday's meeting but he often worked with Amanda on promotions.

"Yes I am Ken. Will you be working on that one?"

"Probably. Have you heard who else we're hoping to get for it?"

"Amanda mentioned Lewis Hamilton and Cat Deeley."

"Mmm, I'm thinking Ewan McGregor or Tom Hiddleston too, depending on who's available."

Oh! I think I murmured something in reply then we talked more about the campaign. While we ate dessert there were speeches and presentations – slide shows briefly highlighting each charity's work and what they were hoping to achieve in the coming year – and of course we were thanked for our support and generous donations. Afterwards they cleared the floor for the band to set up and Abby and I excused ourselves to freshen up.

When we got back to our seats Mike was standing talking to a couple and the next thing I knew we were being introduced to Sophie Hunter and Benedict Cumberbatch, who Mike knew through the Prince's Trust. Astonishingly, Benedict admitted to watching Geek Games when he had the chance so we laughed about that and I jokingly told him we should get both he and Robert Downey Jnr on for a "Sherlock showdown". My jaw nearly hit the floor when he said he'd love to.

"He's always yelling answers to the questions at the TV screen," Sophie revealed to general laughter, "Be careful, you might just be creating a monster!"

We chatted some more and they seemed like a genuinely lovely couple and were definitely very happy together. After a few more minutes they excused themselves and went off to dance and Mike and Abby did the same. I was pulling my chair out about to sit when I heard a voice at my side say softly.

" 'She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies, and all that's best of dark and bright meets in her aspect and her eyes; thus mellow'd to that tender light which Heaven to gaudy day denies'."

I gasped and turned to Tom.

Tom quoting one of Byron's most romantic sonnets.

Tom in a tuxedo that fit his form so well it could have been sewn directly on his body. I had seen photos of him in a tux before of course, but nothing could prepare me for the sheer magnificence of the real thing. God, he's beautiful!

He smiled at me, that amazing smile that never failed to make my knees quiver, then took my hand and kissed it. "Kate, you are utterly bewitching."

"Thank you Tom."

"May I have the pleasure of this dance?"

"You know how to slow dance?" I teased.

He grinned and winked. "I've been practising."

He led me on to the crowded dance floor, holding me gently but firmly as he guided me expertly around the room. Being in his arms for the first time was a heady experience and I felt as if I were floating on air. The shoulder my hand rested on was strong and muscular, the hand holding mine soft and supple. Heat was spreading around the spot on my back beneath his other hand and I felt intoxicated by the scent of him; partly his cologne, partly the expensive fabric he wore, but mostly just him. I couldn't help but notice that my head was at exactly the right height to fit into the curve of his neck just above where it met his shoulder... I could rest there so easily ... be able to turn slightly and press my lips to ...

Hello!

I stumbled a little and Tom's hands tightened to hold me safely.

"Are you alright? I didn't stand on your foot did I?" Tom, ever the gentleman.

"No, no, I ..." I was still floundering for something to say when Sophie and Benedict appeared beside us just as the dance ended. Tom began introductions but we pointed out that we'd already met and when the next dance started up, Benedict held his hand out to me while Tom partnered Sophie. As we swirled around the floor my inner geek was trying to get my head around dancing with Sherlock/Khan/Dr Strange. Then Benedict said something that completely startled me.

"When we met earlier I had no idea you were Tom's Kate."

"Sorry?"

"Are you the Kate he met on a plane?"

"Yes."

Benedict nodded and gave a small smile, then after a piercing glance at my face, changed the subject completely. As we danced and chatted my mind was racing. Tom's Kate?


	11. Chapter 11

called in to Davey's jewellery shop on Monday morning to return the earrings he had lent me. He was busy with a customer when I arrived so I looked around the display cases while I waited. Davey designed his own range and every piece was exquisite; delicate scrollwork and cleverly mounted stones that seemed to float in air. My favourites were the vintage-inspired pieces featuring rubies, sapphires or emeralds; I'd never been that keen on plain diamonds. Over the years Davey had designed pieces exclusively for me and they were my most treasured, and most worn, articles of jewellery. 

Finally the customer left and I was dragged into the back room, pushed unceremoniously into a chair and told to "spill."

"Well, the dinner was lovely. We ate ..."

"Cut the crap Katie! You know very well I want details about that delicious man, not the delicious food."

I giggled and teased him a little. "Do you mean when I was dancing with Benedict Cumberbatch?" Davey's a huge Sherlock fan and his eyes popped wide open at that statement.

"Cumberbunny? You didn't!"

"I most certainly did. Twice, in fact."

"Lucky Kate! And what about Tom?"

"Tom and Benedict didn't dance together at all, as far as I'm aware."

Davey crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me. "Ha, ha, Dr Sass." I giggled again.

"Mm, well, the man wears a tux like he was poured into it." I was still teasing Davey but it did remind me how devastatingly handsome Tom had looked. "And we danced."

"How many?"

"Four."

"And?" He twitched an eyebrow, inviting more information.

"And he quotes Byron like a pro."

"And?" The other eyebrow did its' thing.

"Also good at dancing that doesn't involve snake hips." This time I was on the receiving end of an exasperated scowl.

"And then his sister rang to say his grandfather had taken a turn for the worse and he had to leave."

We had been dancing a waltz. Tom had pulled me closer to his body with his right hand while the fingers of his left intertwined with mine and were resting on his chest. I could feel the steady beat of his heart beneath my palm as the rest of the room faded away until there was just the two of us moving in time to the music. I felt incredibly aware of every detail about him, yet completely at peace, which was a very heady feeling.

"Poor love. Have you heard how the grandfather is doing?"

I shook my head. "No, not yet."

"But he is going to call this time, yeah?" Davey wasn't entirely convinced Tom couldn't have called the previous week, but had let the subject drop at my insistence. It was sweet that he was so protective of me.

"Yes Davey, he'll be in touch when he can."

After getting the phone call from Emma, Tom had briefly explained what had happened and apologised for having to leave.

"It doesn't matter. Tom, go, be with your family."

He'd nodded and turned to go, taking a half dozen quick strides through the crowd. Then I saw him stop and turn back and in what seemed like a mere second he was there in front of me again, so close my senses were overwhelmed by his nearness. As I met his gaze he placed a hand on either side of my face and gently rubbed a thumb over my lower lip, sending shivers throughout my body. Every sound faded away except the beating of my heart as he tilted his head and slowly placed his lips on mine. They were sweet and soft and his short beard grazed against my skin, making every nerve ending feel tinglingly alive. I moved closer to him and my hands rose of their own accord to his chest where I could feel his heart thudding as rapidly as mine. When he finally lifted his head I swayed a little on my feet and was still floating back to earth when he said in a low voice, "I'll call you." By the time I opened my eyes he was gone.

—-

Mid-afternoon on Monday Tom texted the sad news that his grandfather had passed away. I replied how sorry I was, but glad that he had been there to say goodbye and be with his mum and sisters. Tuesday another text said he would be staying in Scotland until after the funeral on Thursday morning and that night I missed his call as I was on the set of Geek Games. When I tried to call him back it went to voicemail so I left a brief message. I knew that he would be tied up with all the funeral arrangements so I told him not to worry about calling until he was back in London.

He rang just before three on Thursday afternoon saying he was in a car going from the airport straight to rehearsals and he naturally sounded sad and tired. I delayed the meeting I was about to go into so I could stay on the phone, hoping it would help him just to talk to someone and by the time he reached the theatre he sounded a little brighter.

I spent Saturday catching up with girlfriends, seeing a movie and doing some shopping. We ate out and by the time I got home it was nearly ten but about half an hour later there was a knock on the door. Peering through the security peep-hole I saw tousled curls and sharp cheekbones and opened up to an exhausted Tom, only now heading home from rehearsals. I invited him in and fed him after he admitted he hadn't eaten, then we sat on the couch and I let him talk as that seemed to be what he needed most. He told me stories of visits to his grandfather when he was a boy and how they would build model planes together and play chess in front of a fire on cold winter nights. I got the impression that the relationship had helped him when his parents divorced and his father was vacant from his life for a while. When I went to make a pot of tea I returned to find him sound asleep. He looked so peaceful that I hadn't the heart to wake him. Luckily my couch was long enough to accommodate his tall frame and comfortable enough that he wouldn't wake with a stiff neck. He didn't stir when I lifted his jean-clad legs up, nor when I propped a pillow under his head and blankets over him. I stood and watched him for a minute then headed off to bed, setting my alarm for six in case Tom had to be at rehearsals early.

The next morning I found him folding the blankets and looking a lot more rested.

"Good morning Tom."

He ran his hand through his already well-tousled hair and grinned sheepishly. "Kate, god, I'm so sorry I fell asleep on you last night!"

"Don't worry," I laughed, "it's not the first time it's happened!" At his enquiring look I added, "I dated an ER doctor once, he worked terrible hours and was always falling asleep – once even in a restaurant in the middle of what was supposed to have been a romantic dinner!"

Tom laughed with me and I asked if he'd like breakfast. "I'd love to stay, honestly, but I have to go home to shower and change and be at the theatre by eight." He stepped close and put a finger under my chin to raise my head up. "Thank you so much for last night Kate. I'm more grateful than I can say for you just being here and listening."

"You're welcome, I'm glad I could help."

"I would like to finally take you out for that dinner, if you don't have plans for tonight?"

"You won't be rehearsing late again?"

He shook his head. "No, the theatre is booked for another show so we'll be done by four." He released my chin and took both my hands in his, dimpling at me as he asked, "May I have the pleasure of your company for dinner this evening, Dr Sullivan?"

"Why Mr Hiddleston, I do declare!" I tried in my best Southern belle accent with a coquettish fluttering of eyelashes, but failed miserably and had us both laughing. "That's why you're the actor and I'm the computer geek!"

He tilted his head to once side, still chuckling. "So is that a yes?"

"That is a yes!"

"Good." He headed towards the door, taking me with him as he still had hold of my hands. "I'll pick you up at six." And he pulled me close and kissed me very thoroughly before saying goodbye.

—-

I don't do casual sex. Personal choice. Before I sleep with a guy, I need to feel an emotional connection and not just a physical one. Not that the physical side isn't important, just that I wanted it to mean more than a quickie in the back seat of a car on a Saturday night. I had had my share of boyfriends over the years and had enjoyed a physical relationship with the few that I had genuine feelings for. Those guys who expected me to jump into bed with them after only one date soon found themselves shown the door after a lecture on respect and my right to do as I wished with my own body. Only once had I imagined myself to be in love and he turned out to be the biggest sleazebag in the Greater London area, which only goes to show that even a successful businesswoman with degrees in computer science and computer systems engineering from the University of Oxford can be made a fool of by the wrong guy.

The feelings that Tom's kiss aroused in me left my emotions swirling in a tumultuous jumble. Ever since we'd met I had found my thoughts turning to him in my spare moments - thinking about his smile and the way it lit up his face and went deep into his eyes; how his rich, joyful laugh or infectious giggle warmed my heart and made me smile like a loon every single time I heard it; how he listened so intently to everything I had to say and made a pertinent comment that showed he genuinely respected my thoughts and opinions.

As for the physical side, well, I certainly couldn't deny that I found him attractive – okay, very attractive – and the low-burning fire that his kiss this morning had ignited was proof enough that my libido at least would be more than happy to step things up a notch. But what made me hesitate was that this man was getting under my skin and into my psyche. A little voice was telling me that this could just possibly be something more – something special – different to anything I had experienced before, even when I had thought I was in love with Alex. And if anything were to happen between us, I was not naïve enough to think it would be smooth sailing; the man was incredibly busy with a successful career he had worked hard for and was very passionate about (I could certainly relate to that) and he travelled a great deal. He also lead a very public life and any relationship with him would likely be under scrutiny and would come with extra pressures because of that.

And those thoughts made me ridiculously nervous for a 32 year old who thought she had it all together.

I turned the radio on loudly as went about my household chores, trying to distract myself by singing along with pop songs. While dusting the bookcases in the lounge a song came on that resonated deep inside me; the chorus in particular seemed to mirror so well the thoughts churning inside my head.

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight,

Just a touch of the fire burning so bright,

No I don't want to mess this thing up

I don't want to push too far.

Just a shot in the dark that you just might

Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life.

So baby I'm alright with just a kiss goodnight.


	12. Chapter 12

When Tom's knock sounded at the door I was on the phone with Matt who was excitedly telling me the plans for his birthday party, which was coming up in just a few days' time. I mouthed "Sorry" at Tom and took his hand to invite him in. He smiled "It's okay" and laced his fingers through mine as I finished up my call.

"Matt that sounds amazing, I'm really looking forward to it. But right now I have to go."

"Okay. I love you Aunty Kate."

"I love you too buddy. See you Wednesday."

When I hung up I explained to Tom, "My nephew Matt. He's turning five on Wednesday."

"Ah. Mike and Abby's son." Tom had met them at the charity ball.

"Yes. He's a huge fan of yours actually. Well, of Loki's to be precise. Avengers geeks tend to run in our family." That was rather an understatement. "He's having an Avengers theme party so I'll be dusting off my Black Widow costume I guess."

Tom's slow perusal of me from head to toe got me a bit warm under the collar which was only made worse when he gave a rather roguish grin and said, "Now that would be worth seeing."

Oh lordy! Mindful of the fact that Tom had just lost a loved one, I had decided to keep this evening light and cheerful and stay well away from any thoughts of where our fledgling relationship may be headed. Not that his fingers playing with mine are helping with that!

"Well, don't hold your breath Hiddles, it's been a long time since that costume was out of cobwebs and it may not fit me any more for all I know." I did my best to bring my core temperature back down a notch. "Not that you'll get to see it anyway."

"Might be worth playing hooky from rehearsal ...." He teased and we both laughed.

"You look absolutely breathtaking right now." He raised my hand to kiss it and I couldn't say if it was that or the warmth in his eyes that caused ripples of pleasure all the way through me and made my favourite green dress suddenly feel unusually constricting. He looked rather breathtaking himself; the top few buttons of his blue shirt were undone, giving me a tantalising glimpse of golden chest hair, and his suit was well fitted to his strong, slender frame.

I murmured thanks while avoiding his eyes and, deciding that discretion was the better part of valour, suggested we be on our way. Thankfully he agreed and squeezed my fingers as he led me out to his car and held open the passenger door, giving my hand another quick peck before returning it to me once I was comfortably seated inside. 

The restaurant Tom had chosen was not yet full so we didn't attract much attention as the maître d' escorted us to a secluded corner table. After we had ordered and wine had been poured, I told him amusing anecdotes of my geeky escapades growing up and we both talked about crazy things we'd done during our university days. Because he'd gone to Cambridge and I to Oxford, there was a fair amount of good natured ribbing and we realised we may well have gone to the same inter-college sports and social events at some stage as our studies did overlap by a couple of years.

"What was student Tom like?" I asked with a grin.

Tom laughed a little self-consciously. "Oh gosh! Umm, very blonde, very mop-top, most definitely not cool! Huge nerd – I was reading classics – for some reason girls weren't really into being wooed in Latin or Ancient Greek!"

"Try being a female computer geek!" I countered. "If I hadn't met Davey and Our Gang I would have been the nerdy kid sitting in the library for the duration!"

"Where did the interest in computers come from?"

"I guess partly my dad. He was a mathematician and I inherited some of that. I was always good at math at school and from the first time I saw a computer I wanted to find out how it worked and what it was capable of. Then that became an interest in programming and graphic design and, well, the rest is history."

"You are an incredible woman, Kate Sullivan."

"Oh, well." I blushed, feeling not only touched but also humbled that this man, whose talent in his own field I greatly admired, should pay me such a compliment. "You're pretty amazing yourself." And then I wasn't the only one blushing. Luckily the waiter arrived just then with our desserts and watching Tom devour his sweet proved a great distraction. Once his was gone I noticed half-hidden glances towards my plate and I eventually handed it over laughingly, insisting I was full and he was welcome to finish it.

Music was a common interest we chatted about for a while over coffee and I discovered he preferred playing piano to guitar. When it came to listening to music, although we had some similar tastes Tom had trouble convincing me that Schubert and Bach were as worthy of my attention as Charlie Parker and Miles Davis. "Jazz speaks to my soul." I knew I could say something that to others might sound cheesy and be confident that Tom's artistic nature would accept it at face value; I was right, he nodded in understanding.

There was a slight chill in the air as we left the restaurant and Tom removed his jacket and put it around my shoulders for the short walk to his car. The feeling of being wrapped in his body heat was almost as intoxicating as being in his arms while we danced and I closed my eyes briefly in remembrance. We sat in companionable silence most of the way home and when we arrived at my flat Tom saw me to my door, which he unlocked for me. Then he put his arms around me and drew me close for a warm hug, my head resting on his shoulder and my own arms finding their way around his waist. "Thank you Kate."

"For what?"

"For tonight. For cheering me up. For being there this past week. For just being you."

I couldn't think of anything to say, so I squeezed my arms a bit tighter around him in response and we stayed like that, just hugging, for a few minutes. With his strong arms around me, the rhythm of his heartbeat in my ear and his breath whispering in my hair, I felt indescribably safe, warm and happy. It felt like home.

As the implications of that thought hit, leaving me feeling emotionally vulnerable, I pulled back a little to say, "I had a wonderful time tonight Tom, thank you." I reached up and kissed him chastely on the lips, said goodnight then turned and went inside.

Half an hour later a text arrived.

Tom: I had a wonderful time too. Can we do it again soon?

The very next night he rang as I was reading some reports after dinner, inviting me to go dancing with him.

"How have you still got energy to dance after a full day of rehearsals?" I hedged.

"Eh, eh, eh. What can I say? Dancing is my superpower!" Groan!

"I am so truly not good at that kind of dancing Tom, I'm more of a midnight margaritas, lime in the coconut kind of girl."

He laughed. "Darling, what on earth are you talking about?"

"Practical Magic. Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman. Midnight margaritas with the aunts. You must know it Tom!"

He did know it. "You dance like that? God! I'll be there in twenty minutes! Wear something sexy!" And he rang off. Maddening man! Wear something sexy indeed!

But in the end that's exactly what I did; I put on a dress that fit snuggly over my breasts, waist and hips and had a very low cut back. It flowed loosely from hip to mid-calf, giving me freedom of movement and swirling about me pleasingly when I moved. Not wishing to dance in heels, I put on comfortable flats and left my hair loose.

When Tom arrived I twirled around for him to get the full effect of the dress and thrilled when his jaw dropped; I felt a little drunk on the twin powers of my apparent allure and his infectious enthusiasm.

I grabbed his hand and tugged him towards the waiting taxi, saying,

"Come on, Hiddles. You promised to take me dancing!"


	13. Chapter 13

Ping!

Tom: What time is Matt's party?

Kate: Four til six

Tom: Does your SIL have any entertainment planned?

Kate: Just the usual kids' games as far as I know. Why?

Tom: What's the address?

Kate: What? Why?

Tom: Secret Avengers business.

Kate: Pffffft!

Tom: Very eloquent.

Kate:

Tom: Kate tell me the address pleeeeeeeeeease!

Kate: You are such a man-child!

Tom: You like me anyway :-)

Kate:

Tom: Please Kate?

Kate: God help me!

Muttering under my breath as I sent the address – something about Peter Pan syndrome - in my head I was running through reasons why Tom would need it, refusing to believe it could be the obvious one. No, he has rehearsals. It can't possibly be that.

It was late Wednesday morning and I was planning to finish up in the office around midday to go help Abby prepare food and get everything set up for the party. I had chickened out of wearing my Black Widow costume, telling myself that Matt had seen it before anyway, and had brought along one of my fancier business suits instead. It was one I usually saved for conferences but with a red wig tied into a neat chignon, I would be the quintessential Pepper Potts, Tony Stark's assistant.

Later as I was weaving my way through a dozen hyper-excited kids in Avengers costumes with sticky hands, I was thinking perhaps I should have gone with a black suit rather than the light grey I had picked. Heading into the kitchen to refill a plate of party food, I heard my phone ping and checked the messages.

Tom: Meet me outside

No, he didn't! He hasn't!

Compelled to check, I went to the door and opened it and sure enough, there before me stood Tom in all his Loki glory. Costume, wig, make-up ...

"Your beard!" I gasped, noting Loki's clean shaven appearance.

Tom touched his hand to his chin ruefully, "It had to come off for the play anyway."

"Your rehearsal! How did you...?"

"I asked the director to rehearse the scenes I'm not in to give me a couple of hours break."

"Tom! I ... I can't believe ..." I couldn't finish my sentence and felt incredibly close to tears at his thoughtfulness. God, this man! I closed my eyes and clenched my hands into fists at my sides to try and control my emotions but they got the better of me and a few drops escaped my eye lids.

Tom stepped forward and took me in his arms, gently wiping away the tears. "Kate, don't cry, please." As he pressed his lips to mine my arms went around his neck and I deepened the kiss, moaning softly against his mouth. He pulled me closer.

"Mummy! Aunty Kate is kissing Loki!"

We sprang apart to find Matt standing behind me in the open doorway, to be quickly joined by Abby and the other children once they heard Matt's shout. My nephew's face was a mixture of awe and excitement at the sight of Loki and a young child's natural aversion to "all that lovey stuff". Abby's face however told me that there'd be some serious question asking later on once we were alone.

Loki greeted everyone and we were ushered inside, where he quickly got dragged out into the garden by the children and for the next half hour we watched as twelve little people sat mesmerised. He deferred to Matt as they all talked excitedly and I watched as my nephew glowed with pride, sitting up taller with a huge smile on his face. Then someone suggested a game and suddenly there were bodies running everywhere, screaming and laughing.

"He's a good man." Abby said at my side.

"Yes." Was all I could reply, my heart full.

"Great with kids."

"Abbs." I warned.

She raised her hands in the air, "Just saying."

There was silence between us for a full minute before she said, "Heard you went dancing the other night. Ronnie Scott's."

I turned an accusing look on her. "You're discussing my love life with Davey now?" Davey was the only one I had told about Monday night.

"I was in his shop yesterday, he happened to mention it."

"Hmmm."

Ronnie Scott's jazz club in Soho was a mecca for the international jazz community. We'd been fortunate enough to show up at one of their renowned funk soul jam sessions and had an amazing night listening and dancing to world class musicians until the wee small hours. I hadn't danced with such abandon in a long time, but with Tom's admiring blue gaze on me and his arms to support me, I had let go of any inhibitions and allowed the music to guide my body wherever it willed. By the time we left I was exhausted but euphoric.

"Did he stay over?"

"Abigail Louise Sullivan!" I pretended to be outraged but Abby wasn't fooled.

"Don't Abigail me, Kate, I've known you since you were ten years old. I've seen how you two look at one another, and the little face sucking incident on my front porch just now."

"Abby!"

"Mummy could I please have a drink of water?" I was never more thankful for an interruption and while Abby got water for Molly I quickly escaped into the garden, only to find Loki buried under a mound of small bodies attempting to sound ferocious while the kids giggled helplessly. Seriously? Could he be more adorable?

Knowing that Tom had to get back to rehearsals and would need to change out of his Loki regalia, I told the children that Ironman and the other Avengers needed Loki's help with an important matter and they reluctantly clambered off him. Once on his feet again, Loki came to a crouch beside Matt to thank him for letting him join in his birthday celebration.

"That's okay Loki." He patted Loki's shoulder. "You're not going to kiss Aunty Kate again though, are you?"

I made a choking sound and avoided Tom's gaze. "Not right now, no." I couldn't tell from the sound of his voice if he were laughing or choking as I was.

Abby allowed all the children to thank Loki and gave her own thanks before adding, "Perhaps Pepper would show you to the door?" with a pointed glare at me while she shepherded the kids into the dining room.

"Tom, thank you so much, it was so sweet of you. Matt's in absolute Heaven." Aware of a possible audience and mindful of Matt's instructions, I kept my hands off him – a fact I think he realised, judging by the small smirk tilting the corners of his mouth.

"It was my pleasure Kate, really." He leaned in close and whispered in my ear, "Shall I kiss you goodbye?"

"Behave yourself!" I pushed his chest playfully, blushing and laughing.

"I am the God of Mischief!" he laughed back before catching my hand and kissing the palm while his eyes pinned mine with a look that made my breath hitch. "Have dinner with me tomorrow? I'll cook."

I simply nodded in response and once again he curled my fingers over my palm and smiled as he walked to his car, while I was left to re-join the party and face Abby's questions.

—-

Over the next two weeks we saw each other as often as our busy schedules allowed, usually in the evening after I had finished work and Tom was done with rehearsals. Mostly we spent the time at my flat or his, but one night he invited me to dinner with a group of his friends. I was relieved to find Benedict and Sophie among the guests and quickly relaxed with Tom's other friends as well, finding them as easy going as he was and happy to include me in their fun. Benedict insisted I call him Ben and reminded me about appearing on Geek Games and I jokingly said, "Right, I'll just call Robert Downey Jnr and arrange it!"

"What's that?" asked Tom, appearing beside me with a curious look on his face. When Ben explained, Tom took out his phone and made a call.

"Robert? It's Tom. What's your schedule like?"

I couldn't believe my ears; Tom was ringing RDJ! He chatted for a moment then handed his phone to Ben, who continued to talk Robert into the idea of appearing together on the show. When the phone was thrust into my hands Robert said something along the lines of 'love to do it', 'have your people call my people' but I was a bit shell-shocked and didn't take it in very well. I gave the phone back to Tom to say his goodbyes and when he hung up I looked at him, still stunned.

"Am I imagining this or did both Sherlocks just agree to appear on our show?"

Tom chuckled, "They did, love."

"Holy shit!" Which got a laugh from everyone.

At the end of the second week Tom's play opened and he was no longer free in the evening, so we would occasionally meet for coffee or lunch during the day. We seemed to have reached a tacit agreement to take our relationship slowly and although some of our make out sessions got a little hot and heavy, neither of us pushed it further. Luckily news of us dating hadn't yet hit the media and for a while I was walking around in a bubble of pure happiness.


	14. Chapter 14

Filming for Dragons Den was underway and with Geek Games still on its second season, I was busier than ever before. Promotion work for each of the shows was all part and parcel of being involved so I found myself haring around the country for radio and television interviews. As they were usually breakfast shows it meant Tom was at the theatre before I returned and I missed him more and more when we didn't get to see each other for almost a week at a time. Still, I made a point of enjoying every moment we did have together.

I had done some voiceover recordings for the UNICEF One Year On documentary and was scheduled to do some filming for that in a couple of weeks as well as doing spots for their advertising campaign, so once again I found my business being put largely in the capable hands of Sam and Owen. I was still doing design work on a couple of projects but rarely made it into the office, finding I was more productive if I worked at home in between other commitments.

But I was thriving on my new challenges in spite of the time constraints. I felt very passionately about encouraging and promoting innovation and creativity in business and particularly encouraging women to join the entrepreneurial field, and the two television shows allowed me the opportunity to accomplish both. More and more often there would be a growing crowd of fans outside the studios after filming, people wanting autographs or selfies. When women of all ages began commenting that they felt encouraged by my example to start up their own business or enter a male-dominated career I felt immensely proud.

Sunday became my favourite day of the week as Tom had no performances and we could spend the day together, usually just relaxing or catching up with friends. One particular Sunday we were enjoying the peace and quiet of my garden, thankful for the warmth of the sun on our skins after a busy working week spent predominantly indoors. I had gone into the kitchen to fetch cold drinks for us both and when I got back Tom was standing there holding a lush red rose which I recognised as coming from my neighbour's garden.

"Tom! You can't go stealing flowers! I'll get in trouble!" I teased, placing the glasses on the table and hoping he could still tell I was touched by the gesture.

"I love you Kate Sullivan."

My eyes flew to his face, finding it etched with so much tenderness and vulnerability, love and tremulous hope that my heart felt like it would burst out of my chest. I took a step closer to him and raised my hand to gently run my fingertips over the contours of his brows, his cheekbones, his lips. His soul lay bare before me and I had no hesitation in saying the words he needed to hear.

"I love you too."

When he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces then slowly rebuilt itself in his image.

"I love your strength." He pressed tiny kisses to the side of my neck. "I love your compassion." Now lavishing attention on my collarbone. "I love your humour." My earlobe was thoroughly nibbled. "I love you Kate."

Another heart-stopping kiss and when we finally came up for air I took his hand and whispered, "Come with me." I led him through the kitchen and down the hallway to my bedroom and we didn't see the sun for the rest of the day.

Tom's play was having a very successful run and I went to see it with Davey and James. We had dinner in a restaurant in Covent Garden then walked to the West End theatre, arriving in time to buy a drink and programme before heading to our seats. Tom had offered to change them for better ones when he'd seen our allocation (Davey had bought them before I'd even met Tom) but I wouldn't let him, mortified at the thought of causing someone else to lose a good spot. I was nervous until the lights dimmed and then from the beginning of the first act was completely transported into the world unfolding before me. So involved was I in the story that when one of the main characters died in the last scene, I gasped audibly and had tears running unchecked down my face. I turned to see James and Davey in the same state. We joined the rest of the audience in giving the company a well-deserved standing ovation after the curtain fell and as the actors took their bows to thunderous applause I saw Tom look directly at me and blow me a kiss. I smiled as widely as I could through my tears and clapped harder still.

"You were incredible!" I told Tom when we joined him backstage. We managed a brief few minutes of privacy in his dressing room to exchange a kiss before other cast members began poking their heads in, wanting to discuss the performance and the audience's reaction. We went out to join the others and Tom kept his arm around my waist the whole time as we laughed and talked, all of them keen to hear what the boys and I had thought. Our praise for everyone's performance was quite genuine and all were smiling happily as we left.

There was a crowd outside the stage door of course and Tom - as usual - spent some time thanking his fans, talking and taking photos. I tried to keep in the shadows and out of sight as we were still enjoying our relationship being private, although I could have sworn I saw a couple of camera flashes when he finished up and took my hand as we walked to the car. I went back to Tom's flat with him where - at his suggestion and insistence - I had taken a small suitcase packed with clothes and my laptop. His flat was closer to the theatre than mine and that meant we could spend a lot more of our limited down time together. I was beginning to get used to his face being the last thing I saw at night and the first thing I saw in the morning.

Our peace was shattered early the next morning by a phone call from Luke, Tom's publicist, who said that social media was buzzing with photos of the two of us leaving the theatre the night before and speculation about our relationship. After discussing it for a while, the three of us agreed to ignore it for now. We knew that we would have to deal with the issue eventually but were happy to wait. I mentioned to Luke that I was considering getting someone to help me keep track of all the filming and promotional work I was doing and he recommended a couple of people and said he would email me their details.

The following weekend I travelled to New York with Sue, Sophie and Natalia. Nat had asked us to join her in celebrating her thirtieth birthday and I was looking forward to some quality time with three of my oldest friends. Once we had checked in at our hotel on Friday evening - and after a quick phone call to Tom, who was five hours ahead and just home from the theatre - we got all dolled up and headed out for a night on the town, eager to see what the Big Apple had to offer. We hit the Bowery Ballroom and danced to an indie-rock band then headed to Chaos, which that night was featuring Caribbean calypso music. Once the time difference caught up to us we headed back to the hotel for a good night's sleep, determined to hit the boutiques on Fifth Avenue the next day.

"Where the hell has Nat got to?" Sophie asked as she, Sue and I tucked into fruit salad from the breakfast buffet.

Sue was sharing with Nat while Sophie and I were rooming together. "She's probably still in the shower, you know what she's like." We groaned, remembering the many times in shared flats when Nat's long showers had depleted the meagre supply of hot water.

"I'll go get her," I offered but Sue got up, popping a chunk of cantaloupe into her mouth as she waved her hand to settle me back in my chair. "I've got it Kate, you can go next time!" We all laughed at that but knew without doubt that there would be a next time.

Four hours later and heavily laden with shopping bags, we stopped at an outdoor café for a restorative cup of coffee. We were discussing our purchases and I was looking at some gorgeous lacy lingerie that Nat had bought not far from where we were.

"You should totally have gotten the black set Kate, it would look amazing on your skin."

"I'm sure Tom would like it," Sophie winked and the others giggled.

"What is it with men and black lingerie, anyway?" asked Sue to a chorus of groans and "I know!" from the rest of us.

"Bit like a man in a tux is to us girls," I contributed and once again there were moans and groans of agreement before we all burst out laughing. I for one was picturing a certain man in a well fitted tuxedo and I decided that I would just pop back to that lingerie store after all. Sophie said she'd come with me and the other two were going to head to a store a few doors down once they'd finished up their coffees.

Sophie and I had taken no more than two steps from the table when I heard a scream, a blaring noise and a loud roar ... and then the world went black.


	15. Chapter 15

When I became aware of sounds and sights around me I attempted to move, only to find myself restrained in some way. That scared the hell out of me.

Noticing the movement, a huge bear of a man in a white uniform turned to me. "Don't worry, the straps are for your safety. You're in an ambulance on the way to hospital. Can you tell me your name?"

"Kate." He had a strange accent. American. Why does he have an American accent?

"Dr Kathryn Sullivan?" He looked at a drivers licence.

"Yes."

"Well, Kate, we'll get you some help in no time. My name's Tony and my friend Bob is up in the driver's seat. Now I need you to lay very still for me, Kate, can you do that?"

"Yes."

"Good girl!" Tony checked my blood pressure and pulse while I tried to clear the fog from my brain and work out why the hell I was in an ambulance and what it was about his accent that was niggling at me. I could hear the wail of sirens but none seemed to be coming from the ambulance I was in, although it felt like we were moving fairly fast. The smell of something musty and metallic filled my nostrils and it felt like there was moisture of some kind in my hair but being unable to check, I couldn't be sure.

"And what's a pretty little English lady like yourself doing in New York City, Kate? Work or a holiday?"

His words triggered my memory and I recalled the café and Sophie and I heading off ...

"Sophie! Sue! Nat!" I tried to sit up which caused an agonising stab of pain in my left arm and side and a pounding to start up in my head.

"Whoa! Settle down there honey, remember we agreed you'd stay still!"

"Tony! What happened to my friends? Are they alright? Where are they?" I was frantic to know.

"I don't know Kate, but I'll do my best to find out for you soon as we get to the hospital, okay? Should be quite soon now."

If they were hurt, wouldn't they be in the ambulance too? Maybe they weren't hurt, maybe they're fine and they'll be at the hospital to see me. My thoughts whirled around as I lay there frustrated at not knowing and not being able to do anything to find out, but I was also feeling a little nauseous from the pain. But I heard sirens and that means other ambulances. Oh God, let them be safe.

Let them be safe. Let them be safe. Let them be safe. It became a mantra I repeated over and over in my head as we arrived at the hospital and I was taken into the emergency room. The jostling of movement caused an excruciating agony in my left side which felt like someone had thrust a knife in me. I flinched away from it, causing torment in my arm and head; I was too weak to fight the wave of pain and everything went black again.

—-

Hours later I finally had some answers. Sophie was sitting beside my hospital bed; she had bruises and cuts but was generally okay. Sue was in surgery with internal bleeding and the doctors said they may have to remove her spleen. Of Natalia there was no word whatsoever and we were distraught with anxiety over our friend, pestering anyone we thought might have information and getting nowhere.

I had a broken arm and two cracked ribs as well as a wound on the side of my head which now boasted five stitches. It turned out that a cab driver had suffered a heart attack and lost control of his vehicle, ploughing into the sidewalk café right where our table had been. He didn't survive but his passenger was thankfully unhurt, though shaken. Two other passers-by had received minor injuries. The police had been and taken our statements and although we didn't recall much they said it tallied with other witness reports.

Sophie had called her family and with her help I had called my brother Mike, assuring him I would be fine and he didn't need to fly over. I asked him to call Tom, making sure he waited until after his performance and telling him the same thing. The medical staff had had to call Sue's family to get permission to operate, so we were left with the dilemma of whether to call Nat's parents now or wait until we had news of her. We grew more anxious as each minute passed.

"Soph," I hissed urgently, "there's a cop out there I saw talking to the nurse before, go and ask him if he knows anything." She rushed out to speak to the police officer who shook his head and after a few minutes walked off.

"He's going to find another officer who was there at the café," she reported and we hoped we would have news at last.

Let her be safe. Let her be safe. Please God, let her be safe.

What felt like an age later another police officer and a doctor came in the room and Sophie sat up rigid and grabbed hold of my hand.

"Dr Sullivan and Ms Carstairs?" the doctor spoke.

"Yes."

"And you were travelling with Ms Natalia Antonov?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry to have to inform you ..." Oh God! "... that the injuries Ms Antonov received in the accident were too great ..." Oh God, no! "... and she passed away at the scene. Her family have been notified. I am so sorry for your loss."

No. No, no, no, no, no!

The pain I had felt from my injuries was nothing compared to the pain that overwhelmed me now and I wished I could black out as I had before. Sophie was squeezing my hand so tightly it was turning white – or was that me squeezing her hand? It didn't matter. We clung to each other as a lifeline to sanity as those awful words sank in.

I saw the officer's lips move before he left with the doctor but I didn't hear him. I saw Sophie's face crumble and her body spasm with sobs but I heard no crying. For a few moments I felt removed from time and space but then it all came crashing back in on me again and I turned to Sophie and called her name in a voice full of anguish. She raised her head to look at me then climbed gingerly on to the hospital bed beside me. I wrapped my good arm around her as we mourned together and comforted each other as best we could.

An hour or two later another doctor came to tell us that Sue was out of surgery; they had managed to stop the bleeding and thankfully her spleen was not as badly damaged as they had first feared, so it had not been removed. She was listed as serious but stable. We thanked the doctor and asked if we were able to see her, to which he said yes and left us alone.

"Kate, you can't possibly be thinking of getting out of that bed! You've got two cracked ribs, for Pete's sake!"

"No Soph, but you can go."

"And leave you on your own?"

"Sue shouldn't be alone when she wakes up and I don't know how much longer it will be before her family get here." I took her hand. "Someone has to be there to tell her ..."

She squeezed my hand and nodded. "Yes."

After she'd gone a nurse came in to do the usual checks and topped up my pain relief, suggesting I try to get some sleep. I thought the chances of that happening were probably slim but didn't say so. I lay there like a lump; I could move my left leg but everything else on that side of my body was tightly strapped, bandaged or in a heavy cast. They had told me I had to be careful of puncturing a lung with one of the cracked ribs so I was acutely aware of my breathing pattern.

My thoughts naturally drifted to my friends and how much we had all been enjoying the past couple of days celebrating Nat's birthday – oh God! Her birthday gift was still sitting wrapped in my luggage in the hotel room. The hotel! Has anyone been in touch with them? I made a mental note to ask someone as quiet tears drifted down my face. I couldn't give in to sobbing for fear of jarring my ribs and taking a deep breath was almost impossible too, so I had to mentally clamp down hard on my emotions and be content with soaking my hospital gown and the pillow covers beneath me.

 

'Get this party started on a Saturday night

Everybody's waitin' for me to arrive

Sendin' out the message to all of my friends

We'll be lookin' flashy in my Mercedes Benz

I got lotsa style, got my gold diamond rings

I can go for miles if you know what I mean

 

I'm comin' up so you better get this party started

I'm comin' up so you better get this party started'

 

Pink's dance-bopping hit was thumping loudly from huge speakers placed around the room and bodies everywhere were gyrating along with the hypnotic beat. The club was almost at full capacity so I had to push my way through to the spot where I'd left Nat dancing while I went to get another round of drinks from the bar. I saw her ahead of me, laughing as she rocked out with two guys who had appeared beside her. A tall, leggy blonde, Nat attracted guys wherever she went. I shouldered past more dancers, then more and more again but I couldn't seem to get any closer to where she was. Getting frustrated, I began shoving people aside, not caring that our tequila shots were spilling on to the floor as I tried to reach my friend. I called out to Nat, knowing that she couldn't possibly hear me over the music and as I looked at her in desperation she seemed to glide further and further away ...

Heart thumping as I found myself in the hospital bed, I realised that emotional exhaustion had eventually gotten the better of me and I had been drifting in and out of a restless sleep, interspersed with morphine-induced hallucinations. I lay panting for a while as my heart rate slowly returned to normal.

In the next dream I imagined Tom walking into my hospital room. I whispered his name in a broken voice and he came to me and lay on the bed on his side in the same way Sophie had earlier, holding my good hand in both of his and murmuring soothing noises as I cried into his chest.

I so much wanted that dream to be real.


	16. Chapter 16

I was wakened by the arrival of a nurse to check my vitals and tell me she'd be back after breakfast to change the dressing on my head wound and replace the tape around my ribs. I was only half listening as I was struggling with the disappointment of finding myself alone in the hospital bed. The dream or hallucination of Tom's arrival had seemed so real and although I'd told him not to come, I had to admit to myself that I selfishly wanted him here.

"Did your young man get much sleep? It can't have been comfortable for him, those beds aren't made for tall, strapping things like him!"

My young man? Sleeping? On this bed? Oh!

Just then my tall, strapping young man came in the door with two paper cups and a worried look on his face. "Tom!" I burst into tears.

"Kate, love, what's happened?" He put the cups down and pulled the chair close to the bed, reaching his upper body across to put one arm behind my head and one resting on my hip, trying to hug me as best he could around the damaged bits.

"I thought you were a dream! I thought I'd im ... imagined you being here!"

"Darling girl, you're here and you're hurt; where else would I be?"

I continued to cry, turning my head into him trying to find the sweet spot at the base of his neck where I fit so well. "The play ..."

"Is not as important to me as you are."

"But Tom ..."

"Sweetheart, we'll talk about it later." He kissed the top of my head and gently ran his fingers through my hair, taking care to avoid the bandaged area. I sighed and relaxed, letting myself be comforted by the warmth of his presence and the familiar scent of him. When I'd quieted he said, "Darling, I'm so sorry about Natalia." I couldn't speak so simply nodded in response. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

I asked him to check on Sue and Sophie so after we'd drunk the tea he'd brought, he put the cups in the rubbish and leaned over me. I brought my good arm up around his neck to bring his face close, tangling my fingers in his hair and kissing him deeply, breathing him in and savouring the taste of him as though I couldn't get enough. "I love you," I whispered against his lips.

"I love you too. I'll be right back."

Sophie came with him, bringing the news that Sue was awake and aware of all that had happened and also that Natalia's parents had arrived from London and would be coming to see us this morning. We shed a few more tears together then she and Tom went off to look for food while my dressings were changed.

When the doctor arrived I asked him when I could go home and was horrified to hear the recovery time for cracked ribs is four to six weeks.

"But I don't need to stay in hospital for that length of time, surely?"

"No, normally I would be happy to keep you here for a few days and if there are no complications, let you rest and recuperate at home, but given that you are a visitor here ..."

"Do you mean I can't fly home? I'm not staying in the US for six weeks!" I was absolutely determined.

"Kate ..." Tom tried to stop me getting agitated. "What are the possible complications doctor?"

"Puncturing a lung, difficulties breathing, infection and pneumonia are the most common."

"Tom ..." I looked at him, pleading with my eyes for him to understand that I needed to go home. I needed to be with all my friends as we mourned Nat, I needed to be there for her funeral, I needed to not be laying around in a foreign country being useless while they went through that without me.

"Why ... why don't we wait a couple of days to see how you are? It will give us time to come up with a plan that works for everybody." Tom looked at me, pleading in his turn for me to understand that he was worried about the complications and the thought of me flying for seven hours with no medical help on hand.

"We don't know when Sue will be well enough to go home either," Sophie pointed out, so I gave in to Tom's idea and agreed to wait. I was, however, stubbornly determined to get out of here as soon as I could and I think Tom guessed that, judging by the look he gave me.

Talking with Natalia's parents was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. When they thanked us for being such wonderful friends to their daughter I could barely contain my tears. They asked to hear every detail of her last days so we took it in turns to recount all we had done in New York and how we had all been laughing and joking with each other in those last minutes. Their grief was heartbreaking and I felt like my body was being turned inside out.

Throughout it all Tom was a rock. He held my hand, wiped my tears and gave comforting hugs to everyone, fetched tea from the cafeteria and even, somehow, found a small bottle of vodka to add a fortifying drop to the tea. The Antonovs told us they would be here for a few days before taking Nat's body home, but that her funeral would be held off for a while in hopes that Sue and I would be well enough to attend. I was touched beyond words and gripped Tom's hand so hard it must have hurt him. And, of course, it only increased my resolve to get out of hospital and back to London just as soon as Sue was well enough to fly.

Once they had left I urged Sophie to go back to the hotel to get some rest and Tom offered to go with her and sort out what would happen with the rooms and our luggage. We were only paid up for one more night so were hoping we could extend that for the room Sophie and I had and Tom would bring Sue's and my bags here to the hospital. I was keen to get out of the hospital gown and I needed my phone charger so I could get in touch with producers and explain that I wouldn't be able to film for a while.

In Tom's absence I had a visit from a physiotherapist who gave me deep-breathing and coughing exercises to do to help prevent infection and a collapsed lung and I was thrilled to hear I could get out of bed for periods each day, so when Tom returned I surprised him by being in a wheelchair.

"I'm beginning to realise you are a very stubborn and determined woman, Kate Sullivan." Tom let out a sigh of resignation.

"I wouldn't have expected you to be so slow on the uptake, Hiddles." That got a reluctant chuckle out of him, then a shaking of the head when I made an effort at a grin.

"I'm guessing you would like to go and visit Sue?"

"Yes please, but pyjamas first, which is going to be fun with this cast," I grimaced.

In the end we enlisted the help of a nurse and when I was finally settled again, he wheeled me to Sue's room and gave us some time alone together. Sue and I embraced each other as best we could and wept, then mopped up our faces and talked about Nat.

"Remember the weekend we all went to Paris and she made us eat snails and we all ended up with food poisoning! The Eiffel Tower isn't much fun when you're vomiting over the side!"

"Or the dorm party when she spiked the punch and we all ended up horribly hungover on the day of our mid-terms!"

"The time we went shopping at Harrods and she pretended she was a Russian aristocrat! God, that pretentious little jumped-up salesman sucked up to her like ..." Sophie arrived and there was more crying and more memories until eventually Tom popped his head in the door. He urged me not to overdo it and I returned to my own room, assuring Sue I would be back the next day.

Although I was reluctant to admit it, I was quite worn out so willingly went back to bed and once again Tom lay down next to me. The warmth of his body and his steady breathing were comforting and I was almost lulled off to sleep when I remembered there was something I needed to speak to him about.

"Tom."

"Yes love?" He sounded tired too and I felt a pang at not just letting him rest. As much as I loved him being here with me, it meant he wasn't on stage performing for audiences that were expecting - and had paid good money - to see him and that made me feel guilty. But is it fair to tell him to leave, only to relieve my own guilt? How will he take it? Will he think I don't want him here or that I'm not grateful he came all that way? Will I make him feel guilty that he's made me feel guilty ... I was confusing myself now, weary and muddle-headed as I was.

"I'm glad you're here."

"Me too." He kissed the top of my head and I burrowed a little closer into his neck. We were quiet for a while and I thought he had drifted off until he said quietly. "I spoke to the producer and theatre director today."

"Oh?" I held my breath, wanting and not wanting to hear what came next.

"They're able to extend the show's season by a few days so I don't need to be back until Thursday and people who have tickets for this week can change for later if they wish."

"Oh dammit!" The tears were pouring again.

Tom pulled his head back in concern to look at me. "What's the matter?"

"I want to hug you so bad and I can't! Stupid ribs!"

He chuckled softly and tucked my head back into his shoulder. "Go to sleep, crazy woman!"

A little later, just as I was on the verge of sleep, I heard him whisper, "'Doubt thou the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love.'"


	17. Chapter 17

Tom was flying home today to a media frenzy.

To explain his absence the theatre had put out a standard 'unable to perform due to ill health' statement which implied but didn't actually say that it was his ill health. However, an enterprising reporter from the Daily Mail had found a new stage hand with a romantic heart who thought the real story of him 'flying to be by my side' was worth the telling. The reporter tied that with the earlier photos of Tom and me together and had dug up an article in the New York papers about the accident which named the four of us and now, apparently, the story is everywhere.

I was furious. Not because of us being "outed" but because Natalia's death was being sensationalised and spread across front pages all over the UK. It seemed there was no respect left for privacy even at times of personal tragedy and the distress it caused her parents only added to the guilt I was carrying around with me.

"... just deal with it!" Tom was on the phone with Luke, as he had been for some time. In spite of assurances to me that he was used to this kind of thing and not to worry about it, I could see that it was getting to him. Not surprising, given he'd flown here right after his performance on Saturday night and had been sleeping fitfully on half a hospital bed for the past four nights as well as dealing with all of my drama. He had to be pretty worn out and now he had to fly back and go straight into nightly shows again. I felt guilty about that too.

On the plus side – and probably the only thing preventing me from blowing a gasket – tests had shown that there was no sign of infection or pneumonia in my lungs and the doctor was happy for me to leave the hospital. The past couple of days I had walked short distances without any pain in my ribs and as long as I was careful and had someone with me to make sure I didn't overdo it, he said I could go. I'd be staying nearby at the hotel, after all, so wasn't far from help if need be. I was thrilled. Tom, not so much. I kept telling myself that his over-protective attitude was because he cared, for which I should be grateful – and I was, but it still irked me a little.

"I'm going up to say goodbye to Sue and Sophie. Are you coming?" He was off the phone at last with only an hour left until he had to leave for the airport.

"No, I'm going to finish packing. I'll see them later."

His lips made a thin line and his brows drew together in a frown, but he simply nodded and left the room. I sighed and finished putting my few bits and pieces into the bag open on the bed then picked up my phone to let Mike and Davey know what was happening. As I was finishing my calls Tom came back and stopped just inside the door. I stood up, uncertain how to read the expression on his face. We looked at one another for a minute before he came and put his arms around me in a loose hug. I rested my forehead on his collarbone.

"I thought you loved my strong, independent nature," I ventured.

"I wasn't expecting the stubbornness that comes with it," he sighed.

"Does it make a difference?" Holding my breath for his reply.

He didn't hesitate, "No." I let out a sigh of relief. "It just makes it difficult for me to rescue you when you've already saved yourself."

I pulled back a little and placed my palm against his cheek, looking deep into his blue eyes. "Sometimes it's me I need rescuing from."

He smiled and I ran my fingers over the stubble on his chin. "I'm going to miss this."

"Me or the beard?" The smile reached his eyes now.

"Both. Definitely both." And I pulled him down for a kiss to let him know just how much.

—-

On Friday the doctors were pleased enough with Sue's recovery to mention letting her fly home soon provided she had medical supervision, so I set about hiring a nurse to accompany us and lucked out with Nancy, an ex-army medical officer who was keen to visit a niece in Birmingham. As soon as we had a confirmed day I would book First Class tickets for us all. Sophie and Sue argued but I insisted on the grounds that it would mean far less jostling and more comfortable seats and they agreed.

The next day Sue was given the all clear and I jubilantly booked a flight for Sunday morning. Sue's parents would meet her at the airport and Nancy would go home with them for a few days to make sure Sue was okay before going on to visit her niece. I talked Mike, Abby, Davey and the gang out of meeting the plane just in case the media got hold of it and turned it into a circus, which Luke had said was a real possibility. Instead we arranged to get together at Sue's parents' house the next day, giving her time to rest after the flight.

Tom, though, would not be persuaded against being at the airport to meet me and also insisted I stay at his place for the next few weeks. When I pointed out that I'm a grown woman and perfectly capable of looking after myself he growled in frustration.

"Dammit, woman, why can't you just let me take care of you?"

I could hear a hint of hurt in his voice so I swallowed my stubborn pride and said, "On one condition."

"Which is?" The gruffness in his voice told me he was expecting an obstinate reply.

"I get the left side of the bed." Tom always slept on the left.

There was a pause and this time his growl was more playful. "That's my side."

Laughing, I coined an Americanism I had heard from the nurses, "Them's the breaks, kid!"

"Fine. But you owe me one!"

"Oh Thomas," I said, "I think I owe you a lot more than just one."

So it was settled without me even mentioning that Abby had invited me to stay with them and the next day we boarded the plane to fly home at last. Sue and I were both in wheelchairs, Sophie pushing one and Nancy the other, as we said goodbye to the place we had arrived in so happy and carefree only nine days before.

—-

Tom helped me into the sleeveless black crepe dress, adjusting my sling comfortably, and Sophie came around to brush my hair and put it up in a braided knot. We all wore sunglasses as we headed to the car waiting to take us to the church, where Luke had arranged security to hold back the throng of paparazzi who had been ever-present since Sunday. I deliberately ignored them, holding tightly to Tom's hand as we greeted my friends and Nat's family before heading inside for the service. Later at the graveside we each laid a Gerbera daisy, Nat's favourite flower, on top of her coffin before it was lowered into the ground and I cried softly in Tom's arms as I said goodbye to my friend for the last time.


	18. Chapter 18

"We need to talk, young lady." Abby placed a mug of Earl Grey in front of me and I inhaled the distinctive spicy citrus scent of it before quirking a brow at my sister-in-law over the rim as I took a sip.

"Young lady? Abbs, you're all of fourteen months older than me."

"I'm serious Kate." She was, I could tell - she had her serious face on. I grimaced. "Yes, you can pull a face like that, Kathryn Juliet Sullivan, but it isn't going to stop me from asking what the hell is going on with you?"

The use of my full name told me, if nothing else did, that she meant business, but I was belligerent enough to try to fob her off. "What do you mean, what's going on? Nothing's going on!"

"You've been moping around in Tom's flat for the last three weeks, you hardly ever go out, you don't see your friends and family, you're not working - that's what I mean."

I felt frustration boiling up from deep inside me and got out of my chair to begin pacing around Abby's kitchen, running my hand through my hair.

"For goodness' sake, Abbs! I've got two cracked ribs and a broken arm! I can't dress myself without help, let alone do much else! I can't type computer programme code with only one arm. I can't go running because of my ribs. I can't cook meals or do the vacuuming or change the sheets or ...." I took a deep breath and continued, "As for going out, god, every time I step out the door there's a bunch of bloody parasitic photographers just waiting to snap my picture!"

"Why aren't you seeing your friends? Or us? This is the first time you've come over since just after Nat's funeral and even now I practically had to blackmail you."

Mention of Natalia felt like a punch in the gut and I stopped moving. "Everyone is busy."

Abby snorted. "That's the biggest load of bull I've heard since your nephew claimed the Wii broke itself! You've been avoiding everyone." I didn't reply. "How are things with you and Tom?"

At that I resumed my pacing. "He's driving me crazy!"

"How?"

"He doesn't let me do anything! He cooks all the meals, does all the cleaning, buys the groceries, helps me get dressed. God, he even shampoos my hair for me!"

"So you're complaining because your boyfriend is absolutely perfect?" I didn't like the sarcastic tone she used and gave her a scowl. "Are you hearing yourself Kate?" She came over to me and stood very close, putting a calming hand on my shoulder. "Honey, I think you're experiencing survivor's guilt. You went through something very similar to this after your parents died - Mike did too."

"That's ridiculous, why would I feel guilty?"

"You feel guilty because you're alive and Natalia isn't," she stated baldly and I felt like a bomb went off inside my head. My chest felt tight and I started shaking as I absorbed what she had said. She continued quietly, "It's not your fault, sweetie, it was a tragic accident. There is absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent it."

The pain of losing my friend came back in full force as I choked out, "She didn't deserve to die Abbs!"

"No, she didn't. But don't you think it's time you got on with living?"

Suddenly I realised how right she was and how much I had been beating myself up, hiding away from anyone and anything that reminded me of Nat. I fell into Abby's arms and sobbed and sobbed until I had no more tears left in me. She simply held me and let me get it out of my system and then she made more tea and we sat down together and made a plan.

When Tom came home that night I had dimmed the lights and set the table with candles and a small vase of flowers. Bach was playing on the sound system and the smell of our dinner drifted tantalisingly around the flat. Tom stopped at the entrance to the kitchen and looked at me in surprise.

"You made dinner?"

"Yes - well, technically I just reheated some food Abby gave me, but I wanted to save you having to cook."

"I don't mind cooking."

"I know."

"It smells delicious."

"Good." I stepped close and he put his arms around me, taking care as always not to put pressure on my left side. "And the bath's half run, I just have to top it up after dinner so you can have a nice relaxing bath after your long day."

"Am I in the wrong flat?" he grinned and I gave him a soft thump on the chest.

"It's a thank you," I told him.

"A thank you? For what?"

"For being the perfect boyfriend."

—

Ten days later the doctor confirmed my ribs were completely healed. I could resume all usual daily activities with the obvious exception of those that might jar my arm, which still had another week before the cast would be removed.

That night as I came out of the bathroom I found Tom's back towards me as he undressed, preparing for bed. He had taken off his t-shirt and was unbuttoning his jeans when I walked quietly up behind him and began running my fingers over his shoulders, slowly moving down his back as I pressed light kisses to his warm skin. I moved my arm around his waist and my fingers lightly feathered the taut muscles of his stomach, which clenched at my touch. His hands stilled.

"Don't stop on my account," I murmured.

"Kate."

"Hmm?" My hand moved up his stomach to his chest and played with the smattering of soft hair.

His breath caught, "Don't start something you can't finish."

"Oh, I fully intend to finish this Thomas." I moved around to the front of his body, my tongue teasing his shoulders and collarbone. Tom groaned and I nipped lightly with my teeth, delighting in the little noises he was making.

"Kate ... oh god."

I shifted my assault to his neck, kissing, sucking and nipping on the spots I knew were his most sensitive. His eyes were closed, his head thrown back and his breathing becoming a little ragged as his arms came around me, running down my back and over the silk of my negligee to cup my bum and pull me closer.

"Your ... your ribs."

"Are perfectly healed," I told him as I moved to the other side of his neck, "I saw the doctor today." I nibbled his earlobe, which caused further groaning.

"Are ... sure?" He seemed to be having trouble making a coherent sentence.

I looked at him through half-closed lids and asked, "Do you want to stand here looking at x-rays or do you want to take me to bed?"

I was right about which option he'd choose.


	19. Chapter 19

"How are you coping with the media attention?" Sophie asked me as we moved from the dining area to the soft comfort of couches in the lounge. Tom and I were dining with Sophie and Benedict at their home and I found myself falling in love with the warm, homely décor they had created. Lots of natural wood and fabrics, warm browns and yellows and creams with splashes of red and plenty of large windows to let in the light. And bookcases everywhere – my favourite accessory.

I groaned and grimaced before replying to Sophie's question, "I'm doing my best to ignore them but I must admit I am getting a bit sick of it all. It would be nice if we could go out for a coffee or a walk in the park without having our picture taken. Surely it's not that interesting when two people go out to eat sushi?"

"Mmm, you'd think!"

"And it's not always paparazzi either, fans with camera phones are just as bad – although at least they usually ask permission first! Well, most of the time. How did you cope when you and Ben first went public?"

"Pretty much the same as you. Hang on a second – Ben! Have you put the coffee on?" A muffled scrambling from the kitchen seemed to indicate the men had forgotten to do so and were now looking after it. Sophie rolled her eyes and smiled before continuing, "Ben was really good at defending me from any photographers who got in my face or questions that were too personal and of course his publicist gave me some tips as well. Has Luke spoken to you about it?"

"Yes he has, though it mostly related to public appearances and we haven't done any of those yet, they've just been snapping us as we go about our normal lives. But there's an event next week that he asked me to go to, so I guess I'll get my baptism of fire then!"

"Is that the gala at the Globe? We're going to that."

Just then the men came in with steaming cups of coffee and joined in the conversation and we found out their plan was for us all to go to the gala together. That was reassuring; I liked Ben and Sophie a lot and enjoyed their company, as did Tom, and I was grateful to have a friend around who had been through the same media circus that I was having to learn to handle.

Talk turned to general topics and Ben buzzed around doting on Sophie, putting cushions behind her back and pulling an ottoman close so she could put her feet up. When Tom had told me of the dinner invitation I'd been a bit surprised, "Sophie's in the second to last month of her pregnancy - hosting a dinner will be a bit much for her, surely?"

Tom grinned, "I think she's doing it to distract Ben – he'll be doing the cooking by the way. Apparently he's being, shall we say, very attentive and it's driving her crazy!"

Tom caught my eye now and we smiled, remembering that earlier conversation. After a while Ben asked me when I was getting the cast off my arm.

"Tomorrow - I can't wait, after carting this heavy thing around for six weeks. I'm looking forward to straightening my arm out and finally being able to put a bra on without help!" We all laughed at that then Tom murmured, "That's a shame, I quite enjoyed that job!" and our laughter doubled, Tom throwing me a broad wink and making me blush.

It was on the drive home later that things took an unexpected turn.

"Ben's incredibly excited about becoming a dad," Tom commented.

"I think they'll both make great parents," I said sincerely.

There was a slight pause before he asked, "Do you want children?"

"Um, yes ... eventually," I replied.

"Eventually?"

"I'm not in any great hurry."

He didn't respond and after a minute I cast a quick glance at him, only to find him concentrating very determinedly on the road ahead. I was completely unable to read the look on his face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to sound dismissive ... it's just that I wasn't expecting the question," I said, hoping I hadn't upset him.

"Okay," was all the reply I got and we spent the rest of the drive in an uncomfortable silence. Does that mean he's thinking about kids? With me? In the near future? I didn't know what to make of that, or how to feel about it. Once back at the flat I tried to open up a discussion.

"Tom, let's talk about it."

"There's no need, you made your position quite clear."

"Tom ..."

"What are your plans for tomorrow?" He shut me down by changing the subject completely and refusing to make eye contact. I sighed inwardly in frustration but answered his question as cheerfully as I could.

"After I've been to the doctor I'm interviewing a few people, hoping to find myself an assistant. Then while you're at the theatre I thought perhaps I'd better start packing up my things."

Judging by the sullen look that appeared on his face, I had picked the wrong thing to say.

"Packing? You can't wait to move out obviously."

"Tom, it's not that at all! I've loved being here and you've been so wonderful looking after me. I'm very grateful, I truly am. I just ... I understood this was a temporary arrangement and I need ... a little ... space." The look on his face felt like a stab in the heart. "Not space from you," I rushed, stepping closer to him and taking his hand, "it's just ..."

He looked closed off now, standing rigidly before me. His hand hung limply in mine, not responding to my touch. I struggled for the right words to make him understand.

"There's been so much going on; Nat, the accident, the media attention, getting behind on work and the shows, and I've got so much happening in the next few weeks. I just need space to clear my head and breathe, to get myself back on track. I feel I need to get back to being me again, if that makes sense."

"And you need to move back to your own flat to do that?"

Sigh. "Yes." Surely he understands?

"I see." And with that he turned around, heading for the bedroom, and threw over his shoulder, "I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

Apparently not.

I paced around the lounge for a few minutes, debating whether or not it would be wise to go after him. On the one hand I was very reluctant for the day to end without clearing things up but on the other, Tom had seemed so distant that I didn't know if pushing the issue would make it worse than it already was.

Oh, bugger it! In the end I thought it best for our relationship to get this sorted and I went into the bedroom, which was in almost complete darkness.

"Tom? Love, can we please not go to bed upset?" I waited for a response that never came; he was either asleep or very good at pretending to be. There was enough moonlight in the room for me to see that he was laying on the left side of the bed.

Things were no better in the morning; when I woke after a restless night there was a brief note telling me he had gone to the gym and would then go direct to Luke's for a meeting before heading to the theatre. Avoid me all day, that's helpful. I gave a frustrated sigh then mentally shook myself and got ready to go out. Getting the cast off was a blessing and the doctor seemed happy with how the bones had mended together; I was given some exercises to do to strengthen up muscles that had been unused for so long and sent on my way.

The job interviews were being held at my office at KJS, so I arrived early and made a point of walking around saying hello to everyone; I hadn't been in for a few weeks so was feeling rather disconnected. It took longer than I thought as they all wanted to know how I'd been and laugh at my very pale left arm, but it was lovely to catch up and start to feel part of the team again. Now that I had two mobile hands I could dive into my design work, something I really loved.

By the end of the interviews I had hired a young woman named Maxine – Max – who seemed perfect for me. She was bubbly and intelligent with a dry wit and I was sure we would work very well together, so we arranged to meet at my flat the next morning.

I called around to Davey's shop and he made tea in the back room while I told him what had been happening with Tom. He'd always been great with advice before so I was hoping he could help again.

"He's the moody creative type sweetie – I don't know anything about how to deal with those."

"Davey, you're a moody creative type!"

"Exactly! I can offer you bucket loads of wisdom on how to deal with every other personality type – lord knows I dated enough of them – but I can offer no insight at all on how to deal with men like me!"

"Well thanks, Watkins, you've been no help whatsoever!"

He tapped his finger on his chin, looking thoughtful. "I do have one idea."

"I'm desperate here."

"Well, if you had a situation like this with me, where would you go for help?"

That was a no brainer. "I'd ask James."

"There's your answer, hon. Ask someone who knows Tom well, how to handle him ... er, I mean, approach him!"

Yes, of course! Who to ask - Luke or Ben?

I jumped up and hugged Davey, kissing his cheek soundly. "Thank you; you may have saved my butt!"

"It's a butt that's looking a little flabby after your enforced "holiday" love! Methinks you need to get back to running!" He turned and raced back into the shopfront because he knew full well that I would be after him for that remark. Cheeky bugger!

As I headed out to find a taxi I was debating who to contact and finally decided on Luke. While Ben was a good friend, he was also a creative type and may not be much better than Davey at advice on how to deal with Tom. Luke, on the other hand, was logical and methodical and had been handling Tom and his creative side for years. I rang him as I climbed in the taxi to make sure he was in his office and could see me, then gave the driver his address.

"I can't take sides Kate."

"I'm not asking you to, Luke. You don't have to speak to Tom or get involved in it in any way, I just need advice on ways of approaching him so he doesn't keep shutting me out."

He thought for a few moments. "You know his parents divorced when he was thirteen?"

"Yes."

"And that he didn't have a good relationship with his dad for a few years after?"

"Yes."

He crossed his legs and rubbed the ridge between his brows for a bit before continuing. "He can sometimes ... perceive things in a different way, things like ... someone pulling back may be interpreted as pulling away ... not right now might be taken as meaning not at all ... do you understand what I'm getting at?"

"He thinks I'm abandoning him like his father did?"

"Well, that's a bit simplistic, but basically yes. Perhaps something you've said to him – not that I'm saying he's told me anything – may have made him think you were trying to distance yourself from him and your relationship. Ah ... have you seen Ben recently?"

"Yes." Tom obviously had told him what had happened, or some of it at least.

"And Ben is busy playing happy families."

Oh crap. "Does he usually react to situations by closing himself off?"

"He needs time to process, yes, but once he's made a decision he commits to it wholeheartedly."

I thought through what he'd said then went over to his chair, dropping my hand on his shoulder and a kiss on his cheek.

"Thanks Luke."

"I hope it helps."

I attempted to smile. "Me too."

When I heard Tom's key in the door I rose from my seat in the lounge and went to meet him. He looked tired and strained and I longed to put my arms around him and comfort him, an urge that was difficult to resist. My overtures might not be welcome just yet, if at all.

"Hi." His eyes looked a stormy blue, not their usual clear lagoon shade.

I offered a tentative smile. "Hi."

He dropped his bag near the door and ran his hand through his hair, leaving curls sticking up in all directions. "I guess ..."

"Can we talk?" I asked at the same time.

He nodded and indicated the lounge, so we went in there and sat on opposite chairs. He leaned his arms on his long legs, hands clasped together between his knees.

"Tom, I have a number of things I need to say to you, if you'll hear me out." I paused to give him time to respond; I needed him to be willing to listen. He nodded, sat up straighter and fixed his eyes on my face – I held his gaze and took a deep breath.

"There are many things in my life that are uncertain, but there are also a number of things of which I am completely sure; foremost of those being that I am in love with you. I love you so much it scares the hell out of me." His eyes flickered a little uncertainly at that, so I quickly went on, "I am scared because I have been hurt in the past; I'm scared because I've never felt this deeply for anyone before and I'm terrified I'm going to mess it up; I'm scared that I might not be the right person for you; but mostly I'm scared because although I know I could survive a life without you in it, I also know without a doubt that I don't want to. You make me happy, Thomas William Hiddleston."

"Kate ..."

I held up a hand, "Wait! I have more." He gave me a small smile and hope blossomed a little inside me.

"I read somewhere that bravery is not the absence of fear, but rather doing what you are afraid to do; of letting go of the familiar and forging into new territory. Being with you is new territory and I ... I'm afraid to forge ahead in case I take a wrong step and lose everything, because now there's ... there's so much more to lose. But if you want ..."

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!" He lunged out of his chair to kneel in front of me, put his arms on my shoulders and peppered my face with kisses. "I do want!"

"Tom! Stop!" He kept on kissing my face, my neck, my hair. "Dammit, Tom, I practised this all afternoon – let me finish!" He laughed, a joyous, jubilant laugh that echoed through the room and made my heart leap about in my chest. I pounded his arm playfully and he sat back on his haunches for me to continue, smiling so brightly it made me blink.

"Could we, maybe, just forge little steps for now until we find our footing? And then if ... when, we get to the huge steps, they won't seem so daunting because we'll be experienced at taking them together?" I drew another deep breath, "Tom, I really do need a little time to myself to come to terms with everything that's happened – but it's very important that you know I'm not withdrawing from you, or from us, just from here and just for now. But once I've done that, if you still want me to come back – and you have to be absolutely sure that's what you want – then that could be, maybe, our first little step?"

I looked into his eyes, which had returned to their lagoon blue and now had tears threatening to fall. 

"I don't know what I did to be blessed with having you in my life, Kate Sullivan."

I drew a trembling breath, relieved, and smiled at him lovingly, "I know what it was."

"What?"

"You did those puppy dog eyes at me and I couldn't resist you."

And I pulled us both to our feet, wrapped my arms around his neck and let him kiss me properly.


	20. Chapter 20

"Boss?"

 

"Hmm?" I looked up from my twin computer screens to find Max in the doorway, holding my phone out to me.

"It's Himself. Again." And with an eye roll she left, laughing.

"Tom? This is the fifth time you've called me today!"

"Sixth!" Called Max from the hall.

"Max says it's the sixth time."

"Darling, I don't think you understand how important it is to me to hear your voice every day. I miss you!"

Tom and I hadn't seen each other in person since I'd been back at my flat, though we talked via FaceTime each night as well as frequent texts. His play had finally finished its run and he had a little time free before his next project began, but I had been ultra-busy sorting out my various filming commitments and trying to catch up on design work. Plus, as I'd explained to him, I'd needed a little space. To his credit, he had been wonderful about staying away - and each day a small posy of summer flowers was delivered with a note that said simply, 'I love you - Tom xx'.

"I miss you too, but you do know you're going to see me in ..." I consulted my watch, "four hours?"

"I know darling and I can't wait. Are you nervous?"

"I wasn't until you started calling me and asking me if I am!" If I allowed myself to think about what lay ahead I did get a bit jittery - so I had been doing my best not to think about it.

"Sorry love!"

We talked for a few more minutes, Tom checking once again that I remembered all the details for tonight and then I begged him to let me get some more work done and rang off. Feeling in need of a caffeine fix, I headed out to the kitchen first to fuel up on coffee.

"Max, I'm making coffee. Do you want one?" Max was using my dining room as a temporary office until I could come up with an alternative. I'd have to sort out a phone too, as up until now I'd just used my mobile for both business and personal calls. I was considering whether to refashion the spare bedroom as an office or just find another flat - but that led to other thoughts involving Tom and moving in together and I pushed those aside for now. "Actually, you know what?"

Max looked up.

"It's five o'clock somewhere."

She raised a brow and gave me a look that I was quickly coming to know as her 'I'll humour my crazy boss for a while" look, so I explained, "I need something a little stronger than coffee."

"Ah!" She thought for only a couple of seconds. "Something 7% stronger?" There were a number of things I was coming to love about my new assistant - she was incredible at organisation and had set up systems within twenty four hours of being in my employ that already made my life run much smoother; she dealt with anybody who phoned me with a calm efficiency that amazed me; and she was as big a geek as I am. We had bonded over Austen and Marvel less than two hours after she arrived at my flat the first day, and we hadn't looked back since. "Only not cocaine, obviously." That was the first time she'd made a Sherlock reference though. Must introduce her to Ben some time.

"Um, no. I was thinking a glass of wine to steady my nerves. Fancy one?"

"I knew I shouldn't have put Himself through to you; he's given you the heebie-jeebies!" I also loved the completely irreverent way she called Tom 'Himself', me 'Boss' or 'Boss lady' and her use of amusing idioms. She got up from her seat and came over as I poured us both a good sized glass of a smooth, crisp white.

"Cheers." I said.

"Bottoms up."

We took a couple of appreciative sips before she asked, "Can I stick around and see you in your dress?"

"Of course you can stay to meet Tom." I replied with a smirk, calling her out on what I suspected was the real reason behind her request.

She grinned. "Busted!"

"Just remember when he lays on the Hiddleston charm that he's the same loon who disrupted your work six times today!"

"Which put a smile on your face every time." She pointed out, and I laughed in agreement.

"I didn't say the charm didn't work!" And I went back to my office to the sound of her chortle, taking my wine with me.

As I was dressing later I felt nervous fluttering in my stomach but didn't want to risk another glass of wine. Can't show up drunk in front of all those cameras! I did some deep breathing exercises instead and once I was ready went out to show Max.

"Whoa, Boss Lady! You scrub up good!"

I ran my hand down over my stomach and hip, loving the soft feel of the fabric. "Is it okay?"

"More than okay! He won't be able to take his eyes off you!"

My dress was malachite green, a rich shade that highlighted my eyes according to the saleslady. The neck was wide and low, showing a modicum of décolletage, while the sheer elbow length sleeves were detailed with hand sewn embroidery. The rest of the dress was plain but fitted me like a glove; I felt amazing.

"Thanks Max. Is my hair sitting alright at the back?" I turned around for her to check and she saw a curl that needed pinning down, coming over to fix it for me.

"You'll have to bring me a step-ladder - I can't reach it with you way up there!" I laughed; at 5'2" Max is six inches shorter than me and I was wearing strappy sandals with a four inch heel. I crouched down and she tucked the errant curl in and pronounced me good to go. When the doorbell rang I moved to answer it but she stopped me.

"Don't answer it! You have to make a grand entrance - go into the bedroom and I'll let him in, then you come out and knock his socks off!" Bemused, I did as she instructed and heard her greet Tom and introduce herself. They chatted for a couple of minutes while I waited for her to call me.

"Boss!" That was my cue. I grabbed my clutch off the dresser, took a last quick glance in the mirror and walked down the short hallway towards them. Tom seemed to be turning in slow motion as I took in his appearance, admiring once again the work his tailor did fitting his suits so well to his trim, taut shape.

I dimpled a smile at him. "You look extremely handsome tonight Mr Hiddleston."

"Kate ... you're ... wow!" He cleared his throat before taking my breath away by adding, "You look more beautiful than mere words can describe. Tonight I'll be the envy of every man on the planet."

Over his shoulder I saw Max mouthing 'Oh my god!' before putting her fist in her mouth. Thankfully I was saved the task of having to respond as Tom put out his arm for me and led me to the door. As he opened it I called out to Max.

"See yourself out Max!"

"Sure thing Boss! Have a great time!"

The waiting car delivered us to the venue all too soon and I felt my nerves returning as we pulled up. Tom had been texting Ben on the way over and we knew he and Sophie had just arrived and would be waiting for us. Tom took my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"I'll be right beside you the whole time, darling. Just be yourself and they'll love you." He kissed my cheek then turned the door handle and manoeuvred those long legs out of the car, turning to offer me his hand as the camera bulbs began flashing. I took a deep breath and stepped out carefully, fixing a smile on my face and winding my fingers through Tom's.

"Here's Ben and Sophie." We exchanged hugs and kisses with our friends and the four of us began slowly making our way along the carpet, the men matching their strides to the slower pace demanded by Sophie's condition. One thing I hadn't anticipated was the noise; the general hubbub of excited people, the shouting for attention by photographers, interviewers and fans, the chatter of the other guests all making their way along the same path. We talked amiably as a never-ending barrage of flashes and clicks filled the background and Tom and Ben waved and smiled to the crowds. At various intervals we were stopped for interviews and I listened carefully as the three thespians talked about the vital importance of the Globe's education and artistic programmes which were the reason for the fundraising gala.

At one stage Ben and Sophie were slightly ahead of us as Tom answered another question about the theatre, then the interviewer turned to me and asked, "What about you, Kate? I believe you're a bit of a Shakespeare fan yourself?"

"Yes Beth," Thank goodness I remembered her name. "I'm a Shakespeare geek from way back." Tom squeezed my hand.

"What is it about his work that appeals to you?"

"Personally, I'm a big fan of his strong female protagonists. I love the feisty and witty Beatrice who refuses to submit to convention and Katherine, who is intelligent and independent and rebels against society's expectations of her."

"So you're a feminist?"

"If that means being outraged when women are treated as second class citizens, then yes, unashamedly so." Tom squeezed my hand again, harder this time.

"Do you have a favourite Shakespeare play?"

"Much Ado about Nothing would probably top my list, though I've grown quite fond of Henry V recently." That got a little chuckle.

"Do you have acting aspirations yourself? Will we see you treading the boards of the Globe some day?"

"Oh goodness, no! I have no acting talent whatsoever, believe me! Luckily, Tom has more than enough talent for both of us." At that, Tom lifted our joined hands and kissed my fingers, which seemed to affect the interviewer if her blush was anything to go by. I don't blame you, it's fairly intoxicating!

She thanked us and we moved on, Tom murmuring in my ear, "You're incredible and I love you."

We joined up with Ben and Sophie again and were drawing near to the venue entrance when we were asked to pose for photos. The four of us stood together for a few shots and then they asked for the two couples separately. Tom put his arm around my waist and pulled me close to his side; I slid my arm around him too and smiled into his eyes and for a brief moment forgot about everyone and everything else as I gazed at him. Then seized by a sudden spark of mischief, I lowered my hand a little and playfully pinched his derriere.

"Hey! Behave yourself!" He muttered into my ear as I stifled a giggle and we both turned to face the cameras with huge smiles on our faces.

—

"Ken? You called Sir Kenneth Branagh, Ken?" Max's voice squeaked on the last word, an indication of how excited she was as I recalled for her some of the famous faces of theatre I'd seen and met the night before.

"Max, I love it when you fan girl!" I laughed.

"Who else did you see?"

"Oh, Ian McKellen ..."

"Gandalf?! Oh my god!"

"Judi Dench ..."

Another squeak.

"Derek Jacobi ..."

Just then the phone rang and Max answered it quickly. "Maxine Redfern speaking ... I'm Dr Sullivan's assistant, may I help you? ... No, I'm sorry, she is not available for comment or interview. Thank you for your interest."

"Another gossip magazine?"

She nodded in confirmation. "That makes twenty four so far and it's only ten o'clock. Seems like someone made a big splash at last night's shin-dig!"

I laughed; Max had already told me that photos and videos of Tom and I were all over the internet and social media sites - even my brief interview was on YouTube already. On Luke's advice I was staying well away from it all and told Max I didn't want to know about people's reactions, good or bad. She had insisted on showing me one photo though - it was the one taken just after I'd pinched Tom, as we were both laughing into the cameras. I loved it and had already saved it as my phone background.

Suddenly an idea came to mind. "Max, have I got any commitments for Friday or Monday?"

She consulted my schedule and replied that apart from the design job I was currently working on being due on Monday, I was free. "How about Tom?" At Max's suggestion I'd approached Luke to get Tom's schedule sent to her.

"He's got an interview Friday morning but is then free until mid-next week." She looked at me and asked, "You want me to block it in so Luke doesn't put other things in there?" I nodded. "And which airline am I calling?" She was quick on the uptake, I had to give her that.

"I can do that."

Her head shook, "I'm your assistant, I'm here to organise that stuff for you. You've got to get the design job finished, unless you want to take it with you to the Maldives or wherever it is you're going to whisk that man off to?"

She had a point, so I told her what I had in mind, gave her my passport and credit card details and left it in her capable hands while I went back to my work.

An hour later she came in and handed me the phone. "Luke."

"Luke, please tell me you're not calling to sabotage my plans already! I'll set Max on you!"

"Do I want to find out how ferocious she can be?"

"Only if you're feeling lucky!" I was only half joking, which he may have been able to tell from the tone of my voice.

"I'm just calling to ask how you feel last night went."

"It wasn't as bad as I'd anticipated, I have to admit. I managed to get over my nerves fairly quickly."

"Your interview went fine."

"I think I got off pretty lightly; I'm sure they won't all be such smooth sailing."

"Have you looked at any of the social media stuff?"

"No, I took your advice and am staying well away."

"Good." That gave me a vague feeling of disquiet, almost as if there were something Luke wasn't saying. "Alright, well you two have a great weekend. Where are you off to?"

"If I told you I'd have to kill you."

"Ha, ha! All right Kate, I get the hint. Have a lovely time."

"Thanks. Oh, and Luke?"

"Yes?"

"If you ring him it had better be a life or death situation!" His laughter rang in my ears as I ended the call. A little while later Max confirmed everything was set for our weekend so I sent Tom a text.

Kate: Don't make any plans for the weekend. I am stealing you away.

Tom: Sounds intriguing. Where are you taking me?

Kate: It's a surprise.

Tom: I love surprises!

Kate: Pack your swimsuit, woolly jumper and passport.

Tom: Nothing else? :-P

Kate: Ha ha funny man xx

Tom: xx


	21. Chapter 21

Wanting to stay out of the public gaze as much as possible, I had gotten Max to arrange a small plane to fly us to a private airfield at Scansano then we picked up a hire car and drove to our destination near Porto Ercole, on the eastern side of the Monte Argentario promontory in Tuscany. We were to stay in a beautiful stone villa just outside of town that I had visited years ago with a group of friends. We had spent a relaxing week swimming and exploring the beauty of the surrounding area and I knew Tom would love it.

The caretaker Emilio met us at the gates and escorted us to the house, giving us a quick tour of the facilities and explaining the housekeeping arrangements before wishing us an enjoyable stay and leaving. We carried our bags up to the master bedroom on the second level then stepped out on to the terrace to admire the view that stretched up the coast all the way to Montalto di Castro.

Tom suggested a swim to wash off the dust of our travels so after changing we headed back to the lower level and the paved terrace that boasted the pool, some loungers for relaxation, a barbecue and a magnificent view overlooking the sea. After splashing about for a while we settled comfortably on loungers to dry off and soak up whatever was left of the afternoon sun. Although it was late in the summer, here they were still enjoying gloriously warm days but we knew a chill would settle in at night.

"Mm, Kate this was a wonderful idea," Tom sighed happily.

"Thank you Mr Hiddleston, Sullivan Tours aspires to pleasing all of our VIP customers," I joked.

"So I'm a VIP?" he grinned. "Am I your most important customer?"

"Getting a bit needy now Hiddles. No one likes an attention-seeker."

Retaliation for my teasing was swift; I suddenly found myself the victim of a tickle attack and squirmed in his arms, giggling madly with arms and legs flailing, until I couldn't take any more and had to beg for mercy. "Stop! Tom, stop! I surrender! I surrender!" I was sitting practically on his lap, his hands on my hips as he finally stopped the torture, our laughter and breathing calming.

Suddenly his face stilled and darkened and he uttered in a low, mocking tone, "Is not this simpler? Is this not your natural state? It's the unspoken truth of humanity, that you crave subjugation."

The heat flooded my body with all the speed and force of Mjolnir itself and I gasped out loud, flicking my eyes to his. My arms snaked around his neck as I whispered, "God, Tom, that is so sexy." He pulled me further onto his lap as our lips and tongues met amidst soft moans, hands roaming everywhere now with much more purpose.

I tore my mouth briefly from his to murmur, "Neighbours," and he lifted me in his arms and carried me inside to find some privacy.

\---

We spent some time the next morning exploring the sixteenth century Spanish-built Forte Filippo before heading into the old town and wandering the labyrinth of small streets and narrow stairways flanked by brightly coloured buildings. We chatted with baristas and waiters as we passed restaurants and cafes, looked at glass ornaments, silk scarves and leather jackets in tiny boutique shops hanging on the side of steeply rising hills and exchanged pleasantries with children playing in the streets and their mothers hanging laundry overhead. With it being so late in the season there weren't many tourists around and wearing hats and sunglasses we managed to keep a low profile. In the evening we dined on fresh seafood and homemade pasta in a charming restaurant on the Via dei Cannoni that had panoramic views over the bay, and by the time we returned to the villa we were both tired but very happy.

"I'm glad you talked me into getting the scarf for mum." Tom wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and pressed a kiss to my neck. "The colours are just beautiful; I'm sure she'll love it."

"Mm, I still say you should have let me buy you that leather jacket you tried on Tom, it looked amazing on you. Very James Bond." He laughed at my reference to the rumours about him playing the next 007.

"I do have something for you, darling girl."

"You do? No fair!" Which made him laugh again and he let me go to draw a narrow box out of his backpack. "How did you manage to sneak that in there? We were together the whole day!"

"I bought it while Roberto was wrapping the prints you bought for Mike and Abby. You were so busy talking about Caravaggio you didn't even notice I'd gone." He looked awfully pleased with himself over that.

As he gave me the box I kissed him and said, "Thank you, sweetheart, I love it."

"You haven't opened it yet."

"It's a gift from you; how can I not love it?" But open it I did, under Tom's eager gaze, to find a stunning bracelet of garnets set in gold. "Oh Tom!"

"Do you like it?"

"I love it. I love you. Ti amo tesoro." (I love you my darling)

"Ti amo anch'io." He wrapped the bracelet around my wrist and fastened the clasp before drawing my arm up to his lips and kissing the spot where my pulse throbbed. Looking me in the eyes he said, "Non era il mio labbra hai baciato, ma la mia anima." (I love you too.) (It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul)

I melted, and took him to bed.

The next day we drove up into the hills to visit the convent of Padre Passionisti before heading inland to Orvieto to gaze in awe and admiration at the golden Gothic façade and glittering mosaics of the 14th century Duomo and its neighbouring museum of Etruscan artefacts. On our way back we stopped to buy bread, cheese, olives and Chianti and we dined al fresco at the villa, making love in the living room in front of a roaring fire.

"Tom."

"Mmm?"

It was Monday morning and we were lying in each others arms, my head on Tom's shoulder and our legs entwined. We had to fly home this afternoon, but for now his eyes were closed and he looked happy and relaxed.

"How do you feel about moving?"

"My heart's more than willing love, but my body will need a bit more recovery time after you ravished me three times already."

"That's not what I meant!" I tickled him under the ribs and he squirmed and laughed, pulling me closer. "And I seem to recall you being pretty involved in the ravishing!"

"Mmm, I aim to please sweetheart." He kissed my hair. "Where am I moving to or from?"

"Well, now that I have Max I need another office. My flat's not really big enough and neither is yours, so I was thinking perhaps we should look for something a little larger ..."

"Kate!" I had his wide-eyed attention now. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

I looked into those beautiful blue eyes and nodded. "If you still want me?"

"Never doubt that for even a second, my darling. But are you absolutely sure you're ready to take that step?"

I took his hand in mine and told him, "I can conquer the world with one hand as long as you are holding the other."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading Just a Kiss Goodnight. If you would prefer to read the whole story rather than in instalments, you can find the completed version on Wattpad, along with a series of one-shots featuring the same characters, called Just a Kiss One-Shots. Both are under my username of Lincoln4460.


	22. Chapter 22

The next week was a busy one for me filming two TV shows, the last bit of voice work for the UNICEF documentary and a few promotional interviews. Tom and I had dinner with Our Gang one night and his sister Emma another, and at the weekend Matt and Molly came over. I took them to a magic show in the Heath on Saturday morning and was annoyed to see a couple of photographers follow us. I had a quiet word with them about privacy and protecting the children, which thankfully they understood and then left us alone. Tom joined us just as we were getting back to my flat and rain started pouring.

“What will we do now Aunty Kate?”

“How about making some biscuits?”

“Yeah!” Tom’s eyes lit up just as brightly as the children’s and I had to hide my smile. We made up a batch of dough, split it between us and everyone added their choice of confectionery; smarties, cherry chips or tiny marshmallows – or in Tom’s case, all three. Once they were cooked we demolished half of them with glasses of milk as we sat and watched a movie.

At bedtime we discovered that Tom shared Matt’s love for The Jungle Book and when he started singing ‘The Bare Necessities’, it took no time at all for us to join in; soon we were all dancing around the room imitating Baloo and Mowgli. Settling the two hyped-up children for sleep took a little longer than usual that night. 

When I went out to the kitchen after tucking them in I found Tom’s back to me as he made a cup of tea and I slid my arms around his waist. “You’re a big hit with those two.” I told him with a smile into his shoulders. “I think Matt would take you home if he could – first Loki and now Jungle Book!” 

He put his hands over mine and my smile widened, only to be stilled when he said wistfully, “Molly is a mini you Kate.” Not again. Small steps Tom. Please don’t rush me! I didn’t say anything but he seemed to sense my disquiet, turning in my arms and adding, “She even snorts when she’s giggling like you do!”

Grateful for the lighter tone, I feigned indignance, “I do not snort!”

“You do love. It’s adorable.” I punished him for his teasing by kissing him quiet, which he didn’t seem to mind at all.

We took our tea – and another biscuit for Tom – to the living room and he told me how flat hunting was going. He’d offered to take on the task as he had much more free time than I did at the moment, but I was conscious that in a week he’d be leaving for location shooting. I was keen to find something we could both agree on before he left, if that were possible. Unfortunately there didn’t seem to be much around that met our wants and it was looking likely that I’d have to continue the search while he was gone. 

“What’s your next week like?” Tom asked.

“Tuesday and Thursday are full but the rest is fairly free if you need me.”

“Keep Wednesday night free for dinner with my mum and Friday night for me – I have something special planned.”

“Dinner with your mother?” I hadn’t met Diana yet but had spoken to her on the phone a few times. 

“Are you nervous about meeting her? You shouldn’t be, she already adores you from what I’ve told her about you, and Emma too.” Tom hugged me tighter in reassurance.

“No. Yes. A little.” That made him chuckle. “Maybe I make my best impression on the phone and when she meets me she’ll realise how crazy I am.”

“You are definitely crazy,” which got him a playful punch on the arm, “but I love your crazy and besides, I’m crazy about you which negates your crazy.” That twisted piece of logic made us both giggle. “And you make an amazing first impression.”

“You are so smooth Hiddles, sometimes I think you must practise this stuff in the mirror!” which made him give a full-on belly laugh and my heartstrings tugged tightly looking at his beloved face radiating such joy. The laugh lines near his eyes crinkled adorably and his whole demeanour was of pure happiness; I wanted to bottle it up and share it around to make the world a better place. I settled for giving him a kiss we both had to gasp for air after. 

“You haven’t shown any curiosity about the special treat I have planned.” He observed once we both had our breath back.

I gave him a look from under my eyelashes and said, “Would you tell me anything if I guess?”

“Maybe.” he grinned. 

I could tell that he really wanted me to ask; like a child, Tom loved letting you know that he knew a secret you didn’t and teasing you with it as much as he could. I found it disarmingly sweet and invariably played along with it just to see him enjoy it so much.

“Is it a romantic dinner at a restaurant?”

“No.”

“You’re cooking me my favourite meal?”

“No. It’s better.”

“Better than either of those two choices? Wow, you’re really giving this an impressive build-up Hiddles. You’d better be able to deliver.” I arched a playful brow and Tom’s reaction was to smile very smugly. 

“I am very confident it will be more amazing than you could anticipate.” Now I was quite intrigued, wondering what he could have planned. 

“Bungy jumping? Hot-air ballooning? White water rafting?”

A look of concern appeared on his face. “Would you prefer to do one of those activities?”

“One day,” I sought to reassure him, “but not your last night.” He looked relieved.

We went on to discuss other things but every now and then I would hazard a guess at his plan and each time he’d smile gleefully at me being wrong. You are so damned adorable Thomas, I just can’t …

“Tom.”

“Yes love?”

“Take me to bed.” He obeyed with no hesitation whatsoever.

The next day we took Matt and Molly to the pirate-themed playground in Hyde Park then hired a pedal boat on the Serpentine. For a late lunch we went to the Rainforest Café, where Tom and Matt loped around doing rather convincing orang-utan impressions while Molly and I stomped and swung pretend elephant trunks. If we drew attention to ourselves we didn’t notice or care; we were having too much fun. 

Just as we arrived at Mike and Abby’s house Tom received a phone call from Ben, so I took the kids inside while he stayed out to take it. He came in a few minutes later with the news that Sophie had had the baby – a little girl – and all were doing well. I could see that he was very excited by the news and suspected he was about to suggest going to visit his friends immediately, but thankfully Abby mentioned how as new parents she and Mike had enjoyed a little time to bond with their newborn before visitors began descending on them. Tom didn’t make the suggestion after all.

Later that night as we were preparing for bed Tom said, “I’d like to go and visit Ben and Sophie tomorrow.”

“Okay.” I replied.

“You will come too, won’t you?”

“Of course.”

The next morning I was in my office trying to get some work done. Tom was out buying a baby gift and Max was in the dining room; I could hear her answering quite a number of calls and wondered vaguely about them. I was finding it difficult to concentrate but couldn’t quite put my finger on the reason for it, so gave up and went to make tea just as Max got off the phone.

“You’re the flavour of the day today Boss.” Was her enigmatic remark. 

“Hmmpph?” I replied around a mouthful of biscuit, holding the tin out to offer one to Max.

“Popular. In demand. Wanted.” She picked a cherry chip biscuit and munched happily.

“By whom?” I waved my tea mug at her in silent question and she nodded, indicating she’d like a cup.

“Well, let’s see. I’ve had Stephen Fry wanting you to appear on QI, Chelsea from Marie Claire offering a photo shoot for a line of business suits and dresses and Patsy from OK! Magazine interested in doing a feature article.”

“Stephen Fry called? Himself, personally?” I was rather flattered and definitely excited. We’d met at the Globe gala and chatted briefly and I’d liked him as much in person as I did from watching the show.

“The man himself, yes. He was very charming. Do I take it you’re saying yes to that one?”

“Definitely. Absolutely. Wow! Did he have a date in mind? Does it work with my schedule? Never mind – make it work, whenever it is.”

Max laughed at my enthusiasm and excitement. “Okay, it’s a yes for QI. How about the others?”

I thought it over for a minute as I poured hot water into our tea mugs. “No to OK – they only want the Tom angle, I’m pretty sure. Not sure about Marie Claire. Was it just photos or would there be an article as well?”

“An article as well - starting up your own business, rise to success, things you’re doing now, that kind of thing.”

“Hm. I’ll think about it. Could you confirm what they would include in the article – if I can definitely push the women in business angle I’d be more inclined to say yes.” Max was very aware of my strong desire to encourage women to aim for promotion in the workplace or start up their own businesses, especially in male-dominated professions.

“Sure thing Boss.” We were sipping the last of our tea when Tom arrived back from shopping carrying a large hamper filled with baby things and sporting a huge pink bow. There were creams and lotions, bootees, hats and a babygro, soft toys and a gorgeous silver photo frame.

I looked at Tom’s flushed face and laughed, asking him “How many did you make the salesgirl show you before you picked this one?”

“About ten” he grinned bashfully, which got another chuckle from both Max and I. “What time can you take a break from work Kate? Visiting hours end at two.”

“Now’s as good as any; I’m not getting a lot done here at the moment. Let me just go and change.” I changed out of my jeans and into a nice skirt and blouse, grabbing a warm cardigan to go over it and some low heels. My hair was in its usual plait but I tucked a few loose ends in then gave my teeth another brush and was ready to go. On the drive to the hospital I told Tom about the QI and Marie Claire offers and was a little disappointed by his lacklustre response; he seemed more excited about seeing the baby. I brushed my disquiet away, reasoning that he and Ben had been good friends for a number of years so it was natural to be excited about the new arrival. As we arrived outside Sophie’s hospital room Ben was just seeing his parents out; he introduced me and we chatted for a few minutes before they went on their way and Tom and I went in to greet Sophie and her daughter.


	23. Chapter 23

“Mrs Burrows, hello. Do come in. Max and I are just having a cup of tea, would you like one?” I asked rather loudly as my neighbour, at 84, was a little hard of hearing.

“Good morning dear. Thank you, I’d love a cuppa.” I took her arm to help her over the doorstep and guided her into the living room. “Maxine, what on earth have you done to your hair?” Max had cut her hair into a short bob just yesterday and gone a bright chestnut at the same time. It looked amazing and suited her to a T.

“Hello Mrs B. Do you like it? I call it my flapper cut.” Max grinned.

“Very smart my dear. It suits you.”

“I think it looks gorgeous,” I offered, “If my hair wasn’t so darn wavy I’d be tempted to get something similar myself.”

They both gasped. “Oh no dear, you mustn’t cut off all those gorgeous curls! So pretty!” Mrs Burrows told me, while Max added, “I love your curls! You can’t cut them off!”

I rolled my eyes. “You don’t have to tame them every day!”

“I’m sure your young man loves them, but then he has those lovely curls himself, doesn’t he?”

“Yes, he’s another mop top!” I laughed, thinking about how bouncy and springy Tom’s curls were when allowed to grow a little.

We chatted more as we drank our tea and then Mrs Burrows told us her news. “I’m selling my flat, my dears. I’m going to move in with my daughter in Birmingham. Ruth - you’ve met her Kate. We’re going to keep each other company.” Mrs B’s daughter had been widowed a few months before and as the two women got on very well together, it certainly made a lot of sense. Still, she’d been my neighbour since I’d moved here eight years before, so I was going to miss her and I told her so.  


“I’ll miss you too my dear, you’ve been a good friend and neighbour. And Maxine, though I haven’t known you long, I’ll miss your cheery smile.”

Max smiled but I noticed she was looking very thoughtful. After a minute or two she said, “So you’re selling your flat Mrs B?” She looked at me in what appeared to be a pointed manner. “It’s an exact mirror image of this one, isn’t it? Same rooms, just the opposite way around?”

“Yes dear, I believe so.”

Max looked at me again. “More rooms, attached to this flat with a common wall.”

I gasped as I realised what she was getting at. “Mrs B,” I said, “I think I might be interested in buying your flat.”

By the time she left I had arranged for a builder – the husband of Max’s friend Amy – to come and assess the feasibility of turning our combined flats into one large house. I didn’t know much about structural renovations but was familiar enough with phrases like ‘load-bearing wall’ to know I had to check if what I had in mind could in fact be achieved. 

Later that day I was dressing for dinner with Tom and his mother. Tom had been in Bath all day but I was expecting him back shortly and we would pick his mum up at her hotel to take her to the restaurant. As if my thoughts conjured him up, he walked into the room. “Hello darling.”

I gave him a kiss. “Hello handsome. How was your day?”

“It went well, I think. Steven seemed happy with everything.” He was quite buoyed up and chirpy, which I was very pleased about, as he’d been a little quiet the last few days.

“Good.”

“Emma rang and she’s in town again so she’ll be coming to dinner with us.”

“Oh lovely, she said last week she hasn’t seen your mum for a while. Is she meeting us at the restaurant or are we picking her up somewhere?”

“She’ll meet us there and she’s going to pick mum up. I’m going to jump in the shower.” He headed off to the bathroom after another quick kiss so I finished doing my hair and makeup. I wore a simple red dress that flared from the hips to fall softly at mid-calf together with black heels and the garnet bracelet Tom gave me in Italy. 

“You look beautiful love.” Tom said when he was out of the shower and changing into a grey suit and black shirt.

“Thank you. You’re looking rather delectable yourself.” 

“Delectable hmm?” he smiled, pulling me close and nuzzling my neck. “Are you planning to do some nibbling later on?” 

“You can count on it.” I captured his earlobe between my teeth and gave him a taste of what I had in mind. He moaned softly, moving his hand from my lower back up to cup my head. I released his earlobe and traced kisses down his neck, moving his shirt collar aside so I could reach the point where his pulse thrummed.

Another moan escaped his throat before he muttered unwillingly, “Kate, darling, we have to go.”

“Mm, are you sure we can’t be ten minutes late? We could say we got a flat tyre.”

He murmured huskily, “Ten minutes is not long enough for what I have in mind.”

I pulled away and grabbed his hand, tugging him towards the door. “Come on then, what are you waiting for? The sooner we go, the sooner we can come back again.” He laughed aloud and grabbed his keys and wallet.

I was a little nervous at meeting Diana Hiddleston for the first time but those fears faded the second I saw her. Even had Emma not been standing next to her, I would have recognised her instantly – facially at least she was the spitting image of Tom and my heart melted. She greeted me with a smile just as warm and genuine as his, opening her arms to give me a huge hug. “Kate, my dear, how lovely to meet you at last. My children have told me a lot about you.”

“Don’t believe a word of it,” I smiled in reply, “I’m not half as bad as they say.”

She laughed, a musical peel of sincere amusement and instantly I liked her even more. She hugged Tom while I greeted Emma and after the siblings hugged we all took our seats. Tom ordered champagne and proposed a toast, “To three of my four favourite girls.” Conversation flowed easily between us and I especially loved watching the family dynamic between Tom, his mother and sister as we talked and laughed. They teased each other a lot, but it was obvious there was deep affection and pride in each other underneath it all and it reminded me so much of my own parents that I felt the threat of tears behind my eyelids. I excused myself and went to the ladies to compose my emotions. Tom was waiting for me when I came back out. “Sweetheart? Are you okay?”

I smiled to take the worried look from his face. “I’m fine, really, I just had a moment … missing my parents.” He took me in his arms and just held me, the warmth and solid presence of him offering comfort in a way that was completely Tom. When we returned to the table Diana took my hand and gave it a little squeeze and I smiled at her, returning the pressure in thanks. 

When the evening wound up there were again hugs all around. Diana made me promise to visit her in Oxford while Tom was away and Emma chipped in, “She can show you all his embarrassing photos and he won’t be able to do a thing about it!” 

I couldn’t help but giggle at the horrified look on Tom’s face but when he blushed I took pity on him; I kissed his cheek and said, “Don’t worry darling, they can’t be any worse than mine!” and he gave a little grin, reminding me that he’d seen the ones on my photo wall and agreed they were pretty bad! A few heads turned when all four of us burst into laughter.

Thursday passed quickly; I was filming Dragons Den and Tom was at his flat packing. We had a quiet evening together at my place and the next morning Bob, Max’s builder friend, came to inspect the flats and talk about the thoughts I had for combining them. Tom had agreed it was a great idea and he discussed all the options with Bob enthusiastically as we wandered around. Afterwards we sat with a cup of tea while Bob confirmed my ideas would work and talked about a time frame for the renovations; he could make a start in two weeks’ time and estimated it would take four to six weeks to complete. 

“That works out perfectly darling,” said Tom, “You and Max can use my flat while I’m away.”

It was the ideal solution but I didn’t want him to feel obliged to offer. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“Absolutely not.” So it was agreed and I went next door to tell Mrs Burrows then immediately contacted her agent and put in an official offer. She had already been in touch with them and told them she would be accepting, so they could begin the paperwork straight away. Two weeks gave her plenty of time to pack and move the few items she was taking with her to Birmingham and I offered her any assistance Max and I could provide.

Once Bob had gone I gave Max the rest of the day off, as I had no intention of getting any work done; I wanted to just enjoy what remained of my time with Tom. He was boyishly excited about the surprise he had in store for me that night and encouraged me to keep trying to guess the secret throughout the afternoon and right up until we got in the car to head to our destination. 

Once he’d shut my door and climbed into the driver’s seat, he pulled a scarf out of his jacket pocket and said, “I need you to put this on.”

I looked at it and replied, “I have another one that will match my outfit better.”

He chuckled. “No love, you’re going to wear it as a blindfold.”

“Oh!” He tied it around my eyes and we left, talking spasmodically as we drove for about forty minutes. Tom sounded more and more excited the closer we got to our destination and I was sure if I could see him, he’d be bouncing in his seat.

Eventually he pulled over to the side of the road but didn’t cut the engine and I waited to know what would happen next.

“Damn.”

“Tom? What is it?”

“Fans. I didn’t think about them being here.”

“How on earth did they know you’d be here? Did you tweet about it?” 

“No, they’re not … ah … never mind.” 

“I should take the blindfold off, do you think? Might not look too good if you turn up here with me wearing it …!” I teased him.

“Just wait for a minute please love, I might be able to …” I could hear him tapping on his phone, sending a text message to somebody. There must be someone meeting us, I thought, and a minute later the ping from his phone told me whoever it was had replied. Tom gave a soft grunt of approval. Good news, then. We drove for a little longer – to a back entrance, I suspected – then Tom stopped the car and asked me to stay put for a minute. I heard him knock on a door and talk softly with whoever opened it, then he came back and opened the car door for me, taking my hand to help me out and pointing out obstacles on my way to the entrance. 

“One step up here love. Okay, now turn to your left. Straight ahead now for about twenty feet.” He was walking closely beside me, one hand on my waist in case I stumbled and the other on my arm to steer me. I walked ahead for a bit before he told me to stop while he opened the door, then he guided me through the doorway and after a couple of steps drew me to a halt. “Are you ready for your surprise darling?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be Hiddles.” I assured him with a little more bravado than I was actually feeling.

He untied the scarf and removed it and I blinked a little to get my eyes to focus on my surroundings. I looked at the group of people standing around a table in the centre of the room, all of them looking at us and smiling. I blinked again, not believing what I was seeing. They were still the same people.

“Oh my god.”

The people chuckled a little.

I turned to Tom. “Did you arrange this just for me?”

“I told them I wanted to give you a special treat and asked who was available. They came.”

I looked back at the other occupants of the room again and repeated “Oh my god.” and then I burst into tears. Tom was instantly concerned and took me in his arms.  


“Kate, love …”

“I’m fine, really. They’re happy tears. I just can’t believe you did this for me …”

I looked at our guests again, took a deep breath and with my hand firmly clasped in Tom’s, stepped forward to meet them.


	24. Chapter 24

They didn't need to tell me their names; those were known all over the world. Four of them gave me hugs and said how great it was to meet me after everything they'd heard about me from Tom, which left me almost incapable of speech. When did Tom tell them about me? I felt like I'd been transported to an alternative universe. They hugged Tom too and slapped him on the back, laughing and joking.

The fifth person looked at me for a minute and said, "We've spoken on the phone."

"Yes." My reply was a little breathless.

"You okay? You look a little pale."

"I might faint," I said, "but don't take it personally."

He grinned and pulled me in for a hug too. "It's nice to meet you Kate."

"It's nice to meet you too Robert."

"Call me Bobby."

"I'm not sure I can." Everyone laughed and I took a deep breath. My hands and knees were shaking and all I could think was Holy crap! I've just hugged the Avengers!

For gathered here tonight, at Tom's request, were Chris Evans, Jeremy Renner, Scarlett Johansson, Mark Ruffalo and Robert Downey Jnr. I could die happy, right here, right now! I looked at Tom to see that he was looking at me, a huge smile on his face at my reaction. He took my hands in his and asked, "Good surprise?"

"Best. Surprise. Ever." I assured him. "Boy, are you going to get lucky tonight!" I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him soundly in front of all of them, to whoops of laughter and ear-piercing whistles and a few suggestions to 'get a room!'

It turned out we were in a private room at a restaurant; we had our own bar and food kept coming out on platters for us at regular intervals. The evening passed by in a dizzying blur as we sat around the table; they were having a blast catching up with each other but they also made a point to include me in conversations, not once making me feel like an outsider. After only a couple of hours my face and stomach hurt from smiling and laughing so much. They teased one another all the time but I could see the real camaraderie they shared which reminded me very much of how it was with Our Gang and I would have been happy to just sit and watch and listen to them interact. Tom kept looking at me to make sure I was enjoying myself and each time I would grin like a loon; it was all I could do not to pinch myself to make sure this wasn't all a dream.

At one stage I tried to express how grateful I was for them all having come such a long way and of course they told me there was no need, but I was very relieved when some of them said they'd combined the trip with other obligations. Robert, however, said he'd come specially to meet me and I couldn't tell whether or not he was serious; he used sarcasm and poked fun at himself quite a lot, which I found terribly endearing.

Scarlett was the first to leave; her husband and baby daughter were waiting at a nearby hotel and she needed to go breastfeed little Rose. Jeremy and Mark were both travelling with family too, so they went not long after, which left Chris, Robert, Tom and I. Robert turned to me and said, "So I'll be seeing you again in about a month Kate."

I tried hard to get my scrambled brain to understand that but couldn't. "You will?"

"I guess they haven't told you yet." He grinned.

"Bobby, I'm sitting here with Captain America, Loki and Iron Man - my brain cells are not working too well right now! Can you not be cryptic and just tell me, pretty please?"

He laughed and said he'd just heard that everything was finalised for a Sherlock episode of Geek Games with he and Ben appearing as guests. "The season finale, I think."

I was dumbfounded, completely overwhelmed as my mind struggled to comprehend how many of my geeky dreams had come true in one short evening. I could neither move nor speak; I felt almost delirious. Some of this must have shown on my face, for Tom looked at me with a smile and said to Robert, "I think you've broken my girlfriend!"


	25. Chapter 25

By now I knew Tom's body as well as my own but on this last morning I felt the need to learn it all over again. We made love slowly, languorously, drawing out every pleasure, touching and tasting each other's skin as if imprinting every inch on our memories.

Once we were up Tom took me on his favourite jogging route and we said little as we ran; there was no need, we had said it all already. We showered together back at Tom's flat and this time our lovemaking was more intensely passionate, an urgent need to possess and be possessed. Afterwards we clung together and Tom whispered, "I don't want to leave you." I knew how much he loved his work and those simple words touched me deeply.

\---

"Of course I'm coming to the airport!" I stood with hands on hips, looking at Tom and daring him to contradict me.

"Darling, we wouldn't be able to say goodbye in private."

"I don't care. We can do that here before we go."

He ran his hand through his hair, "We might be recognised and ..."

"I don't mind."

With an exasperated sigh he made one last attempt to dissuade me. "If the paps get wind of it you'll have them all over you and I wouldn't be there to ..."

"It doesn't matter."

"God, you're obstinate woman!"

"Hello! Have we met?"

\---

Check-in complete, we headed toward the departure lounge. Tom's arm was firmly around my waist and my hand was tucked into the back pocket of his jeans. He wore a cap as a disguise even though I'd told him he was wasting his time - any die-hard fan would recognise him with or without his curls showing. I noticed some furtive glances our way but it didn't matter, we kept our eyes on our path or on each other and held the world at bay by sheer willpower.

We had timed it so there would be minimal waiting around, partly to avoid public exposure but mostly for our own sakes; neither of us wanted a long, drawn out goodbye. At the gate we stood wrapped in each other's arms for a few minutes, my head tucked in at the base of his neck and his cheek resting against my hair. When his flight was called we pulled back a little, foreheads touching.

"I'll call you when I get to the hotel in Toronto."

"Okay."

"You are coming to visit?"

"As soon as I finish filming everything."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

And after a final kiss I let him go, watching as he went through the gate and turned to wave before disappearing out of sight.

\---

"Snog, marry, avoid!"

"Okay, okay, but nobody I know!" I said as Davey poured another glass of wine while James served banoffee pie with ice cream, my favourite dessert.

"Chris Hemsworth, ..."

"No!"

"You haven't met him! You said he wasn't there last night!"

"Doesn't matter, he's an inextricable part of that group."

Davey groaned. "So I can't include Andrew Scott or Martin Freeman either, seeing you know Benedict?"

"Very funny!" I said around a mouthful of pie, swatting his arm and causing him to grin. "You know what I mean. But speaking of Ben ..." They looked at me wide-eyed while I told them Robert's news of the Sherlock episode coming up, knowing the secret was safe in their hands. Davey in particular was practically drooling at the news and I made a mental note to arrange for them to be in the audience when we filmed.

"I still can't believe Tom brought the Avengers together for you." James said as he scooped up a spoonful of ice cream.

"I know."

"That man." said Davey.

"Yes." I replied. "That man."

\---

Tom's call came as I was getting ready for bed. We chatted briefly about his flight and my night with Davey and James and then, as Toronto was five hours behind, he said he was about to go to dinner with the director and some of his co-stars. Promising to call again the next day, he rang off and I settled into a bed that seemed a lot bigger without his long limbs sprawled everywhere.

The first week without Tom went quickly; filming went well on Geek Games and the producers confirmed the Sherlock special, adding that they wanted to 'promote the hell out of it' so I could expect some extra interviews. On Dragons Den I invested in a self-adhesive whiteboard idea, gaining me a 10% share in the business. Our Gang got together at Rich's place on Saturday and we all pulled our instruments out as usual, those who didn't play singing along whenever they knew the words. We had just finished a song when my phone buzzed in my jeans pocket; it was Sue, sending me a video file. "I thought you could send it to Tom." she said when I queried it. I opened the file and saw that she had recorded me as I was singing - it was Lisa Hannigan's 'What'll I Do'. I gave her a big hug and sent the file.

The following week Max and I began packing up things in my flat ready for the renovations to begin. Most of the boxes would be stored in either my living room or the garage, which wouldn't be affected by the building, but some things had to be taken over to Tom's place. We gave Mrs Burrows help packing her more treasured items and I arranged on her behalf for the Salvation Army to come and take away what furniture she wasn't taking with her. On Friday morning a removalist arrived with a small truck for Mrs B and a van for me, and soon the last of our boxes were loaded and ready to go. I took Mrs B, her daughter and Max out for lunch as a farewell, then they headed off to Birmingham and Max and I to Tom's flat.

Tom and I talked every day by phone or Skype, even if only for a few minutes, and he would text occasionally when he had a break during scenes. In spite of this regular contact, and being very busy each day, I missed him terribly. Conversations and video screens couldn't make up for the physical presence of someone and that was what I missed - a light touch in passing, our fingers entwined, hearing his heartbeat while wrapped in the warm strength of his arms. I constantly found myself turning to tell him something, only to find him not there. Give it time, Sullivan, you'll get used to it.

As I settled in to Tom's flat I wondered if this had been the right move after all; here I couldn't get away from reminders of his absence. The books he loved, clothes he hadn't taken with him, photos of him with family and friends, even a spare toothbrush gave me a knot in my chest. I started wearing his old t-shirts to bed and would curl up on the left hand side - his side - with his pillow hugged close. Logically, I knew that plenty of couples were separated for periods of time, many of them for months or even years, and it was what it was - a part of his job and something I would learn to adjust to. Then after three weeks I began to find being there had become comforting instead of distressing; I felt closer to him surrounded by his belongings and it didn't seem so lonely without him.

One morning I sent a text for Tom to read when he awoke. It was only two in the morning in Toronto but my phone rang a few seconds later with his face on the screen.

"Hello darling." He said softly.

"I'm sorry, love, I didn't mean to disturb you. Go back to sleep."

"No, it's okay, I wasn't asleep. We didn't finish filming till midnight."

"Tom, that was two hours ago. Can't you sleep? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, I was just ..."

"Just what?"

"Missing you."

My heart gave a little squeeze. "I miss you too. I've been wearing your old t-shirts to bed."

"Then we're even love, I stole your Avengers t-shirt and brought it with me."

"You sneak! I've been looking for that! I thought I must have mislaid it in the move!"

He just chuckled, sounding not at all sorry. "I'm looking forward to you coming over. Any idea yet when you can get away?"

"We film the finale with Ben and Bobby next week, then there'll be some promotion stuff to do before it airs. The last Dragon is on the nineteenth and I've got QI on the twenty-third, but after that I'm all yours."

"Can't wait. Give my love to the two Sherlocks, won't you?"

"Of course." We chatted for a few more minutes and then I heard him give a huge yawn and remembered that it was the middle of the night for him.

"Tom, you need to get some sleep. I'm hanging up now."

"Alright love."

"'Good night sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.'" I knew he'd get my Hamlet quote.

I could hear the smile in his voice as he said, "Good night my gorgeous Horatio. I love you."

\---

Two nights later I had gone to bed wearing Tom's Thor t-shirt and a hammer-wielding psycho pounding on my door plagued my dreams. As the dream faded and I slowly came awake, the pounding continued and I realised it was loud knocking on the front door of the flat. Glancing at the clock beside the bed I saw it was one thirty in the morning, so of course I immediately thought something was wrong and rushed to answer it without even grabbing a robe to cover myself. Both relieved and surprised to find a complete stranger before me, I stood there sleepily looking at a woman who appeared to be in her mid-twenties. She was of average height and weight with long blonde hair and a very unhappy expression on her face.

"Who the fuck are you?" she asked in a curt tone.

"I'm Kate." I replied. "Can I help you?"

"Yes." She said with a snarl. "You can tell me what the fuck you are doing in my boyfriend's flat wearing the t-shirt I gave him."


	26. Chapter 26

Her boyfriend? Wait, what? His flat? This is Tom's flat, what is she ... Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. No, he wouldn't, he couldn't, he ...

I glanced down at the Thor t-shirt in confusion, as if seeing it would give me some answers, and Blondie took the opportunity to brush past me and into the flat, shoving me none too gently so that I stumbled a little. I turned towards her, closing the door out of sheer reflex, shaking my head to try to clear my thoughts.

"What ... who ... who are you?" I finally got out.

She'd looked around the room in a very proprietary manner as she ground out, "Amber. Amber Thomson." Arms were crossed over her chest, "Tom's girlfriend."

Amber? What the hell sort of name is Amber? It's a traffic light colour, for goodness' sake! I was still not getting much sense out of my thoughts and shook my head again, which Amber seemed to take as me disagreeing with her.

"Listen, bitch, he may have been shagging you for the past few months but don't for one minute think it meant anything to him. He doesn't love you." The contempt in her voice made me wince and she took a step toward me, prompting me to back up a little. She saw the movement and her lip curled.

He doesn't love me. Suddenly I was taken back to the day I arrived home to find Alex screwing some little starlet in our bed and he told me I wasn't enough for him; he'd been sleeping around for months, he gloated, then told me he'd never loved me. Oh god, not again! The pain in my heart was excruciating and I closed my eyes as a tear slid out. It felt like I was clinging by my nails to the side of an abyss and the yawning blackness below was beckoning ... it would be so easy to just let go and slide down into that pit ...

Images of Tom's face appeared behind my eyelids. Tom smiling, that adorable smile that crinkled his eyes and made the whole world want to smile along with him. His face after he kissed me, so full of love and tenderness that I felt I could burst with happiness. Was it all just pretend? He's an actor too don't forget, just like Alex.

Amber laughed at me, a sound full of scorn and venom, "What, you didn't think he really loves you, did you? Just because you're rich and on the tellie, you think he had genuine feelings for you? He told me all about you and we laughed at how easily he had you fooled."

My eyes snapped open. "He ... he told you about me?" Agony burst through my chest again and the abyss yawned wider, inviting me into its depths.

"He told me the second he'd met you and gotten into your pants. Said you were so eager but total shit in the sack."

He wouldn't have said that, we didn't ... A bolt of clarity shot through my brain as the implication of her words sunk in. I gasped. It's not true! She's making it up! The relief I felt made me dizzy and I found it difficult to draw breath as I struggled to maintain my composure. Why is she making this up? Who is she? What does she want? How the hell do I get rid of her?

My thoughts raced and as she took another step toward me, I hung my head low and slumped my shoulders forward in a gesture of defeat. She stopped moving forward.

"I guess ... I should leave then." I muttered in a subdued tone, hoping my terrible acting skills would be enough to fool her. Her jubilant voice told me they were.

"You got that right, bitch. He doesn't want you any more now that I'm here. Now he's got a real woman. And leave that t-shirt behind."

I wondered about the fixation with the t-shirt, but kept up my pretence as I scuffed my way into the bedroom. Once there, I quickly stripped off Tom's shirt and threw on the nearest clothes at hand, grabbed my phone, handbag and the bracelet he gave me, and headed back out to the hallway. She was welcome to keep everything else - not that I planned for her to be here much longer.

After being practically shoved out the door and hearing the locks click, I headed down to the security station to alert them to her presence and find out how the hell she had gotten up to Tom's flat in the first place. I found the station empty, which puzzled me, and I slipped behind the counter to try and find a contact number for the security company. That was when I saw the guard crumpled in a heap under the desk. He had a bloody gash on his head and a heavy torch sat nearby; I checked his pulse, which was steady, and then crumpled onto the chair beside him as my knees gave away. It's just shock, I told myself, you're okay, don't think about how easily she could have ...

I called the security company and the police, checked the guard again, then sat back and waited for the cavalry to arrive.

\---

"Boss?" Max arrived at eight to find me waiting, zombie-like, in the building vestibule. After hours of talking with police and security personnel I wanted nothing more than a hot shower and the oblivion of sleep. Not necessarily in that order.

I explained to Max all that had gone on in the wee small hours - how the police had come and barged their way into the flat; how Amber had put up a fair fight - screaming all the time at the top of her lungs that Tom loved her and not me - before being taken into custody; how they'd discovered she was a fan who had been stalking Tom for months and had a history of psychiatric illness; how the security guard on duty had been taken to hospital with a mild concussion. Right now they were just finishing off taking prints upstairs and checking the place over before allowing me back in.

Her eyes got bigger and rounder the more I told her and at the end she muttered a very succinct, "Holy shit!"

"I've got a blanket Max, I'm in shock. See? Just like Sherlock. I've got a blanket." Even I could tell I was rambling. God, I am so tired! She got up and went to speak to a policeman nearby; I couldn't hear what was said but her body language told me she was expressing her opinion very strongly. For some reason that made me giggle, which earned a piercing glance in my direction. She's short but she's feisty! I giggled again. Shortly afterwards a cup was placed in my hands, a nice hot cup of tea that tasted quite a lot like whiskey. Mm. Tom likes whiskey. Jameson's. That's Irish. I drained the cup and soon found Max's arm around me as she led me upstairs into the flat, now empty of police, and then to the bedroom where she took off my shoes and blanket and tucked me in to bed.

"Sleep, Kate, I'll be right here if you need me."

My last coherent thought was She called me Kate.


	27. Chapter 27

I awoke to a dark room and lay quietly for a few minutes as I remembered where I was and all that had happened. After a long hot shower I changed into clean clothes and went in search of Max, finding her in the kitchen pouring tea. I accepted a cup gratefully.

"How are you, Boss Lady?" she greeted me. "You had me worried for a while there."

"I'm okay. Thanks for putting me to bed."

"No problem. I didn't think you'd make it on your own after you scarfed down that whiskey like there's no tomorrow!" She tilted her head to one side and gave me a searching look so I tried my best at a smile. Running my hand through my hair, I asked if she'd heard any more from the police or security company.

"Not so far. But Himself has called three times."

"Three?" I sipped my tea and avoided her eyes.

"Around midday the first time." That would be first thing in the morning for him. "Then again around three and third time about an hour ago." A glance at the clock showed me it was approaching seven. "He kept wondering why I was answering your personal phone ..."

I did look at her then, in alarm. "You told him?"

"I had to tell him something Boss, it's not usual for you to be asleep all day." I nodded in reluctant acknowledgement and then sat silently, thinking but trying not to. "Do you want me to skedaddle so you can call him in private?"

"No! No, I ... I don't ... I can't ..." I was terrified at the thought of talking to Tom.

There was silence for a minute, then Max put her hand over mine and looked me directly in the eyes as she said, "Talk to me Kate."

"You called me Kate."

"Seems to me like you need a friend right now more than you need an assistant."

She was right, I needed to do something to take this huge weight off my chest. I opened my mouth and it all came out; I told her about Amber and the things she had said to me and I told her about Alex, all of it, how worthless I had felt afterwards and how hard it had been to get my self esteem back. She listened quietly for most of it, with an occasional grunt or swear word. When I finished she thought for a minute then asked me, "Why don't you want to talk to Tom?"

I closed my eyes against the guilt and shame and whispered, "Because I believed her."

"Does Tom know about Alex?" I nodded, we'd talked a little about ex's and I'd told him about my engagement and the reason it ended. "Then he'll understand."

"I believed her Max. I doubted his love; how is that going to make him feel?"

"Kate that man would walk to the ends of the earth for you. He knows you were cheated on and that it hurt you. He will understand."

With impeccable timing my phone rang and Tom's face lit up the screen. I glanced at Max, who nodded in encouragement and told me she'd be in my office. I picked up the phone, took a deep breath, and hoped like hell she was right.

We talked for almost an hour. I told him everything, just as I had told Max, and in his usual sweet, caring and thoughtful way he made me feel absolved of any guilt over doubting him, exactly as she had said he would. When he expressed his own guilt at not being here to prevent it happening, I quickly reassured him that Amber would have found an opportunity somehow; she had been so determined. The police had found hundreds of newspaper clippings and photos of Tom at her house.

"Seems I'm not the only psycho who's madly in love with you, Hiddles." I said with a faint smile, feeling so much more my old self after talking with him. Another point for Max; I've got to give that girl a bonus.

"You're my favourite psycho, though, love." He assured me with a small laugh.

"I guess I'll just have to keep stalking you for a while yet, then."

His reply touched my heart, "Forever won't be long enough, my darling."

\--

"Boss, RDJ is on line 1."

"Thanks Max." I smiled as I connected, thinking about how Max would be reacting after talking to him. "Bobby, hi!"

"Kate. How's my favourite gorgeous Brit geek?"

"He's away filming in Toronto." I joked.

"And we're marrying just as soon as Susan divorces me." He carried on the joke, which got a chuckle out of me. "I guess I'll just have to talk to you instead."

"Them's the breaks, kid!" I teased him.

He laughed and then invited me out to dinner.

"You're in town already?" It was two days before filming for the Sherlock special was to take place. I hadn't known what day Robert was flying in to do the show, though I did know he was staying a few extra days to do some promotion for it.

"Got in this afternoon. Take pity on an old codger and keep me company?"

"I'd love to. When shall we meet and where?" We arranged a time and place and after chatting for a few more minutes, he rang off. I went into Max's office.

"Fan-girling much?" I asked, a huge grin on my face.

Max did a theatrical swoon and said, "I love my job!"

"Oh, so that's why you agreed so quickly when I offered you the position!" I teased her, "And I thought it was because you liked me!"

"How can I like you when you snaffle the most gorgeous eligible bachelor in the country for yourself?" Her comeback had me giggling. "When is it my turn, huh?" she added with a grin.

"I'll see what I can do!" I laughed as I went back to my own office, and just for fun I sent a text to Tom.

Kate: Know anyone good enough for Max?

Dinner with Robert was an adventure; he was charming, witty, urbane and considerate and although he tried to hide it under a veneer of sarcasm, was actually quite humble and rather self-deprecating. We discovered we shared a birthdate - April 4th - though as he put it, he was 'just a tad older' than me. Talk ranged from each other's work to comic books to climate change and youths at risk and I got to see a side of him not often seen by the public. We posed for photos and answered questions when reporters caught up with us and Robert was generous in his praise of both the show and me, which made me blush. For fun we took a selfie together and sent it to Tom, who immediately called to say hello and seemed quite put out he couldn't be with us.

Two days later we met again at the studios prior to filming. Robert and Ben already knew each other but I introduced him to fellow panellist Jack Whitehall and our show's host, Jimmy Carr. It was decided that Robert would be on my team and Ben with Jack, plus we each would have a studio audience member on our panel as well. We talked about the format for this special, which would differ a little from our regular show, then about the promotional interviews we were all to take part in over the next few days before we went to air.

Eventually in a break I was able to talk to Ben and ask after Sophie and baby Charlotte. He showed me some photos and it was easy to tell from the way Ben spoke that he was already completely besotted with his new daughter. He told me I was welcome to visit any time and I promised to try my best before I went away.

I had managed to buy tickets for Davey and James, so had a quick chat with them as the rest of the audience filed into their places, then slipped backstage. Traditionally Jack and I wore geeky t-shirts for the show and today was no exception. I sported a shirt with a silhouette of Holmes, complete with deerstalker and pipe, which featured 17 photos of actors who had portrayed him on stage, screen and radio. Jack's shirt featured the words 'I believe in Sherlock Holmes' with a cameo of both Robert's and Ben's heads. We taunted each other playfully, getting into 'game mode' before we went on stage and as usual, Jimmy heckled us both. I'd been reading up on Conan Doyle and told Robert I hoped he had too; he just looked at me with an evil grin and quirked eyebrow and I couldn't do anything but laugh and shake my head.

We met John and Chrissie, the audience members who would be joining us, and after chatting for a while, took our places. Once the cameras started rolling Jimmy performed a hilarious monologue before introducing us all to the audience and announcing the start of the show in typical Sherlock fashion:

"'Come Watson, come! The game is afoot!"

The first round was rapid-fire questions and Jack's team ended one point ahead. Next we played a mix and match game, pairing the names of Holmes stories with their respective bad guys. Robert was hilarious trying to keep up as John and I yelled instructions to him, while Ben kept his cool and helped his team gain another point on ours. A group of six men were brought on for round three, all of them with facial hair and all wearing t-shirts that read 'I don't shave for Sherlock Holmes'. Ben nearly split his sides laughing and the audience lapped it up. We were told that one of them was really named John Watson and had to guess which one, based solely on observation. Somehow Robert guessed correctly while Jack's team lost a point, and now the scores were even.

Jack and I were pitted against each other in round four, guessing the identity of five white powders that were 'found at a crime scene'. I managed to slip ahead of Jack when he couldn't guess bicarbonate of soda, giving my team a small lead. For round five our celebrity guests were given a number of items of clothing or accessory and two minutes to come up with the best disguise, including creating an accent, mannerism or walk that matched the character they created. Ben's skill at mimicry helped him here and he drew the scores even again.

For the last and deciding round John and Robert were teamed against Chrissie and Benedict. Each pair were led to a small set to the side of the main stage where a number of clues were hidden that would help them identify the perpetrator of a crime. As an extra catch, the sets were decorated in the era matching the opposing Sherlock - that is, Robert and John's was set in modern day as per BBC Sherlock, while Ben and Chrissie's was set in the nineteenth century.

Jack and I sat helpless with laughter as we watched our team members scurry around the set in a frenzied rush to find all the clues in the short amount of time they were given. Robert, gifted in physical comedy, really hammed it up for the audience who clapped and cheered and egged him on while Ben's dorkiness when it came to his turn produced just as much hilarity.

None of us hung around long after the show finished, despite being still exhilarated from the fun; we had a full day of radio and TV interviews the next day, including early morning and breakfast timeslots. Ben and I shared a taxi as he lived not far away and I spoke to Tom on Skype before turning in, thrilled that the night had gone so well.


	28. Chapter 28

The next three days were a whirlwind of interviews and I began to have an appreciation of what Tom, Robert and Ben all went through when promoting their movies. It wasn't a dull time by any means, Jack and Robert kept Ben and I chuckling a lot of it and I was certainly enjoying spending my time with the three of them. But it was getting tedious saying the same things over and over again and as much as I loved their company, I was also looking forward to it being over. It didn't help that Ben and Robert were such good friends of Tom's so I had constant reminders of how much I was missing him – as if I needed reminders. Now that it was getting so close to the time when I could go and visit, the last eight weeks without him seemed an eternity and each hour dragged far more than they had previously.

The renovations on my house were completed and Max had begun moving things back from Tom's flat, telling me over the phone how much she loved the new arrangement. I had put her office next to mine with a communicating door in between and we both looked out through huge picture windows to the garden beyond. I'd expanded the kitchen too, as mine had been a little poky, and Max practically swooned over the top-of-the-range coffee machine I had purchased for her.

I was sad to see Robert go back to LA but knew we'd catch up again when he and Tom were filming the next Marvel film. When I thanked him for making time to come do the show he brushed it off in his usual way, gave me a big bear-hug and made me promise to visit.

Our Sherlock special aired and was a huge success, thrilling the producers and guaranteeing the show another season. I had recorded it to show Tom, refusing to tell him the outcome until he saw it for himself. He'd pouted and tried his puppy dog eyes on me over Skype but I looked away and stood my ground, laughing.

The last Dragon's Den shoot was over and now I only had QI to film. My flight to Toronto was booked for the day after QI; it couldn't come quickly enough for me.

I spent Saturday moving all my personal belongings back to the house and on Sunday I caught the train to Oxford to visit Diana, spending a lovely day in her warm and welcoming company. The more time I spent with her, the more I came to understand how Tom had turned out to be the wonderful man he was. We chatted happily for hours and I was shown old photo albums, of course, giggling at his mop of blonde curls as Diana told stories of the antics he and his sisters had gotten up to growing up.

When she dropped me at the railway station later that day, Diana enveloped me in a warm hug. "I am so glad Tom has you in his life, my dear. You're good for him."

"I'm the lucky one Diana, he's an amazing man. I love him very much."

"That's easy to see Kate, and I know he feels the same way. I've never seen him as happy as he has been since he met you. Thank you."

I couldn't answer her past the lump in my throat, so I simply gave her another hug and a smile and turned to get on the train, waving from the window as we left the station. Once home I put on some laundry and did a little packing for my trip, planning to finish the rest the next day. I was now counting the hours until I would be in Tom's arms again.

"Boss? Are you here?" Max called from the kitchen the next morning. I dragged myself out to the hallway.

"Whoa! What happened here?" She said, recoiling when she caught sight of me. "I sure hope the other guy looks worse!"

I must have been a sight; I felt feverish, congested and sore all over. I'd spent a restless night either shivering or burning up and hadn't yet showered; my hair stuck out in all directions, my whole face was flushed and my throat felt like I'd swallowed coarse sandpaper. I was wearing tatty old yoga pants and a sweatshirt that had seen better days and my eyes were droopy from lack of sleep.

"I thig I god a cowd." I said, trying desperately to draw in air through my nose and failing miserably. I remembered someone on the train yesterday who was sneezing everywhere and sent them a mental rude gesture.

"Understatement of the year, that one" came her witty rejoinder. I laughed, which turned into a coughing fit. She ordered me to sit on a kitchen chair and I obeyed, too weak and miserable to do anything else. When she placed her palm on my forehead she tutted and disappeared into the bathroom, coming back with a thermometer that she stuck under my tongue before shutting my jaw.

I took it out a second later, gasping. "Cand bweave wid mouf closed."

"You want me to take your temperature through a different orifice?" she threatened, raising her brow at me and folding her arms across her chest. I scowled at her, which had no effect whatsoever, so I took a big gulp of air and returned the thermometer to its place, hoping it would get a reading before I could no longer hold my breath.

"Thirty eight point zero eight. You've got a slight fever." She pronounced after reading it.

"No shid Sherlog." I quipped; I already knew that little gem of information. I giggled feverishly at my own witticism but it turned into another coughing fit.

"Serves you right." Max said, rolling her eyes, but I saw the corners of her mouth tilt down and a worried frown appeared between her brows. She brought me some Paracetamol and water then thought for a minute before issuing orders like an army general. "Right, go and have a warm shower – not hot - while I change the sheets on your bed and find some clean pyjamas. Then I'll make you some lemon and honey tea and pop out to the chemist for drugs."

I wiggled my brows at her. "Dugs?"

"Legal ones." She replied with a grin. "Not the fun ones." I barked a laugh and of course coughed again. Damned cold!

I followed orders and showered before going back to bed. Max bought decongestant, throat lozenges, tissues and cough medicine and made sure I used them as well as keeping up my fluids. She checked my temperature every few hours and brought regular supplies of green tea with lemon and honey to soothe my throat.

"Max, you're an angel." I told her when she came to check on me in the early evening. I'd managed a few hours sleep and was feeling a lot better, although weak. "You've gone above and beyond and I really appreciate it."

"We've got to get you well before Wednesday; can't have you standing Himself up at the airport, now can we?" I wholeheartedly agreed with that.

"Besides, if you don't go away I won't get a break either!"

I laughed, but it gave me an idea. "If you could go anywhere at all for your break, Max, where would you want to go?"

"Anywhere? Hmm, well I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but that's ..."

"Done!" I interjected and she looked at me, puzzled.

"What's done?"

"I'm giving you a two week vacation in Hawaii, starting Wednesday - or whatever day you want."

Her jaw dropped. "Get outta town!"

I giggled at her expression, pleased that it didn't make me cough as much as it had earlier in the day. "I'm serious Max, you are an amazing assistant and you've been a good friend to me and I would really, really like to give you this as a thank you. Will you let me do this for you, please?"

She looked at me for a minute before replying with her usual wit. "I won't look a gift horse in the mouth; my mama didn't raise no fool!" We both laughed at that. "Thank you Kate." She said much more soberly as she gave my hand a squeeze.

I squeezed hers right back. "You're welcome. Now go book yourself a holiday!" She laughed and practically ran out of the room and I called after her, "And no scrimping on the accommodation; book somewhere really nice!" She had me chuckling again when I heard her gleeful "Whoop!"

When Tom called that night I told him about Max's kindness and how excited she'd been about her holiday and he laughed, agreeing that she thoroughly deserved it. We talked for a while but he could tell I was getting pretty tired.

"You'll be here the day after tomorrow darling, I can't wait."

"Only two more sleeps."

"What's that love?"

"It's something my dad used to do when I was a kid, count down to something exciting in terms of how many sleeps."

"Ah! Yes, two more sleeps." I could hear the smile in his voice but his tone had changed considerably when he spoke next. "Though talking of sleep ..."

"Hmm?"

"You probably should get plenty before you get here ..."

"Thomas!"


	29. Chapter 29

"Welcome to Toronto. What is the nature of your visit?"

"I'm here on holiday."

The immigration officer looked at my passport photo and then at me. "Have you been here before Dr Sullivan?" She held the photo page under the reader.

"No, first time."

She stamped one of the pages and returned it to me. "Enjoy your stay."

I smiled at her. "Thank you. I'm sure I will."

With nothing to declare, I followed the green arrows out and headed toward baggage claim, excitement and anticipation mounting with every step I took that brought me closer to him. Come on, come on! Where's that bag got to? Ah! Hoisting my case off the carousel, I extended the handle and looked around, my feet nearly tripping over themselves as I all but skipped toward the doors that would take me out to the arrivals hall.

The gentleman in front of me, with whom I had exchanged a few words as we waited in the line at immigration, saw me and held the door open. "Thanks."

"You look pretty keen to get out there." He said with a smile. "Family meeting you?" He looked to be around seventy so I hoped that he had loved ones waiting for him.

"Boyfriend." Was all I managed in reply as I scanned the hall, telling myself to walk sedately down the ramp. Don't want to trip and end up flat on your face now Sullivan!

 

I heard him say, "Ah, young love!" but I was too distracted to reply, looking around for my tall, geeky, gorgeous ... there! Over there! He was around the middle of the hall, shouldering his way past families and elderly couples, skirting wayward toddlers. Our eyes caught, I felt my face light up to reflect his and suddenly - I have no memory how - he was right in front of me, my arms wound around his neck and he was kissing me just as fiercely as I was kissing him. His arms tightened as he drew me closer and I ran a hand along his clean-shaven cheek and jaw, down his neck to rest on his chest where his heart was pounding as rapidly as my own. My senses fought to absorb his physical presence, hungrily taking in the sight, sound, smell, taste and feel of him until I was intoxicated. When our kiss broke I uttered only his name before placing my lips on his again, tangling my fingers in his hair and pulling his head closer.

"Hello." I whispered when I reluctantly came up for air a second time.

"Hello." He whispered back, blue eyes shining into mine. His hand caressed my face and I rested my cheek into his palm, so happy to be with him again that I could have stayed like that for hours. "Let's get out of here." He smiled, releasing me and taking hold of my bag in one hand, the other going around my waist to hold me close as we headed toward the exit. I snuck a quick glance around the crowd but everyone was obviously quite used to passionate reunions in the international terminal and there didn't seem to be any onlookers.

He had a car waiting which took us to his rented apartment in South Rosedale, both provided by the studio. Situated on a street edged with oak and maple trees, the apartment was part of a grand old home that had been subdivided; it was light and airy with modern amenities and old world charm and I loved it on sight. After a quick tour of the place we took my suitcase into the bedroom then Tom turned to me.

"What would you like to do, darling? Shower? Eat? Just relax?"

I took a step closer. "How about a game of strip poker?" I suggested.

"I don't think I have a deck of cards." He looked and sounded regretful.

"Don't need them." I answered, giving him a wolfish grin. "I have a pair of tens."

Tom thought for a minute. "Pair of kings." He replied.

I removed my blouse and said, "Your lead."

"Two pair, aces and nines." He said with a smile and a glint in his eye.

"Three sevens." I countered and his shirt came off. I licked my lips and thought about abandoning the game and just throwing him on the bed, but I was enjoying the titillation as much as he was. We both lost our trousers, shoes and socks in the next few hands, leaving Tom in just his boxers and me in bra and undies.

It was my lead. By now we were standing mere millimetres apart. "Four aces." My gaze was locked to his and my breathing uneven.

"Straight flush." His breath as jagged as mine, he reached around and unclipped my bra, tossing it on to the pile of clothes on the floor.

"High card." His last lead surprised me; he'd led the lowest hand possible, giving me an easy opportunity to beat it. Swimming in the desire in his eyes, I moved the fraction closer needed to bring us skin to skin and ran little kisses up the side of his neck. His fingers skimmed down my back with feather-light softness, leaving me shivering and aching for more of his touch.

"High card. Looks like we both forfeit."

Hours later I woke in Tom's arms to find it was the middle of the night, but the time difference had me wide awake. I propped myself up on an elbow and watched him as he slept, marvelling as I always did at how boyish and carefree he looked in that state. Although his hair was shorter and blonder for his current role, a few tousled curls still lay in disarray on his pillow and I ran my fingers through them very gently so as not to disturb him. He seemed to give a little half smile at the touch so I did it again, my heart jumping in my chest when he smiled once more, still sound asleep.

After a few minutes I realised I wasn't going back to sleep for a while so I got up, slipped on Tom's shirt and tip-toed out to the kitchen, putting the kettle on for a cup of tea. Spying his guitar in the living area, I sat with it on a couch and strummed softly for while, humming along quietly between sips of tea. A song came to mind that had been one of my parents' favourites; they had often danced to it on the stereo while Mike and I pulled faces at "all that lovey-dovey" stuff that all children seem embarrassed to see in their parents. Now I was old enough to appreciate the sentiment and the lyrics and I began to play and sing quietly, eyes closed and thinking of Tom.

 

When I see you in the morning, that old sleep still in your eyes

I remember all the laughter and the tears we shared last night

And as we lie here, just two shadows in the light before the dawn

The sweetest thing I've ever known is loving you

 

 

And I have never been afraid of losing and I have never wanted love to be a chain

I only know that when I'm with you, you're my sunshine; you're my rain

The sweetest thing I've ever known is loving you

 

 

Halfway through the song I heard a small noise and opened my eyes to see Tom standing nearby. "Don't stop darling." He whispered, coming to sit near me. I sang the rest of the song looking into his eyes.

 

Now, you and I, we're not children, we have both been loved before

We have given and we have taken many rides on troubled shores

But all the heartaches and temptations only make me love you more

The sweetest thing I've ever known is loving you

 

 

And I have never been afraid of losing and I have never wanted love to be a chain

I only know that when I'm with you, you're my sunshine; you're my rain

The sweetest thing I've ever known is loving you

The sweetest thing I've ever known is loving you

 

By the time I finished we both had tears in our eyes. Tom took the guitar from my hands, put it aside and drew me into his arms. "I love you so much Kate."

"I love you too." We kissed, tenderly at first then hungrily. I felt I couldn't get enough of his taste and touch.

"Come back to bed." Tom whispered and I went most willingly.


	30. Chapter 30

The following days fell in to a comfortable pattern; Tom and I ran and breakfasted together before he went off to the set and I filled my time with exploring the city, doing some design work I had brought with me or catching up on reading and just relaxing. Evenings we spent quietly together or dining with friends from the production. Shooting was unusually ahead of schedule and there was talk of an early finish, so everyone was very excited about the possibility of being able to get back to their homes and loved ones ahead of time.

I had been particularly thrilled to meet Hugh Laurie, who was co-starring with Tom, as I'd grown up watching him on TV in Blackadder – it was one of my dad's favourite shows – and of course had seen him in countless movie roles. "You've made quite an impression on my friend Stephen, I hear." was his opening comment, referring to my recent appearance on QI with his long-time friend and colleague.

I laughed. "Not much of an impression, I don't think – I only just beat Alan!" While I had earned a few points on the show, I had also walked into a couple of traps that cost me dearly, meaning I ended the show in second to last place.

Later I told Hugh I owned both of his albums and we happily talked jazz and blues for ages, not caring if we bored everyone around us. One evening he invited me to join him the next day at an improv session he had planned at a local recording studio, as he wasn't needed for filming. When I arrived Hugh introduced me to the other musicians then I sat in the corner out of the way while they jammed, tapping my toes and nodding my head along with the beat, eyes closed, in absolute heaven.

"Tom says you sing." I didn't realise at first that Hugh had directed this to me and started a little when I did.

"Yes. Well, a bit - I won't be giving up my day job anytime soon."

"Do you know Honeysuckle Rose?"

"Yes."

"Come on then."

"Are you kidding?" A passing fly would have gone right into the mouth I dropped open in shock.

They all encouraged me so I moved over next to the piano Hugh was playing at and we started messing around with the song, trying different arrangements and harmonies. After about an hour he announced he was happy with it and told Bernie in the recording booth to lay down the track. When he played it back afterwards I couldn't believe it was me singing – my voice had a husky quality to it that I hadn't realised was there and it actually didn't sound too bad.

"I'll expect royalties if it ends up on your next album!" I joked with Hugh and was stunned when he replied that it just might. "I'm only kidding!" I exclaimed, suddenly shaking in reaction to what was happening.

"I'm not, Kate. You sound great and I like the way your voice mixes with mine. How about we try a couple more?" I looked at him really hard to make sure he wasn't pulling my leg – the man was known for his comedy work, after all. "What other songs can we do? How about ..."

"Hugh!" I interrupted him. "Don't toy with me, my poor little heart won't take it!"

"I'm not messing with you Kate, honestly. Come on just try it. What have you got to lose?" He looked completely in earnest and as I respected his judgement I gave up worrying and determined to just enjoy myself. We played with various songs, choosing another two to do together and I put every ounce of emotion I could into the lyrics, hoping they sounded believable as Bernie recorded them. As before, I was stunned when I heard my own voice played back and all the guys complimented me. Coming from such talented musicians, their praise meant the world and I was giddy with excitement and sheer disbelief that this was actually happening.

Just then Tom arrived, fresh from filming, and the three tracks we had recorded were played back for him to hear. "Wow! Darling, you're ... wow! Very ... sultry."

Sultry? Me? The look on his face had me hot and bothered and I wished we were alone, blushing as the others teased us both good-naturedly. Under cover of their chatter he pulled me close and whispered in my ear. "Sing like that for me later?" I nodded then gave him a look that promised other things I'd do for him later and had to smile when he needed to clear his throat before answering a question Hugh had asked.

We left not long after as we had dinner reservations with other cast members. Hugh and I swapped phone numbers and he promised to be in touch, I thanked and hugged the others and held Tom's hand tightly as we went out to the car, almost floating on cloud nine.

The following Wednesday I was at the studio again where Hugh had picked a Billie Holiday tune for me to sing while he accompanied me on piano. We rehearsed for a while, slowing the tempo down and making adjustments for my lower vocal range; then I sang 'The Man I Love', pouring my heart into it and naturally thinking of Tom the whole time. I asked Hugh and Bernie if I could have a copy of that recording and they arranged to get one to me.

Five days later they wrapped in Toronto and we prepared to head home to London, as the next lot of shooting would be in the UK. I contacted Max, who had sent regular selfies from Hawaii – mainly of herself in a bikini or lava-lava with a different cute guy hanging on her arm each time – telling her when we would be arriving, and she promised to have the office in ship-shape. I didn't doubt it – that girl was the epitome of efficient.

Flying home with Tom naturally reminded us both of when we met and we laughed and teased each other about that. Landing at Heathrow I was surprised to see a fairly sizable crowd of fans assembled; when I queried Tom he sheepishly admitted he had tweeted that he was looking forward to coming home and given the day. I just laughed and shook my head at him. A number of fans asked for photos that included me, which surprised me – that certainly wasn't something that happened when we were spotted in Canada – and I was happy to do it but also to stand back out of the way when it was just Tom they wanted. He was adorable to watch as he interacted with them and I felt so proud of him.

I was chatting with two young girls while they waited for their turn to talk to Tom when a bottle came flying over people's heads to collide with my shoulder, giving me a good wallop, and a voice yelled, "Camera whore! You're not good enough for him! Get lost bitch!" I stood still, stunned, then Luke – who had met us on arrival – grabbed my arm and dragged me away quickly, calling to Tom and heading towards the exit door.

"Are you alright Kate? Do you need medical attention?" Luke rasped.

I couldn't answer, I was still in shock; it had all happened so quickly.

"Kate!"

"What?" I shook myself and looked at Luke.

"Your shoulder, is it okay? Do you need a doctor?"

"No, I'm fine. Where's Tom? And what the hell was that?" I looked around for Tom and was thankful to see him not far behind us, catching up quickly with his long legs. When he drew abreast he put an arm around me.

"Darling, are you alright?" I nodded and he turned to Luke. "Luke, what the fuck was that? I thought you were supposed to make sure things like that didn't happen!"

They got into a bit of an argument but I had tuned out and wasn't paying attention – I kept remembering what the voice had said and the feel of the bottle as it slammed into me. It was only the second time I had personally encountered any antagonism from one of Tom's fans – which made me think of Amber the psycho and give a shudder - and I felt rather unnerved.

Tom and Luke kept arguing in the car and we were half way across London when I snapped. "Shut up you two!" They both looked at me rather stunned but had the grace to mumble an apology and keep quiet, casting heated glances at each other for the rest of the ride. Once back at the house I wasted no time getting inside, leaving them to deal with the luggage and hopefully sort out their differences. Tom found me in the shower a few minutes later.

"Sweetheart ..."

"I'm fine!" I still sounded a bit snappish, which he didn't deserve, so I calmed myself and tried again. "I might need help to wash my back though ..." He removed his clothes and joined me in the shower in double-quick time. I gave him a kiss. "Sorry for snapping."

"It's understandable love. How's your shoulder? It looks a bit red, I think you might have quite a bruise there by tomorrow."

"A nice massage might help." He smiled at my ploy but began to massage it anyway – and then thoughtfully massaged other parts of me as well, and we ran out of hot water.


	31. Chapter 31

Although my body was pleasantly weary, if a little sore, my mind wouldn't let me rest; thoughts of the incident at the airport kept churning over and over in my head.

"Tom?" I whispered. "Are you awake?"

"No darling, I'm sound asleep." He sounded tired despite his humour, so I just lay there quietly listening to him breathing. After a minute his eyes opened. "What's up love?"

"Do you ... am I ..."

"Kate?" He turned on his side to look at me, "What is it darling?"

"Is ... is it true? What she said? That ... I'm not good enough for you, that I don't deserve you?"

Both arms went around me and he pulled me close, kissing my hair and forehead. "Absolutely not, if anything it's I who don't deserve you. Don't let her get to you, sweetheart - you just have to forget all about it, please."

"You don't ... you don't think I'm with you just for the publicity do you?"

"No, of course not! Not for one second. Kate, love, don't pay any attention to it, really. Just forget about it and move on." He hugged me again but I still needed reassurance.

"You do believe I love you, don't you?" I looked into his eyes. "I do love you Tom, so very much."

"Of course I do darling girl." He pulled me closer and gave me a kiss so sweet and tender I felt like crying. "Besides," he said with a smile, trying to cheer me up, "You couldn't fool me, I'm the one with acting chops, remember - you have no acting talent whatsoever!"

I smiled when he quoted my own words at me and snuggled in to him, feeling a little better. One of his hands was rubbing my back in comfort but it shortly became lighter, more of a caress and then ventured a little lower.

"Kate? I'm wide awake now."

"So I see." I smiled.

"What could we do to pass the time?" His other hand was now seeking out places to explore, sending a tingling warmth all through me.

"I'm sure we'll think of something." I replied and kissed him, then let my own hands do some exploring of their own.

\---

I was pleased to be home and overjoyed to see Max again when she arrived for work the next morning. She looked tanned and relaxed and regaled us both with countless amusing anecdotes about her holiday in Hawaii. We teased her about the photos she'd sent with so many different guys and I began to suspect - more from what she didn't say than what she did - that maybe there had been a special someone hidden in the crowd. I didn't say anything, just waited for her to open up in her own good time if she wanted to.

Over the next week Tom moved most of his things into the house and we settled into a new routine. He'd had a few days break and then begun filming again and while most of it was studio work in the city, he would sometimes need to be gone for a few days if they had to travel to a location that was more than a couple of hours outside of London.

The morning he left for York I took a caramel macchiato in to Max and sat down in front of her desk.

"Boss?" She gave me a questioning look.

I decided to not beat about the bush. "Do I get hate mail?"

"Uh, sure, some. You know what they say, you can't please all of the people all of the time."

I appreciated her attempt at humour but had something I needed to know. "Do I get hate mail saying I'm only with Tom for the publicity?"

She hesitated and gave me a searching look. "Is this about what happened at the airport? Luke told me ..."

"Forget Luke. Just tell me - and no BS Max, please." She didn't look comfortable but I knew I could trust her to tell me the honest truth.

"Yes, a few." She finally admitted, reluctantly.

"A few as in two or three or ...?"

"As in ... a few dozen."

That made me sit up straighter in my chair; I hadn't expected that. "Since when?"

She shrugged. "Since you went public, pretty much, after the Globe fundraiser." She let me digest that for a while, sipping on her coffee and watching carefully for my reaction.

I tapped my fingernails on the desk, considering. "Do you still have the letters?"

She put her cup down and leaned a little closer, looking worried. "Are you sure that's a good idea Boss? You've always said you want to keep well away from all that stuff."

I paused briefly so it appeared that I was considering what she'd said but I didn't really need time to think - I had hardly stopped thinking about it since the bottle had hit me at the airport, in spite of everyone telling me to forget it. "Do you have them or not?" She must have recognised the determination and obstinacy in my face because after staring me in the eyes for a minute she sighed and turned to a filing cabinet behind her, opening the bottom drawer and pulling out a rather hefty file that she dropped on the desk in front of me. When I thanked her she simply snorted and went back to sipping her coffee and watching me, so I got up, took the file and headed into my own office.

It took me a good part of the day to read every one of them and then I turned to the internet, browsing articles and gossip columns - ignoring completely the ones that were neutral about Tom and I and even the ones that gushed about what a cute couple we made. I was only interested in the ones that weren't complimentary.

They basically said pretty much the same thing as the letters and the woman at the airport -I was an unimportant wanna-be who craved attention and when I couldn't get enough from the TV shows I did, had latched on to Tom simply for the publicity it got me. One of them had even dug up a picture from when I was with Alex - pointing out that he was also an actor - and implied that I'd dumped him because he wasn't a big enough star for me.

The extent of my fury at these attacks took me by surprise. I felt they could have criticised almost anything else about me - I was too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too rich, too stupid, too whatever - and I would have had no trouble brushing it aside, but these were attacks on my moral fibre, my ethical core. I was being judged and deemed morally bankrupt by people who had never met me - the anger and hurt I felt percolated deep inside my chest for days, eating away at me while I tried to get on with my work and still sound perfectly normal speaking to Tom when he phoned.

By the time he got back on Thursday night I had managed to reduce it to a low simmer and thought I had a lid tightly closed over the whole mess. I still had not been able to think of some way to fight back, which is what my instincts were clamouring to do, leaving me restless and inclined to be emotionally volatile. Things between Max and I had been very quiet all week; I knew she was watching me but in my current state of mind I simply ignored her silent concern.

"Hello darling." Tom found me in the kitchen preparing dinner. His long arms wrapped around me from behind and he pressed gentle kisses to my neck. A switch flipped inside me and I reacted like a tigress in heat, turning in his arms to kiss him passionately, my hands going unerringly to his trousers, unbuckling his belt and fumbling with buttons and zip. "Sweetheart ..." he started.

"Don't talk." I uttered urgently. "Just take me." And to his credit, he did. Twice. The kitchen bench had never seen so much action. When it was over I kissed his cheek softly and murmured, "Welcome home."

He gave a little chuckle. "With a welcome like that I'll have to go away more often."

It was an innocent enough remark, one that usually would have evoked a completely different reaction, but unfortunately my reins were drawn a little too tight.

"You don't think you're gone often enough already? I'm sorry I'm so terrible that you need to get away from me as much as possible." My voice was loud and I felt flames of anger flush my cheeks as I pushed hard on his torso.

"Darling, I ..." Confusion was written all over his face and a hand ran through his hair but I was held firmly in the grip of my madness and didn't stop there.

"A few days away from me is clearly not enough - you need a couple of months like last time. Well, as my presence here is patently abhorrent to you, I'll ... I'll save you the torture."

Without another word I strode to the entrance and out the door, slamming it behind me as I headed down the driveway and on to the footpath. I turned blindly in a random direction and then promptly burst into tears, water running down my face as deep sobs escaped me. It took me a few yards to realise the tears were almost freezing right on my cheeks and that it was extremely cold - and I had no coat.

"Kate!"

I turned, shivering, at the familiar voice behind me; Tom threw my coat around my shoulders and took me in his arms, rubbing my back and making soothing noises while I sobbed. I put my arms around his waist and held him as though my life depended on it until finally my tears subsided and I quietened, hiccoughing occasionally. Without saying anything he led me back into the house, hung up our coats and put his arms around me again.

"Darling, I would never choose to leave you voluntarily; were it up to me I would spend every second in your company. You are the most important thing in my life." A finger lifted my chin and my heart lurched at the pain I saw on his face. "Please tell me you know that. I love you so much, I can't bear to see you unhappy."

"I ... I'm sorry Tom, I truly am. I ... my emotions are all over the place at the moment. I didn't mean it, really, it's just ... I'm so sorry darling." I was torn between letting him continue believing that was the issue or telling him what was really eating at me.

"I can tell Luke to only sign me up for work here at home in the future." He offered and my heart almost broke. I couldn't do that to him.

"No! Absolutely not! Tom ..." I told him about the letters and articles and the toxic mixture of anger, pain and helplessness I had been struggling to deal with. "I know everyone says to just ignore it and forget about it ... but ... I'm having a hard time doing that. I'm sorry I took it out on you."

He wrapped me tighter in his arms and buried his face in my hair. "We'll work something out to help you darling. I'll think of something, I promise."

"I know we will Tom. I love you."

"I love you too."

The next day Tom had an evening shoot so we spent later in bed in the morning and were only just returning from our run as Max was arriving. As we came up behind her in the driveway we both called out, "Good morning Max!"

She turned, looked closely at both our faces for a bit, then smiled. "Good morning Tom. Good morning ... Kate." I smiled, knowing I was forgiven for my behaviour the past few days. I wanted to hug her but was very sweaty after Tom had pushed me on our run, so I settled for giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

I managed to wangle the first shower and when I came out to the kitchen afterwards found Max and Tom whispering together about something. The room went silent when they saw me and neither of them would meet my eyes.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Nothing." "Nothing."

I got myself some coffee, eyeballing them both to see if one would break, concentrating on Tom, as I knew he was the weaker link. He just looked coy and slid his glance away from mine, blushing a little. Hmmm...

"Well I'm pretty sure at least one of you has work to do." Divide and conquer! Max got up and went off to her office; I sat in the seat she had vacated opposite Tom.

"Thomas."

"Yes darling?"

"You and Max are plotting something."

"Yes darling."

"I want to know what it is."

"Yes darling, I know." He looked at me and grinned. "But it's a secret."

I sighed, remembering the last time he'd organised a secret for me and I'd met the Avengers. "Damn you Hiddles!"

He laughed. "Yes darling."

"You're incorrigible!" Now he had me laughing too.

"Yes darling, I am. That's why you love me." And he had the cheek to batter his baby blues at me.

"God help me, yes I do."

He kissed me thoroughly before going off to have a shower and I went to my office with a smile on my face for the first time in days.


	32. Chapter 32

"Bloody hell! Get that thing off me!"

"Eh eh eh!"

"Thomas William Hiddleston, if you don't remove that freezing cold hand off my stomach right now, I swear I will knee you in the family jewels!"

"Darling, you're supposed to warm me up!"

"Not when you arrive feeling like a block of ice at four in the morning I'm not! Go and have a hot shower."

"Perhaps if I ..."

"Aaargh! Not another one! You sadistic bastard!"

"Sweetheart, maybe ... oh look ... your breasts don't seem to mind the cold ... in fact I think they like it ... they're getting rather ... perky."

"Mmpfgmph."

"What was that darling? You want me to stop?"

"Don't you dare!"

"Eh eh eh!"

\---

Tom was still finding his way around a new neighbourhood so we had gone out for coffee and to browse around the local shops. I especially wanted to show him the bookshop and a quaint little gift shop where you could sometimes find the most fascinating curiosities.

He was approached in the coffee shop by a fan and then again as we walked hand in hand down the main street. Both times I kept back out of the way, feeling very nervous and uncomfortable. I couldn't help wondering if they were judging me, if I could expect more letters calling me a parasite, as one particularly vitriolic fan had done. Tom noticed, of course.

"Do you want to go home love?" He asked quietly, squeezing my hand.

"No, I'm fine." Stubbornly, even though I hated this situation, I was determined not to run with my tail between my legs.

We kept going, this time with arms around each other's waists underneath leather jackets. Inside the bookstore we happily browsed the shelves but I made sure never to lose physical contact with him; it gave me a small sense of security. In the Shakespeare section, luckily empty save for us, Tom wrapped both arms around me and nuzzled my neck as I tried to look at a copy of Troilus and Cressida.

"Tom, they have security cameras."

He nibbled my ear. "Voyeurs. Maybe we should give them something worth watching? Fancy a quickie up against the Bard?"

I giggled. "Mm, I'm sure Luke would be thrilled if his best client was arrested for indecent exposure!" I kissed him on the nose. "I appreciate the offer though."

"Any time." His voice was almost a growl and he waggled his eyebrows suggestively, which made me burst out in giggles again. I returned the book, took his hand and led him out of the store, still laughing.

Stopped once more down the street by a couple of American tourists, Tom wouldn't let me disappear this time but kept me by his side for the selfie; luckily the American gentleman had a long arm and could hold the camera far enough back to fit us all in the shot. I felt a little tense until Tom gave me a quick but rather potent kiss just before the shot was taken, so goodness knows what I looked like in the photo.

We wandered around the gift shop for a while and Tom and I both bought a couple of small items before we headed home again. He was making us a late lunch when his phone rang; it was next to me on the bench and I looked at the screen. "It's your mum."

"You answer it love while I get this in the oven."

"Diana, it's Kate, Tom's just putting lunch in the oven ... I'm well, thank you, how are things with you? ... Christmas? Um, we haven't discussed it ... yes I do ... that sounds like an excellent ... what can I ... yes, I'm sure we'd love ... I look forward to meeting her too ... alright, here's Tom, I'll put him on for you ... I will ... bye Diana." I handed the phone to Tom.

"Mum? ... I'm good ... so I gathered ... of course ... I don't know, soon ... yes mum ... love you too. Bye."

"That was ..."

"My mother in organisation mode – rather like a cyclone."

"Yes."

"Christmas is organised then?"

"You and I will have lunch here with Mike and Abby then go up to her place for dinner and stay the night. Sarah and her husband will be over from India. I'm not to worry about taking anything." I blinked, still a little stunned from Diana's whirlwind call. "What was yours?"

"You'd tell me what you both had planned for Christmas." That got a raised brow and ironic grin from both of us, "I promised I'm taking good care of you and we'll go up to visit her soon."

"And you are."

"Visiting her soon?"

I kissed him. "Taking good care of me."

Over lunch Tom mentioned that he had something he had to go and do this afternoon before the night shoot began at seven.

"You didn't tell me you had another night shoot." I put my knife down and looked at him. "We're meant to be having dinner with Davey and James tonight."

"I'm sorry darling, we didn't quite get it all done last night. I meant to tell you when I got home this morning but you rather distracted me."

"I distracted you?"

"Yes, but you're forgiven, of course." He completely ignored my snort. "I'm sorry about dinner. I shouldn't be more than two or three hours though, four tops. I'll probably be home about the same time you are. I'll call Davey and apologise. I'm sorry sweetheart. You're not angry with me are you?" He looked at me and turned on those puppy dog eyes.

"Damn you Hiddleston!" I sighed and he grinned in victory.

James had cooked a marvellous meal as always but I couldn't help noticing that Davey was unusually subdued. I helped him carry the plates and glasses out to the kitchen and asked him point blank. "Is everything okay with you and James?"

He looked rather startled. "Yes, fine. What on earth made you ask that?"

"You're awfully quiet."

He avoided my eyes. "Oh, it's ... nothing. Just ... ah ... business stuff."

"Are you having trouble? Do you need money? I can give you ..."

"No, no! I'm fine."

"Davey ..."

"Katie, darling, everything is fine. But thank you." He kissed me on the cheek but I was sure there was something he wasn't telling me and I was worried, my senses on high alert. I followed him back to the dining room and watched the two of them very carefully as we had coffee, noticing a loaded glance pass between them but they chatted away quite amiably after that.

When I took my leave I gave James a hug then turned to Davey. "You will call me if you need me, won't you? For anything." He assured me he would and I hugged him tightly. "Love you Watkins."

"Love you too Sullivan. Now go home to that gorgeous man of yours and leave me with mine!"

I sent Tom a text to tell him I was on my way home and he replied that he was already there, so the shoot must have gone well. Once inside I hung my coat and scarf and took off my shoes, leaving them by the door. The place seemed to be a bit dark, as if the lights were all dimmed.

"Tom? Is something wrong with the lights?" I called as I started towards the lounge.

I hadn't gone far when I realised it was candlelight I was seeing. Along every surface – bookcase, bench-top, table and even floor – there were what seemed to be hundreds of small candles in glass holders.

"Tom?"

I found him in the lounge, surrounded by more candles and with a strange look on his face.

"You know it's not my birthday until April, right?" I asked, trying to think of a reason for the romantic setting.

"Yes love."

"Is there an anniversary of some kind I've forgotten?"

"No darling, you haven't forgotten any anniversary."

"Then what ..." I swept my arms around to encompass the room.

"I thought of a solution." He looked pleased with himself but also, strangely, nervous. "To the problem with my fans." He had my full, if puzzled, attention. "I think I need to show them how much you mean to me and that you are a very important – the most important – part of my life now and they have to get used to that."

"With candles?"

"No darling, not with candles. With this." He reached into his pocket and took out a small box, then slowly bent down until he was on one knee.

"Oh my god."


	33. Chapter 33

"Kate, my darling, I ..."

"Tom, stop."

"I love you ..."

"Tom, please! Stop, I beg you!"

"What? Why? Kate I'm trying to ..."

"Don't say it! Darling please, please, don't say it." Tears were streaming down my cheeks and the confusion I saw on Tom's face only added to the burden of pain I was feeling.

"Dammit woman, I'm trying to propose!"

Oh god, how do I say this without hurting him? I'd give anything not to hurt him!

"Tom ... I ... I don't want you to propose."

The look on his face felt like a skewer straight into my heart. "Please Tom." I went to put my hand on his arm but he flinched away from me. "Darling, small steps ... we talked about this ... we agreed ... small steps."

"You don't love me."

"I do love you, you know I do."

"Not enough to marry me obviously." He got to his feet and took a step away from me.

I closed my eyes, as if that could possibly stem the tidal wave of hurt that was crashing down on me ... on us. "Tom, you agreed not to rush me. I'm not ready ... please don't pressure me ... this is just like the baby thing."

"What baby thing?"

"When Charlotte was born and you went all gooey-eyed and kept dropping hints about babies ... and Molly was a mini me ..."

He blanched, looking more hurt than he had before. "I didn't realise the thought of having children with me was so terrible ..."

"It's not! Darling, it's not ... just not yet. Please Tom ..."

"When?"

"When what?"

"When will you be ready?"

"I ... I don't ..."

"A month? A year? Five years? How long do you expect me to wait?"

"Tom, don't be like this, please. I love you; I want to be with you. Can't that be enough for now?"

"How long Kate?"

He was hurting, I knew he was, and I knew that that was what was making him so angry and cold, but I was struggling to get through to him.

"Tom ..."

"How long?"

It was no use; he wasn't listening. "I don't know."

The pain in his eyes was tearing me apart; I was trembling like a leaf and it was all I could do to stay on my feet. I wanted to take him in my arms and kiss him and tell him everything would be all right, but I didn't know that I believed it myself right now.

He looked down at the jewellers box in his hand and slowly replaced it in his pocket, then he walked to the door, took his coat from the rack and left without a word; I sank to the floor and sobbed.

The sound of my phone ringing roused me some time later and I got off the floor and rushed to find it, hoping it was Tom. Caller ID showed it was Ben.

"Tom's with me; I just wanted to let you know. He's downed half my bottle of Jameson's already."

"Thank you Ben. Take good care of him and ... please tell him I love him."

"I will Kate. I'm sorry."

"Thanks."

I thought of calling Davey but I'd seen the logo on the jewellery box and remembered the significant looks he'd given James at dinner - Davey knew already that Tom was going to propose. Instead I went to have a shower. When I saw my face in the vanity mirror I quickly looked away again; I didn't need a visual reminder of how shattered I was. I stood under the spray of water and wished it could wash away the pain as easily as it washed away the new tears I shed, but knew that to be a forlorn hope.

Certain I wouldn't get any sleep, I didn't even bother trying. I went to my office, the only room that didn't have tangible reminders of Tom everywhere, but after two hours of trying to get some design work done had to admit defeat; what I had come up with was total rubbish and I scrapped the whole file.

I lay on the bed in the spare room - which at least was one Tom and I hadn't shared - waiting for dawn to come, and then I changed into running gear and headed out to the Heath. Pounding the paths with music playing in my ears should give me something else to concentrate on, I reasoned, but it was no more successful than the design work and I just ended up thinking about Tom anyway.

After another shower I dressed and took a taxi to Mike and Abby's place, arriving just in time for breakfast. Molly and Matt gave me a huge welcome and I had to stop myself from squeezing them so tight that I'd crush the air out of them. I knew my brother and sister-in-law could tell from my face that something was wrong; I also knew that they wouldn't ask in front of the kids, so I had a breather for now. Abby had made blueberry pancakes and I toyed with the food on my plate for some time, managing to swallow one bite but knowing any more than that would choke me. The kids chattered away and I must have responded appropriately but I had no memory later of what was said.

Eventually Abby took the kids off to get dressed and Mike and I went into the lounge with a cup of tea. "Alright Katie, tell me." Mike and Davey were the only ones now who called me Katie; my parents had too. Mike was so much like our dad; tall, solid, curly brown hair like mine and a strong, firm jaw. We had always been very close, even as kids; there was only eighteen months between us.

Once I'd told him everything he sipped his tea and thought for a few minutes, then got up and grabbed his coat and car keys.

"Come on." He said to me.

"Where are we going?" I was completely confused.

"To visit mum and dad." He went to tell Abby what was happening while I put my coat on, and then we went out to his car and drove to the cemetery where our parents were buried. When we reached their headstone we spent a few minutes clearing weeds and tidying up the area; Mike took my hand and gave it a squeeze. "I still miss them every day."

"Me too." I said and squeezed back.

Then with a sigh he turned to me and asked, "Katie, you love him don't you?"

"With all my heart Mike."

"Can you see yourself marrying him?"

"Yes, when the time ..."

"Yes or no Katie."

"Yes."

"And having children with him?"

"Yes."

"And he wants marriage and kids with you too, clearly."

"Yes." There was a huge lump in my throat to swallow past.

"Then Katie, what is it that you're waiting for, exactly?"

"I ... I ..." Nobody had ever asked me that before and I realised with a start that it was also something I had never asked myself.

Mike looked at the gravestone. "Carpe diem. Do you remember how dad used to say that all the time? Carpe diem lads, seize the day!"

I nodded. "It was from a movie he liked."

"Do you think, if mum and dad had known what was going to happen to them, that they would have changed any of it? Not gotten married, not had us?"

"No."

"Me neither." He took both my hands in his. "Katie, you need to seize the day. When happiness is offered to you, you grab it with both hands and run with it as long as possible. Don't end up living a life of regret."

I didn't think I had any tears left in me but there they were, pouring down my face again. Mike wiped them with his hanky then pulled me into his arms. "I love you Katie."

"I love you too."

As we drove back to Mike's place I had a lot to think about. What was I waiting for? I was 32, owned a successful business, was financially secure and had a man I adored and who apparently adored me back. What the hell was I waiting for? I couldn't come up with a single answer.


	34. Chapter 34

"Do you want me to drop you at your place?" Mike's question pulled me out of my jumbled thoughts.

"No. Mike ... can you just drop me at a tube station?"

He gave me a quick look. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "I need to go somewhere I can think, before ..." I couldn't bring myself to say the words 'before I see Tom' in case I jinxed it. I wasn't sure that he would want to see me.

At the station I loaded up my Oyster card with plenty of money and jumped on a train going anywhere, and that's what I did all day - I rode around on trains; getting off one and on to another, not caring what the destination was or how long it took to get there. I changed lines and criss-crossed London a number of times, sometimes staying on until the last station and sometimes getting off after only one stop. There was no pattern; it was all done on a whim.

All the time I watched the people coming and going around me - young, old, singles, couples, locals or tourists - and I wondered how it was I came to be in this holding pattern in my life - and more importantly, what it was that was holding me back from moving forward.

I admitted to myself that I had to be carrying some emotional scars from what happened with Alex. The man had made me feel worthless as a woman and it had taken quite a lot for me to claw back from that. Is that what this is? Do I think Tom is going to turn out to be another Alex? Am I afraid that he'll cheat on me? Do I doubt his love for me? Or feel unworthy of his love?

Thoughts of my parents came to mind too and the things Mike had said today. Am I afraid to grab hold of happiness in case it gets ripped from me too soon? Do I think I can avoid heartache by not wholly embracing happiness?

Tired of my own demons, I then considered Tom's motivations. What made him go back on his word to give me time in our relationship? That's unlike him, he's an honourable man ... And there I found my answer. He was an honourable man, a true gentleman - he acted with kindness, consideration, chivalry and honour. The words he had said last night - which hadn't really reached me through my haze of pain and panic - told me exactly what his motivation had been. 'I thought of a solution.' He'd said. He was trying to rescue me! He was trying to rescue me and I cut him off at the knees, just like I did in New York.

I groaned and put my head in my hands, earning me more than a few strange looks from fellow passengers. Oh god, Tom! My every instinct was to go to him immediately but I forced myself to consider it more before making a rash decision. I needed my next move to be the right one. It didn't take me long to admit that I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I had to leave Tom to come to me; I had to fight the habits of years and let him do the rescuing this time. And if he doesn't come? I couldn't bear to entertain that possibility.

At the next station I got out and caught a taxi home and although I had steeled myself to expect it, was still devastated when I reached the house to find it empty and in darkness. The tears fell as I crawled into bed; I took Tom's pillow and threw it to the other side of the room to save me the torture of his scent, then jumped out and retrieved it a minute later, hugging it to myself like a lifeline. I missed him so much I ached all over.

\---

"Morning Boss! Didn't expect to see you here so ..." Max stopped in her tracks as she took in the sight of my face; there's only so much I could hide with make-up. Her glance fell to my left hand, which told me immediately she had been in on Tom's 'surprise'. "... so ... so lacking in coffee!" She made an adroit recovery. "I'll go remedy that!" And off she went to the kitchen, returning to put a double espresso in front of me without saying another word.

"Max, I need you to go and get ..." I stopped mid sentence and looked up. Max had heard it too, judging from how still she had gone; the sound of a key in the front door and someone entering the house. I held my breath and looked to my office doorway and a minute later there he was, looking as bad as I felt. My heart lurched.

Max looked from me to him and back again and leapt from the chair she'd sat in. "Office supplies! Yes, Boss, I'm going off to buy those office supplies you wanted! I'll be gone a long time I think, there's quite a lot of them, so you know ... don't expect me back for ages!"

Tom came a step into the room so she could leave and I stood up behind my desk, not sure whether or not to move closer. A few seconds later the front door slammed closed.

"Kate ..." A hand ran through his unkempt curls, a gesture so familiar and dear I felt tears threatening again. "I'm sorry I put pressure on you to ... I promised I wouldn't and I went back on that promise ... I'm so sorry. It wasn't fair to you and I ... God Kate, I'm so sorry."

I took a step to come around from behind my desk, a little closer to him. "I know you had good intentions. I'm sorry I reacted so badly. I ... I'd give anything not to have hurt you. I'm sorry Tom."

This time it was his turn to take a tentative step closer. "I know it might take some time before you're ready for ... bigger steps ... but I am willing to wait, Kate, for as long as it takes. You are worth waiting for."

My heart lurched again at those words and I moved closer still. "I did a lot of thinking yesterday and I ... I think I've worked out what my demons are and ... that's one step closer to beating them, isn't it?" I took both his hands in mine and interlaced our fingers. "Would you ... help me with that?"

"Darling it ... it would be my privilege." He rested his forehead on mine. "I'm so sorry I said you didn't love me. I didn't mean it."

I looked deep into his eyes. "I know."

Any other words were spoken in our kisses and later in the time-honoured way of lovers.

\---

I dreamed that I heard a voice calling. "Hello? Is it safe to bring in the office supplies?" There were footsteps coming nearer and then a minute later retreating again. I snuggled in closer to Tom, who kissed my hair and murmured something unintelligible. Strange, we don't need office supplies.

\---

"I've got a problem. Big problem. Huuuuuge." I said as I walked in to Max's office the next day.

She looked worried. "What is it? Can I help?"

"I hope so!" I dropped into her spare chair with a sigh and looked at her bright, confident face. "What the hell am I going to get all of Tom's family for Christmas?"

"Is that all? Sheesh! I thought you'd been hit with a lawsuit or an escaped orang-utan was wreaking havoc in the kitchen!"

My brows twitched in a cross between amusement and concern. "Max? Have you been drinking jungle juice or something?"

"What?"

"Escaped orang-utan in the kitchen?"

"Oh well," she waved her hands around airily. "You showbiz types!"

At that we both burst out giggling, which is when Tom walked in. "What are you two beautiful ladies giggling about?" He put his hands on the arms of my chair and kissed me thoroughly.

"Uck! Get a room you two!" Max complained.

"I think someone is a little jealous." Tom said with a light kiss on the side of my nose.

"Maybe we need to find her a gorgeous hunk for her little ole self." I replied, pulling him closer by the collar and kissing him back on his chin. He was looking especially delectable in his white shirt and dark suit.

"Who's her type?" A kiss to my eyebrow.

"A younger, unmarried Bobby?" I gave his earlobe a gentle bite.

"Hello! Right here! Though not for much longer if you two are going to carry on like that!"

Tom looked at Max then at me and I could see the glint in his eye. "I'm doing the Jaguar ad today."

"Oh yes!" I sat up straight in excitement, knowing exactly who his co-star was in this particular commercial. "Bring him home to dinner."

"Who? Who home? What's going on?"

"You will stay for dinner tonight, won't you Max?" I asked with a huge grin.

"That's it!" She pouted. "I'm looking for another job!" Which made Tom and I laugh delightedly while Max huffed and pretended to look indignant.

After Tom had left for work Max and I got back to the task of Christmas gifts. "Here are the notes I made about all of their likes and hobbies," I put a list in front of her, "And here are the gifts Tom has bought them in the past five years - as much as he can remember, anyway - so we don't double up." I gave her a second list. "I had a couple of ideas but Tom shot those down in flames, so I'm starting from scratch."

We bounced ideas off each other for a while and with the help of online catalogues and the wonders of Google search, managed to come up with presents for them all. A few I ordered online and I put the list in my bag, preparing to go out shopping for the others; about to leave her office, I stopped at the door and looked back. "Max?"

"Yes Boss?"

"You don't have to come to dinner if you ... you know, have someone to have dinner with already." I still thought there'd been someone in Hawaii but she'd never said anything.

Max looked down at her desk and fiddled with a folder for a minute. "No, there's ... no-one to have dinner with." She looked up at me. "Not any more."

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "Long distance. You know how hard that is."

I walked back and gave her a quick hug. "Come to dinner. You never know."

"Okay. Thanks."

Later as I bundled my shopping into a taxi, I received a text from Tom.

Tom: Nick said yes to dinner. See you about 7. Love you xx


	35. Chapter 35

Tom is not Alex.

Tom is an honourable man - he will not cheat on me.

Tom loves me; therefore I am worthy of his love.

I will not choose fear and doubt over happiness.

I looked again at the mantra I had written myself six weeks ago and endeavoured each day to absorb. In that time Tom had shown me with every word, glance, gesture and act how deeply committed to me he was. Wherever we were, in private or in public - be it a casual outing or a media-attended event - he kept me close at his side and showered me with affection, discreetly of course for those times where there were cameras. He began mentioning me in his tweets and even in interviews as being his inspiration and support. Each day I needed to look at my written words less as I came to accept them.

Tom was doing a few interviews today, even though it was the day before Christmas Eve, so I turned on the TV to watch the breakfast show that was his first stop. We'd had an early run this morning and shared a shower before he left; today I wanted to finish wrapping our gifts for Mike, Abby and the kids then start packing for our couple of days in Oxford with Tom's family. Tonight was the KJS staff Christmas party.

Max would be in this morning to tidy up a few details before the holiday season was upon us and I planned on taking her to lunch at her favourite restaurant. She would be spending Christmas with her family in Brighton, apparently usually a rather chaotic affair with her seven siblings, their partners and all their children running around her parents' large house. I tried to imagine a whole houseful of people who shared Max's outgoing personality and effervescent energy and found even the thought of it exhausting.

Yesterday she had mentioned having to do some last minute gift shopping, muttering under her breath about 'people who come into your lives so close to holidays when everything has been planned months ahead', which I knew upset her normally efficient and well-organised temperament. I'd smiled, fairly certain she was referring to Nick Hoult; they had seen each other a few times since meeting over dinner at our place. Not that it had been easy to get them together - Max had been quite resistant the first time Nick asked her out.

"The man dated Jennifer Lawrence for Pete's sake! How can I possibly compete with that?"

"Max, you are just as bright, talented and vivacious as Jennifer Lawrence! And it's not a competition - just be yourself and you'll be fine."

I pulled my attention back to the television. The show host was asking Tom all the standard questions about his latest movie, due for release early in the New Year, and his upcoming projects. Tom answered in his usual manner, with nothing but praise and admiration for the directors and other actors and full of enthusiasm for the projects, hands waving about as they always did. I'd jokingly threatened to tie his hands down one day and see if he could still talk but of course he'd pointed out that I was just as bad, so my threat was an idle one.

My hands stilled now as a photo of he and I appeared on the screen behind them and I knew she was about to ask about us. "Tom, you and Kate Sullivan have been seen together a great deal in recent months and there are rumours that you've moved in together. Are there going to be a lot of fans out there who are disappointed you're no longer an eligible bachelor?"

He paused for the briefest of moments and then turned directly into camera, the look on his face tender and sweet as he replied. "Kate is an incredible woman - warm, generous, funny and amazingly talented. I consider myself the luckiest of men to have her in my life and as my fans have always been wonderfully supportive of me, I know they will be pleased that I am ... indescribably happy."

Oooph! I was flooded with the most overwhelming sensation I had ever experienced - far beyond anything I had ever felt for Alex. It was almost as if there was so much emotion inside me that it simply had to burst out. How do I contain all this feeling in one body? Tears ran down my cheeks, not tears of pain or sadness or even happiness, but just because it was impossible not to cry, feeling this way. I sat immobile, looking at Tom's face and wondering how it was possible to love him so much more than I had mere seconds before.

And then, just like that, I knew.

The rest of the day passed maddeningly slowly even though it was filled with activity. Gifts were wrapped, suitcases packed and Max sent off on holiday after a wonderful meal and exchange of presents. She'd given me a beautiful silver frame with a photo of Tom and I inside and had seemed genuinely thrilled with my gift of an intricate gold bracelet. We'd hugged and wished each other Happy Christmas before she set off for Victoria station.

I had hoped to have some time to talk to Tom before we went to the KJS party, thwarted when he sent a text to say he was running late and would meet me at the venue. Of course he's running late, the damn man won't stop talking!

At the party I circulated among my colleagues, trying unsuccessfully not to glance every few minutes at the entrance waiting for Tom's arrival. I had just gone to the bar for a drink when an arm slid around my waist and I felt his breath warm on my cheek.

"Hello darling. Sorry I'm so late. You look ravishing, I love this red and gold." He wrapped his other arm around me as I turned to him. "Is it acceptable protocol to kiss the boss in front of everyone?" He smiled, a teasing glint in his eyes. The sight of him in his navy suit and white shirt took my breath away; he had begun bulking up a little for an upcoming film role and the way those shirt buttons strained across his chest was making me forget we were in public. "Darling? My eyes are up here." Now the smile had become a full-blown grin and I blushed a little to be caught ogling him.

"Oh! What? Um, yes." I couldn't quite remember what his question had been but was soon reminded when he planted his lips on mine and gave me a very thorough kiss. Whoops and cheering brought me back to earth and I looked around to see many of my staff and their partners watching us and smiling. The blush I had moments ago was nothing to the fiery crimson that marked my cheeks now and I hid my face in Tom's chest until it subsided enough to allow me to face them all, by which time Tom was chuckling. "All right, nothing to see here, move on!" I called to them and they laughed too. Taking him by the hand, I dragged him over and began introductions.

\---

"Happy Christmas Eve darling."

"Happy Christmas Eve."

It was the wee small hours and we lay in bed on our sides facing each other, legs entwined. I played with his chest hair, his hand rested on my bare hip.

"Tom?"

"Yes love?"

"I'm ready for that question now."

He looked confused to begin with and started to say something. "Which ques ..." Then realising, caught his breath and gave me a look of incredulous hope. "Kate! Are you sure darling?"

I snuggled in closer and kissed the base of his neck where his pulse throbbed. "Absolutely sure." He was still and quiet and I looked at him in concern. "If you still want to ask ..."

"Yes! Oh darling, yes, I just ... well, I didn't picture asking it while we were lying in bed naked. Something more romantic ..."

I raised my arm to smooth his hair and smiled at him. "You don't have to ask this very second, I was just ... letting you know you could ... any time."

"Okay." I stayed snuggled close, hearing his heart thumping much faster now. His arm had moved up and he was drawing little circles on my back with his fingers in a rather distracted - though definitely not unpleasant - manner. After a few minutes he spoke. "Sweetheart?"

"Mmm?"

"Are those candles still in the hall closet?"

I smiled to myself. "Yes love."

He was galvanised into action, disentangling his long limbs from mine as he got out of bed. "Give me half an hour then come out to the lounge wearing your beautiful dress." He leaned over and gave me a kiss before disappearing into the walk-in wardrobe. Lots of rustling sounds were interspersed with an occasional thump and even a muttered oath or two, which had me stuffing the blanket in my mouth to stifle my giggles. I listened for the clinking noises that told me he was removing the glass candleholders from the hall closet and pictured him setting them up as he had before.

He is so adorable!

I waited twenty minutes then got up and put on the dress I had worn earlier; it was a burgundy and gold embroidered brocade and I felt very elegant in it. My hair was brushed and pulled quickly into a messy bun at my nape; I put on the garnet bracelet Tom had given me and burgundy heels.

Pulling open the bedroom door, I called to him. "Tom? Is it safe to come out?"

"Yes! All ready!"

He'd put a few candles along the hallway from the bedroom so I could see my way, more of them as I drew closer to the lounge. Soft music was playing in the background and I smiled when I recognised Miles Davis.

Suddenly there he was, surrounded by candlelight, waiting for me. He had put on a tux and was holding a red rose in one hand. I wondered fleetingly where he'd found a rose in the middle of the night, but all other coherent thought halted momentarily when I looked into his face. I felt again that feeling of being too small to hold so much love.

When I stopped in front of him he silently placed the flower in my hand and I raised the other to cup his face as I smiled gently and whispered, "Hello."

"Hello." He whispered back, then slowly turned his head to kiss my palm, taking it in his left hand and lowering himself down to rest on one knee. He looked up at me with a world of love in his eyes.

"Kate, there are no words that can measure my love for you. My heart and soul were yours from the moment we met. I promise you no one will work harder to make you happy or cherish you more than I. Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

The tears prickled behind my eyes and a lump had formed in my throat but I forced my answer past them. "Tom, I love you more every second. I want nothing other than to be at your side until my last breath. Yes, darling, I will gladly marry you."

I drew him up to his feet, put my arms around his neck as his circled my waist, and drowned in his kisses.

\---

"Darling, I have a ring I need to give you."

"One more kiss first?"

"You are a demanding little number, Dr Sullivan."

"You'd better get used to it, Hiddles, you're stuck with me now!"

"Heaven!" He sighed, and kissed me again.


	36. Chapter 36

"Tom, how am I supposed to get this made if you keep distracting me?" It was early afternoon and I was in the kitchen trying to make a chocolate log. Tom was hovering around me, stealing kisses whenever I turned to reach for a utensil or ingredient - which I loved, of course, but it was taking me twice as long as usual to prepare the dish.

He snuck another one in when I turned to tell him off then grinned at me. "Special fiancé privileges. I get to kiss you any time I want."

"Is that so? I wish someone had warned me before I accepted your proposal." I teased him. He pouted so adorably I had to kiss him. "Now who's being a demanding little number?"

His giggle was almost my undoing.

Needing to concentrate, I handed him a spatula covered in gooey chocolatey goodness and sent him to sit at the dining table. I poured the mixture into a lined tin, tipping it to spread the mix into the corners, before putting it in the oven and setting the timer. As I prepared the things I'd need for the next stage I caught sight of the ring on my left hand and stopped to admire it again.

Tom had given me an antique style oval cut ruby surrounded by diamonds and set in delicate gold scrollwork. It was the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen and I loved it, telling Tom he could not have chosen anything more perfect. It fit my finger exactly, of course - I knew it was Davey's handiwork and that he knew my size. I would be able to thank him later, as we would be seeing Our Gang tonight at Davey's house.

Once the log was cooked and decorated we sat in the lounge; me perched comfortably on Tom's lap with my head tucked into his neck. He smelled of chocolate and mint and had a few days stubble on his chin that was soft and fuzzy against my forehead as I nuzzled into him. He had introduced the topic of wedding dates, pointing out that it was sure to be the first thing his mother and sisters would ask us the next day once we told them of our engagement.

"Do you want sooner or later?" I asked.

His arms tightened around me as he answered. "Darling, if it were up to me I would marry you tomorrow. Do you want to wait?"

"No, not especially. You haven't got many gaps in your schedule for the first half of the year though." He was going to be filming back-to-back movies for most of February through to August with barely a breather in between. "What date do you have to be in LA?"

"February twentieth. Most of January is the promotional tour; we're back February sixth I think, so there's a couple of weeks there, then nothing again till the end of May. Would you prefer a large or small wedding?"

"Small please - you, me, family, closest friends. No paparazzi." I shuddered at the thought of a media circus and was pleased when Tom agreed wholeheartedly to a small wedding.

"Sophie and Ben already did Valentines Day, so we can't do that." I said. "Earlier in February?"

"Is it too soon? I'll be gone almost all of January darling, you'd have to do most of the organising yourself." I kissed him to take away the look of distress and guilt on his face.

"You're forgetting, love, I'll have Max and your mother helping - I doubt I'll have to do much at all!" Which made us both chuckle, knowing how accurate that would probably turn out to be.

Suddenly an idea struck me and I sat up a little in his arms. "Tom, your birthday! You're turning 35, we could say we're organising a special birthday party for you to throw the paps off the scent and have the wedding then!"

He got excited at that idea. "That's brilliant love! ... We could announce a wedding date for May ... maybe make a booking somewhere as a decoy."

"I like the devious way you think Hiddles." I dimpled at him.

"You're pretty devious yourself darling!" Which apparently was a bit of a turn on for him, because the kiss he gave me soon turned into something much more. Who knew the man likes bad girls?

Davey and James both met us at the door that evening; James took the chocolate log from me and headed to the kitchen, Tom following him after putting his coat on the hook. I hung my coat and scarf as well then removed my gloves and put them in my coat pocket, knowing from Davey's gasp that he had seen the ring. I turned to him with a smile and he pulled me into a bear hug.

"About bloody time!" He exclaimed, kissing my cheek. "I'm so happy for you Katie."

"Thanks Davey. And thank you for such a beautiful ring." I kissed him back and hugged him again.

"Tom picked it love. I showed him a tray of rings I knew you would like and he went straight to that one. The man has good taste, got to give him that!"

We went to join the others in the lounge - Rich, Ravi, Sue, Seth, Sophie, Anika and Paul, Jack and Ling - everyone had made it. As soon as I appeared at the door Tom came over to me, took my hand and made the announcement, his face wreathed in a breathtaking smile. We were inundated with congratulations and well wishes; hugs and kisses, handshakes and backslaps - we'd always been a touchy-feely lot.

"This calls for champagne!" James cried and wouldn't listen when I protested that eggnog was fine. Bottles of Grand Cuvee appeared and once glasses were full and the chatter died down, Davey proposed a toast.

"To our Katie and her Tom; do all Shakespeare geeks just naturally gravitate together?" There was a great deal of laughter and good-natured teasing at that. "But seriously, we only have to look at the two of you together to know you are perfect for each other. We love you guys and we wish you all the happiness in the world. To Kate and Tom!"

"To Kate and Tom!"

As they raised their glasses and drank to us I gave my Shakespeare geek a kiss I hoped was full of promise and commitment, knowing he was indeed perfect for me.

"Thank you everyone." Tom responded and looked at me. "I promise to take great care of this amazing woman and do my utmost to see she is happy, always."

Of course he deserved another kiss for that. "Special fiancé privileges." I told him with a grin.

We drank champagne and a little eggnog, ate too much festive food and laughed together as we always did. My friends oohed and aahed over my ring and of course someone asked about a wedding date, so we explained the whole secrecy and subterfuge plan to them and told them to mark the two dates on their calendars.

As midnight approached we all bundled up in our coats again and walked to the church around the corner for the midnight service, our voices muffled in the cold night air, Tom's arm holding me close. It was the perfect beginning for our first Christmas together.

\---

"Happy Christmas darling." I put the small package in Tom's hand, kissed him and got back into bed.

"Sweetheart, I thought we were doing gifts later with family. Yours is packed in my bag ..."

"I know. This one is just for your eyes only though ... well, your ears only."

He looked at me then at the package, prettily wrapped in blue paper with silver snowflakes and topped with a huge silver bow. Slipping his finger under the paper join, he pulled off the wrapping carefully and set it aside then looked at the CD in his hands.

"It's only six songs, but I thought ... when you're away ... you could listen to them and be reminded how much I love you."

"Kate ... how ... when ..." He was lost for words.

"Hugh put me in touch with a music producer he knows and I went along to his home studio to record them." When Bernie had sent me a copy of the recordings I'd done with Hugh I had thought of the idea to make a CD for Tom and asked Hugh for his help. The songs I'd chosen were beautiful love ballads, including the one I had sung for him my first night in Toronto.

"Darling ..." He looked at me with tears in his eyes then got up and left the room, coming back a minute later with his laptop. Setting it on the dresser, he inserted the CD before coming back to bed. As he made love to me I sang the songs to him along with the recording, until I had no breath to spare for singing.


	37. Chapter 37

"And this one is for Kate, from me." As the youngest Emma had been given the task of playing Santa and handing out the presents from under the tree. Sarah and her husband Yakov had given me a beautiful designer Kashmir shawl while Diana's gift was a set of delicate bone china teacups. Once unwrapped Emma's gift revealed itself to be a leather-bound volume by John Keats, one of my favourite romantic poets.

"Emma it's beautiful, thank-you so much."

"You're welcome. Though I don't suppose you really need the written word when you've got Tommy boy who knows practically all of Keats by heart."

As if to prove her point Tom leaned forward to kiss me and quoted, "'Now a soft kiss – Aye, by that kiss, I vow an endless bliss.'"

I ran my fingers over his red-blonde stubble and gave him a cheeky grin as I replied, "Nah, he's rubbish!" Sarah and Emma burst into peals of laughter while Tom retaliated by tickling my ribs, causing me to wriggle so much I almost knocked over the teacups sitting near my feet.

"Thomas!" Diana admonished her son.

"Sorry mum!" He leaned close to my ear and murmured, "You'll pay for that later!"

"Promises, promises!" I whispered back, winking.

More gifts were given out until only one remained under the tree. Emma handed it to me, saying, "From Tom." Everyone watched intently as I removed the gold ribbon and shiny paper to reveal a rectangular box bearing Davey's logo. Giving Tom a sidelong glance I opened the lid and found, nestled in dark velvet, an intricate but delicate gold necklace with oval ruby centre and diamond accents together with matching drop earrings.

"Oh Tom!" I breathed. "They're exquisite!"

"You really like them?"

"I love them."

Sarah clearing her throat loudly, followed by Diana announcing, "It's time for dinner!" interrupted the thank-you kiss I gave him.

Dinner was a very festive affair; we pulled Christmas crackers and wore the silly paper hats, groaned at the terrible jokes and blew on plastic whistles. Sarah and Yakov told stories from India and Emma had us in stitches over the antics of her fellow thespians from the play she had just completed. Diana, of course, topped them all – as far as I was concerned – by recounting incidents from Christmases past, from the time the siblings were small until present day. I especially loved the one about Tom disappearing for three hours when he was eight – everyone hunted and called his name, searching throughout the large family home; they rang friends and neighbours who had not see him, and finally as they were about to call the police Tom showed up, wondering what all the fuss was about. He had fallen asleep curled up in the dog kennel and hadn't heard a thing.

As I lay in bed later, wrapped in the warmth of Tom's arms, I thought back over our day. We'd had a light Christmas lunch with Mike, Abby and the children and I'd been surprised to discover they knew of our engagement already – it turned out that Tom had rung Mike to seek his blessing as he raced around setting up candles prior to his proposal. Mike grumbled about being woken in the early hours of the morning but we could tell he was secretly pleased that Tom had paid him the respect of asking him. They both enveloped us in warm hugs and had toasted us at dinner.

Molly, of course, was thrilled at the idea of a wedding while Matt was ecstatic that Loki was going to be his uncle and jumped around the room in excitement until Abby managed to quiet him. Naturally we told Mike and Abby about the pretend birthday party but knowing that Matt and Molly would be likely to let something slip out of sheer excitement, we kept any talk of dates from them for now.

Sharing the news with Tom's family had been a completely different experience, one that had me smiling as I thought about it. We'd driven up to Oxford in Tom's Jag, delayed an hour by an accident on the M40. On arrival at Diana's we had been enthusiastically welcomed in the hallway by everyone and I had met Sarah and her husband for the first time. In the noise and bustle of greetings and meetings, hanging coats and stowing bags, we barely had a chance to say any more than hello before Emma had let out an ear-splitting shriek.

"What on earth? Good grief! What was that for Em?"

Emma pointed at my hand, completely lost for words. Tom and I exchanged smiles then he put his arm around my waist and said simply. "Kate has consented to be my wife." The noise that followed was more than I would have expected four grown adults to make in a small hallway, but there was no doubting the sincerity and warmth of their congratulations. Eventually Diana had ushered us all into the lounge and another toast was being given in our honour. Just as Tom had predicted, almost the first thing we were asked was a date, so once again we explained the idea of the fake date and subterfuge, with which they were all instantly on board.

I turned to Sarah and Yakov. "I do hope you'll be able to come back for the wedding." I knew they had work commitments in Chennai and that it was only seven weeks until the date, but Tom was very close to his sisters and it would mean a lot to him to have her here. He had himself travelled to India for Sarah's wedding only a month into shooting Thor.

"I'm not sure if Yakov will be able to get more time off," Sarah replied, "but I wouldn't miss it for the world." Tom beamed.

\---

"Sweetheart."

"Mmmph." I pulled the blankets higher up my shoulders and burrowed into the warmth of the bed.

"It's been snowing."

"Don't care." I pulled my pillow over my head in hopes he would get the message.

"Come on love, let's go see the snow."

"I'm 32 years old Tom, I have seen snow before." Why can't he leave me alone to sleep?

"We can build a snowman."

"I'm not Elsa or Anna. Sleeping is more fun."

"Darling ..." Tom pulled the blankets back and placed small kisses over my shoulders and neck.

"Kissing me awake is not playing fair Thomas."

"No love." That didn't stop him though; he kept kissing me until I stirred then bounced around on the bed like a playful puppy. Good lord, where does he get the energy? It had been after midnight before we came to bed and well after that before we fell asleep, and as it was now only seven thirty on Boxing Day morning, I was short an hour or two of shut-eye.

I sat up and stared at him blearily. A golden Labrador, I decided, that's what he looks like. I'm marrying a golden Lab puppy man-child. He leaned forward and kissed me again, on the lips, a proper kiss. I smiled. Maybe puppy man-child husbands aren't so bad.

Emma and Sarah were up too, we discovered when we went downstairs, chatting over a pot of tea. I poured a cup for Tom and myself and sipped it happily while listening to the siblings reminiscing. Before long, though, Tom was urging us all outside so we rugged up and went out for a snowball fight. The snow was soft enough to make the balls explode pleasingly on impact and we ended up squealing and giggling like children as we ducked around outdoor furniture and shrubs trying to dodge the flying missiles coming from all directions. Diana eventually called us in and by then we were more than ready to do justice to the wonderful breakfast she had made.

Once the washing up was done Tom went to call Luke, Ben and Chris with the news while I found a quiet spot to sit and call Max. It took quite a few rings before she answered and I began to feel guilty about disturbing her family holiday time.

"Boss? What's up?"

"Max I'm so sorry to disturb your Boxing Day."

"Don't be, trust me! I'm glad to get a break from all the noise!"

"Are you alone right now?"

"Yes, why, has something happened? Are you okay? Is Himself okay?" She was starting to sound worried so I hastened to reassure her.

"No, no, nothing's wrong, we're fine. I just ... have some news. Max, is there any chance you can come back to work a day or two sooner than we had arranged? I need your help."

"Of course, not a problem! What can I help you with?"

"Planning our wedding." I dropped those three words and held my breath, waiting for her reaction. There was complete silence at the other end for a whole ten seconds, followed by a mighty shriek and I held the phone away from my ear.

"Yes! Whoop! About time! Oh, I'm so happy for you! How did he ask? Was it romantic? Did he use the candles? Oh, this is wonderful! When do you want me back? I can come tomorrow! When's the big day? Oh my god, will the Avengers be coming? Eeeek!"

I was having trouble controlling my giggles at Max's enthusiasm and endeavoured to answer most of her questions, ending with the fact that we hadn't talked about a guest list yet so I didn't know whom Tom would be inviting. Once she heard about the pretend birthday party she had a few ideas so I suggested a meeting between her, Diana, Emma, Abby and I and said I would get back to her after speaking with them. As I rang off she was still squealing with excitement and I went to find Diana with a broad smile on my face.

Tom, meanwhile, had spoken to Ben and Chris, who both passed on their congratulations and was at the moment arguing with Luke over placing the announcement in the newspaper. Luke insisted on being put on speakerphone so he could talk to both of us.

"Once the announcement goes in, there's likely to be a frenzy for photos of the two of you – remember what it was like for Ben and Sophie. They'll be following you wherever you go and of course, Kate, they'll be trying for shots of the ring. There is a ring, I take it?"

"Yes of course there's a bloody ring Luke!" Tom was a little peeved. I put my hand on his arm to calm him.

"What if we gave them what they want in return for some peace? Would that work?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" both men asked.

"We let them take some photos of us – and the ring – and answer a few questions, like wedding date, etc, and ask in return they leave us alone after that. Tom has always been really good with the press; surely he's built up some goodwill with them? We can stipulate that we won't agree to anything too personal so they don't try to overstep the mark."

Both men considered the idea. "I can make a couple of calls to friends in the press and see if it's likely to fly." Luke suggested.

"I can't put the announcement in until tomorrow, anyway, so get back to us before then and we'll decide. I'm not totally against the idea; I'm just worried how accommodating they'll be. I wouldn't want it to blow up in our faces." Tom was a bit more hesitant.

Once Luke had hung up, Tom turned to me. "It's a good idea sweetheart, I'm just worried – I wouldn't want anything like Amber or the airport incident to happen to you again." He pulled me close and buried his face in my neck.

"I know, love, I appreciate that. It was just an idea; I don't mind if it's overridden by the two of you; you have much more experience with this kind of thing than I do." I ran my fingers through his hair, loving the way the short curls sprang up.

"Get a room you two!" Emma cheeked us as she walked past and we both turned to poke tongues out at her, sending her into a peal of giggles.

Over lunch there was much discussion of wedding plans and all the decisions that needed to be made. We arranged a day for Diana and Emma to come to London and later as Tom drove us back I called Max again and organised a day for her to return. It had been difficult saying goodbye to Sarah and Yakov after such a short visit, but they promised to come see us before heading back to India.

We reached home again knowing that we had a lot of work ahead of us as well as trying to keep the press in the dark, but if we could manage to pull it off it would all be worthwhile.


	38. Chapter 38

I retreated to the kitchen, thoroughly unnerved by Sophie's question, and busied myself getting dessert out from the fridge and plates from the cupboard.

"Can I help sweetheart?" Tom's voice interrupted my chaotic thoughts.

"No, it's fine." I barely spared him a glance, keeping my face turned away, afraid my emotions would show. After a second he went back to our guests and left me to it.

I stopped, resting my hands on the bench and leaning forward over them, head down. 'Are you going to LA with Tom?' Sophie had asked me while the men were busy discussing a play. I'd mumbled 'I'm not sure yet' as a response, but the truth had hit me in the solar plexus: Tom hadn't asked me to go with him. I knew that partners did often go on location, for a while at least, and we would be newlyweds, after all – but still the fact remained that he had made no mention of it. Does he want me there with him or not?

"Kate?" Tom called.

"Coming!" I took everything into the dining area where the others were discussing plans for New Years Eve, only two days away. They made complimentary noises at the sight of the fruit and cream-topped meringue creation I presented to them and accepted generous helpings. Tom groaned aloud when he tasted his first spoonful of the dessert; it had a crunchy outer but melt-in-your-mouth filling and the sweetness of the sugary meringue was wonderfully offset by the fresh fruit on top. I was pretty sure my pudding-mad man would be back for seconds.

"Kate this is amazing! You must give me the recipe!" Sophie enthused and Ben nodded in agreement, his mouth too full to say anything.

"Thanks. I got the recipe from a friend; it's called a Pavlova. Very easy to make."

As we ate and conversation flowed again, I was fairly quiet; my thoughts kept skipping back to LA and I told myself Tom had probably just been too busy to bring it up. After all, he was leaving in a week for a month-long press tour and had our honeymoon to plan too – at his insistence, saying I had enough work to do planning the wedding and fake birthday party. Still, if I was going to go, plans needed to be made ...

I was brushing my hair before bed when Tom's hand took the brush from me and I felt his kisses on my neck. "Let me do that darling." It felt heavenly having him brush my curls; he did it just firmly enough to stimulate my scalp and leave it tingling but somehow managed not to encounter hundreds of tangles, the way I seemed to do. When he put the brush down has hands went to my shoulders and he began massaging the knots away. "You feel tense. Is something wrong?"

I was loathe to jeopardise our moment but was also mindful of my mantra not to let fear and doubt rule me, so I took a breath and broached the subject that was on my mind. "It ... it's about LA."

His hands stopped their kneading and I was instantly worried.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about that." He replied, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder. Oh god, is he going to say he doesn't want me to go? "I have been putting it off, I admit, because I wasn't sure ... I didn't know if you'd be filming ... or if you would want to leave your business ... but ... do you want to come with me? Can you spare some time from work?"

I turned in his arms, relieved and overjoyed at his words. "You want me to come with you? I won't be in the way?"

He kissed my forehead and wrapped me tighter in his arms. "Darling of course I want you there with me. Is that what you've been thinking and why you were so quiet tonight at dinner?" I nodded. "I'm sorry sweetheart, I should have mentioned it sooner, I was just ... well, I didn't want to make you leave your work here just because my job takes me away for long periods. You've been away from it a few times this year for one reason or another and I ... I suppose I felt guilty about asking you."

"Tom." I pulled his head down to mine and kissed him. "Don't move."

I went into my office and got the laptop from my desk, returning to the bedroom and opening a file to show him the screen. "This is a memo from me to Sam and Owen detailing my plan to make them permanent heads of the company with an appropriate title and shareholding. I'll continue to do design work from home as I have been and will remain CEO, but they will run it."

"Darling, I had no idea ... are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes it is, I've actually been thinking about it for almost a year, to be honest. I found I hated being bogged down with management issues when it was the designing I really love and have the talent for – I'm not really cut out to be a paper pusher! The company has flourished with those two looking after it, so it makes sense to make that permanent."

"What about your shows?"

"I don't have a contract with either and they don't film until late April anyway, so there's plenty of time to decide about those. I'm sure I can be easily replaced if need be."

He smiled in acknowledgement but still had doubts. "But it was your way of promoting the causes you believe in."

I put my laptop down and gave him another kiss. "I'll find other ways."

"Are you certain about this? You're not sacrificing everything just to come with me? I would hate to be the cause of you giving up things you love."

I gave him an honest answer. "Tom, I am in the very lucky position of being able to do my work almost anywhere – as long as there is electricity and preferably an Internet connection – so my love, I can spare all the time in the world to come to LA with you, for as long as you want me there." I kissed him again, for longer this time. "As to sacrificing things – no sweetheart, I'm simply exchanging one beloved pleasure for another."

"What beloved pleasure are you exchanging for?" He asked, but I could tell from the look on his face that he knew the answer and just wanted to hear me say it. So I did.

"You, Hiddles, you are my most beloved pleasure." Then it was his turn to kiss me.

\---

The next day the engagement announcement appeared in the newspaper and Luke released a confirmation. Social media went a bit crazy, Max reported, but I was keeping well away, having learned that lesson. Max's office phone never stopped ringing and Tom and I also received calls from friends who hadn't already known, including many of his work colleagues. When Steven Spielberg, Kenneth Branagh and Benecio del Toro had all called, Max was starting to hyperventilate and I joked to Tom, "You're going to break my wonderful assistant!" - a reference to the comment he had made to Robert the night I met the Avengers.

His reply plastered huge smiles on both our faces as it reminded us of the day we met. "I understood that reference!"

That night we had a dinner reservation and as part of our agreement with the press, they were outside the restaurant waiting for us. We posed for photos for ten minutes before going in and then again as we were leaving, by which time quite a crowd of fans had gathered, in spite of the very cold temperatures. Tom kept me at his side as we took selfies and received congratulations. Many of them of course wanted a photo of us kissing and by the time we had done a few of those we started joking that we'd end up with chapped lips, which everyone laughed at. I was wholeheartedly relieved that all the fans were happy for us and no negative comments marred our experience.

We joined a group of friends at a Vintage New Years Eve Party the next night. It featured pop-up venues with themed entertainment from a number of decades, including The Torch Club from the '30s and '40s, the Soul Casino with music ranging from deep funk to Northern soul, and 1960s-themed bar The Pick Up Joint, among many others. Tom and I dressed as Bonnie and Clyde and he looked so handsome in his pinstriped suit and Fedora I told him he should do a gangster movie.

"Yeah? Would you be my moll, Kate?" He hugged me close to his side.

I tried a Southern drawl. "Sure thing, Sugar. I'd follow you anywhere."

When midnight struck he dipped me as I wrapped my arms around his neck and we welcomed the New Year in with a long kiss.

"Happy New Year my darling. We have a lot to look forward to this year."

"Happy New Year sweetheart. I love you."

"'My love is selfish; I cannot breathe without you.'"

"Clyde Barrow quoting Keats? Only you could get away with that, Hiddles!"

"Eh eh eh."


	39. Chapter 39

The next few days flew by in a flurry of activity and organising. Max and I spent a lot of time on the Internet and telephone and by a sheer stroke of luck found the perfect venue for the wedding – Chandos House, a beautiful Georgian townhouse that was centrally located and offered a complete package that suited us perfectly. There would be plenty of space for pre-ceremony drinks, the ceremony itself, reception and dancing, as well as bedrooms to use for preparation and overnight guests. As our date was mid week and during the quiet season, I managed to book the entire house exclusively, telling them initially it was for a birthday celebration; the next day I went in armed with a Non Disclosure Agreement that Luke had given me and explained our real purpose and the need for complete discretion.

Tom, meanwhile, was busy packing and spending a great deal of time on the phone. As he took most of the calls out of my hearing, I assumed he was organising our honeymoon and kept my distance, not wanting to spoil the surprise.

Sarah and Yakov called in as promised and the four of us had a wonderful night together at a nearby restaurant. It was lovely to get to know them a little better and I could see that Tom was thrilled Sarah and I got on so well. She was telling me about being a guest lecturer at the university in Chennai when we were interrupted.

"Excuse me."

We turned to see a young woman in her early twenties looking a little apprehensive and holding her mobile phone; assuming she was a fan of Tom's I said his name softly to call his attention away from the conversation he and Yakov were having. He turned to her with a smile and said hello, asking if she wanted a photo.

"Yes. I'm sorry to interrupt." He stood up to move next to her and we were all surprised at her next words. "No, sorry ... no disrespect Mr Hiddleston, but ... " She turned to look at me. "Could I have a photo with you?"

"Me?"

"You're Kate Sullivan aren't you?" I nodded. "I'm Indira Kapoor. I'm doing the computer science course you took at Oxford but I ... well, I wouldn't be if it weren't for you." I was rather nonplussed as she continued. "I've always loved computers but my parents thought it was a waste of time and not something a girl should be doing – they wanted me to be a nurse or a secretary. Even when I was offered a scholarship they insisted I do something else but ... you inspired me. I read about your success and told my parents all about you and they finally agreed to let me do it. So ... could I get a photo with you?"

"It would be my pleasure Indira." I said past the lump in my throat and posed with her while Sarah took the shot. "What scholarship did you win?"

"The Jenkins Memorial Fund." She replied.

I looked at her; the Jenkins was a prestigious award so I knew she must be very determined and very talented. "Indira, may I have your phone for a moment?" She gave it to me and I put my name and number in her contacts, saying as I handed it back to her, "When you're looking for an internship, please give me a call."

She gasped. "Really?"

"Really." I assured her. "I'm pretty sure you'll receive many more offers, but I would be honoured if you would consider KJS."

"I ... uh ... wow! I will, thank you Dr Sullivan!"

"Kate." I smiled at her.

"K-Kate." She gave me a tremulous smile in return. "Thank you so much! I'm sorry to interrupt your dinner." She seemed to remember the others and looked around, smiling apologetically. We all assured her it was no problem and she took her leave.

"Well!" Sarah said, looking at her brother and laughing. "Looks like you're not the only celebrity in the family Tommy!"

Tom looked at me, a dazzling smile of pride on his face as he lifted my hand to kiss it. "Didn't I tell you my bride-to-be is amazing? It's not just me she inspires every day." The lump in my throat came back, big time.

\---

Two days later Tom left on his promotional tour, heading to New York, Los Angeles, Tokyo, Sydney, Rome, Berlin and Madrid. We said our goodbyes privately at home and I also went with him to the airport where we were followed by press. The question of a wedding date was raised and we pretended to be cagey, hinting at something mid-year.

"What will you be doing while Tom is away Kate?" one reporter asked.

I looked at Tom then replied, "Well, there's a birthday with a big number coming up soon, so I'm going to be organising a party for that."

Tom laughed at my dig about the big number and so did a few of the press. "She's been teasing me about getting old for weeks now guys! Help me out here!" His grin was infectious.

"You're still sexy Tom!" called one of the female photographers from the back of the group, which got a laugh from all of us.

Tom raised a brow at me, still grinning. "See darling?"

"Don't let it go to your head, Hiddles." I quipped back. "Sexy or not, you still snore and leave towels all over the bathroom floor!"

Amidst the hilarity my comment caused we said a last farewell and kissed, Tom turning to wave and mouth 'I love you' before disappearing from sight.

\---

At eleven the next morning Diana, Emma and Abby arrived at the house to join Max and I in wedding planning. With the venue and date sorted, we made a list of all the other preparations needed: Celebrant; Licence; Service; Rings; Flowers; Dress; Suit; Invitations; Menu; Music; Guest List. Tom and I had discussed his preferences before he left so we could take his wishes as well as mine into consideration as we planned. Max allocated us all tasks from the list and gave everyone copies of the NDA to take to the various businesses to ensure privacy. I was told my main priority was to find a dress for myself and for Abby, who would be my Matron of Honour, to choose rings and to complete my half of the guest list, Tom already having given his.

So I scoured the Internet once more, blessing how easy it made the task of hunting for a wedding dress when you wanted to remain anonymous. I had no more than a vague idea of what I wanted, hoping I would know the right dress when I saw it, which frustrated my poor assistant who liked everything cut and dried and laid out in neat details.

"You must be able to describe something!" she complained.

For me it was more a matter of knowing a few things I didn't want rather than being able to identify what I did. I kept Googling, refining my search parameters occasionally while she rolled her eyes at me and groaned. After a while I got sick of looking at dresses so concentrated on the guest list until Tom's call came.

"Hello darling. I miss you."

"I miss you too Hiddles. How's the Big Apple?"

"Crunchy; it's snowing. Makes me think about our snowball fight at mum's last week. How are you? Are my family driving you crazy with wedding planning yet?"

"I'm fine." I giggled. "Actually your mum and Emma have been great – it's Max that's sending me insane!"

"I heard that!" Max yelled from nearby, making me giggle again.

I brought him up to speed on all we had achieved to date and asked how his flight had been and about the interviews he'd done today.

"It's fine, standard stuff. Lovely to see everyone again, of course, and they all send their congratulations. I'm having a hard job talking about the movie instead of telling them how wonderful you are."

My heart melted. "Tom ..."

"What love? It's true."

"You're not allowed to say such sweet things when you're so far away."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't kiss you."

His voice got a little deeper. "Do you want to kiss me?"

"Very much," I replied, "and if Max weren't here I would tell you some other things I'd like to do to you too ..."

"Eeeewwwww!" came from close by, loud enough for Tom to hear as well, making us both chuckle.

We chatted a bit longer before he had to go and Max made me look at dresses for another hour until it was time for her to leave, ignoring me completely when I called her a tyrant.

When I rang Davey a few days later about wedding rings he told me Tom had picked some out when choosing my engagement ring and they had been set aside pending my approval. He brought them around to the house and they were perfect; simple 18ct yellow gold court style bands with a bevelled edge. He wouldn't take money for them, saying they were his gift to us, and I gave him a huge hug.

Max made us all a cup of coffee and asked Davey about the band that had played at his wedding as she was in charge of music. When she told me I had to pick a song to play for Tom's and my first dance, I looked at her blankly, wondering how on earth I would ever choose just one song from all the hundreds we loved. I began browsing my iTunes playlists and before long had found one we all instantly agreed as being perfect for us.

That settled she nagged me again about my dress, complaining to Davey about my inability to verbalise my preferences.

"Honey, you don't have to tell me anything about Katie and fashion!" He responded, very cheekily I thought. "I don't know how many times I was in her wardrobe picking things out for her to wear until she finally developed a sense of style!" Max thought that was hilarious and giggled while I pretended outrage.

Davey looked me up and down through half-closed eyes and considered for a moment before asking, "Have you looked at Maggie Sottero?" I shook my head. "She does gorgeous gowns that you might like ..."

We did another Internet search and I browsed through a number of designs as they chatted, each one beautiful but not quite right, until suddenly I stopped and gasped.

"This is it." I whispered.

They grabbed the laptop and turned it to look.

"It's perfect." Davey breathed.

"It totally is Boss." Max sighed. "That's your dress."

I pulled the screen back to me again. "That's my dress."

Max looked up stockists in London and made a note to call them the next day to arrange an appointment. As I wanted to avoid being seen going into a bridal shop, Max would go in and explain the circumstances, get them to sign the NDA and ask if the dress could be brought here for me to try on. She would also take Tom's measurements with her to pick out a few morning suits to bring for me to choose from.

Two days later I was standing in my lounge trying on the dress I had selected, looking at myself in the mirror Abby and the shop assistant held in front of me with tears leaking down both our faces.

"Oh Kate ..." Abby whispered, wiping her eyes. "You look like a bride."


	40. Chapter 40

I came in the front door and dumped my bags and parcels in the dining room then headed towards Max's office.

"Max, we need to ... oh! Hi Nick, didn't realise you were here."

"Hi Kate. I hope you don't mind me disturbing Max's work for a few minutes." Nick was a little taller than Tom so I had to look up to him and of course he towered over Max, who at more than a foot shorter and with her bright bob of hair, looked a little like a pixie beside him.

"No, no, it's not a problem. I'll just ..."

I turned to leave but Max interrupted me, talking loudly and quickly and giving me a weird look. "Boss, I was just telling Nick how you need me to work this weekend so I can't go to Paris with him." That stopped me in my tracks. I looked at her, my jaw dropping a little until I realised Nick might be able to see it, so I snapped it closed and tried to read her expression while I thought of something to say.

"Um ... sorry about that ... ah ... secret ... birthday party business." I improvised, trying not to frown at the facial contortions Max was making when Nick wasn't looking at her. When he did turn her way, her face smoothed out to appear completely unconcerned and at ease. She should be an actor herself.

"That's a shame." Nick said, looking sincerely disappointed. What the hell is Max playing at? I muttered something apologetic and left them to it, going into my own office and closing the communicating door before sitting at my desk. A few minutes later they both came down the hall and Nick stopped to say goodbye. "When does Tom get back?"

"Another couple of weeks."

"Tell him I said hello."

"I will. Good to see you Nick."

Max saw him out and I waited for her to come back and tell me why the hell I had just lied to her boyfriend. When she didn't appear I wandered out to the kitchen to find her at the coffee machine. "Skim cappuccino?" She asked and cast me a quick glance when I merely grunted in reply. I leaned against the bench, arms folded over my chest in a waiting gesture. She was silent for a while, avoiding my eyes, then gave a deep sigh. "Thanks for covering my arse."

"No problem." I didn't change my stance. "Max ..." I said as quietly and gently as I could.

She kept her face turned away while she worked the machine then finally said, "Can we ... not talk about it right now?" She handed me my coffee and I looked into her eyes, seeing a mixture of confusion and vulnerability that pulled at my heartstrings. I put my cup down and stepped forward to envelop her in a hug, aching when she squeezed me tightly back. "Okay," I told her, "I'll be right here when you need me."

"I know." She whispered. "Thanks Kate."

\---

"I miss you so much darling. I've been playing your songs on almost constant repeat on my iPod whenever I get a moment to myself." Tom was calling from Australia, early in his morning before catching a long flight to Rome. "I can't wait to marry you and make you Mrs Hiddleston, Dr Sullivan. Or will that be Dr Hiddleston?"

"Technically, I'll be Dr Hiddleston, but I really like the sound of missus." I replied, holding back tears at his words. I was missing him like crazy and the last couple of weeks had seemed like an eternity. "I miss you too. The left hand side of the bed is no fun without you here." I was trying so hard not to break down; I knew it would only make him feel worse, but he picked up on the slight catch in my voice.

"Sweetheart ..."

I could hear his sadness so I took a deep breath. "I'm fine. It's only ten more days after all." His small sigh echoed down the line. "Just make sure you get back here on schedule, Hiddles, not a second later."

"There's not a force in the world that will keep me away from you, Kate, trust me."

"I do."

His breath caught audibly. "Say that again darling."

"I do." I whispered, a lump in my throat and my eyes burning.

"Oh Kate ..." I heard a loud banging in the background then Luke's voice. "I have to go sweetheart."

"Have a safe flight darling. I love you."

"I love you too. And Kate?"

"Yes?"

"I do."

The line went dead and I gave in to the tears at last.

\---

The next day Max and I headed to Brighton to meet the folks at Choccywoccydoodah who were going to make us a bespoke wedding cake. Tom's sweet tooth had given me the idea and I'd seen their TV show many times, loving the quirky but beautiful chocolate creations they conjured up.

Stepping in to the chocolaterie I felt like a child entering a sweet shop; the sights and smells that assaulted me had my senses reeling and my mouth literally filled with water. I could stand in that spot for hours just taking in the assortment of chocolaty treats they had on display and if not for restraint, would happily sample them all as well. It went without saying that this is somewhere I could never bring Tom, for fear of not being able to get him to leave.

We met with Christine, the owner, and Dave, head designer, and I explained how Tom and I had met and the idea I had for the cake and Dave took it from there. In just a few minutes he came up with an incredible design that took my breath away. It was fun and a little different and would be just perfect for our special day. He took note of the colours and types of flowers that would be used at the wedding and we arranged to have the cake delivered to Chandos House the morning of the ninth.

Before we left the shop I bought some champagne truffles as a gift for Max's parents, with whom we were lunching. Their home was just as Max had described it to me and her mum and dad exactly as I had imagined; her mother as petite as Max with just as much energy, while her father was six foot with a booming voice and jovial manner.

"How's that young man of yours Maxine?" Her mother asked over a cup of tea after a beautiful roast dinner of beef with Yorkshire pudding and vegetables.

"He's fine mum." I looked at Max as she replied, taking in the wary expression on her face. She hadn't yet told me anything about the Paris weekend incident.

"When are you bringing him down to meet us?" her mother continued and I saw Max roll her eyes.

"He's very busy mum, I told you."

"Hmmph." Her dad rumbled then looked to me. "Do you know him Kate?"

I darted a quick glance at Max, hoping to tell from her face if I should answer honestly or fudge a little. She looked a little flushed and annoyed but there was nothing there to indicate she wanted me to stay out of the conversation. I decided to tread carefully. "A little, yes. He worked with my fiancé briefly and has been over for dinner once or twice."

"Is he a good bloke? Worthy of our Maxine?"

"I don't know him very well, Mr Redfern, but I ... I think the best judge of that is Max. If she is still going out with him, then he must be a good person, I'd say."

"Hmmph."

Max looked at me gratefully and I gave her a small smile of support then decided to change the subject by asking Mrs Redfern about her hellebores, and talk of plants and flowers lasted until we were ready to take our leave.

"It was a pleasure to meet you and thank you for such a wonderful meal." I told Max's parents.

"It was lovely to meet you too, dear, we've heard so much about you from Maxine."

"She's an amazing assistant and I couldn't have coped as well without her over the last few months. I'm going to miss her terribly."

"Oh yes, you're off to live in the States for a while, she tells us."

"Yes, for a few months possibly. But I'm committed to finding her a great job before I go." I had been talking to Sophie Hunter who mentioned possibly needing some help as she eased back into a little work in between times of caring for baby Charlotte, though I hadn't yet mentioned that to Max in case it didn't work out.

We said our final goodbyes and left and with a little time to spare before having to catch our train back to London, decided to go for a walk on the pier. It was one of those late winter days where the sun has been fooled into thinking Spring has arrived early and it shone on us warmly, making coat and gloves temporarily unnecessary. I closed my eyes and basked in its rays, leaning on the rail with the salty smell of the ocean in my nostrils, feeling quite at peace.

All the arrangements for the wedding were going smoothly; everything had been booked, replies to the invitations were coming back, and so far no hint of our real plans had leaked to the press. It was all going so smoothly, in fact, that were I a superstitious person I would say we were tempting fate and something bad was sure to happen.


	41. Chapter 41

I frowned at my mobile phone, thinking I should have heard from Tom by now; his flight was scheduled to have arrived in Rome five hours ago and even if they'd gone straight to interviews, it was unlike him not to at least send a text. I typed up a quick message asking him to respond as soon as he could and got on with my work.

Two hours later I still hadn't had any word and couldn't decide if I should be annoyed or worried. I knew staring at my phone would do no good but was willing it to ring or buzz, anything to give me some contact. After another half hour of fruitless waiting I called him, frustrated as hell when all I got was the robot voice telling me he was out of contact. I know that, dammit! Where the bloody hell is he?

I looked up his itinerary and called the hotel they were supposed to be staying at, only to be told their party had not checked in. Now I was beginning to worry; even if the actors had gone straight to interviews, Luke at least would have gone to the hotel to check in. He always did. Always. The premiere wasn't for another couple of hours, so it wasn't that they'd gone there. Shit, Hiddles!

I called the airline and after being passed around a few people was finally told that their plane had had to make an unscheduled stop due to engine trouble and was running around eight hours late; they were expecting it to arrive within the next half hour. I thanked them and breathed a huge sigh of relief, then poured myself a small glass of brandy; caffeine just wouldn't cut it on this occasion.

Twenty minutes later a text arrived.

Tom: Just arrived Rome. Will call soon. Love you xx

When his call came ten minutes later I had calmed down from my state of anxiety, though I was worried for an entirely different reason when I heard how tired he sounded.

"Hello darling. Sorry I've been incommunicado; our plane had engine trouble and we had to wait eight hours in Colombo for it to be fixed. I had no reception, or I'd have let you know."

I assured him I was just glad to hear he was safe and sound but didn't let on I'd been worried enough to call the airline. "You sound tired, love."

"I'm exhausted, I didn't get much sleep on the plane."

"They're not going to make you do interviews now are they?"

"No, they're rushing us through here at the airport, we'll quickly shower and change at the hotel and go straight to the premiere. We'll be late, probably, but they'll hold it for us."

"Tom, you must have been awake for something like forty hours!"

"I'll be fine sweetheart." He gave a huge yawn then a rueful laugh. "Well, I hope so anyway! I must go darling, I'm almost at the immigration desk. I love you and miss you."

"I love you and miss you too."

"Call you tomorrow. Goodnight love."

"Goodnight. Sleep well."

I wondered what would happen to their itinerary now that they'd essentially lost a day; if it added to the length of the trip, he wouldn't be back in London until the seventh, only two days before the wedding. That's cutting it a bit fine Hiddles.

My musings were confirmed when he rang the next afternoon, saying everything had been put back a day. "I'm so sorry sweetheart."

"As long as you're here before the ninth I can cope, Hiddles. Jack has everything organised." Jack was Tom's stylist, who was making sure his morning suit and all the accessories would be ready and fit him perfectly. "Will you need a haircut?"

"Yes, definitely. And a shave."

"I'll get Max to organise something."

"Kate, you are the most wonderful woman in the world and I don't deserve you."

"Now you're just fishing for compliments!" He gave his little giggle and my heart gave a thump.

"I'll make it up to you on our honeymoon darling."

"I'm counting on it!" He giggled again. "I love you Tom. Have you written your vows?"

"Christ!"

Now it was my turn to giggle. "Better get on with that Hiddles!"

\---

The next day I had a call from Max. "Has Himself left Rome yet?"

"No, they leave tonight. Why?"

"Shit!"

"Max? What's going on?"

"You haven't been watching the news?"

"No. Max! What the hell?"

She groaned. "The unions in Italy have just called a twenty four hour strike."

"Which ones?"

"All of them. It's a general strike."

"Shit!"

A general strike meant there would be no way to leave Rome; airports, railways, hire car firms, buses, taxi – everything would be shut down for a day. It wasn't the first time this had happened in Italy but it was the first time it would mean my bridegroom would be delayed ... again.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!"

Unless they cut some of their itinerary out – and why would they, they had no idea there was a wedding on the line here – Tom would not now return until the eighth of February. They still had Madrid and Paris to cover and premieres in both cities; he could hardly skip out of it saying he didn't want to miss a birthday party.

"Max, we need a Plan B!"

"I'll be right over, Boss!"

I rang Diana and Mike to let them know what was happening, just in case we had to change plans at the last minute, and promised to let them know when we'd come up with our Plan B. Just after I'd hung up Tom rang.

"For someone so keen to marry me, you're making it awfully difficult Hiddles!" I greeted him.

He seemed stunned into silence, then groaned. "Sweetheart ..."

"Tom, it's completely beyond your control so I forbid you to feel guilty or apologise."

"I'm sorry Kate!" The man just can't not say I'm sorry! "God! This trip is turning into a nightmare! Darling, I will be there on the ninth. I told you there is no force that will keep me from you and I mean it."

"I know sweetheart. I have faith in you. But just in case, I'm calling Ironman."

That made him laugh, as I hoped it would; he sounded so stressed. "You are such a geek!"

"Hey, you've got friends in high places, might as well make use of them!" We both laughed.

"I love you so much Dr Sullivan."

"Just get here before the ninth so you can make that Dr Hiddleston."

"I will, my darling, I promise."

When Max arrived we sat down to brainstorm every alternative we could possibly think of.

"Charter a plane to pick him up the second he finishes his last interview in Paris." Was Max's first suggestion.

"Yes, good. Write that down." I thought for a minute. "Charter a plane to take all of us to Madrid or Paris in case he gets stuck there."

"I like that one." Max said. "Though we'd have to find a venue to have the wedding."

"We can have it in the middle of the Seine for all I care," I replied, "as long as I marry the man." Max smiled. "Mind you, all of the guests would need to have valid passports." We looked at each other and Max wrote that down.

"What else could possibly go wrong?" Max asked.

"At the rate we're going, the bloody man will probably get gored by a bull in Spain! Or eat a bad snail in Paris! Hell, it's Tom, he'll probably do both!" We nearly fell off our chairs laughing and I realised I wasn't as unaffected by the stress as I thought.

Although we came up with other ideas, those two were the best, so I asked Max to call the airline charter company while I rang Diana. My spirits were badly deflated when she said she didn't have a current passport.

"It expired a month or so ago and I just kept forgetting to renew it. Oh dear! Kate, I'm so sorry! Let me call them right now and see what I can do."

I couldn't see the point in continuing with that plan if it meant Diana couldn't come; we certainly couldn't hold the wedding without her there. Our other plan could still work but was dependent on the tour not being further delayed and the weather holding for good flying conditions – neither of which I had 100% faith in at this point.


	42. Chapter 42

Monday February 8th

Today. Tom will be home today.

Just in time for the wedding.

Our wedding.

We're getting married tomorrow.

Holy guacamole.

It was only five but I knew any attempt at further sleep was useless. I got up and made tea, watching the weather channel while I sipped it as if being alert would prevent an unexpected cyclone, earthquake or zombie apocalypse from striking Paris without my consent. I would have been very happy to actually be able to call on Ironman right now – or even Bobby, for that matter. He struck me as the kind of guy who could make things happen.

I've got Thor. Chris, Elsa and their children had arrived in town yesterday and called around to say hello. We had spoken on the phone but I'd never met Tom's 'brother from another mother' before - he was exactly as Tom had described him; warm, witty and kind-hearted. I could fully understand why they were such good friends. Elsa and I got on instantly and the kids were totally adorable, though she had apologised for them not being at their best due to jet lag.

Diana, Emma and Sarah were all arriving today as well as a few other out-of-town guests. Max was dealing with them so I could concentrate on Tom.

Tom.

I checked my watch: six hours until he landed.

Correction: five hours fifty-three minutes.

Oh lord, I'm reduced to counting minutes!

My phone buzzed with a message.

Tom: Good morning darling! Just going for a run around Montmartre. Can't wait to hold you in my arms. Love you xx

I felt a tell-tale pressure behind my eyeballs. I will not cry. I will not cry.

Oh screw it!

A few tears rolled slowly down my cheeks, tickling as they wore a path past my nose and landed on my lips, where I licked them away. God I miss that man! It wasn't this hard last time he was away, and that was for longer! Why is it so much worse this time?

Something to do with getting married tomorrow, of course. Ninny.

I had to reply to Tom's message.

Kate: Counting the minutes. Love you xx

\---

I fielded a number of phone calls through the first half of the morning; Max, reporting each pick-up and safe delivery; Abby, confirming arrangements for the restaurant we were dining at tonight; Diana, checking on Tom's progress; Ben, making sure I had heard from Tom; and lastly Chandos House, confirming everything was in order and ready for us.

Another text arrived.

Tom: Leaving for the airport. See you soon. Xx

Davey had offered to drive me to Heathrow so he arrived around ten and I went to change. I'd put a skirt on but was still choosing a blouse when I heard him exclaim loudly, "Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me!"

I raced out to the lounge in my skirt and bra – nothing he hadn't seen before when we were flatmates. "What is it? What's happened?"

He was looking at the weather channel, which showed a map of Europe ... and a huge low – the weather girl was calling it a freak electrical storm – centred over the northern half of France, or more specifically ... Paris. All airports and rail lines were closed.

Bloody weather channel! I take my eyes off it for a few minutes ...

My phone shrilled and I almost threw it into a pot plant in my haste to answer it. It was Luke.

"Luke? Why are you calling? Where's Tom? What's happened? Is he okay?" I suddenly had visions of him being struck by lightning as he ran around Montmartre in the storm.

"He's fine Kate. He asked me to call ... have you seen the weather channel by any chance?"

"I'm looking at it right now. Why did Tom ask you to call? Why can't he talk to me himself?"

"Well ... I think he's afraid you'll be mad at him for the storm ... you know, another delay."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, slumping down onto a couch. Another delay. We just can't catch a break.

"Kate?"

"What?"

"Are you mad at him?"

I sighed. "No of course not. Put him on."

There was mumbling in the background and then that gorgeous dulcet voice pulled at my heartstrings. "Darling, I'm so sorry ..."

"Tom ..."

"I'll get there, Kate, even if I have to swim the English Channel!"

"Don't you bloody dare! With our luck there'll be a school of piranha waiting just off the coast of Dover!"

"Sweetheart ..."

"God, Tom!" I wanted to cry again; I really, really did. I wanted to heave huge sobs until my eyes went puffy and red and my throat ached from the keening noises I made. But I couldn't, because that would make him feel even worse. "How long ..."

"They don't know. A few hours, they think, but it could pass sooner."

I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing.

Tom's voice came at a whisper and I could tell he was truly upset. "I love you Kate."

"I know. I love you too." He wasn't making it easy to not cry.

"'I cannot exist without you – I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again.'"

Keats. In the middle of this disaster, the man is quoting Keats. He could write a book called A Keats Quote For Every Occasion.

"I'll be on the first thing that moves out of this city, you know that don't you?"

I swallowed past the lump in my throat and choked out, "Yes."

I heard him take a deep breath. He was struggling as much as I was to keep it together. I took a breath too and asked him to put Luke back on the phone.

"Kate?"

"Luke, you know he's not allowed to go on a promotional tour ever again, don't you?"

I don't think Luke was quite sure whether or not I was joking.


	43. Chapter 43

Monday February 8th 7.00 pm

"Where does it come in?"

"St Pancras."

"I'll go."

"I'll go."

"I'll go. It's my duty as Best Man." Ben settled the argument over who would pick Tom up from the train station. The earliest mode of transport out of the storm-ravaged French capital was the Eurostar – amazingly, none of the rail tracks had been damaged - due to arrive in London in an hour. They were still clearing debris off the runways at Charles de Gaulle when the train left with Tom on it. With the backlog of flights needing to be cleared, he would probably arrive before his scheduled flight even left Paris.

We were due at the restaurant in thirty minutes; a private room booked for our group consisting of Davey and James, Mike and Abby, Diana, Emma, Sarah, Ben, Max and Nick, Tom and I. Sophie wasn't able to make it as Charlotte was cutting a tooth and refusing to be parted from her mother.

"I'm coming with you." I said to Ben.

"Kate, we can't have everyone turning up and neither of the guests of honour present. You go to the restaurant; you can trust me to get your boy there safely."

"I'm not so sure Ben, I've heard about some of the things you two got up to during the filming of War Horse!" I felt so much lighter knowing Tom was on his way.

Ben chuckled and looked a little guilty. "That was years ago! I'm an old married man now, and Tom's about to be. We've matured since then."

I just grinned at him as I replied, "Sure," and joined in the general laughter with the others.

Unfortunately he was right; it would be rude of me to abandon our guests, so I resigned myself to waiting a little longer to see Tom and ushered the few that were here out to the taxi that pulled up as we opened the door.

Ben gave me a quick hug as he passed. "Don't worry, Kate. You'll have him back soon."

I smiled at him and got in the taxi.

Once I'd greeted everyone at the restaurant Max took me aside for a few minutes for an update on arrangements. "The barber will be at Ben's place at ten am to do Tom's haircut and shave. Jack will be there at eleven thirty to check the suit and he can do any last minute adjustments then if necessary, but he's pretty confident he won't need to. I'll get there around three in the afternoon to collect their suits and get them to Chandos House."

The wedding outfits were being taken to Chandos so we could arrive in normal party garb and keep up the illusion of a birthday celebration, just in case any press were hanging around. Rooms had been allocated to us all for changing and my hair and make-up – Max had insisted I hire professionals – would be done there also.

I gave her a hug. "Max, you are amazing! Thank you so much for all you've done. I'm going to miss you so much! Are you sure you don't want to come to LA?"

"And do what? You'll be a married woman with nothing to do but laze around on the beach, drink martinis and get Botox!" she teased, grinning at me, and I laughed with her before she returned to her seat.

I watched Nick's face light up when she sat next to him and observed the glow on her own and smiled to myself, so happy to see them together.

One week before

"Max, the table place cards came from the calligrapher while you were out." I told her as she came in the front door.

"Okay Boss, I'll take care of those."

"There's something a bit puzzling about them though." We were both walking towards the kitchen.

She looked surprised. "Spelling error? I can get that fixed no problem."

"No." I replied, giving her a searching look. "It's about your plus one."

Her cheeks coloured and she avoided my eyes. "Oh?"

"Max," I said gently, "what is going on with you and Nick? You avoided going to Paris with him but you're bringing him to the wedding?" I was worried she was sending mixed messages to the lad - he had seemed pretty keen - but I couldn't imagine Max toying with his affections indiscriminately.

She fidgeted about for a minute before exclaiming in a rush, "Well, we didn't, but then we did, and it was all fine, so there's no problem!"

I looked at her then took her by the shoulders and turned her, directing her to a dining chair, grabbed us both a coffee from the kitchen and sat down in front of her. "Alright, again, in English this time."

"Okay," she began, "when we first went out we were both, you know, not long out of other relationships." I nodded my understanding. "So we agreed to take it slow, just see where it progressed naturally."

"Mm hmm."

"When he invited me to go to Paris, we hadn't ... um ... you know." Her blush told me what she meant as much as her words.

"Okay."

"So, Paris was a business trip – he was going to an audition and also to talk to a director about a part he'd already got. And I didn't want our ... first time ... to be on a business trip, even if it was in Paris. I wanted it to be ... special."

"And that's why you didn't want to go?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you just tell him that?"

"I was a bit ... shy."

I was astonished. Max, shy? She was always so confident and bubbly, it was hard to imagine. "Well, that's ... understandable. How are things now?"

"Oh, they're great! We went to Exeter last weekend and it was lovely and romantic and ..." The blush was back in full force. "... and, things are just ... great."

"And you've told him about the problem with Paris?"

"Yes. He was very sweet; he said he hadn't thought of it like that, so he ... he was the one who arranged Exeter."

Greatly relieved, I told her I was very happy for them and we chatted companionably about dating actors while we finished our coffee. It was intriguing to see a side to Max that was uncertain and vulnerable, a distinct contrast to her usual demeanour. I wondered if perhaps Nick would turn out to be Max's special someone.

Before she got up to return to her office I had some news to tell her.

"Max, I've found you another job. If you want it, of course! Working with a friend of mine. As a matter of fact, I invited her over this afternoon so you could meet and talk to her about the position."

"Boss, that's ..." She looked upset and I immediately felt guilty.

"Max, I'm sorry! I thought ..."

"No, no," she shook her head, "it's not that, it's just I'm going to miss you and Himself so much!"

I moved around to crouch in front of her and put my arms around her shoulders, hugging her tight. "We'll miss you too. You can always come to LA – I'm sure Nick will be doing some more Hollywood movies out there!"

She laughed at that and hugged me back. "I'll think about it! Anyway, who is this job with?"

"Sophie."

She thought for a moment before her eyes widened and she gasped in excitement. "Sophie Hunter, Sophie? As in, theatre director Sophie?"

I merely smiled, waiting for what I was sure was coming.

She gave another gasp as the realisation hit her, "Sophie wife to the Cumberbabe, Sophie?"

That made me giggle; I hadn't heard Ben called that in a while. I nodded at her, "Yes."

"Well, bugger me for a bunch of bananas!"

I laughed so hard I started crying. "Oh god, Max, I'm going to miss you so much!"

Monday February 8th 8.40 pm

Diana and Sarah were telling me stories of India when I heard Emma exclaim, "Tommy!" I turned my head to the doorway and there he was, walking in with Ben, his eyes seeking and instantly finding mine and I felt like a light went on inside me. Before I knew it my feet had taken me to him and his arms were around me, holding me tight. I buried my face in his neck and squeezed him so hard I could almost swear I heard his ribs protesting.

"Darling." He whispered as he kissed my hair and pulled me closer.

"Tom!" I kissed his neck, his chin, his cheeks, not caring who the hell was watching, then finally put my lips to his, wrapping my arms around his neck and welcoming him back the best way I knew how. He was here at last, safe and sound; my rock, my centre, my home.


	44. Chapter 44

"Himself and Cumberbabe have just arrived." Max reported as she came into the room at Chandos House where I was preparing. I smiled to myself, thinking she would have to get used to calling Ben by his real name once she began working for Sophie.

"How does he look?" I asked her.

"As sexy as ever," was her reply and I choked out a laugh, looking at her with my brows raised.

"Oh! You mean Tom!" she giggled, making me laugh again. "He looks fine. A little nervous maybe."

I know that feeling.

"How are you doing Boss?"

"A dash of liquid courage wouldn't go astray," I told her, knowing she'd hear the faint tremor in my voice.

"I'm on it!" She disappeared out the door again, returning a few minutes later with a bottle of champagne and three glasses, Abby right behind her.

The make-up artist had already been and Jackie the hairdresser was now working her magic on my unruly curls. Ben arrived with a note from Tom when she was half way through; I tore it open with hands shaking slightly to find a short quote from King Lear. It read, 'I love you more than words can wield the matter, dearer than eyesight, space and liberty.'

The flood of warmth created by those few words achieved what the champagne hadn't; my nerves were instantly calmed. I quickly penned a reply, unable to keep a smile from my face. My quote was from The Tempest. 'I would not wish any companion in the world but you.' Ben gave me a smile and a wink then was gone again.

Max left too, saying she didn't want to see me until I walked down the aisle and Abby got into her dress as my hair was finished. The dusky pink strapless chiffon looked stunning with her blonde hair and soft complexion and I drew in my breath.

The dusky pink strapless chiffon looked stunning with her blonde hair and soft complexion and I drew in my breath

"Oh Abbs! You look beautiful!"

We admired my finished hair – Jackie had somehow managed to give me large, soft curls swept up and held at the back, with tiny twinkling rhinestones dotted throughout. The finishing touch was a beaded floral comb tucked in to the side of my up-do, as I hadn't wanted to wear a veil. I thanked Jackie profusely before she packed up her tools and left.

Abby helped me slip into the ivory beaded-lace over tulle A-line gown, laughing at how thankful she was she didn't have to do up all the covered buttons at the back as they extended the entire length of my dress, even to the end of my chapel-length train. The softness of the tulle felt heavenly against my skin where it fitted snugly over bust, waist and hips and as I twirled in front of the mirror like a little girl trying on a Princess dress, I loved the swishing sound of the fabric. The beaded lace overlay added only a little weight to the gown; it still felt as soft and light as down and I could smell faint hints of Obsession, the perfume I'd been wearing the last time I had tried it on.

The beaded lace overlay added only a little weight to the gown; it still felt as soft and light as down and I could smell faint hints of Obsession, the perfume I'd been wearing the last time I had tried it on

The lace of the cap sleeves tickled my shoulders and the skin bared by the sweetheart neckline was the perfect setting for the necklace Tom had given me for Christmas. Its matching earrings peeped out from the fine tendrils of hair Jackie had left framing my face.

I slipped on Alexander McQueen ivory satin heels, an indulgent extravagance Abby had encouraged when we were shopping. Our bouquets were ruby, pink and ivory roses with baby's breath and ferns tied with ivory satin ribbon.

We were both speechless when we looked at the full effect in the huge antique mirror on the wall. I was having a hard time believing it was me I saw; in spite of having been to a few charity balls, I had never before worn something that made me feel so beautiful and so special. 

"Kate ..." Abby looked almost on the verge of tears and I laughingly reminded her not to smudge her make-up. "You look so ... incredible." We shared a careful hug just as a knock sounded at the door; it was the photographer and Mike, looking handsome in his morning suit.

When he saw me he too looked like he might cry. "Katie ... oh my god ..." He looked at me and I felt the tears welling. "Mum and dad ..."

I nodded, knowing what he was trying to say, and opened my arms to him. We clung to each other wordlessly for a while, each trying to stem the tears as we wished with all our hearts that our parents could be here to share this day with us. Later I discovered the photographer had captured that moment and looking at the photo would always bring a lump to my throat.

Eventually we wiped our eyes, Abby repaired my make-up, and we posed for the photographer for half an hour.

"I'll go see how the boys are doing," Mike said as he left the room.

"Do you need more champagne?" Abby smiled at me.

"No," I smiled back, "I'm fine thanks Abs."

She came to stand in front of me, taking both my hands in hers. "No nerves, no doubts, no second thoughts?"

I looked in her eyes, squeezed her hands and gave her what she told me later was the most serene smile she had ever seen. "No. Not a single one."

Ten minutes later Mike was back, saying with a soft smile as he entered, "They're ready for you downstairs Katie."

Abby passed me my bouquet. We checked she had the written copy of my vows in case I forgot the words and then she gathered my train together and laid it out again when we reached the top of the staircase; the photographer was one level down, taking photos as we descended. He preceded us down the hallway until we reached the doors of the Duke Room, where we were greeted by venue staff and paused to adjust the train.

Everyone looked at me. I looked at the doors. Tom's on the other side.

"Ready Katie?"

I looked at Mike, put my arm through his, and nodded.

A signal was given and the doors opened; I knew the processional would be playing but I didn't hear it. I knew the friends and family gathered inside would all have risen to their feet but I was barely aware of them. I looked to the other end of the room, to the man with newly trimmed red-gold curls, a black jacket snugly fitting his muscular shoulders and trim waist, and long legs looking even longer in pinstripes. The man who was now turning, searching for me.

I saw his chest expand as he drew in his breath. I saw his lips mouth my name. I saw glistening drops of moisture sparkle at the edges of his eyes. I saw my Tom, and I smiled for him and only him as I moved forward to his side and he took my hand, raising it to his lips. "You look beautiful," he breathed.

"So do you," I whispered back, still smiling.

\---

"The bride and groom would like to say a few words to each other at this point." The celebrant looked to Tom. "Tom?"

His hand was shaking a little, so I gave it an encouraging squeeze as he turned to me and took a deep breath.

"Kate, it might be expected that I would borrow from the words of Shakespeare or Keats to tell you how much you mean to me and how honoured I am that you chose me to be your husband. But I want this vow to be my own, so you know the words I speak come from deep within my heart and my soul and are for you alone. I promise to love you fiercely and sweetly, now and for the rest of my days. I vow to be true and faithful to you and only you, until my last breath. I promise to laugh with you and cry with you, to be at your side in good times and bad, through all of our adventures in life together. I will love you enough to fight for you, to compromise for you, to stand by you no matter what the world may throw at us. I wish nothing more than to spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you and believe in us."

Abby gave me tissues to wipe the tears that were streaming down my face and when the celebrant turned to me I had to ask for a minute. Tom's hands held mine firmly in support. I started to speak but couldn't.

"Do you need the piece of paper?" Abby asked me quietly, but I shook my head and after a minute felt I could continue.

"Tom, I choose you for life, to be my husband, my lover, my best friend. I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion and my most tender care through the pressures of the present and the uncertainties of the future. I promise to be faithful to you, to love you and commit to you. I pledge to encourage you, to inspire you, to respect you, to lend you strength for all of your dreams and support you in your endeavours. Thank you for loving me, for having faith in our strength, for choosing me to be at your side. Know that today and every day of all our tomorrows, my heart will be your shelter and my arms will be your home. I love you."

I took the tissues from Abby and tenderly wiped Tom's eyes, which drew soft laughs from our friends and family but I heard plenty of sniffing and gasps from them too.

"Do we have the rings?"

Ben stepped forward and put them on the cushion the celebrant held out. Tom took my wedding band in his right hand and my left hand in his.

"With this ring, I marry you and bind my life to yours. It is a symbol of my eternal love, my everlasting friendship, and the promise of all my tomorrows."

I repeated the vow and slid his ring on his finger.

"With the giving of rings and exchanging of vows, Tom and Kate have acknowledged their love and commitment to one another before you all. I now pronounce that they are husband and wife together. Tom, you may kiss your bride."

His arms went around me and I felt in his kiss all the joy, tenderness and deep love our ceremony had embodied.

"I love you Mrs Dr Hiddleston."

"I love you too Mr Hiddleston."

\---

We'd had the speeches and most of our wedding breakfast when Tom rose and took the floor.

"Many of you know that my beautiful wife ..." Tom smiled at the faint cheer that arose when he said the word 'wife', "... has an amazing singing voice and I have, on more than one occasion, been fortunate and privileged to have her sing to me." This time there was a general 'awwwww'. He continued, "So I thought it was time I returned the favour."

I gasped. From the adjoining Duchess Room we could hear the opening bars of a song begin to play.

He looked directly at me and smiled tenderly, "This is for you, Kate."

 

I can only give you love that lasts forever,

And a promise to be near, each time you call.

And the only heart I own

For you and you alone

That's all,

That's all.

 

I didn't try to hold back my tears, knowing it was pointless; they began as a slow drizzle while I bit my lip and felt my heart swell, my eyes glued to Tom.

 

I can only give you country walks in springtime

And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall;

And a love whose burning light

Will warm the winter night

That's all,

That's all.

 

There are those I am sure who have told you,

They would give you the world for a toy.

All I have are these arms to enfold you,

And a love time can never destroy.

 

He walked toward me, our eyes still locked. By now the tears were pouring and Abby was once again handing me tissues. I had control over my sobs, but only just.

 

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,

You'll be glad to know that my demands are small.

Say it's me that you'll adore,

For now and evermore

That's all,

That's all.

 

I stood and went into his waiting arms, sobbing softly.


	45. Chapter 45

I closed my eyes and absorbed the sounds of glasses clinking, cutlery scraping, hushed laughter and murmured conversations; the aromatic perfume of the roses that adorned every table assailed my nostrils. Suddenly a warm and well-known hand cupped my cheek and I pressed my face into it, turning slightly to open my eyes to my husband.

"Everything is perfect," he said softly, his smile melting my insides. "Thank you Kate."

My reply was interrupted by Davey, our Master of Ceremonies, appearing at our sides to say they were ready for the Cutting of the Cake, which would be our dessert. I gave Tom a quick kiss and pulled him up from the table eagerly – I couldn't wait to see his reaction to our Choccywoccydoodah treat.

Abby found the loop under my train and slid it over my wrist and I practically dragged Tom over to where the cake had just been set up, giggling when he and most of our guests chuckled at my enthusiasm to get him there.

Watching his reaction, a grin as wide as that of the Cheshire cat spread across my face and I was almost hopping with glee. His mouth dropped open and his eyes widened to saucers as he stared at the chocolate creation in front of us, the heavenly smell of which was already making my mouth water.

The base was a plinth scattered with pink and ivory roses and on it sat a three-shelf bookcase. The bottom shelf held three large tomes, the gold lettering on the spines identifying them as the complete works of Shakespeare. In the middle shelf were books by Homer and Plato – a reference to Tom's classical studies – while the top shelf housed a copy of Mac for Dummies, referring to my computer background, and a Marvel comic book – the Avengers, of course. Dave had even made small chocolate representations of Thor and Loki for the cover.

"That's a cake?" Tom gasped and I heard many similar gasps from the guests behind us.

"The books are all made from cake," I told him, still grinning madly, "and everything else is chocolate."

"It's...it's..."

"Amazeballs?" I suggested, borrowing the phrase Max had used when she first saw it.

"Bloody amazeballs!" Tom replied and many of our guests seemed to agree. We posed for photos and then a large beribboned knife was given to us. "I don't want to cut into it," Tom said, "It's so incredible."

Chris's voice boomed over the heads of others, "Just don't cut into me, brother, or I'll have to hurt that pretty face of yours." Everyone erupted in laughter.

\---

He held me gently as we began our first dance as husband and wife to the soulful strains of Norah Jones's lilting Come Away With Me. I was completely oblivious to everything but the warm strength of his arm around my waist, the touch of his hand in mine and our shared breath as he bent his head and our foreheads touched. My feet moved of their own accord but I felt more like I was floating.

 

Come away with me and we'll kiss

On a mountaintop

Come away with me

And I'll never stop loving you

 

We stole small kisses, whispering words of love to each other.

 

So all I ask is for you

To come away with me in the night

Come away with me

 

"Come away with me Kate?"

"'Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge.'"

\---

"You really are Tom's Kate now," Ben smiled as we danced, referring to a comment he had made to me the night we met.

I squeezed his shoulder and laughed. "I never did ask you what you meant that night."

"He came around to see me one day and told me all about meeting you; I could see how upset he was when he thought you already had a significant other. Each time we spoke over the next couple of weeks he couldn't stop talking about you and I told him he was an idiot not to pursue you; I could see how much you'd gotten under his skin. If he hadn't done something after your appearance on Chatty Man I was ready to track you down and engineer an "accidental" meeting!"

"Ben! I had no idea! Thank you."

"He's a good friend."

"So are you."

My next dance was with Davey, who had imbibed a little too much champagne and was getting melancholy. "You're going away and leaving me again! I can't say goodbye to you Katie; you're my bestest friend."

"Come and visit me," I told him, "You can get a tan." He burst out in choked laughter as the tears began. Luckily James showed up at his side, leading him gently away to find some strong coffee, sharing a smile with me over his shoulder as he went.

"Abby and I were thinking we might bring the kids out to visit you and Tom in April." Mike surprised me as we spun around the floor at the next dance. "School holidays are just in time for your birthday."

"Oh Mike, we would love that!" I hugged him.

"We're going to miss you Katie."

"I'm going to miss you guys too, so much."

\---

"I'll take good care of Max for you, don't worry," Sophie assured me as we hugged and I thanked her warmly. It was the end of the evening and we were saying goodbye to most of our guests.

"Brother! I'll see you in LaLaLand in a few months." Chris gave Tom an exuberant man-hug that involved plenty of backslapping and fist thumping, then he turned to me. "Kate, you're a Hemsworth by marriage now."

I grinned at him, "I don't have to start talking with an Australian accent, do I?"

His laugh boomed over us as he pulled me in for a hug. "You never know," he said cryptically.

There were tearful farewells for Tom's family and the rest of Our Gang; Mike and Abby were taking us to the airport for our early flight the next morning, so the last person I had to say goodbye to tonight was Max. When she stood before me I found it incredibly difficult to swallow and knew I wasn't done with tears just yet.

"Boss..."

"Max..."

We clung to each other wordlessly while Tom rubbed my back, knowing how hard this was for me.

"Max, thank you so much...for everything. I mean it, I couldn't have done it all without you."

"You're welcome...Kate."

We hugged a last time and she whispered in my ear, "I'll let you know what's going to happen in season four of Sherlock!" and I couldn't help but burst out laughing through my tears.

\---

"Tell me, Thomas."

"Not yet darling. Soon."

"You are such a tease!" I swiped his chest playfully and he just giggled at my frustration. All I knew so far of our honeymoon destination was that I needed my passport and clothes for a warm climate; that left so many options open I hadn't even bothered trying to guess, but was attempting to weasel it out of my secret-loving husband.

He snaked an arm around my waist and gave me a passionate kiss, at which point I gave up caring about where we were going and just wanted to drag him back to bed. A knock on the door put paid to those plans, unfortunately.

It was Mike. "All ready to go?"

Our bags were packed and ready near the door, hand luggage on the bed. A few boxes of clothes and personal belongings had already been given into Luke's trusty keeping until we caught up with him in LA, where we would be renting a beach house at Santa Monica.

"Kate?"

I slipped my hand into Tom's, smiling into his eyes. "Yes, ready to go."


	46. Chapter 46

"Tom, I ... oh ... oh god ..."

It was the last day of our honeymoon; an idyllic week spent in the warm lushness of the Whitsundays, off the coast of Queensland, Australia. Tom had rented a house on Hamilton Island that boasted luxurious features and unparalleled views; but as far as we were concerned, by far its most attractive feature was its seclusion.

"A little ... oh ... yes ... ah!"

Although the wedding vows we exchanged hadn't been traditional, my husband was taking very seriously the notion of 'with my body I thee worship' and at times I was so sated by our lovemaking that even cutting slices of soft, juicy tropical fruit was an onerous task.

We were both lightly tanned from hours spent in the sun; either semi-clothed as we enjoyed tube riding in the island coves or snorkelling the wonders of the Great Barrier Reef, or naked while we enjoyed each other beside the infinity pool or surrounded by the abundant vegetation. 

"Kate ... darling, just ... oh ... yes ..."

We'd had a Jet Ski tour of the surrounding waterways and taken a helicopter flight over Heart Reef, Whitehaven Beach and Hook Passage, enthralled by the white silica sands and azure waters that were just a small part of the heart-stopping beauty of this tropical paradise.

"Oh, sweetheart ... just there ... mm ... oh god."

We didn't want to leave; we had found our little slice of Heaven on earth and would have been content to stay and enjoy its pleasures until the last grain of sand ran through the hourglass.

\---

"Darling have you seen my reading glasses?"

I looked at Tom, clothed in nothing but pale blue swimming trunks as we began packing our things ready to leave early tomorrow morning. "They're on your head love!"

His hand went to his head and an abashed smile appeared on his face. "I knew I'd seen them somewhere!" I laughed at the absurdity of what he'd said and he came and grabbed me, rubbing the week-old stubble on his chin against my cheek before kissing me firmly. He tasted like fresh pineapple and honeydew melon.

"Mm, you taste like fruit salad," I smiled at him.

He licked his lips. "You taste like mango. Did you get some more?" Releasing me, he headed to the fridge to search for the plump, juicy fruit we'd been gorging on all week.

I continued gathering things to stash in our cases. "John brought some from Airlie. What are you reading?"

He wiped the juice from his chin before answering with a slight grimace. "I'm about to let the world back in."

"Now?" I groaned. We had both turned off our phones the moment we left the UK to give us some peace and although I knew it was inevitable, I was happy to postpone that moment when the outside world claimed our attention again.

He looked at me and I saw his eyes darken as he set his phone and glasses down on the nearest counter. "I guess it will wait another hour."

"Only an hour?" I sashayed toward him, feeling the pull of that smoldering gaze. "Did that swim before lunch wear you out?"

He emitted a low growl, as I got close enough for him to pull me to his chest, his hands undoing my bikini top as his lips fastened on mine. I raked my fingers down his back and felt him tremble before he picked me up and carried me into the bedroom.

\---

"This place is amazing!" The realtor was showing us around the house we would be living in for the next few months and although I had seen photos, the reality was much more visually stunning. The historical beachfront property had been impeccably restored with a subdued nautical theme throughout; the rooms were painted and decorated in soft shades of blue, aqua and white and were filled with light, boasting spectacular views of the Pacific Ocean and beautiful white sands only a few steps away. A light breeze ruffled my hair as I stood on the porch, the smell of the ocean and warmth of the sun making me think we hadn't left Australia, in spite of our fourteen-hour journey.

It was such a far cry from the cold, miserable weather we had left behind in London that it made me think of a line from The Wizard of Oz and I murmured it out loud. "Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more."

"Kate?" Tom's arms came around my waist as he pressed a kiss to my shoulder. "Do you like the house darling?"

"I love it." I turned in his arms, pressing a kiss to his lips. "I love you."

"I love you too."

The sound of a throat being cleared broke us apart. "Mr and Mrs Hiddleston, if you're happy with everything I'll just get you to sign these papers and I'll be on my way." We went inside with her to the living room and while Tom signed, she smiled at me. "Newlyweds?"

"Yes," I replied, grinning, "I guess it shows?"

She looked to be about forty-five but she had a distinct twinkle in her eye when she returned my grin. "It sure does, honey. You two are just as sweet as apple pie. A word of caution though ..."

I raised my brows, wondering what was coming.

"You've got neighbours on three sides." She swept her hand around in indication and although the words were delivered deadpan, she gave us a broad wink; I burst out laughing and Tom blushed.

"We'll remember that Jessica, thank you!" I grinned back then went to sign my own name – my new name – to the rental agreement. A few minutes later she had handed us two sets of keys and bid us farewell.

"How about a walk along the beach?" I suggested to Tom; just then his phone rang.

"Luke," he said, looking at the caller ID.

I sighed. The honeymoon was definitely over.


	47. Chapter 47

Each morning we woke early and took a run together, usually heading down to Venice Beach and back. After showering and breakfasting the car would arrive to take Tom off to the studio and I would usually spend the morning at my computer doing design work for KJS, sometimes Skyping Sam and Owen to discuss how business was going. In the afternoon I'd head across the road to the beach to soak up the sun for a while; the ocean was a little cool on the one time I'd braved it, so I contented myself with paddling in the shallows and people watching. I explored the surrounding area by foot and then gradually grew brave enough to try driving on the wrong side of the road, sitting in the wrong side of the car – although Tom laughingly pointed out that I shouldn't call it the "wrong side" to any of our American friends.

We socialised occasionally but mostly just enjoyed each other's company in the evenings; talking about the events of our days, reading companionably, curled up together on a couch or walking hand-in-hand along the beach.

About a month after our arrival, I got a phone call that had me hopping with excitement and I spent the morning rearranging furniture in the lounge, moving a chair into the sunroom to make space for the item being delivered that afternoon. When Tom got home I was preparing dinner in the all-white kitchen, the overhead skylight flooding the room with a golden glow from the magnificent sunset. I turned to find him gazing at me from the entrance and gave him a beaming smile.

"Hello handsome!" When I moved closer he kissed me and I wrapped my arms around him. "I have a surprise for you!" Tom smiled at my obvious excitement. "Your birthday present finally arrived."

I'd mentioned before his birthday that I had ordered something special but that it would take a while for it to be made and delivered; his reply that he'd already be receiving the greatest birthday gift ever when I become his wife had me melting in his arms.

"Close your eyes Hiddles and no peeking until I tell you!" He laughed but complied and I took his hand, leading him to the lounge and making sure he didn't bump into anything on the way. When we came to a stop and I gave the okay, he opened his eyes.

"Kate ..." he was rendered speechless; before us stood a Steinway & Sons Baby grand piano.

"I had it tailor-made to suit your height, so you won't have to hunch over and get a sore back." I knew he was constantly trying new ways to make sitting at his old piano more comfortable – they just didn't seem to be made for people over six foot. He either ended up with sore muscles or had trouble with pedal reach. "Try it!" I urged him, so he sat on the stool, ran his hands over the keys and played a few bars of Bach.

"Kate, darling, it's incredible." He got up and took me in his arms, "You are incredible. Thank you so much." His kiss was sweet and tender. "How on earth did you get it done so quickly? These things take up to a year to make."

"I ordered it months ago, when you were in Toronto. It was only the legs and pedal pipes that needed adjusting, all the other parts are standard. I know the black is a bit dark for in here, but I loved the look of it ... it reminds me of you."

"A black piano reminds you of me?" He seemed intrigued and amused in equal measure. "Have I grown an extra pair of legs I don't know about?" he teased.

I giggled "No! It looks like you in a tuxedo - black and white and sexy as hell."

He waggled his eyebrows. "Sexy as hell?"

"Mm hmm," I murmured, pulling his head down towards me and whispering in his ear. "In a tux you are sex on legs."

This time his kiss was much more amorous and I felt the familiar flame ignite inside me. As our kisses grew more demanding and breathing more ragged, we began shedding clothes. When Tom murmured, "Ever made love on a piano?" a shiver ran through me; I shook my head and he tore himself away briefly to lower the lid carefully then lifted me up to place me on top.

"I feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman."

"My darling, as lovely as Julia is," his lips traced a line across my shoulders and down between my breasts, "to me you are much more beautiful and definitely far sexier."

"You know all the right things to say Hiddles."

\---

"Mrs Hiddleston, I believe we are near neighbours now."

"Bobby!"

"How are you Kate? How's married life treating you?"

"I've got no complaints about married life, though I must admit it was touch and go there for a while whether my groom would make the ceremony."

"Sounds like there's a story there I need to hear. What are you guys doing for dinner tonight?"

"Nothing special planned."

"Come have a barbecue with me and the missus. Say around seven thirty? I'll text you the address."

"We'd love to. What can I bring?"

"Just yourselves, I've got everything else covered. I gotta warn you though – Avri is going through a bit of a temper tantrum stage, so if it's a bad day ... "

I laughed, "Flak jackets and steel helmets?"

"You got it."

"Okay, we'll come prepared! See you then."

The barbecue was a fun night; we all got along like a house on fire and conversation flowed smoothly all night. More than once Robert's deadpan delivery of something outrageous had us almost falling off our chairs with laughter, though I was tickled to see Susan pull him into line with just a look or word. Their two small children, at four and sixteen months, were as energetic and boisterous as you would expect, but were clearly the apple of their father's eye. Avri, luckily, was having a good day.

"Well, Tom had a pretty spectacular birthday this year." The whole tale of the wedding and delays leading up to it had been discussed over dinner. "What have you got planned for yours Kate?"

"My brother and sister-in-law will be visiting us with their two children, so I'm not sure what we'll get up to. Have you got any suggestions, Bobby, from your vast experience of birthdays?" I knew he could take a good teasing, usually giving as good as he got.

Susan laughed while Robert put his hand over his heart in mock injury. "You wound me deeply Kate. Thomas, keep your wife under control."

Tom took my hand, intertwining our fingers. "I find its better just to let her get it out of her system, Bob. She always comes back to apologise later!" I choked with laughter and the sip of iced tea I'd just taken splattered all down my front. Tom handed me a napkin, barely managing to hide his grin.

"Thomas William Hiddleston!"

"Watch it buddy! Once they start using your full name, you know you're in trouble!" Robert winked at Tom and the two men grinned at each other.

"Robert John Downey!" Susan punched her husband playfully on the arm and he instantly sent her an apologetic look. Susan looked at me and shook her head. "Men!"

"Can't live with them, can't shoot them!" The two of us burst out laughing while our husbands looked at each other in feigned indignation.

Later that night as we lay in bed Tom asked, "What would you like to do for your birthday darling? I feel I should come up with something pretty spectacular for it to be anywhere near as wonderful as you made mine."

"It's not a competition sweetheart, you don't have to go to any trouble."

"I want to do something special Kate."

"Well ..." I thought about it for a few minutes, "we are in Los Angeles and we will have Molly and Matt here, and I've never been ..."

"Disneyland?"

"Disneyland. Can we do that without any fuss?"

"We can and we will, my love, if that's what you would like. I'll get Luke on to it tomorrow."

\---

"Kate? Kate Sullivan?"

I looked up from the vegetable stall of the organic growers market I'd stopped at on the side of the road, extremely surprised to hear my name being called.

"Cass? Oh my god!"

The tall raven-haired woman holding a bunch of purple carrots rushed over to embrace me. "Kate, what on earth are you doing here? Is there a conference I don't know about? Are you speaking?"

"No, I live here now. Well, for a few months anyway. My husband's working here for a while. Cass, it's so good to see you! How have you been?"

"I'm great! But what - you're living in LA? And married? Kate – are you busy now? Can you get coffee so we can catch up?"

"I'd love to!"

We chose a meeting place and arrived within minutes of each other. I was thrilled to run into my friend from postgrad days at Oxford; Cassandra Wilson had been a brilliant student, graduating with a first class degree, but best of all we'd been great study buddies and spent many hours in the computer lab helping each other with awkward algorithms. The last time we'd seen each other had been at a conference in Birmingham, five years before. Once we were seated and had ordered, Cass demanded to be caught up on how and why I came to be in the US.

"Well, let's see. I met Tom in April of last year – on a flight from LA to London, actually. We got married last month and now here we are! He's working here for six months and I came with him."

"What about your business? Did you sell it?"

"No, I've got two great friends and very capable managers running it and I'm doing design work still. What are you up to?"

"I'm teaching computer science at UCLA; been there about three years now. I married Henry – he's American – four years ago and we have a gorgeous little boy, Samuel, who's ten months old."

"Cass, you're teaching? That's wonderful! You were always brilliant at helping the rest of us when we got stuck."

"Thanks Kate." She reached over and squeezed my hand.

"Have you got any photos of Samuel?"

"Have I got photos? Puh-lease!" We giggled while Cass dug out her phone and showed me shots of a gorgeous cherub with dark curls and dimples to die for.

"Cass he's adorable!"

"I agree, but then I'm biased! He's an absolute angel one day and a holy terror the next! But I love him to pieces." The tender smile on her face gave proof to her last sentence and I found myself smiling too.

"Now, you said you only got married last month?" At my nod she insisted, "C'mon, show me!"

I laughed, searching on my phone for some wedding shots, showing Cass one of my favourites of Tom and I smiling into each other's eyes. I held my breath, waiting to see if Cass would recognise him; I had no idea how much of a movie buff she was these days; we certainly hadn't had the opportunity to see many when we were students.

Cass glanced at the photo then brought the phone closer to her face, peering intently. "You know, your husband looks a lot like ..." She looked up at me then back at the picture. "What did you say his name is?"

"Tom." I couldn't help grinning to myself.

"Tom..." Cass gasped, looking at me again with shock clear on her face. "You didn't ... you aren't ... holy crap Kate! Did you ... are you..."

I giggled again. "What is it you're trying to say Cass?" I was enjoying her reaction too much to make it easy on her.

Cass took a deep breath and another look at the photo before giving me an almost accusatory glare. "Kate Sullivan, are you married to Tom freaking Hiddleston?"

Unable to stop the laughter from bubbling out, I nodded, grinning widely when Cass's eyes rounded to saucers and she dropped the phone, narrowly missing it going into her unfinished cup of coffee.


	48. Chapter 48

"It's not my fault! It's not as if I do it on purpose!"

"That's not what I'm saying!"

"Then what are you saying Kate? Please, enlighten me. I can't wait to hear your insightful discourse on the finer details of how my job works!"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit."

His nostrils flared and his eyes were a storm gathering over the ocean. "Thank you so much for your unwavering support and encouragement." As a horn tooted outside he gathered his things. "I'll see you tonight." I merely snorted and Tom's lips thinned into an angry line. He slammed the door closed behind him without so much as a goodbye.

"Oh that's very mature!" I called after him, stifling a scream of frustration and clenching my hands into fists to stop myself from picking something up and throwing it. An hour and two cups of tea later my frustration turned to misery at the thought of our first fight – and I knew exactly what had triggered it.

He was stressed at work and I was bored and lonely.

It wasn't just the long hours Tom had to put in regularly; I missed my friends and family too. I missed Max's irreverence and Davey's humour and support. I missed my circle of friends, small though it might be; I really just missed daily contact with other humans. Any enjoyment of my own company was definitely beginning to wane.

I sighed and picked up my phone to send Tom a text.

Kate: I'm sorry darling. I love you xx

As I hit 'Send' the phone began to ring.

"Hi Cass, what's up?"

"Kate, are you doing anything today?"

"Other than drowning in self pity, not much."

"Good, I've got the perfect solution. Can you meet me at UCLA in an hour?"

"Sure. Is anything wrong?"

"I'll tell you all about it when I see you. We're in the School of Engineering and Applied Science building – I'll text you the map. They'll tell you at the front desk where my office is."

"Okay, see you in an hour."

I made an effort to look nice, pleased to have a reason to wear something other than shorts and t-shirt for a change, and made the five mile drive in no time, arriving early. Figuring Cass wouldn't mind, I found the front desk and asked for her.

"Dr Wilson's office is down this corridor, turn right at the end, third door on your left."

"Thank you."

When I knocked on the door Cass looked up from a huge pile of paperwork. "Kate! Thank god!" She rose from her chair and came to give me a hug. "Have a seat." Once we were settled, Cass launched her surprise. "Kate, how would you like a job teaching here a couple of days a week?"

"W-what?"

"One of my colleagues suffered a mild heart attack last night. He's okay," she waved her hand at my shocked look, "but we've now got two undergrad classes without a lecturer and I think you would be the perfect person to do it."

"Cass, I've got no teaching experience!"

"I know, I know. But you've presented papers before; plus, you've probably mentored interns haven't you?"

"Yes."

"Well then. The Spring Quarter just started; instruction begins tomorrow. It's two classes – introduction to computer graphics and computer animation, both four hour lectures and I know you could do this stuff in your sleep."

"Tomorrow! Cass, I ..."

"I know I'm springing this on you at the last minute Kate, but honestly I can't think of anyone better for the job and I'd love to work with you. I'll be here to hold your hand until you find your feet – forgive the terrible metaphors – and I have access to Alan's lecture notes, so you don't have to plan everything from scratch." She paused and looked at me. "What do you say?"

"I ... I ... it's just for a few weeks, right?"

"Until Alan is back on his feet."

I took a deep, deep breath and jumped in with both feet. "I'll do it. But Cass – " I forestalled Cass's enthusiastic response, "seriously, if I completely suck at this you have to promise to fire my arse, okay?"

Cass laughed as she got up from her chair once more. "You won't suck Kate, but alright, I promise." We hugged again. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the Dean."

The next few hours were a flurry of activity as I was introduced to the Dean of Studies, shown what would be my temporary office, given lecture notes, course outlines, timetables and other administrative paperwork, whisked over to the Bursar's office to have my photo taken for ID, given a tour of the campus and shown the computer labs.

"Now, your head is probably spinning. Go home, breathe, put your feet up, have a stiff drink. Get that gorgeous movie star husband of yours to give you a massage." She accompanied that advice with a wink and a smile. "I'll see you here at eight tomorrow morning."

Her mention of Tom reminded me I hadn't checked my phone for messages once in the four hours I'd been here, so after saying goodbye to Cass and taking the course outline and lecture notes with me, I sat in the car and looked to see if he had responded to my apology.

Nothing.

Sighing, I drove slowly home, stopping on the way to pick up a bottle of my favourite red wine. I had a feeling I would need it. Dropping the papers on the unit in the entrance, I headed to the kitchen to put the wine in the fridge for later but drew up short when I found Tom standing in the lounge, an identical bottle of wine in one hand and a bunch of flowers in the other. "Darling, I'm so sorry I was such an arse."

I flew towards him, careful not to drop the bottle but determined to put my arms around him nonetheless. His own arms wrapped around me tightly as we kissed.

"What are you doing home so early?" I ran my hand over his cheek and mouth and kissed him again.

"You've been so wonderful about the late nights I've been doing, I told them I needed an early finish to make it up to you."

"Tom, that's so sweet. Thank you." I gave him another kiss. "Are those flowers behind my back for me?"

"Yes." He brought his arm around and we laughed at the sight of the bunch of daisies, now looking much worse for wear. "I guess I hugged you too tightly!"

I pressed yet another kiss to his lips. "There's no such thing as hugging me too tightly. If the flowers can't hack it, they're toast." His rich laugh made me smile properly for the first time that day. "Thank you, though, for bringing them."

"You're welcome sweetheart. Let's get the wine into the fridge so it doesn't suffer as well!"

As we snuggled in the sunroom I told Tom all about my new job.

"Darling, that's wonderful! Congratulations! You will be brilliant, I know you will."

"I'll settle for just being up to the task to begin with; maybe I'll aim for brilliant later on!" I ran my fingers through his already dishevelled curls.

"Now, what was that about me giving you a massage?"

At the husky tone in his voice a frisson of desire ran through me. "Hmm, are you up to the task Hiddles?"

"As long as it's a full body massage." He was nibbling my ear so I wasn't completely sure I had heard him correctly, but the look in his eyes told me more than enough.

"Last one to the bedroom gets to undress the other." I climbed off his lap and slanted him a look from under my eyelashes.

Smiling, he waited until I was almost at the door before following me.

\---

Just before the alarm was due to go off the next morning I woke suddenly, sitting bolt upright in bed, then leapt out and raced into the bathroom, retching into the toilet bowl.

Tom followed me, smoothing my hair back from my face and handing me a facecloth when it seemed to have stopped. "Darling, you don't need to be nervous, you'll be wonderful."

"Tell that to my insides Thomas, they're churning fit to make butter."

"Shall I make you a cup of tea?" He helped me off the floor then flushed the toilet and at my nod went off to the kitchen. I showered and dressed in a pencil skirt and tailored shirt, my hair tamed into its customary plait, hoping I looked professional and not as green around the gills as I felt. I drank the tea Tom had made gratefully but turned my nose up at his offered bowl of muesli.

"Sweetheart, you need something in your stomach."

"I know but it won't look good if it ends up all over my students later on." He gave me a telling look so to appease him I said I'd grab something at campus later. Picking up the lecture notes to read over one last time, I knew I could teach this class standing on my head and that it was just nerves making me uncertain.

When Tom was dressed he came to stand behind me, his arms curling around my waist; I put my notes back down, placing my hands over his and lacing our fingers together. Leaning back against his solid strength, I took a deep breath and released it slowly.

"Kate, I'm so proud of you darling. I have complete confidence that you will be wonderful today."

"Thank you sweetheart."

"I love you."

"I love you too." I turned in his arms and kissed him just as a horn sounded outside.

"There's my ride. Break a leg darling. Call me later and tell me how it went."

I smiled at his theatrical phrase and gave him a last quick kiss. "I will love. Have a good day."

I gathered all my bits and pieces together, thinking I'd need to invest in a briefcase, and made sure I had my ID before picking up the keys and heading out the door.

Please don't let me throw up in class!


	49. Chapter 49

"Well, I don't think I need to ask how you felt that went!" Cass was sitting in her office, grinning at me after my first lecture. I had a huge smile on my face.

"Cass, it was ... amazing! They responded so well when I asked for suggestions; they asked tons of questions – and they know so much! Did we know that much when we were in our first year?" I couldn't believe how much I'd enjoyed teaching the class; I felt an incredible buzz, almost like I was high on some form of substance. It was intoxicating.

My friend laughed. "It is almost the end of their first year, remember, so we would hope they know a little something by now! But seriously, you did a great job."

"What, did you have spy cameras in there watching me or something?"

Cass grinned again. "No, I snuck in to the back row while you were explaining polygonal models and parametric surfaces. You were so engrossed you didn't even notice me!"

I had to laugh and acknowledge that I had indeed been deeply involved in the information I was presenting and hadn't seen Cass sitting in. We chatted for a while longer and Cass made sure I had enough information for my second lecture in two days time, then she had to go to a class of her own while I headed home.

Arriving at the house I made myself a salad for lunch then called Tom, hoping I wouldn't disturb him in the middle of filming.

He answered on the second ring. "Sweetheart! How did it go?"

"It was great, love. I really enjoyed it. The students were engaged and very enthusiastic; they asked excellent questions. I'm still on a bit of a high, to be honest!"

"Darling that's marvellous, I'm so happy for you. How are you feeling? Has your tummy settled?" He sounded concerned so I hastened to reassure him.

"I must admit I felt quite nervous again to start with. Cass explained to them what had happened to their regular lecturer then introduced me. She gave me such a build up I was terrified I was going to vomit again but I didn't luckily."

"Did you get something to eat?"

"I had a banana."

"Darling ..."

"Tom, I'm fine, honestly. The banana settled my stomach and I've just had lunch."

"Alright, but take it easy for the rest of the day." I smiled to myself at his mothering; it was adorable. "How about I get out of here a little early and take you out to dinner?"

"I think I could handle being wined and dined by a tall, hot British guy," I replied, smiling. We said our goodbyes and ended the call. Feeling a little too keyed up still to be able to concentrate on design work, I changed and headed across the road to the beach. After a couple of hours, though, I was feeling very tired so went back to the house and curled up on a couch with a book.

Waking from a deep sleep some time later, the first things I noticed were the darkened windows, nearby illuminated lamp and marvellous smells coming from the kitchen. Listening for a moment, I heard soft humming and smiled – Tom always hummed to himself when he was creating in the kitchen. Seeing that the book I'd been reading was now resting safely on the coffee table, I stretched and headed towards the delicious aroma, running my hands over Tom's shoulders when I came up behind him.

"Hello darling. I'm sorry I was asleep when you got home."

Tom turned, putting down the spatula he held to wrap his arms around me. "You looked so peaceful I didn't want to disturb you." He gave me a tender kiss. "I thought as you were so tired you'd prefer to eat in; I hope that's okay."

"It's more than okay, it's perfect. Thank you. Is that your chicken primavera that's making my mouth water?" The smell of the basil, lemon and garlic were tantalising and I licked my lips in anticipation, suddenly ravenous.

"It is and it's almost ready."

"I'll go wash up and then set the table."

"Already done, love."

After washing my face and hands I went into the dining room to find not only the table set but a bottle of wine sitting in a cooler, soft music playing in the background and a small box wrapped in red ribbon on my side plate. "Tom, what's this?"

He came in carrying the plates of steaming chicken, pasta and vegetables, placing them down before answering. "A small gift."

When I opened it I found a dainty silver charm bracelet adorned with a red apple charm and chuckled softly when Tom pointed out it was an apple for the teacher. Holding my wrist out for him to place it on, I kissed him then wrapped both arms around him. "Thank you so much, it's adorable. You know if I wasn't starving hungry, you'd be dragged into the bedroom right now, don't you?"

"Then I claim a temporary raincheck until you've eaten your fill."

The glint in his eye was part teasing, part passion and I caught my breath. "Tom ..."

"Eat sweetheart." His raspy voice was half-growl. "You're going to need the energy."

\---

The day after my second lecture, which had been as enjoyable as the first and luckily with only a little nausea caused by nerves, my family arrived to visit and the next few days were busy showing Mike, Abby, Molly and Matt some of the sights of LA as well as spending plenty of time on the beautiful white sands of the beach right outside our door. I felt a little guilty that Tom and I both had to work while they were here, but thankful that my commitment at least was only half a day, albeit twice in the week. On the day before my birthday a large box was delivered and opened to reveal an assortment of Avengers toys and games for the children, courtesy of Robert. I was touched by his thoughtfulness and rang him to express my thanks.

"Bobby, that was so kind and generous of you, thank you so much. You made their day, especially Matt."

"It's my pleasure Kate. Have a wonderful birthday tomorrow. I hope we'll catch up with you guys soon."

"We'll have to have you over for dinner. Happy birthday for tomorrow and give my love to Susan."

After putting my phone down I gave a huge yawn. Abby, coming into the room just then, saw it. "You've been tired a lot the past few days, Kate, is everything okay?"

"I think it's just adjusting to the new routine Abbs. I'm really enjoying teaching the classes but they do use a bit of emotional energy – I'm high on adrenalin immediately afterwards, then when that wears off I'm exhausted!"

"Are you sure? Any nausea or change in taste perception?"

"I vomited the day of my first lecture and had some nausea before the second, but that was just nerves."

"Hmm." Abby gave me a searching look. "When was your last period?"

"It was ..." I frowned, trying to recall. Not able to pinpoint it, I looked up the calendar app on my phone, mumbling to myself, "That can't be right," and checking dates again. Eventually I looked up at Abby. "I'm two weeks late. How did I not notice that?"

"Kate, you're never late."

"I know."

We stared at each other for a minute, then Abby grabbed my hand and our handbags, called out, "Watch the kids for a bit, Mike, Kate and I are just popping out to the shops," and pulled me out the door. "Where's the nearest pharmacy?"

"Three or four blocks that way," I pointed in the general direction of the local shopping centre.

"You up to driving? I've never driven on the wrong side; I'd probably run some poor bastard over."

I gave a small giggle but thought it sounded slightly hysterical, so stifled it. "I think I'll be fine."

Neither one of us said a word as we got in the car and drove to the store, bought two home pregnancy test kits and drove back to the house. Once home, we headed for the master bedroom, closing the door firmly. I went into the ensuite while Abby sat on the bed.

When I emerged from the bathroom I went to sit on the bed next to Abby, a test strip in each hand, and we waited mutely while the time passed agonisingly slowly. I was sure I could feel and hear every beat of my heart.

After five minutes Abby whispered, "Is it done yet?"

Before looking I turned to my sister-in-law, whispering. "Abby, I'm scared."

"Of what honey? A yes or a no?"

"Both."


	50. Chapter 50

"To Kate!" "To Katie!" "Aunty Kate!"

We were dining at Fritto Misto, a small, family-owned Italian restaurant where we'd been warmly welcomed by the owner before being shown to our table. It had a no-frills ambience but Cass had recommended it for being family friendly with fabulous food, and it had certainly lived up to that. Our appetisers and mains had been truly delicious and now as we waited for our desserts, Tom had proposed a birthday toast.

I had been stuck in my own head ever since seeing the results on the test sticks. Sitting there on the bed with Abby's arm around me, staring at the devices that had just changed my life, I'd been completely unable to give words to the emotions boiling and swirling inside. It had taken some time before I felt able to leave the room and act normally in front of Mike and the kids; even more difficult when Tom arrived home, cheerful and bristling with energy, so keen to make my birthday a special occasion. I loved him dearly for his fervour and had done my best to smile and join in the lively conversation, when in reality I just wanted to be alone to think.

To think about how I felt.

I'd always planned on having children, definitely, but it was on a 'one day in a far-off future' kind of basis; now it had been given a finite timeline, now there was no turning back. It was happening so soon – we'd barely been married two months – and I wasn't sure I was ready. I so wanted to be sure; wanted my own feelings to be sorted before I told Tom, knowing that any lack of enthusiasm on my part would cast a shadow on his own happiness and I love him too much to do that to him.

"Aunty Kate?" Molly's voice interrupted my reverie. "You haven't had your special drink. Don't you like it?"

Trust Molly to notice I hadn't touched my wine; I exchanged a quick glance with Abby before seeing Tom's worried frown as he looked at my full glass, then at my face.

"Darling? Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine, it's just ... I ... I have a slight headache and I ... didn't want the alcohol to aggravate it," I prevaricated, relieved when his face cleared and he got up to get me a glass of mineral water to replace the wine.

"You should have said something sweetheart," he kissed my forehead tenderly. "Do you need anything for it?"

"No, I'm sure it will be better shortly." I touched my fingers to his face; he put his own hand over mine and kissed my palm and the gold ring on his third finger caught my gaze, immediately taking my thoughts back to our wedding day and Tom waiting for me at the end of the aisle, tears in his eyes, his face shining with love. I recalled the words of the vows we made to each other and suddenly felt a shift in my chest, as though a jigsaw piece had slotted into its rightful place. Peace and acceptance washed over me. It may be sooner than we had planned, but I had Tom at my side and together we could take on anything Fate threw at us, even parenthood.

\---

"What are we going to see first tomorrow?" Mike asked Molly and Matt once everyone arrived back at the house. The two children started bouncing with excitement, talking about all the things they wanted to see and do at Disneyland the next day. "We can't fit everything into just one day, guys, you have to pick your favourites."

That was when Tom told us his surprise. Not only had he arranged for early entry an hour before the park opened and an escort by a staff member who would give instant access to rides and attractions without having to wait in queues, as well as character meets for the children – Anna and Elsa from Frozen for Molly and Captain America for Matt; he had also booked accommodation to stay the following night in a themed Signature Suite at the Disneyland Hotel so they could have two full days at the park.

Once everyone had picked their jaws up off the ground and rushed Tom with excited hugs and thanks, Abby and Mike took the children off to their room to pack overnight bags and get ready for bed.

I slid my arms around Tom. "You are amazing. You spoil me Tom."

"Says the woman who bought me a piano." He smiled. "I want your birthday to be special Kate, as well as something Molly and Matt will always remember."

Tears prickled my eyes. "I love you."

"I love you my darling, so much." He kissed my tears away then claimed my mouth in a kiss so tender and sweet I felt the familiar swelling of my heart and wondered how I came to be so lucky to be loved by this man.

Later as I showered before bed, I placed my hands over my abdomen and whispered quietly, "We'll tell him tomorrow, little one. Your daddy."

\---

My thirty-third birthday was a day I will always consider to be one of the best of my life; I had my husband and family with me, spending it at The Happiest Place On Earth. The excitement and wonder on the faces of the two children as we covered Fantasyland, Frontier land and Critter Country, doing as many rides and seeing as many attractions as we could fit in the time, was something the four of us felt we'd never forget. After a quick trip to New Orleans Square, we watched the evening's parade and fireworks before catching the tram to the hotel, discovering we would be staying in the Fairy Tale Suite. Tom's and my room was opulently furnished in cream and blue with a magnificent four-poster bed and luxurious bathroom; the rooms Mike and Abby, Molly and Matt were staying in just as sumptuous. Having bathed the over-excited and tired children and packed them off to bed, Mike and Abby bade us goodnight and retired to their room.

"Would you care for a spa bath Mrs Hiddleston?"

"Mm, sounds heavenly."

I leaned back, resting against Tom's chest as we relaxed in the hot water. His arms wrapped around me and I laced my fingers through his, sighing in contentment.

"Have you had a happy birthday my darling?" he murmured in my ear, kissing my neck and sending shivers down my spine.

"It's been perfect Tom," I told him.

"I'm glad. More pampering to come though." He reached for the rose scented soap and washcloth and proceeded to wash me, beginning at shoulders and back then down my arms and legs before coming to breasts and stomach.

"Tom..." I breathed, head thrown back on his shoulder and eyes closed to the pleasure his hands were bringing, now devoid of soap and cloth. "Darling I ..." His mouth silenced me and when I turned and slid my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, he lifted us both up out of the water and carried me to the huge bed to make love to me slowly, almost reverently.

As I lay in his arms afterwards, I asked, "Tom? Are you enjoying Disneyland a second time?"

"Mm," he replied, his fingers drawing lazy circles on my bare back. "It's more fun seeing it with Matt and Molly."

I smiled a secret smile to myself, my head on his chest. "We'll have to make sure we bring our children here." The hand on my back stopped moving; I pressed a kiss to his warm skin. "Do you still want children?"

"A whole posse of them ... but not until you're ready sweetheart, we don't have to rush into it."

"We kind of already have." I said slowly. "So I won't be able to go on the Indiana Jones ride with you tomorrow after all."

He gasped aloud and I felt his heartbeat accelerating rapidly. He grasped my shoulders and moved me to look in my face. "Kate! Are you ... Have we ..."

I ran my hand tenderly through his hair and over his cheek, smiling lovingly at him. "Yes I am and yes we have."

The look on his face was one I'd seen only once before, as I walked towards him in my wedding dress. He put his large hand on my belly so very gently, as if afraid the touch would cause harm. "Kate ... oh my darling ..." Tears ran down his face and this time it was my turn to kiss them away.

"We're having a baby," he whispered.

"We're having a baby," I whispered back.

\---

A number of times during the next day, I almost regretted not waiting to tell Tom about the pregnancy; he had fussed over me constantly, adamantly refusing to let me carry anything and forcing me to rest periodically even when I insisted I didn't need to. By late afternoon we were all tired and footsore so headed home, where we ate a light meal before the children were packed off early to bed.

"Are we telling Mike and Abby our news?" Tom asked quietly as he pulled me down to his lap in the sunroom.

"You don't think they've already guessed?"

"How?"

"Oh I don't know. I thought maybe you saying 'You shouldn't be carrying heavy things' and 'You need to sit down and rest' all through the day might have been clues." I half-teased, then kissed him when he looked embarrassed.

I didn't tell him that Abby already knew and hoped she would have the sense to act surprised. I needn't have worried; Abby appeared just as stunned and thrilled by the announcement as Mike was, though we shared a conspiratorial smile as Tom beamed proudly while shaking Mike's hand. Unable to keep from yawning as the evening deepened, I quite happily gave in to Tom's suggestion of an early night; I did have a class to teach in the morning.

\---

"Cass, can you recommend a good OB/GYN?" I asked her after my lecture the next day.

"I see Helen Diamond, she's very good. Straight-talking but compassionate." Cass looked at me keenly. "Is everything okay?"

"Fine, I just ..."

Cass gasping, "Oh my god, you're pregnant!" interrupted me.

I found myself blushing. "Wow, I didn't realise it was that obvious."

"You are pregnant? Holy cow; that man of yours works fast!"

The blush deepened. "Yes, well, honeymoon baby, I guess."

"Sure. That's what honeymoons are for, right?" Cass gave me a wide grin and broad wink and we both burst out laughing. "I'll ring Helen right away and see if she can fit you in as soon as."

"Thanks Cass."

It turned out the doctor had a cancellation that afternoon; she was able to confirm the home test result and estimated I was six to seven weeks along. We talked about nutrition, diet and exercise and after my blood pressure was checked I was given literature on what to expect in the first few months. The due date was calculated and an appointment made for the next check up. My head was swimming when I got home, so glad Abby was there to go over it with me.

"You'll be back home for the birth won't you?"

"Yes, definitely - Tom's doing a play at the Barbican starting in October."

"Good. Just think Kate, we'll have a new baby in the family by Christmas."

"Oh my." I sat down heavily, almost spilling the cup of tea in my hand.

"Kate? You're not freaking out are you?"

I shook my head slowly. "No," I said, "but Abbs – a new baby at Christmas. I wish ... I wish mum and dad ..." Then I burst into tears just as Tom, Mike, Molly and Matt came in the front door. Tom rushed over to kneel in front of my chair, wrapping his arms around me, rubbing my back and making soothing noises.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

Abby patted him on the shoulder and told him quietly, "Every pregnant woman wants her mum." Then she directed her husband and children out the door again to give us some time alone.

"Darling, I'm so sorry." He gave me his handkerchief then hugged me tightly again. "I know nothing can replace your own mother, but ... you have mine. She thinks of you as another daughter, you know."

In a small, muffled voice I said, "She does?"

"Of course. She gave me quite a lecture about treating you right and threatened me with dire consequences if I ever hurt you."

"She did?"

"She did."

I raised a tear-streaked face from within the circle of his arms. "Your mum is awesome."

He smiled. "Yes, she certainly is. And I know she would love to help you with anything you need, anything at all." He took the hanky and gently wiped my face. "Would you like to call her now?"

"It's the middle of the night there," I sniffled.

"Darling, we're going to tell her she's about to be a grandmother – she won't care that it's the middle of the night."

"Okay."


	51. Chapter 51

"No."

"Yes."

"Darling I don't want to know."

"That's fine Tom. Just leave the room. But I want to know."

We were at my twenty-week prenatal check-up and before Helen performed the anomaly ultrasound to check the baby's growth, she asked us if we want to know the sex of the baby, if she was able to tell.

"If you know you'll tell me or let it slip somehow, or I'll come home and you'll have painted the nursery pink or blue."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "I do know how to keep a secret Tom."

His eyes narrowed. "Just what secrets have you been keeping Kate?"

"Are you kidding me? Let's see; there was the little matter of keeping the fact we were dating a secret, keeping our wedding a secret while you were off gallivanting the world, keeping your piano a secret for months... Shall I continue?"

"No," he mumbled, looking suitably abashed.

I allowed myself a slight smirk of victory, turning back to see a wide grin on the face of my OB/GYN. "Sorry Helen."

"It's fine," she replied, "I get it all the time."

We had already spent time in her office going over test results from my previous visit, confirming everything looked fine and the pregnancy was progressing normally. Now she moved my clothing out of the way, took the bottle of gel from the warm water it had been sitting in and squeezed some onto my belly, rubbing it around with the probe. Before long we could hear the baby's heartbeat, which Helen said was 142 beats per minute, quite normal for twenty weeks. She took a number of essential measurements of length and circumference and checked on the womb and placenta before turning the monitor to show us views of our baby.

I squeezed Tom's hand tightly when we saw the baby sucking its thumb, and heard him sigh softly as he returned the pressure on my fingers. Helen pointed out the various organs she could see clearly, then showed us the different chambers of the heart and the vertebrae of the spine before she turned to Tom to say, "Baby's lying in a very good position and I can see the gender quite clearly, Tom, so do you want to step out for a minute?"

"Are you sure you want to know?" he asked me one last time.

I was quite definite. "Yes. I won't tell you sweetheart, I promise. It'll still be Baby Hiddles." Our nickname for our unborn child wasn't terribly original or imaginative, but we didn't care in the slightest.

He gave me a kiss then left the room, returning a couple of minutes later when I called out that it was safe to come back. I was smiling and Tom told me he thought of it as my 'mummy smile' – saying it was soft and maternal and never failed to make his heart lurch. My own heart did a fair bit of lurching of its own as he said it, an adorably goofy grin on his face.

Helen printed a picture of the baby for us to take, cleaned up the gel and pronounced everything fine. "I'll see you in another four weeks Kate. Call me if you have any queries or problems of any kind, of course."

We both thanked her and Tom helped me off the examination table, waiting while I adjusted my clothing then escorting me out to reception to make another appointment. He was very quiet on the drive home but I waited until we were back in the house before bringing it up.

"Is something wrong? Are you mad at me for wanting to know the sex?"

He took me in his arms, kissing the top of my head. "No darling, not at all. I'm just ..."

I placed my palm on his cheek when he paused to search for words. "Just?"

"I guess I'm just worried ... about fatherhood, you know, will I be a good dad? Should I cut back on work? I don't want to be an absent parent like my father was, Kate. It would kill me if my child grew up without knowing me."

My heart ached for him; I knew he had been hurt terribly by his father's frequent absences and the subsequent divorce, so I did my best to reassure him, hoping it would be enough to allay his fears.

"Tom, firstly, you are wonderful with children and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are going to be an amazing father. Secondly, you won't be an absent parent because I simply won't let you; Baby Hiddles and I will follow you around all the corners of the globe while you realise the incredible potential of your talent. And thirdly, you don't need to think about cutting back on work until baby reaches school age, which won't be for a while yet, and even then there are other options to explore."

"Kate ... darling, I ..." He couldn't find words, so I found some for him.

"I know sweetheart, I love you too."

"Yes."

"Do you want to kiss me now?"

"Oh god, yes."

\---

A few days later we attended an event for the Los Angeles Historic Theatre Foundation held at Grauman's Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Blvd. It was a night of glitz and glamour and although I'd been to a few red carpet events with Tom already, this was Hollywood after all, and all the top stars would be out tonight.

Knowing there would be intense media presence and that any sign of my small baby bump would be scrutinised and analysed in the world press, I chose a beautiful red gown from Tony Ward's spring 2015 collection. The hand-embroidered empire cut bodice meant the long flowing skirt was not tight around my stomach and attention was drawn by the thigh-high split on the left side. I accessorised with gold strappy heels and clutch and wore the ruby necklace and earrings Tom had given me.

"Holy crap, Tom, did they pour you into this thing?" As I went to straighten his bow tie I couldn't help noting that the Tom Ford tuxedo jacket he wore was so well fitting I doubted he could draw a deep breath

"Holy crap, Tom, did they pour you into this thing?" As I went to straighten his bow tie I couldn't help noting that the Tom Ford tuxedo jacket he wore was so well fitting I doubted he could draw a deep breath. A cloud of the Abercrombie & Fitch cologne I'd bought him recently enveloped me and its sweet, woody fragrance merely added to the sensual feast that was my gorgeous husband.

A cloud of the Abercrombie & Fitch cologne I'd bought him recently enveloped me and its sweet, woody fragrance merely added to the sensual feast that was my gorgeous husband

He didn't answer my question but instead took my breath away with the look he gave me. "Kate ... you look ... simply exquisite." I stood still as he walked around me, the appreciative look in his eyes deepening as he took in how much leg showed through the split in my dress.

Visions of passion on the piano played in my head and made it momentarily difficult to speak; I knew we needed to leave soon or we'd end up being very late for the event.

The limousine dropped us outside the theatre and cameras flashed everywhere; Tom's name called over and over as paparazzi clamoured for shots. We posed and smiled obligingly, Tom keeping a firm, supportive arm around my waist and occasionally planting a tender kiss on my lips. As we worked our way towards the entrance we were surrounded by so many celebrities I lost track; I smiled and greeted everyone I was introduced to and exchanged a few words. Eventually we saw two familiar faces coming towards us; Robert and Susan, both looking equally glamorous in black, although Robert's red tinted glasses and tousled hair gave him that rebellious, roguish look he favoured so much. Shortly afterwards Chris and Elsa appeared and the six of us headed into the theatre together.

\---

I heard my phone ringing from where I'd left it in the kitchen but wasn't sure it was safe to leave my perch just yet; the bout of morning sickness was particularly bad today and straying too far from the toilet bowl might not be such a good idea. Why didn't I bring it in here with me? It rang again just as I decided that it was finally all right to move but the number on the screen wasn't one I recognised.

"Kate Sullivan." I still used my maiden name professionally so usually answered with that.

"Kate, it's Chris. I don't want you to worry but Tom's had a bit of an accident. He's okay but they've taken him to the hospital."

I turned and retched into the kitchen sink.

"Kate? Kate? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I mumbled, "Which hospital?"

"Cedars-Sinai."

"I'm on my way." I grabbed my bag and a tissue to wipe my face then headed outside, intending to drive until I caught sight of a cab coming along Ocean Ave just as another wave of nausea hit me, so I quickly flagged it down. The cabbie, bless him, made the journey in record time and my stomach thankfully behaved itself the entire ride, even when I popped a mint in my mouth. My mind, however, was scattering in all directions with worry.

From reception an orderly escorted me to Emergency and the corner cubicle where I found Tom behind curtains such a sickly shade of green they made me feel nauseous again, not helped at all by the smell of industrial cleaning products, blood, dirt and what I sincerely hoped was not faeces.

He was sitting almost upright, naked from the waist up with his left shoulder looking swollen, bruised and a weird shape.

"There she is!" He called loudly and almost...euphorically? What the hell? "My baby mama!"

I stood stock-still and stared at him incredulously from the foot of the bed. "Are you high?"

The nurse who was fiddling with a drip gave a giggle and explained, "We've given him some strong painkillers and he seems to be quite sensitive to them. He's been like this since we got back from X-ray." She giggled again as Tom turned and blew her a kiss, waving his right arm around like a lunatic and almost hitting himself in the head. "The doctor will be in to see him once the results of the X-ray are available. Meanwhile, try to get him to keep as still as possible."

I raised my eyebrows at her and said in a droll voice, "What do you think my chances are?" as I shook my head. Tom tossed a huge grin my way and despite myself, I couldn't help the corners of my mouth from twitching up in an answering grin.

She merely giggled again and patted my arm as she wished me good luck and left the cubicle, drawing the awful green curtains closed behind her.

I looked at Tom.

He looked at me.

Then he winked and I burst out laughing, moving up to perch on the right side of the bed and take his good hand in mine before he could do himself any further damage. I noticed he was still wearing his leather Loki trousers and smidges of his makeup had gotten into his hair. I ran my fingers through his long locks and he turned his face into my palm, saying enthusiastically, "Hello pretty lady!"

"Hello," I smiled. "What have you been doing to yourself?"

His face was wreathed in a smile so bright I blinked. "I got beat up by the Hulk!"

"Mark did this?"

"No!" he shook his head very emphatically from side to side and tore his hand from mine to wave it around. "Big green guy!"


	52. Chapter 52

The next four hours were a constant coming and going of cast and crew from Ragnarok. Kevin, the producer, had come in the ambulance with Tom so he popped in and out and was almost constantly on the phone. He told me what had happened; Tom's harness latch had failed while he was doing a stunt in front of the green screen, causing a rapid sideways fall. In trying to arrest the fall by putting his arms out, Tom's hand had snagged on a piece of equipment, wrenching his shoulder.

An hour later Chris E and Robert arrived to see how Tom was doing. He greeted them as enthusiastically as he had me and when I explained to them about the effects of the painkillers, I was sure they were going to wet themselves laughing. Chris, being the prankster he is, took video footage of Tom raving about the 'big green guy' while Robert only encouraged the both of them. I felt it was like being in a room with Matt and his friends.

They were so rowdy that a nurse arrived to tell them to be quiet; when she saw who was in the cubicle she blushed bright red and ended up having selfies taken with Chris and Robert, who schmoozed her into forgetting about the noise and even bringing us all some tea. I shook my head at them, laughing when Robert just wiggled his eyebrows.

"Are you okay Kate? You look a little pale." Robert looked concerned.

"I'm fine Bobby, I'm just -"

"Hey!" Tom interjected loudly, waggling a wildly waving finger towards Robert. "Keep your hands off my woman!"

Robert held his hands in front of him in surrender. "It's okay buddy, I'm not touching her, just asking if she's alright. She looks a little pale, don't you think? Maybe she should sit down."

"Kate, you do look unwell." Chris agreed. "Do you want –?"

Tom interrupted again. "We're having a Kate, my baby and me ... I ... me I?" He frowned when he realised it hadn't come out right. "No, we're having a baby!" He turned to me with the cutest little boy look. "Aren't we?" I agreed and went to his side; he put his good arm around me, tucking his head into my waist and mumbling something towards my abdomen. I looked at Chris and Robert and smiled, rolling my eyes.

Both of them offered congratulations and Robert, guessing that my paleness was caused by morning sickness, suggested some things that had helped Susan.

Not long after they left Jeremy and Scarlett arrived and stayed briefly, followed by Mark and Chris H. They were on the verge of leaving when Cindy and Jacob arrived, Tom's make-up and hair stylists. Both had been with him through all the Marvel movies and were old friends, though when I'd met Cindy on set a few weeks back I had felt a strange vibe, one I hadn't yet been able to put a name to. The fact that she insisted on calling me Dr Hiddleston instead of by my first name just added to the vaguely uneasy feeling.

As Mark and Chris took their leave Cindy was cleaning Tom's make-up off and I watched her for a minute, wondering if it was just my imagination that she seemed to touch his arm and good shoulder more than was necessary. I caught Chris looking at them too just before he disappeared out the awful green curtain, which didn't help my unease.

Once the Loki make-up was gone and Jacob had removed Tom's hair extensions, they sat to chat for a while until Kevin showed up again and they said their farewells. I watched Tom carefully but he seemed to treat them with exactly the same friendliness and courtesy he showed everyone.

Kevin stayed until the doctor arrived and we were all very relieved to hear Tom had suffered only a mild sprain and inflammation of the tendon in his rotator cuff, which while extremely painful, wouldn't lead to any permanent damage. He needed rest, ice and anti-inflammatories for a few days. He'd been very lucky, the doctor told us, it could have been much worse.

The effects of the painkillers were wearing off; meaning Tom was a lot less loopy but also quite sore now too. Kevin arranged a car to take us home and helped Tom out of bed once all the paperwork had been signed. He'd be keeping in touch, he assured me as he saw us off.

Once home I gave Tom a packet of frozen peas to put on his shoulder while I attempted to get him out of his leather trousers.

"I don't know how you can stand to wear these in the heat, they're sticking to you. Oh!" I'd managed to wriggle them down over his hips, only to discover he wasn't wearing anything underneath. "Tom!" I looked at him, laughing. "Going commando? What if they'd had to remove them at the hospital?"

"I wasn't planning on being in hospital when I put them on this morning, love. They're far too hot to wear boxers underneath."

I laughed again, shaking my head at him as I peeled them down his long legs and he stepped out of them, now standing completely naked.

"I'll get you some painkillers and anti-inflammatories and then straight into bed with you."

"As long as you're coming with me," he said, bending to kiss me.

"Tom, you can't possibly be thinking ..." I stopped when he pointedly looked down and I followed his gaze. "Well, all right, you obviously can be thinking ..." He kissed me again, more passionately this time. "Tom, your shoulder," I protested.

"I promise I'll just lay there while you have your wicked way with me."

I giggled. "You're incorrigible Hiddles!"

"That's why you love me darling. Now why are you still wearing so many clothes?"

I had to go out to buy more frozen peas later. Much, much later.

\---

I lay quietly in bed the next morning, thankfully nausea-free, listening to Tom talking to his sister Sarah. Every now and then he would ask me something on her behalf but mostly my thoughts drifted. We hadn't seen Sarah since our wedding but had stayed with Diana only last month on a visit back home while Tom was between films. His break had luckily come just as the UCLA term finished; I had ended up taking the two classes for the whole term after Alan Carmichael had suffered a second, fatal heart attack just three weeks after his first.

It had been wonderful to see our friends and families again and to share our news with them. Davey had burst into tears and hugged me tight, then ordered James to cook all manner of dishes he claimed were good for the baby, which had gotten a laugh out of all of us. I, of course, was in tears as well at seeing my best friend again after so long and with James in tears when he saw Davey so emotional, Tom told me later he'd wished he had bought shares in Kleenex.

Sadly, while we'd seen Ben and little Charlotte, we hadn't been able to catch up with Sophie and Max, who were working on a play in Edinburgh.

"Darling, Sarah wants to know if the tea she sent you has been helpful." Tom's question interrupted my thoughts.

"Yes, it has, it's wonderful," I told him. Sarah had sent me some organic masala chai made from holy basil that was rich in antioxidants to boost stamina and strengthen the immune system; I found it quite invigorating.

Talk of tea sent my thoughts back to Diana again; we'd spoken regularly by phone before our visit and while we were there had shown her how to use Skype and FaceTime so we could incorporate video as well. She and I had bonded further during our stay and she was now like a mother to me, something I knew brought as much pleasure to Tom as it did to us.

Tom had come with me to visit my parents' graves and held me in his arms while I'd cried; then, to my surprise, he had started talking to them, introducing himself and telling them how much he loved me and what a wonderful mother I was going to make. After that I'd given him an even better reason to be sorry for not buying shares in the tissue company.

"Penny for them?" He was off the phone and smiling at me as he drew me closer into his side.

"I was just thinking about your mum," I told him as I wrapped my arm around his waist and snuggled into his good shoulder, comforted as always by his warmth and solid strength.

"Sarah said mum's been knitting a lot of tiny garments and has even started stocking up on cloth nappies, apparently!"

"I know," I chuckled, "almost every time we talk she's just finished another pair of bootees or a jacket. I'm not sure Baby Hiddles is going to have time to wear everything she makes before he or she grows out of them!"

Later that morning I returned with a few groceries to find Tom sitting on the porch with a visitor. Cindy. I greeted her politely, grimacing a little internally when she called me Dr Hiddleston – again - and then once more when I noted that Tom was still shirtless.

"Call me Kate, please. Can I offer you an iced tea?" It was another beautiful day and the sun was beating down on the porch. Cindy's even tan showed she liked to spend time in the sun. Probably sunbathes topless. "Tom, better put a shirt on so you don't burn," I said as I headed inside to get the drinks.

To my surprise he leapt up to take the heavier bag of groceries from me in his right hand and accompanied me inside. My faultlessly well-mannered husband wasn't in the habit of leaving visitors alone, so I wondered what was going on. After placing the bag on the kitchen bench for me he went off to get a shirt; I unpacked the groceries and poured three glasses of iced tea, placing them on a tray to carry out. Tom arrived back just as I was about to lift the tray off the counter.

"Let me take that for you Kate."

"You can't Tom. Hurt shoulder, remember?" I looked at him searchingly; it wasn't like him to forget something so simple.

"You shouldn't be carrying heavy things."

"Tom, I'm six months pregnant, not infirm. This tray isn't heavy and I'm perfectly fine carrying it!" My answer was a little curt but I was beginning to feel very uneasy and I didn't like it.

We sat and chatted – or rather, Cindy and Tom chatted. She persisted in telling anecdotes from the set - which naturally excluded me - no matter how many times Tom or I attempted to change the subject, and as I sat quietly and listened, I watched how often she touched his arm, his knee, his hand – just fleetingly, but it was there nonetheless. When she began fiddling with her hair I knew for sure what she was up to.


	53. Chapter 53

I lay awake for hours that night pondering the Cindy Problem, wondering how long the little touches had been going on and what I was going to do about it.

In the wee small hours I felt a strong jolt in my stomach and gasped; Baby Hiddles was cavorting around in earnest tonight.

"You're awake too, are you?" I whispered.

"Yes love."

Tom's voice startled me; I hadn't realised he was awake beside me. Without saying anything more, I took his hand and placed it on my stomach in the spot I'd last felt a thump and a few seconds later there came another, just as strong. We stayed like that for a while, occasionally moving Tom's hand to a different spot, as our baby apparently turned somersaults and cartwheels.

Then Tom moved, placing his head up against my side. "It's two in the morning, little one, how about letting your mum get some sleep?" His large hand began softly rubbing my abdomen, massaging and gentling the baby in hopes of calming it back to sleep. I ran my fingers through his hair, rubbing his scalp and gently tugging the roots in a way I knew he found soothing. He'd washed his hair before bed and hints of lemon and myrtle drifted up to me.

"Is your shoulder hurting?" We'd been icing it for twenty minutes every three hours as the doctor had instructed and the swelling had come down, the bruise slowly turning all colours of the rainbow. He was also using it normally to prevent stiffness of the joint, though avoiding heavy strains, of course. They were letting him go back to work as long as he took it easy on the shoulder for a few more days.

"No sweetheart, it's fine." He moved up and gave me a lingering kiss. "Has baby been keeping you awake all this time?"

"No, only a little while." I told him the truth, if not the whole truth.

He wrapped me gently in his arms and pulled me close to his heart, rubbing my back a little until his movements stopped and I felt his breathing slow and even and knew he'd nodded off again. Baby Hiddles had responded to his touch and was much quieter, though I could still feel small tickles every now and then. I lay awake for a while longer until the two of them lulled me to sleep at last.

I woke only briefly when Tom left for work and ended up sleeping until ten, at which time my bladder and hunger drove me from bed. As I was eating Cass rang. "My mother-in-law is taking Sam for the day – want to come shopping?"

"I'd love to. Give me forty-five minutes to shower and dress?" It would be just what I needed to take my mind off Cindy.

"Pick you up at eleven."

I had to hand it to my friend – when she hit the shops, she hit them hard. And I was right there with her, stocking up my wardrobe for the months ahead when my stomach wouldn't fit into anything I already owned; I bought dresses, tops, leggings, accessories and shoes. When we decided we couldn't shop any more we stopped for a late lunch and I rang my stylist to see if he could squeeze me in at short notice. Cass decided to get a manicure while she waited.

"Bonjour Madame! Comment allez-vous aujourd'hui?"

"Bonjour Philippe. Je vais bien, merci."

"What are we doing with your hair today Madame?"

I was about to ask for just a trim when my eye was caught by a picture in the magazine the woman next to me was glancing through and I was seized with the mad, impetuous idea of doing something completely different.

"Would that style suit me?" I apologised to the woman and pointed at the picture for Philippe to see.

"Something not quite that," he replied and scooted off, returning a minute later with another magazine and showing me a photo of a woman with hair almost exactly my colour and state of curliness. "Much better, Madame, we will lift at the roots for volume and this little longer at the back will accentuate Madame's graceful neck."

"Then do it please."

"Vous êtes certaine, Madame? To lose all your beautiful long hair?"

I took a deep breath. "In for a penny, in for a pound! Oui, Philippe, s'il vous plaît!"

My courage waned when I saw the large amount of hair on the floor around my chair and I began to wonder what on earth I had done, but by the time Philippe had cropped, lifted and volumised, I was absolutely thrilled with the result and could hardly believe it was me in the mirror. I now sported what he called a 'curly pixie' cut based on the photograph of Morena Baccarin in the magazine. It gave me a feeling of rejuvenation and I felt ready to take on the world.

It gave me a feeling of rejuvenation and I felt ready to take on the world

"Philippe, you are a miracle worker! I love it. J'adore ça. Merci beaucoup!"

"It is nothing Madame. C'est un plaisir."

Cass was just as stunned as I was at the transformation and kept looking at me as we drove back to my house. "Kate, its just ... wow! What's Tom going to say?"

"Oh gosh, poor love! I'd better give him some warning or he might think he's come home to the wrong wife!" I sent him a quick text.

Kate: So I may have cut my hair today. Short.

His reply wasn't long in coming. Tom: Pictures?

Kate: Mm, no. Can't have you crashing into machinery again.

Tom: I crash once; no one lets me forget it...

I giggled as another text arrived. Tom: Can't wait to see it. Love you xx

Kate: Love you too xx

\---

"Kate! Wow! Darling, it's ... you look ... wow."

"Do you like it?"

"No I don't like it," My heart dropped until he added, "I love it." He was beside me in a heartbeat, hands running gently through my hair then cupping my face. "So, so beautiful." He kissed me briefly on the mouth before nibbling on my neck, sending small shivers of delight coursing through me. "It shows off your delicious neck."

"That's what Philippe said."

"Another man called your neck delicious? Do I have to challenge him to a duel?"

I laughed at his playful silliness, secretly thrilled at the small tinge of real jealousy in his voice. "No you goose! Philippe is my hair stylist – and he's gay, so there's no need to show off your swashbuckling skills! And actually, he called it graceful."

He grinned at me. "That's a shame, it's been a while since I had to get out my swashbuckling costume." That was the term we had given his outfit in The Hollow Crown: Henry V.

I put my arms around his neck and shook my head at him, but my voice was a little husky when I replied. "Mm, it's one of my favourites."

"Mine too." He murmured into my ear as he pulled me closer. Just then Baby Hiddles gave a big kick, which Tom felt against his own stomach. He looked down at the bump in my front and laughed, "And baby's too, apparently." His hand went to the spot as another kick came then he looked at me. "I think it's time Luke made that press release."

"Yes," I sighed. Baby Hiddles had grown sufficiently in the last month that the bump couldn't be hidden any more.

"Shall I take the two of you out for dinner to celebrate this gorgeous new look?"

I began undoing the buttons on his shirt and looked at him from under my lashes. "We could just have a quiet night here at home ... "

When I emerged breathless from our next kiss I began to slip his shirt off his shoulders but my gaze was arrested by a vivid red mark on the inside of the collar. I stilled and looked again, not wanting to believe my eyes.

"Tom, what the hell is that?" Not that I really needed an answer to that question – I knew exactly what it was. Lipstick. And most definitely not one of mine, but I had seen it worn very recently. "Why is Cindy's lipstick on your collar?"

\---

"Thomas?"

"Darling, it's not what you think!" He looked aghast and both hands ran through his hair a number of times, a sure sign of extreme anxiety.

"What do I think?"

He took a deep breath and put his hands on my shoulders, staring at me with a worried look in his eyes and speaking almost pleadingly. "Kate, I am not having an affair, I swear to you."

"I know."

Now he looked confused. "You know?"

"Yes." I looked up into the stormy blue of his eyes. "I trust you Tom. Implicitly."

His sigh of relief was almost a sob as he pulled me tightly to his chest. "I thought you'd think ... after Alex ..."

"You're not Alex, Tom. It took me a while to understand that, but I do."

He pulled back a little to look into my eyes again. "Kate, I made a vow that I would be faithful to you until my last breath and I meant every word. I would never do that to you – I could never; darling, I love you so much." He took my hand and placed it over his heart. "This belongs to you, Kate, always."

I took his other hand and placed it over my own heart, telling him, "I promise to keep it safe, darling, just as you keep mine."

\---

When we got around to talking about it, it turned out that Tom had been aware of Cindy's interest for a few weeks. He'd thought at first that he was imagining the little things – the touches, flirtatious smiles, flattering comments – but then they had gotten more frequent and he'd become uncomfortable. So far he'd been ignoring them in hopes that she would remember he was happily married and get the message that he wasn't interested; he'd even thought introducing her to me might help, but apparently it had almost the opposite effect.

"How did she get lipstick on your collar?"

"She made a remark today about my scent," he was blushing, "and when I took my shirt off to get into costume, she took it and sniffed the collar. She must have left the mark then, but I didn't realise it."

"Hmm."

"What should I do?"

"What should we do, Tom; we're in this together." I hesitated. "I don't know right now, but I'll think of something."

The next morning I sat with my breakfast and decided we needed to make a Battle Plan - for as far as I was concerned, this was battle. Her deliberately leaving the lipstick mark for me to see was her opening salvo and now it was my turn to fire a shot. Cindy was making moves on my husband and if she thought it was wise to mess with me, especially when I was pregnant and hormonal, she had another thought coming.

The game is on!


	54. Chapter 54

"Fire a warning shot over the port bow if you please Bo 'sun!"

"Darling, are you all right?" Tom's hand checked my forehead.

"I'm not feverish love, just scheming. What scenes are you filming today?"

"We're still doing the big battle scene against Ragnarok. Why?"

"I've had an idea. Would it be okay if I visit the set?"

"Of course."

"Good. Here's what I want you to do..."

\---

I clothed myself for battle in one of the new dresses I'd bought; a silky soft stretch jersey dress in navy blue with cap sleeves and knot front detail under the bust. The V-neck showed off my pregnancy cleavage to full advantage. I brushed my new do and put on some strappy sandals.

A quick cab ride to the studio and showing my pass to security, and I was wandering around the huge set. A few people didn't recognise me at first but once they did, I was greeted cheerfully and pointed in the direction of where Tom was likely to be found. I could see him talking with the director so I sauntered over next to Chris H, who just happened to be standing beside my target audience. He greeted me warmly while Cindy gave a lukewarm smile in my general direction, but I could see her eyeing my outfit up and down and I gave a little inward smirk.

"How have you been?" Chris asked, "Are you still getting morning sickness?" Cindy's gasp might have gone unnoticed by someone not listening out for it.

"Not much now, thanks Chris. Plenty of kicking though; this one's going to be as hyper as its dad I think!" We both laughed heartily at that – Cindy was quiet.

Just then Tom saw me and waved and a minute later he came over, taking me in his arms for a long, passionate kiss. I heard Chris clear his throat as I clung to the front of Tom's costume, knees buckling. When he put me down, he murmured huskily, "Hello darling. You're looking incredibly sexy today." He gave me another kiss – slightly more chaste this time – then rubbed his hand over my belly lovingly. "How's Baby Hiddles doing?"

"Just fine, daddy. Missing you though." I heard Chris cough.

"I miss you both too sweetheart." Another kiss from Tom; Chris was turning pink now.

Cindy felt it was time to interrupt, pointing out in a rather acerbic tone that she needed to touch up Tom's make-up for the next scene.

"Of course, go right ahead," I told her and saw her nostrils pinch; I got the feeling she would have liked us to leave her to her job but I wasn't going anywhere.

"Chris, we must have you and the gang over for dinner again soon." That was my way of telling her I had friends in the cast too – good friends.

"That would be awesome," he replied, looking between me, Tom and Cindy and I could tell he was wondering what the hell was going on.

The two boys were called back to film just as the make-up repair was completed and Tom gave me another passionate kiss before he went, squeezing my bottom playfully for good measure. I watched them go and hung around for a bit, making sure Cindy and I were alone before I spoke to her. I looked straight ahead and kept my voice low but modulated my tone so she would know I meant business.

"He doesn't want you Cindy. He loves me and our baby and he's just not interested, so stop all your little games or the battle you see before you," I waved a hand around at all the different scenes of battle going on around the set, "will be nothing compared to what I will unleash on you." This time I turned and looked her right in the eye. "And that's not a threat, it's a promise. Consider this your one and only warning."

She tried to stare me down but I wasn't having any of it and finally she capitulated, her gaze slipping away as she mumbled something I didn't catch and turned to walk to a different part of the building.

Aye, aye, Captain! Warning shot fired.

\---

"How did I do Kate?" Tom walked in the door with a self-satisfied smile on his face and I went to greet him.

"Awesomely talented as usual, Hiddles. An Oscar-winning performance." He had played his part perfectly, I thought, although time would tell whether or not our little act had been successful.

"Though you do, in fact, look incredibly sexy in that dress, my love." He plucked at the fabric around the neckline so that more of my cleavage was revealed. "I particularly like this part."

"I thought you were a leg man Tom, now here you are ogling my boobs."

"Well darling, they have become rather ogle-worthy."

"Is that so? You've never complained before." I put just enough seriousness in my voice to make him realise the danger he'd put himself in and scramble for safety.

"Oh no, darling, they're quite perfect! You have beautiful breasts!"

"And yet you like them more now that they're bigger?"

He looked so flustered and panicked that I decided to put him out of his misery, so I grinned and let him see I was only teasing. He gave me a low growl that flicked all kinds of switches inside me and I pulled his head down for a kiss just as ardent as the one he'd given me earlier in the day.

"Does this gorgeous new dress of yours come off easily?"

In answer I simply held my arms in the air so he could slip it over my head, leaving me standing in navy lace bra and panties. He dropped the dress on a nearby chair then looked at me with heavy lids as he rubbed a hand along the column of his neck, a gesture that never failed to make my toes curl with desire. I took his hand and led him into the bedroom, kneeling on the end of the bed while I undressed him, then I reached around to unclasp my bra and pulled his head down towards my ogle-worthy breasts.

\---

"Shower or swim?" We were tangled in the sheets and rather sweaty.

"How about both?"

"Good idea."

He pulled on his swim trunks and grabbed towels while I put on my bikini, then we walked hand in hand across the road. The still-warm sand massaged my toes and the smell of salt drifted on a gentle breeze from the ocean. It was still light and there were other people enjoying the tepid water - families and couples, the odd body-surfer. The cry of gulls overhead and sound of waves peaking and tumbling was calming and I felt at peace. I would miss this when we went back to the UK.

We frolicked in the water for a while, ducking under the waves and racing into shore with the tide, then simply bobbed, arms around each other as we talked about events coming up in the month or so before filming finished. Tom carried me into the shallows and we kissed before he put me down and picked up our towels, then we walked a short distance along the sand just where the white froth teased our ankles. Baby Hiddles decided to wake up and we stopped to feel the acrobatics, laughing in delight when a mild push from Tom's hand received a not-so-mild kick in reply.

At home Tom spoiled me after dinner by playing some piano while I lounged on a sofa and when I began drifting off he carried me to bed and climbed in beside me, warm and strong and smelling of the ocean and citrus body wash. I fell asleep nuzzling his neck.

\---

"Boy, I really love that new haircut of yours!"

"Max?"

"Hi Boss!"

"Max! What? Where? Are you here in LA?"

"Sadly, no, but I will be soon."

"Oh my god, when? On your own or is Nick coming too? Is he filming here? Max! I can't wait to see you!"

"Whoa! Slow down Boss!" she laughed, "Okay, in order of asking – next week, on my own and no, he's in Morocco. Ben and Sophie are taking two weeks holiday so I thought I'd come and see what the great attraction is out there. I'm hoping you can recommend a good hotel that's not too expensive – if such a thing exists in Tinsel town."

"I know the perfect place. Right here."

"I wasn't angling for an invitation Kate."

"I know, but you're staying with us Maxine Redfern, I'll brook no argument."

"Bossy as ever I see!" When she laughed again I realised how much I had missed that sound.

"You can talk!" We chuckled together. "Wait. What did you mean about my haircut? How on earth do you know about that? Who have you been talking to?"

"Didn't need to talk to anyone, Boss Lady, pictures of you and Himself are all over the rags here. Canoodling at the beach. You still look great in a bikini, by the way, even if Baby Hiddles is the star of the show."

"Seriously? So much for privacy!"

"Well, the news of the pregnancy just came out the day before, so I guess the paps were looking for follow-up shots. The guy that did these must have made a bundle. They're great photos too, by the way, totally adorable. All the fan media sites are gaga over them!"

"Hmmph! Well, let's not talk about that. Give me the details of your flight and tell me what you want to do and see while you're here."

We talked for an hour before she rang off and I looked down at the list I'd made – it was going to be an incredibly full and busy two weeks, and I couldn't wait.


	55. Chapter 55

"What the fuck Tom! If this is true, so help me I'll tie you down naked in the desert for the buzzards to pick at your testicles! I'll disembowel you and let them -"

Luke's yelling could be heard from my side of the bed; I could only imagine how loud it was for Tom with the phone right up against his ear. I peered sleepily at the bedside clock. "It's four thirty in the morning." I turned over and snuggled against him. "What's happened?"

"I don't know darling, I can't get a word in edgeways to find out. Luke, for fuck's sake – sorry darling – for Pete's sake, calm down and tell me what the hell you're talking about."

"Calm down! How am I supposed to calm down when my best client – no, scratch that, you're not my best client any more – is running around cheating on his pregnant wife with his make-up artist?" He was yelling even louder.

"What?" Tom and I were both wide-awake now; we looked at each other and said, "Cindy!" The call went on speakerphone.

"Yes, Cindy," Luke went on, "Cindy de la Rue, who in every single newspaper I read this morning claims she has been having a torrid affair with you right under Kate's nose!"

"I guess my warning didn't work after all." My contribution to the conversation only served to set Luke off again.

"What? Will you two tell me what the fuck is going on or so help me –"

"You tell him love," I kissed Tom briefly, "I need to pee." I could hear him explaining all about the Cindy situation while I performed my ablutions; when I got back into bed I curled up against his side once more and he put his phone on his chest so we could both hear and speak.

"Why the hell is this the first I'm hearing of this?" Luke sounded both angry and resigned. "You should have come to me straight away."

"That's my fault Luke, I'm sorry, I thought I could handle her." That wasn't completely honest – I didn't really feel sorry about confronting her - but I felt I should at least try to appease Luke, we would need him on our side.

"No darling, it's my fault. I considered it a private matter, but I should have remembered that being in the public eye often means there's no such thing as private." I knew that aspect of his celebrity status saddened Tom, as much as he loved and was grateful for his fans, and gave him a sympathetic squeeze, getting a quick kiss in return.

Luke sounded slightly mollified. "You can argue over whose fault it is later, right now we need to deal with this. It's going to do a lot of damage, particularly coming right after my press release the other day and the happy family shots of you two at the beach. Kate, I like your haircut, by the way."

"Thanks." My scalp tingled as Tom's fingers ran through my tousled short curls and I pressed a kiss to his neck.

"Now that the paps have found you, you can expect them to be camped outside, so it's best you don't leave the house until I get there."

"What? It's a ten hour flight!" I had errands to run.

"I'm in Phoenix; I'll be there in just over an hour."

"I'm due on set at seven Luke."

"I'll deal with that when I get to your place. Hang tight you two and for god's sake, don't do anything or talk to anyone."

He hung up and I turned to Tom. "I'm so sorry sweetheart, this is all my fault. If I hadn't spoken to her yesterday –"

He stopped my apology with a kiss. "We're in this together, remember?"

"I know, but if it affects your career I'll never forgive myself."

"Don't worry, we'll figure something out." I couldn't help but worry, no matter what he said.

\---

Luke was right, there were paparazzi across the road from our house and more had shown up by the time he arrived. My concern that the neighbours might get annoyed was just one more thing to worry about. We told him once more what had happened from start to finish then he rang Kevin; it was unthinkable that Tom should go to the studio today and have Cindy work on his make-up.

Tom paced restlessly around the room while I busied myself making breakfast, needing to be doing something and trying not to listen to Luke's conversation. "Kevin says Cindy saw him yesterday and said she needed a week off for personal reasons," he reported once off the phone, "so she won't be on set, which is a relief. He had no idea all this was going on."

"He doesn't believe her does he?" I asked before Tom could say anything.

Luke's face was impassive. "He didn't say." We both looked to Tom, who had stopped pacing and was running his hand through his hair. "He did say he's expecting you at seven as usual."

"Okay." Tom caught my eye. It was going to be incredibly awkward for him to go to work with this hanging over his head; while many people would know he wouldn't do something like this, there were probably plenty who might believe it. I felt incredibly guilty again, which he seemed to sense as he came over to me and held me tight. "It'll be fine love, don't worry."

Me, not worry? Not going to happen Hiddles.

Around then our phones started ringing and buzzing - calls of support from friends and family we took, anything else was ignored. I was touched that every single one of the Avengers rang to support Tom; sadly, some of them knew first-hand how damaging gossip could be. We had breakfast in relative silence, pushing food around the plate more than eating. I tried to swallow a few mouthfuls for baby's sake but it wasn't long before I gave up on the idea.

"We should probably move you to a hotel." Luke was looking out the window at the ever-growing number of paps. "It would be easier." It saddened me to think a hotel room would be more private than our own home.

When the car arrived for Tom he took me in his arms and kissed me tenderly. "We'll get through this, darling."

"I'm coming out to the car to see you off."

"I don't think that's-"

"We need to show unity." I insisted and looked at Luke, who to my surprise, agreed with me. Tom grabbed his things and we took a deep breath before venturing out the front door.

I held his hand tight and with immense concentration ignored all the questions and allegations being shouted at us from across the street – they didn't dare venture on to private property – and the multitude of huge lenses clicking furiously. When we reached the car he turned and wrapped his arms around me again, kissing my mouth and rubbing his hand on my belly before kissing that too. As he bent to get in the back door of the car, I grabbed his shirt and pulled him up for another heated kiss. "I love you."

"I love you my darling. And baby. Take care. I'll see you tonight."

Once back in the house I took a deep breath and turned to Luke. "All right. What's our Battle Plan?"

\---

"It's his word against hers. There's no proof that it did happen but there's also no proof that it didn't. That's the nature of gossip and scandal."

"What if we tell our side of the story, just as we told it to you?"

"With you threatening her? It wouldn't do much for your reputation Kate."

"I don't care. It's Tom's reputation I'm trying to save, not mine."

Luke smiled and patted my hand. "Commendable, my dear, but not necessarily practical. You could just come off sounding like a scorned wife desperately trying to cling on to her straying husband."

"Oh... fudge!" It was childish, I know, but I stamped my foot. "Fudge, fudge, fudge!"

His carefully groomed eyebrows rose up almost to his hairline. "Is that one of those pregnancy cravings I've heard so much about?"

"No, I'm just trying not to use swear words; I don't want Baby Hiddles to hear them."

"Ah, I see!" The tone of his voice indicated that he clearly didn't see, but as I didn't expect him to understand the intricacies and nuances of pregnant lady ramblings and reasonings, I chose to let it slide.

"Well, what can we do?"

"I've got a couple of ideas but I have to make a few calls; for now I'd like to get you settled into a hotel. Do you have any preferences?"

"I don't know." My frustrated gaze wandered around the room, noting Tom's piano in the corner. "What was the hotel Richard Gere and Julia Roberts stayed at in Pretty Woman?"

"The Four Seasons Beverly Wilshire." He answered without hesitation.

"Let's go there."

While he made the arrangements I packed a bag with enough clothes for Tom and I for a few days. As I was adding toiletries Luke knocked on the bedroom door. "I've got you in a Beverly Suite; I think you'll like it, but I advise you to stay away from the balcony just for now."

I merely grunted in reply and he wisely left me alone to finish packing, proving he did at least know something about pregnant women.

\---

"I'm assuming you want us to appear together in public to show a united front?" 

The hotel suite was beautiful, furnished in warm cream and timber tones with accents of coral. The balcony overlooked the pool and it boasted not one but two marble bathrooms with deep soaking tubs. I sat on an eggplant coloured sofa that was much softer and more comfortable than it looked.

"Are you sure you haven't worked in PR before?" He got a wry smile in answer. "Dinner and a show tonight."

"Dinner and dancing – more intimate."

"You're good. I'm impressed."

"Should I be just a little insulted that you didn't know that about me already?"

"Kate –"

I felt immediately contrite. "Luke, I apologise. I don't always manage to control these pregnancy mood swings and with the stress of this -"

"I understand."

"Still, I'm sorry."

"Forgiven, my dear. Now, where would you like to go this evening?"

I wore a burgundy lace dress that came to just below my knee with nude heels; Tom looked handsome in a dark suit and white shirt. Luke had managed to get us a reservation at One Pico overlooking the beach at Santa Monica; we had a balcony view table and he'd organised one of his trusted newspaper contacts to take photographs of us dining tete-a-tete and dancing to the jazz piano. I zoned out all the faces looking at us and concentrated on my husband, perversely enjoying that for once we didn't have to try to keep a low profile.

"Do you remember the first time we danced?" Tom murmured as we swayed slowly to a haunting blues melody.

"At the Black and White Ball," I whispered back, my head resting on his shoulder.

"You looked so beautiful that night; you took my breath away."

"You had a similar effect on me in your tuxedo." I smiled into his neck. "So handsome."

"I felt totally bereft when I had to go, like I was leaving a piece of my heart behind. I was already in love with you, I just didn't realise it."

"You gave me that amazing kiss; my feet didn't touch the ground for days."

He pressed his lips to my forehead; I kissed his neck and jaw and when he moved his head, placed my hand on his cheek and drew him down to my mouth.

"Shall we go?"

"Please."

\---

The next day was boring and frustrating; Luke wanted us to only appear out if we were together, so I was confined to the hotel suite, with still no hint of a plan to fix the Cindy situation. I hadn't slept well the night before so by the time Tom got back I was tired, disheartened and resentful.

"It's all right for you, you get to go out to work – I've been stuck in this room for two days and I'm sick of it already! And what the hell are we doing about that woman! Why hasn't the great Luke Windsor come up with a plan? What is he doing all this time?"

"Darling, we just have to be patient –"

"I don't want to be patient, Tom! I want to get back to our home and our life, dammit!"

Closing my eyes, I counted to ten and breathed deeply; as I did so I caught a whisper of his scent – hints of mango, patchouli and sagebrush overlaid with pure Tom - and instantly my mood swung in the opposite direction to what it had just been. Turning towards him, I opened my arms and he walked into them in two strides, wrapping me in the warmth and comfort of his love. "Darling I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated. What can I do to help?"

"Take me to Cindy so I can tear her eyes out for causing all this trouble?" I said it with a tremulous smile so he would know I was only half serious.

He rubbed my back, kissed my hair and gave me a smile in return. "Luke will sort it all out."

"I know, but ... hell, Tom, I just want to go out there and tell them you would never do something like that, you're far too honourable and loyal and true ..." I looked up into eyes the colour of a glacial lake and whispered, "I want to defend you to the world, who should know better."


	56. Chapter 56

"No." Both heads turned towards me in surprise. "It's not enough."

"Darling..."

"No Tom. That woman besmirched your character to the world, calling you a liar and a cheat and for her to simply slip away quietly is too easy. I want her to admit that she lied and I want her to apologise, publicly."

"Kate, you don't understand, this can all go away very quietly..."

"Luke, don't patronise me please. Obviously it's you who doesn't understand – having Cindy quietly leave her job and go somewhere else gets her out of the way, yes, and getting her to sign that document you suggest means she won't cause us any more trouble. Fine. But it's the trouble she's already caused that concerns me and I want her to acknowledge it and admit it was all a load of bollocks."

"Anyone who knows Tom..."

I slammed my hand on the table forcibly enough to make them both jump. "Dammit Luke! That's just my point! Those lies in the tabloids are being read by thousands of people who don't know Tom, and they now think he's an adulterer who cheated on his pregnant wife! Every time they see his face on a billboard or in a trailer or a magazine, that's what they'll remember – so they might think twice about seeing his movie or his play; I would have thought that was something even you would be concerned about –" Luke looked offended by my dig but I wasn't worrying about that now. "And it is totally unacceptable that they should be left to think those things." My voice almost cracked as I drew a shuddering breath, close to tears, then I was wrapped in Tom's arms, my face buried against his chest as I struggled for control.

Gentle fingers lifted my chin and soft, warm lips met mine in a tender kiss. "Darling, thank you for defending my honour."

"You're welcome," I sniffled.

He turned to Luke, who was sitting red faced after my outburst. "Kate's right. She has to admit she lied."

"Tom..."

"That's it Luke. End of discussion."

\---

As we still wanted to be seen together in public, Tom and I went shopping for baby clothes with one of Luke's tame paps in tow snapping shots of us. As everything would have to be taken back to the UK we couldn't go overboard, but we chose plenty of onesies, bodysuits and soft toys to show that we were still together and were preparing for our baby's arrival.

It was as we were going through the bags back at the hotel that I suddenly remembered something that had been niggling at the back of my mind; I recalled Chris H giving Cindy a strange look when she came to the hospital to visit Tom, and that he'd also seemed weird when we did our little act on the set.

"Tom, would you give me Chris Hemsworth's number please."

"What do you need sweetheart, I can call him for you."

"No, that's okay; I need to speak to him myself."

He looked puzzled but gave me his phone; I paced around the sitting room area waiting for an answer.

"Brother! What's up mate?"

"Chris, it's Kate."

"Oh, Kate! Is Tom okay? He hasn't..."

"He's fine, thank you. I just needed to talk to you and borrowed his phone."

"Okay. How can I help?"

"You can tell me everything you know about Cindy de la Rue."

There was a momentary pause before he told me of a scandal that had taken place when he was appearing on an Australian television show back in 2007. A young make-up artist had admitted to having an affair with one of the actors, a married man with two children; he had lost his job and his family as a result. Chris had thought Cindy looked familiar when he'd met her on set but it had taken him some time to work out why.

"She wasn't called de la Rue then, she was Cindy Mortimer, but I'm pretty sure it's the same woman."

"Were they actually having an affair?" I was very curious to know.

"The guy always claimed he was completely innocent, but it was his word against hers and his wife and the network chose to believe it. The poor bastard ended up doing soup commercials; couldn't get an acting gig anywhere."

I asked him for details of names and dates and once our call was finished relayed the information to Tom while I rang Luke. He was still sulking a little from our run-in but I ignored it and told him what I knew.

"I'll start digging," he said, "maybe we can track down this guy."

"Or maybe someone else from the cast or crew at the time, who may have been close to Cindy; someone she might have confided in."

"That might be a little more difficult." Luke sounded sceptical.

"I know Luke, but I have faith in you." It was my lame attempt at an apology of sorts; he could tell, and took it as such.

"Thanks Kate. I'll get back to you as soon as I find anything."

\---

Baby Hiddles seemed determined to be most active at times I was trying to sleep, so I had gotten into the habit of singing lullabies while rubbing my belly soothingly. I was in the sitting room at three in the morning when Tom came sleepily in to check on us. He lay down next to me on the sofa, his head on my lap, and took over the rubbing.

"Sing the one about the two little boys." It was more a children's song than a lullaby but it was Tom's favourite.

Two little boys had two little toys,

Each had a wooden horse.

Gaily they played each summer's day,

Warriors both, of course.

One little chap then had a mishap,

He broke off his horse's head.

He wept for his toy then cried with joy

As his young playmate said.

 

"Did you think I would leave you crying

When there's room on my horse for two?

Climb up here, Jack, and don't be crying,

I can go just as fast with two.

When we grow up we'll both be soldiers

And our horses will not be toys.

And I wonder if we'll remember

When we were two little boys."

 

Long years past, war came so fast,

Bravely they marched away.

Cannons roared loud and in the mad crowd,

Wounded and dying lay.

Up goes a shout, a horse dashes out,

Out from the ranks so blue.

Gallops away to where Joe lay

And then came a voice he knew.

 

"Did you think I would leave you dying

When there's room on my horse for two?

Climb up here, Joe, we'll soon be flying,

I can go just as fast with two.

Can you see, Joe, I'm all a-tremble -

Perhaps it's the battle's noise.

But I think it's that I remember

When we were two little boys."

 

By the time I had finished, both of my Hiddles' had fallen asleep. As I didn't wish to spend the rest of the night out here, I ran my hand down Tom's face and called his name softly. He opened bleary blue eyes and gave me a sweet smile, then got up and helped me off the sofa and we went back to bed.

\---

With only forty-eight hours left before Max's arrival I was getting very anxious about resolving the Cindy issue and getting back to our house; I spent most of the day pacing the hotel suite and talking on the phone to Davey, Diana and Abby, who had been calling regularly for updates. I knew that Luke had hired a lawyer here in LA and a private investigator in Melbourne and it was all I could do to restrain myself from constantly pestering him for information.

Tom and I were just finishing our crab salads in the hotel restaurant that night when his phone rang. He looked at caller ID; "It's Luke."

"Yes Luke." Tom flicked a glance at me. "Yes." My stomach was clenching and I began tapping my nails on the tablecloth nervously. "Yes, all right."

"What is it? What did he say?"

"He's got her." Tom's smile lit up his face. "He'll explain it all when he gets here."

I let out a deep sigh and rose on trembling legs. "I can't eat any more Tom."

"I know darling, me either." He took my hand and after signing for the meal we headed back to our suite, clinging tightly to each other.

\---

Twelve hours later, after the dirt Luke's PI had dug up was presented to Cindy and her lawyer, she publicly admitted she had lied about the affair with Tom and apologised for the distress she had caused. We had agreed not to sue her, but did file suit for defamation against the tabloids that had run the story.

By lunchtime I had, with Luke's help, taken all our things back to the house and began to prepare for Max's arrival.


	57. Chapter 57

"That bitch! Oh my god! How did you not take her out, Boss?"

"I was sorely tempted to do so many times, believe me. But I didn't think it would help Tom's case to have me arrested for assault!"

"Probably not, but the satisfaction would have been soooooo amazing!" We both laughed at that, just as Tom came in the room.

"Max, it's so good to have you here. You've put the smile back on Kate's face." He dropped me a kiss as he went to put the kettle on.

"That's very flattering, but I think I'm probably only part of the reason." She winked at me and I grinned in reply.

"Max and I are going to that yummy ice cream place near the pier sweetheart, do you want to come?"

"The one that has the hokey-pokey in a waffle cone?" His eyes widened in anticipation of the sweet treat. We'd found a vanilla confection with chunks of honeycomb toffee in and it had fast become a firm favourite with Tom. When I nodded yes he turned the kettle off again and headed for the door. "Come on ladies, what are you waiting for?" We laughed at his eagerness and set off for a leisurely stroll in the evening's balmy warmth. He had his arm around my waist as we chatted amiably with Max, a light ocean breeze fluttering our sundresses and his t-shirt, the sounds of screaming reaching our ears from the Ferris wheel, even at this distance.

I sighed contentedly, free at last from the tension of all that had happened in the past week and happy to have Max here for a while. She'd changed her pert ginger bob to a sleek strawberry-blonde do that gave her an air of sophistication – until she grinned, when she went back to being the sassy pixie I knew so well.

"When are you guys coming back?" Max asked as we sat on the pier licking our ice creams.

"Filming wraps at the end of this month." Tom replied.

I looked at him in surprise. "Really? That's less than three weeks away."

"Yes, love, that's what I've been telling you." He chuckled, and dived his head to steal a lick of boysenberry ripple from my cone. I swiped at him playfully and he gave me a grin and a sticky kiss.

"Looks like I came just in time then, Boss, I can help you pack."

"No Max, you didn't come here to work. And besides, there's not a lot to pack really. I do have to arrange shipping for Tom's piano though."

"We'll do it tomorrow." Max was organising me again and it felt like old times.

By the time I'd finished the last mouthful of my cone I had created a mental list of things that needed doing before we headed back 'across the pond'. It was mainly clothes and personal items that had to be packed and that wouldn't take long, but I wanted to be sure to see all of our friends before we left.

"Tom."

"Yes darling?"

"It's time Max met the Avengers."

I could have timed it better, I realised that almost immediately; Max had just taken her last bite of ice cream cone, so when she gasped at my statement the food went down the wrong way, leaving her coughing and spluttering while I thumped her on the back and Tom gave her some water. She drank it thankfully and then turned streaming eyes on me accusingly. "You trying to kill me Kate?"

"Oh, well, if you don't want to meet them, that's fine." I teased her and turned to Tom. "Better tell Chris she's not keen after all, love; it's a shame, though-"

Max's squeal cut me off as her eyes widened to saucers. "Chris?" she squeaked in a high voice I hadn't heard from her before. "Hemsworth or Evans?"

"Does it really matter?" I asked, grinning widely.

Max shook her head madly as I shared that grin with Tom. "The guys will be very disappointed Max," he added to torture her further. The look she gave us both could easily burn through steel; Tom and I rolled with laughter until her glare turned into a rueful smile.

"You two."

"We love you Max." I gave her a hug.

"Of course! What's not to love?" And just like that she was back to her cheeky self and we joked and laughed as we headed back to the house, with her asking questions about the Avengers the whole way.

\---

"It will probably be a late one tonight love." Tom was up and getting ready for his run. "What are you and Max going to get up to today?"

"She wants to hit the outlet stores." I said. "Late as in don't wait dinner or don't wait up?"

"Mm, don't wait up, most likely." I got out of bed and went over to him; he put his arms around me, kissing my temples. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry enough to come back to bed?"

His arms tightened around me. "What did you have in mind Mrs Hiddleston?" I placed a small kiss at the corner of his mouth then whispered into his ear. His lids lowered and he made a soft growl that I could feel reverberate where my hand lay over his bare chest. "God, Kate–" I cut off whatever else he planned to say by capturing his mouth with my own as I pulled him towards the bed. He gave another low growl when I slowly removed my nightie, his eyes roaming over me like a predator stalking his prey, and I shivered.

"Too many clothes Hiddles," I whispered and watched him remove his running shorts and boxers. It was still early in the morning and the windows cast a soft warm glow over the breathtaking view of taut muscle covered by soft, supple skin. I could feel the heat radiating from him as I pushed him down on the bed before me, his eyes darkening with desire when I began my assault on the long, smooth column of his neck before moving lower.

\---

"Three thousand dollars? You've got to be fu-"

"Max!"

"Oh god, sorry Boss! Sorry Baby Hiddles!" I giggled at her apology to the baby. "But seriously, who in their right mind would pay three thousand dollars for this piece of ... well, whatever this is!" The garment she held in her hand was a rather confusing mixture of leather, lace, feathers and something that seemed to be clear plastic wrap.

"I honestly have no idea Max." I took hold of part of it, lifting it in different directions. "Which way up do you suppose it's meant to go?" We looked at each other then burst into a fit of giggles, hanging the fashion disaster back on the rack and chortling our way out of the store.

As she was looking for much more affordable gift options, we headed to a downtown outlet centre offering over 130 stores. In true Max fashion she had done her research and drawn up a list of exactly what she wanted and where she was most likely to find it so we could tackle the centre in an organised way without wearing the soles off our feet. Less than three hours later we emerged laden with bags but victorious, having found everything she was after.

"I presume you brought an empty suitcase with you to put all this stuff in, Max." We were back at the house unpacking all her bags. There was no reply and I looked over to see an embarrassed expression on her face. "Max?"

"Well, I ... may have forgotten that part." When I snorted with laughter she threw a giraffe at me.

"Who is this for? I didn't know any of your siblings had a new arrival." Max had seven brothers and sisters so it was a bit of a struggle to keep track of them all. The soft toy was about two feet tall and its long neck and gangly legs made me think of Tom.

"Actually," she said, "that one is for Baby Hiddles. It reminded me of Himself."

We were both laughing about that when her phone rang; seeing it was Nick, she went into the guestroom to take it. I smiled at the giraffe and took it to sit it on our bed.

\---

Friday night we headed to a bar in the Valley that was a favourite with the cast. As usual, Jeremy and Chris Evans – the two self-appointed social directors – had arranged a private room so everyone could let their hair down without fear of public exposure. I had been priming Max all day in hopes of minimal screaming and fangirling when she met them and she had promised to behave, but as we got closer I noticed her becoming paler and her hands starting to shake.

"Max, you've been dating a famous actor for months and you've met others through him, surely? You shouldn't be nervous meeting this lot." Tom gave a quiet snort and threw me a sardonic glance, which I acknowledged with a grin.

"But Boss, it's the Avengers!"

I was enough of a geek to appreciate what she was saying and, of course, as Tom had just not so subtly reminded me, I'd had a fangirl moment of my own the first time I'd met them, so I just sighed and wondered if there was any chance I had earplugs in my handbag.

The first thing I noticed when we walked into the room was a karaoke machine in the corner and Robert flicking through the songbook.

"Oh god, who gave Bobby a microphone?" I asked Scarlett and we laughed, knowing that once that man had a microphone and an audience, it was almost impossible to separate them. I introduced her to Max then we moved around the room greeting everyone and watched, amused, as Max got quieter and quieter with each introduction, in complete contrast to the rising noise of the cast and their guests.

When I managed to drag Robert away from the machine he greeted Max warmly. "We've talked on the phone a number of times I believe," he said with a smile. He wore the glasses with the purple tinted lenses tonight and even in t-shirt, tatty jeans and beaten up Converse sneakers, you couldn't possibly overlook that this was Robert Downey Jnr.

Max's reaction was similar to mine; her face blanched so pale I worried she might faint and I caught Robert's eye with a grin. "I ... I ... You're Robert Downey Jnr," she finally managed in a voice I barely recognised.

"Yes ma'am," he replied, "always have been."

"Well bugger me blind and twice on Sundays!"

That was more like the Max I knew; Robert and I cracked up and before long Max joined in and that was all it took for her to get over her nerves. She chatted away animatedly with everyone then and I smiled in relief.

"Darling, you did warn Evans didn't you?" Chris was a notorious womaniser so I'd asked Tom to warn him that Max had a boyfriend and he should behave himself, but I'd noticed he was paying her quite a bit of attention nonetheless.

"I did love, I think it's just harmless flirting. You know how he is."

"Hmm." I did know how he was, that was the trouble. He had boyish charm oozing out his pores and never hesitated to turn it on anything in a skirt. What worried me most was that Max seemed to be lapping it up.


	58. Chapter 58

"You look tired darling. Shall we call it a night?"

I leaned into Tom's solid warmth, grateful for the support of his arms as I suddenly felt overwhelmingly drained. "I don't want to drag you away from your friends love – and Max seems to be having such a good time."

"Nonsense, I see these people every day, can't get away from them." I appreciated his joke. "You and Baby Hiddles are my number one priority." He kissed me tenderly and looked over at the group Max was in. "Bobby can always give Max a lift home if she wants to stay. Sit here for a moment and I'll go speak to her."

He saw me comfortably seated and was back in just a few minutes accompanied by Max, who professed herself ready to leave. "Are you sure you don't want to stay longer?"

"No, it's fine. I've had a wonderful time but I'm happy to go, really Boss."

I was too tired to argue even though I was terribly curious about her and Chris. We said our goodbyes to everyone and Scarlett reminded Max and me about the afternoon tea she had arranged for the following Wednesday then we headed off to the car, Tom tucking me in solicitously while Max made herself comfortable in the back. On the way home I just listened as the other two chatted quietly and once we arrived I was happily shepherded off to bed by my husband after bidding Max goodnight, falling asleep not long after my head hit my pillow.

The next morning I slept through Tom going for his run but woke in time to share breakfast before he left for work. Ten minutes later Max came out to the kitchen and I watched her over the rim of my tea cup as she grabbed fruit and yoghurt. "You and Chris really hit it off last night."

She poured herself an orange juice. "He reminds me a lot of Andy." Andrew was her younger brother and from what I'd heard, rivalled Chris's reputation as a bit of a ladies man.

"He seemed very taken with you."

She gave me a level look. "You mean he flirted outrageously all night?"

I was a little taken aback by her candour – I really had missed Max – then smiled. "Yes."

She gave me a shrug and returned my smile. "It was very flattering, but I didn't take it seriously. I don't think he did either, really." That surprised me, I hadn't realised she'd see through Chris so easily. "Besides, I'm not interested in him that way, I've got Nick."

The expression on her face when she said Nick's name reassured me more than mere words could do; she lit up from the inside and the look in her eyes seemed very familiar; it was much as I imagined I looked when I saw Tom. I sighed contentedly, pleased that my worrying had been for nothing.

"What do you feel like doing today?" I asked.

"I'm up for anything! How are you feeling Boss? You were pretty whacked last night."

"I must admit, I'm still a little weary, so I wouldn't mind a fairly quiet day. What say I see if I can get us bookings for a mani-pedi and maybe a facial?"

"Sounds fabulous!"

I phoned around and found a spa that had openings for what they called their Goddess package, so we showered and dressed and headed off for a wonderful few hours of pampering that included manicure and pedicure, facial, eye lash tint and eyebrow shape, body scrub and an aromatherapy neck and shoulder massage.

The next few days were much more active with showing Max around and, at her insistence, doing some packing of our belongings. Wednesday came around quickly and we headed off to the hotel where Scarlett had arranged an afternoon tea for a large group of women, most of them cast or crew or the partners thereof that I had met and made friends with over the past few months.

As we walked in I was astounded to find that it was in fact a surprise baby shower for me; streamers and decorations in soft pastels were all around the room, the tables were similarly decorated with pastel coloured flowers as well as dainty tea things. Everyone was thrilled at my surprise as I hugged Scarlett and Susan, the organisers, and then found out that Max was in on it too and had arranged for my friend Cass to be there as well.

I was so touched by their thoughtfulness and kindness I shed a few tears. "That's one thing I definitely don't miss about being pregnant," Scarlett laughed, "those mood swings!"

Other women who were also mothers laughed and Susan thoughtfully warned me it didn't end with the baby's birth. "Mine went on for months afterwards!" she said, "I'm sure Bobby thought I was going to be an emotional wreck for ever!"

"Same here!" Cass chimed in, "I'm sure I spent most of Sam's first six months in tears!"

"Oh god, remind me to warn Tom then!" I sobbed to Max, who laughed as she passed me a tissue and assured me she would.

We had a sumptuous afternoon tea of sandwiches and cakes and my favourite macarons. The ladies all decorated onesies with fabric pens and signed a baby plate as a keepsake, which thrilled me. There were generous gifts of blankets, linens and essential baby items – all kept small, as they knew we'd have to ship it all home to London. The most wonderful gift of all was a hand-made quilt with a square of fabric donated by each person present and made up by Susan; the tears flowed again when that was given to me. My friends had even arranged beautiful tea cups filled with scented candles as gifts for everyone to take home.

"I can't thank you enough," I told them, and I meant every word. "I'm going to miss you all. Please, please don't hesitate to look us up whenever you are in London."

They asked about the baby's gender and I assured them it was a closely guarded secret. "Tom insists on being surprised," I said, "but I've known for months."

"Any hints?"

"It's more than my life is worth to tell!"

\---

Just three days later it was time to bid Max farewell again and once more I found it very difficult to say goodbye, but was reassured knowing we would at least soon be in the same country and therefore much easier to catch up.

"What date do you get back?" she asked as we waited for her flight to be called.

"The third."

"I'm phoning you on the fifth then – I'll give you a day to get over jet lag."

I smiled and hugged her again. "Max, you are a treasure. Nick is a very lucky young man."

She blushed a little before replying with her usual cheekiness, "Yes he is!"

After she'd gone I began packing in earnest; it was now less than ten days until we departed. Boxes were shipped off and I arranged two lots of cleaners – one for the house here after we'd gone and one for our home in London to make sure all was spotless for our arrival.

"What do you think of a Winnie the Pooh theme for the nursery?" I asked Tom that night as we cuddled in bed.

"I loved Pooh when I was little," was his response, "so I think it's perfect."

"No doubt you have a few Pooh quotes for me," I teased him smilingly.

"'If you live to be 100, I want to live to be 100 minus a day so I would never have to live a day without you.'"

"Tom, what did I tell you about me and tears?" I said, blinking back the drops on my eyelashes.

"'Some people care too much, I think it's called love.'"

"Tom..."

"'As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen.'"

"Dammit Hiddles!" the tears flowed freely now, until my darling husband kissed them away.


	59. Chapter 59

"Welcome home darling."

"It's just as well you carried me over the threshold when we came back in June, Tom – Baby Hiddles and I are a lot heavier now."

"Mm, I'm pretty sure I can still do it though." And with that, he put one arm around my waist and another behind my knees and I was suddenly lifted into his arms.

"Tom, put me down! You'll do yourself an injury!"

"You're not that heavy sweetheart. Besides, it's my job as alpha male to care and provide for my family."

"Alpha male hmm? I knew I should have stopped you watching those National Geographic shows on the flight."

He put me down carefully in the middle of the lounge room and looked at me with a cheeky grin on his face. "I had to do something to drown out the sound of your snoring my love."

"Oh! You rat! I do not snore!" His infectious giggle had its usual effect on me and we both ended up chuckling, wrapped in each other's arms. "Have I told you lately how incorrigible you are Thomas?"

"Not in the last twelve hours, so I must be due for another reminder."

\---

Over the next couple of days we unpacked the luggage we had brought with us and the boxes we had sent on from LA, which had arrived the day after we did. Tom's piano was installed in a corner of the lounge; baby things went for now into the spare room. Max called as promised and she and I met one afternoon when she wasn't working, seeing Nick's latest movie and catching a bite to eat.

Tom began rehearsals for his play, which would have a limited run of six weeks, then he would be free for a couple of months before his next project. A large group of family and friends had tickets for opening night and plans for dinner beforehand.

I rang a decorator to arrange for the painting of the room that was to be the nursery and once that was done invited Diana to come down to help me shop for the essential furniture items. After researching online we spent a happy few hours the first day choosing a bassinet and changing table to go in our room and a cot bed, dresser and nursing chair for baby's room. The next day we picked out bedding and wall décor in our chosen theme along with a few room accessories such as lamp, mobile, nappy stacker and rugs. When everything had been delivered into the newly painted room – sporting fluffy white clouds in a soft blue sky – we began to unpack and find places for the many gifts we had been given plus the items we had bought in LA. By the end of Diana's visit the nursery was ready and I was definitely getting the nesting feeling I had heard so much about from other mums.

My pregnancy records had all been sent to my local OB/GYN and I was seeing her fortnightly for check ups now that I was entering my eighth month. I had a flu shot as winter was approaching, got a booster vaccine for whooping cough and made regular note of baby's movements during the day and night, alert for any changes that might signal preterm labour or preeclampsia.

"It's time for us to decide on our birth plan," I told Tom after my week 32 visit. He knew already that I was booked in at a midwife-led birthing unit that was housed within a hospital, useful in case any problems were encountered during delivery. We talked about the various birthing methods and positions and the subject of pain relief.

"I'd like to keep it as natural as possible," I said, "so listening to music, moving about, massage and warm water are apparently all helpful."

"Some Metallica for you then?" he asked cheekily, raising a smile from me.

"Not if you want to make it out of there alive Hiddles!" I warned him with a laugh. We picked some favourite songs and made sure Tom knew where to find them on my iPod and I made a mental note to buy some massage oils. He assured me he would make sure my wishes were carried out in case I wasn't in a position to express them and that he would be only too happy to perform any massage needed – he accompanied that with a mock lecherous grin and I laughed again at his silliness.

I opened my mouth to speak but he pre-empted me, "I know, darling, I'm incorrigible!"

"Yes you are," I kissed him, "and also adorable and completely lovable."

\---

"Break a leg Tommy." Emma and Diana each gave Tom a warm hug and their best wishes for opening night.

"Break a leg sweetheart." I kissed his cheek as he ran his hand through his hair, suffering from his usual pre-performance nerves. "You'll be wonderful and so will everyone else."

"Thank you love."

"We'll see you backstage afterwards. I'll be the heffalump in purple."

"And you'll be the most beautiful heffalump ever my darling."

"I've told you before Hiddles, you know just the right things to say!" Everyone smiled at that and he put his arms around me to give me a proper kiss before leaving for the theatre.

"I'll put the kettle on, shall I?" Emma asked.

"That would be wonderful Em. I've got to go pee – again!" The other two just laughed.

"Don't forget we're shopping for a pram tomorrow Kate." Diana reminded me once I was back in the kitchen. Tom's family had insisted on buying us the pram as a baby gift. "Have you picked out which one you want?"

"I've seen a Bugaboo one that's a three-in-one so will be good as baby gets older, the bassinet and seat are both reversible and it's compatible with car seats."

"That sounds very suitable. Where will we find those?"

"Peter Jones in Sloane Square."

"Perfect. We can browse around for other bits and pieces while we're there."

A couple of hours later we were getting ready for the evening as our friends began arriving; Max and Nick were first, followed soon after by Davey and James. Mike and Abby showed up fifteen minutes later and shortly after that Ben and Sophie completed the group. We were a merry bunch as we headed out to the maxi cab I had ordered to take us to the Gin Joint, a restaurant only a few minutes walk from the Barbican Centre where Tom's play was showing.

As we walked out to the taxi I felt a strong twinge in my lower abdomen. I had been experiencing mild Braxton-Hicks contractions off and on for a few weeks, usually a painless tightening that lasted around thirty seconds; this was a little different, although not truly painful.

"Katie? Are you okay?" Davey was just behind me and saw me put my hand to my stomach.

I smiled in reassurance. "I'm fine Davey, just a twinge. Baby Hiddles is awake and active."

"A child of Tom's being active? Sooo difficult to imagine!" His grin almost split his face in two and I returned it with one of my own as he put his arm around my waist and helped me in to the vehicle.

Thankfully the restaurant had given us a fairly private table, as dinner was a rowdy affair; everyone was in high spirits and although there wasn't much alcohol being consumed at all, you could be forgiven for thinking there was. Upbeat conversations and full belly laughter ebbed around me as I sat in my own little bubble, lost in thoughts of Tom and Baby Hiddles.

"How are you doing?" Sophie's smiling face swam into my vision and pulled me out of my trance.

"I'm good, thanks Sophie."

"You've got that introspective look about you that I remember well," she said, smiling gently at me. "When are you due?"

"End of November, so eight weeks to go." I patted my tummy softly. "Mind you, if it's anything like its father, due dates will mean nothing; I swear without Luke and me, Tom would never arrive at anything on time!"

Sophie laughed and cast a glance at her husband, busily chatting with Nick, James and Mike. "Ben's exactly the same; he spends so much time talking and being distracted it's a wonder he gets anything done."

\---

At the Barbican our seats were in row 12 at the front half of the centre orchestra section. Tom had explained that these seats put us at the same eye level the director and playwright had during the performance's development—therefore we would essentially see the play as it was "meant to be seen."

I felt another twinge as I took my seat but as it was no longer or more forceful than the one I had earlier, I paid it no mind. Baby Hiddles was still being fairly active, though I had hopes that would settle soon so I could enjoy the show without distraction. Davey was seated on my right and Diana on my left, so I chatted quietly with them as the audience flowed in and found their seats, sending a quick text to Tom telling him we were here and giving him my love before turning off my phone.

The curtain rose to a scene in front of a noble house in Messina with three of the main characters on stage. After a few minutes Tom came on as Benedick and my heart surged with pride, but I soon forgot he was my husband, finding myself lost as always in the magic of Shakespeare and the skill of the players on the stage. I laughed along with the rest of the audience at Benedick's attempts to outwit, outsmart and out-insult Beatrice and his use of witty hyperbole to express his feelings and silently applauded when Beatrice exploded with fury at Claudio for mistreating her cousin.

When Tom and Kate Winslet – who played Beatrice – came to take their bows after the curtain fell I joined everyone else in giving them a standing ovation. As I rose from my seat I put a hand to my abdomen as another twinge stabbed at me; I saw Diana notice. Once we were making our way backstage she expressed her concern. "Kate, are you having labour pains?"

"No, I'm fine. Just some twinges."

"Are you sure? I know it's too soon but you can't be too careful."

"My doctor said to watch for pains in my lower back that increase in ferocity and become regular and these twinges aren't like that, so I'm sure they're nothing to worry about."

Of course our conversation was overheard and select parts of it repeated by the others in our group, so by the time we reached Tom's dressing room it was all they were talking about and when he came out to greet us the first thing he was told was "Kate might be in labour."

"Darling, what –" He looked so concerned I was annoyed at the others for making him worry about an inconsequential matter when this moment should be about him.

"I'm definitely not in labour sweetheart, just some small twinges. My doctor said it's all perfectly normal and told me how to tell real labour pains from false ones, so please don't worry."

"If you're sure..." His furrowed brow told me he wasn't completely convinced so I promised to call the doctor if they persisted and he seemed reassured.

"Now can we please talk about how incredible my husband's performance was and focus on him?" I glared meaningfully at everyone and they all complied, showering him with the praise I felt he deserved. While he accepted it all as gracefully as he usually did, he kept a supportive arm around my shoulders and glanced my way so frequently I knew he was still concerned. I put an arm around his waist and snuggled into his side, kissing him lightly and murmured, "I'm fine, stop worrying."

"It's much too soon."

"Tom." I looked at the fright in his eyes then turned to the others. "Excuse us for a moment please," and taking his hand, led him back into his dressing room and shut the door.

"Kate, what ..."

"I'm calling the doctor so she can put your mind at ease." When Heather answered I explained the twinges I had been having and after asking me some questions she agreed they were nothing to worry about. "I'm putting my husband on, Heather, please tell him what you've just told me."

"All right?" I asked him once he'd hung up; he nodded in answer and hugged me tightly. I could hear his rapid heartbeat through his costume and stayed close to him as it slowly returned to its normal rate. "I love you."

"I love you too." His voice was muffled as his face was buried in my hair. There was a short pause before he said, "Kate, is it a boy or a girl?"

I drew back to look at him. "I thought you didn't want to know?"

"I didn't but ... now I do. It seems important somehow – I can't explain how or why, it just is."

"Are you sure?" I looked into his eyes again, unable to put a name to the raw emotions I saw there.

"I'm sure."

So I wrapped my arms tighter around his waist and told him.


	60. Chapter 60

"Kathryn Hiddleston, I am placing you under arrest on suspicion of the murder of Thomas Hiddleston. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence."

I looked around the small room we were seated in; there was a large framed mirror on the wall facing me and I wondered if it was a two-way mirror just like in every cop show I'd ever seen. The furniture was wooden and functional, the décor drab – it all added to the bizarre and disorienting feeling I had. As I stared in confusion at the police inspector I felt a chill begin to seep into my bones, beginning at my feet and working its way slowly up my limbs, bringing with it a strange numbness and the conviction that I would never feel warm again.

He was talking, I realized, struggling to concentrate and wondering where Tom had gotten to. There was a strange smell of cheese sandwiches that made me wrinkle my nose.

"Do you understand this Right to Silence?"

I did understand; I had no idea why he was telling me this or how it related to me, but I did understand the fundamental principle, so I said so.

"You and your husband had an altercation earlier today Mrs Hiddleston?"

"Doctor."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's Dr Hiddleston."

He glanced through some papers he had in front of him – there seemed to be an awful lot of them. "I see. Dr Hiddleston. You had an argument with your husband this morning?"

"Yes."

"What was the nature of that argument?"

I frowned, trying to remember. It seemed so long ago. "Money," I eventually muttered.

"Money? Did you say you argued over money?"

"Yes."

"Would you elaborate please?"

I sighed, irritated at the questions and still wondering where Tom was. "We found a house we want to buy. We were arguing over who would pay for it."

"You wanted your husband to pay?"

"No, I wanted to use my money, he wanted to use his."

"I see."

I was glad someone did, I had no idea what was going on or why they were asking me these inane questions. "I want to see my husband."

He gave me an inscrutable look that I simply returned, quite happy to play a staring match with him if that was what it took for me to see Tom and find out what was happening. After a minute he excused himself and went out the door, leaving me alone. I stared into the mirror, noting that my reflection looked pale and tired at the same time I realized I was hungry. I need to eat for the baby's sake ... and where the hell is Tom?

When the door opened again I heard a new voice mentioning the words 'delusional' and 'elaborate act' before the inspector returned and once more sat opposite.

"So after you argued with your husband about money," he continued as if there had never been a break in our conversation, "what happened next?"

"Tom got a phone call to say he had an interview to do in Warwick."

"He wasn't expecting that interview?"

"It was meant to be tomorrow but it was brought forward."

He wrote something down. "How soon after the telephone call did he leave?"

"He had a shower and dressed, so about half an hour."

"And what were you doing in the half hour that your husband was preparing to leave?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" He didn't believe me, I could tell that from the look on his face - and at that point I decided I had had quite enough.

"Where is Tom? Is he here? Why won't you let me see him?" He narrowed his eyes at me and pursed his lips. I leant forward over the table as much as my large stomach would allow and gave him my best baleful look. "I am not answering one single question more until I speak to my husband."

"Mrs H ... Dr Hiddleston, I don't think you have quite understood why you are here." I gave a faint snort and he shot me a piercing glance before continuing. "Your husband's Jaguar was involved in an accident this morning – we believe his brake lines were cut and we think you may know something about that."

I hadn't listened to much beyond the word 'accident' – my breath caught in my throat and I felt instant panic. Shooting bolt upright in my seat, I asked in a voice that suddenly trembled, "Is he all right? Where is he? Can I see him?"

"Unfortunately Mr Hiddleston did not survive the accident."

Those eight words - stated baldly and without emotion - signaled the end of the world as I knew it. A fog settled around me, dulling my senses so that everything I heard seemed to be coming from far away, everything I saw was unfocused; my mouth felt at once dry and full of cotton wool so my words come out muffled, almost incoherent.

"What? What are you saying? Didn't ... that ... that's not possible! He ... he'll be home this evening ... we ... we're having a baby soon ... "

I stared at the man sitting opposite me; his complexion pallid as befitted someone who worked indoors all the time, his greying hair receding from a high forehead, his clothes not fashionable nor outdated but simply nondescript. His expression was completely inscrutable with the exception of his eyes, which watched me as an eagle perched high in a tree would watch a rabbit scuttling below – with cold calculation.

"Your husband is dead Dr Hiddleston."

My world tilted crazily and from a distance I heard a loud, primal cry of pain and loss – not realizing for a moment that it was coming from me. A stabbing pain so forceful I gasped aloud ripped through my body, threatening to tear me to pieces.

Tom.

Dead.

\---

I opened my eyes suddenly, the rapid beating of my heart thumping in my ears; I felt cold and clammy and quite disoriented. It took a moment for me to realize I was at home in our bedroom, tangled in sheets and blankets that now felt incredibly oppressive and constricting – I frantically pushed them off my limbs and lay panting, trying to become calm.

There was no sound in the house beyond my labored breathing; the only light in the room a silvery glow coming through the windows from the full moon outside, almost strong enough to rival the light on a winter's day.

Glancing around the room I noticed familiar objects – Tom's hairbrush on the dresser; his blue suit hanging on the back of the door where he'd discarded it this morning in favour of his grey one; a photo beside the bed of us taken on our honeymoon, me in bikini and wrap, him in swim shorts and t-shirt, both looking incredibly happy. Tears filled my eyes and I felt the panic and terror coming back.

Suddenly I was gripped by an intense pain in my lower back and abdomen that made me forget everything else in my need to concentrate; I moaned as I curled myself around my stomach and rode it out, panting and puffing the way the midwife had taught me, the hand on my abdomen feeling the hardness as my muscles contracted, then easing as the pain receded. 

I heard a noise and tensed, holding my breath, fixing my eyes on the arch leading to the hallway; it had sounded like the front door quietly opening and closing.

"Kate? Darling, are you home?"

"Tom? Oh my god, Tom!"

He must have heard the hysteria in my voice, for I had barely clambered off the bed before he was in the room, switching on the light and rushing to my side.

"Sweetheart, what's happened; what's wrong? Are you all right? Is it the baby?" I flung my arms around him and held on as tightly as I could, sobbing into his neck as I realized the horror I had been through was a dream, a nightmare created by my over-anxious imagination. Tears streamed down my face as he rubbed my back with one hand and ran the other through my hair. "Darling, tell me you're all right, please."

"Tom, oh god, I thought you were dead!" I told him about what I had imagined, clinging tightly to him, too afraid to let go. He pressed little kisses to my hair, face, neck and back again.

"I'm right here Kate, I'm fine."

My sobs eased gradually. "Tom, I was worried you would be delayed like you were for our wedding and you wouldn't be here in time."

"In time for what sweetheart?"

"The baby Tom." I felt his body shiver and tense. "I've been having contractions since not long after you left this morning."

"Kate! I ... how ..." he cleared his throat, "How far apart are they?"

"They were about twelve minutes apart before I fell asleep; I've lost track now so we'll have to time it from the next one."

"Darling, what can I do to help?"

"Just hold me a little longer so I know for sure you're here and safe."

\---

Over the next few hours the contractions slowly increased in frequency and intensity; Tom massaged my lower back as I rocked on all fours or held me as we sat in the bathtub, breathing with me and counting the timing. I'd urged him to eat and sleep so he would have energy for the next day and although he had a small meal, he wouldn't hear of sleeping and letting me go through the pain alone. He called Luke to cancel all appointments for the next week and rang Diana and Mike to let them know the baby's arrival was imminent. It was only November eighteenth, ten days before our due date.

Around five the next morning everything suddenly escalated and I asked Tom to ring my midwife to tell her we were coming in. I'd had my 'show' and the latest contraction came only three minutes after the previous one, lasting around sixty seconds; Baby Hiddles had apparently decided to be in a hurry to arrive.

We grabbed the pre-prepared bag and called a taxi.

"Tom, did you remember my iPod?"

"Yes love."

"And the speakers?"

"Yes."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome sweetheart."

I gripped his hand tightly as pain swept over me, looking at his watch to see only two minutes had passed since the last one. As I tried to concentrate on my breathing a thought kept going round and round in my head – I don't want my baby born in a taxi!

"How much longer?" I gasped to the taxi driver once I could talk again.

"Ten minutes missus."

"Tom, how much cash have you got on you?"

He checked his wallet. "A hundred and twenty pounds."

I took it and waved it towards the driver. "Is this enough to make you run all the lights? Otherwise I think there's going to be a baby born back here – argh!" I broke off as another pain swamped me and I couldn't think of anything other than getting through it. Squeezing Tom's hand wasn't enough any more, I put both my hands on his arm and dug my fingers in, deriving some kind of sadistic pleasure when he winced and his skin turned white where I'd been pressing.

"Dammit man, stop driving like an old woman and put your foot down!" I was losing patience with how long this journey was taking, and with much less time between contractions was also losing my temper.

"Darling ..."

"Don't 'darling' me Thomas! You got me in this mess in the first place! I don't want my baby to be born in a taxi!"

"Our baby."

I snorted and glowered at him. "Until you are the one whose body is being ripped apart by something the size of a watermelon trying to get out an opening the size of ... oh god!" I felt a warm gush of liquid between my legs that went all over the seat. "My water just broke!"

That seemed to motivate our driver as nothing else had; six minutes and four contractions later we arrived at the birthing unit and I was wheeled into our assigned room, Tom at my side. On examination I was pronounced nine centimetres dilated – it wouldn't be long to wait. My music was put on softly in the background and I spent the next contraction timing my breaths to Nina Simone singing My Baby Just Cares For Me.

"Tom?" He was wiping my face with a cool cloth and feeding me ice chips after rubbing my back all through the contraction. I knew it wouldn't be long before another came steamrolling through.

"Yes my darling?"

"I love you dearly, I really do, but you're having the next baby; okay?" I didn't have time to wait for his reply; this time Louis Armstrong and On the Sunny Side of the Street helped me through the pain.

In what seemed like no time at all my midwife Juanita was asking if I felt like pushing, so Tom helped me turn around and get into a sitting position; I wanted gravity to help in the process but also wanted our baby to be placed on my stomach immediately after birth for skin-to-skin bonding. He wiped my face and murmured words of encouragement as I pushed with the next contraction, paused for a breath in between then pushed again.

"Baby's head is crowning." Juanita announced. "Would you like to feel it?" At my quick nod she took my hand and touched it to light fuzz over soft, warm skin pulsing with life.

"Tom!" I sighed quietly and felt tears run down my cheeks. He had time to quickly touch it too before I felt the next contraction coming.

"All right Kate, give me a good hard push."

I nodded again, grabbed Tom's hand as I looked at him and pushed with what energy I had. "I love you," he mouthed and there were tears in his eyes too.

With the head and shoulders out Juanita wiped around eyes, nose and mouth then told me the next push should be easier; it was, and with a gentle whoosh our son entered the world. She placed him on my stomach and Tom and I touched tiny fingers and toes as she cleaned him up a bit more, then we gently stroked his head and down the sides of his face as he gave his first cries.

"He's beautiful!" Tom's gaze and voice were so full of awe and love I felt my heart fill to overflowing.

"He looks like you." I told him.

He turned to me with a look that took my breath away then kissed me tenderly. "Thank you darling."

We continued to bond with our new son for a few minutes until it was time for Tom to cut and clamp the cord, after which I brought baby to my breast and he took his first feed. He latched on hungrily and I smiled, a feeling of such contentment and euphoria sweeping over me that I wondered if there were anything more perfect on earth than this moment.

As the placenta was being delivered he was taken to a corner of the room to be weighed and measured, given his identity tag and vitamin K. Tom went with him and I saw the nurse show him how to wrap the baby as I was cleaned up and helped into a fresh nightgown.

"Do we have a name for Baby Hiddleston yet?" Juanita asked as she tidied things away.

Tom and I looked at each other and smiled. "William James," I told her. William, of course, was Tom's middle name, after Diana's father; James was coincidentally the name of both our fathers.

"William James," she repeated, "that's a great name." She came over to us and looked down at our son. "Welcome to the world, William James Hiddleston."


	61. Epilogue

Three in the morning and I am wide awake, jostled out of sleep by the tumbling gymnastics being performed in my womb. A stray kick nudges near my bladder and I know I'll shortly need a quick trip to pee, but for now I am content to lay on my side, right hand rubbing rhythmically over my belly in hopes of calming my little dynamo.

Just like your dad, I think to it, looking at the beautiful man beside me, his boundless energy stilled for recharge as he sleeps so soundly. Softly filtered moonlight caresses his features and I find my gaze doing the same, lingering lovingly over brow, cheekbones, lips and jawline. I sigh contentedly and allow myself a feather-light touch to reposition an unruly curl falling over his forehead.

The monitor on the bedside dresser squawks to life with the sound of crying.

I begin to move to the edge of the bed but a warm hand reaches out and stops me. "I'll go darling," the sleepy voice says. He's wearing just his pyjama bottoms so when he stretches his arms above his head I see the muscle definition on shoulders, arms, chest and stomach and a thrill runs through me. He gives me a soft, sweet kiss before getting out of bed then a minute later I hear his voice over the monitor.

"Hey little man, what's wrong? Bad dream? Hush now, hush." The crying subsides only a little and I hear a tearful voice say "Want mama," and know that soon they'll be in here with me. I sit up as best I can, propping a few pillows behind me just as my menfolk come in, matching heads of tousled red-gold curls and two pairs of lagoon blue eyes.

I reach out for William and cuddle him close, rubbing his back and crooning soft sounds of comfort to quieten his cries. He puts his thumb in his mouth as I rock him gently and begin to sing to him, his favourite song about two little boys with a wooden horse. By the end he's fast asleep again and as his dad carries him back to his room I finally get the chance to go to the bathroom.

"Sweetheart? Are you all right in there?" Tom sounded a little concerned that I was taking so long.

I come back into the bedroom. "I'm fine, but we're going to need to call Abby to take William later on today."

"Why is that love?" He came and wrapped his long arms around me.

I looked up into his eyes, running my hand down the side of his face and over the neatly trimmed beard he wore for his latest movie role, a romantic comedy. Smiling, I answered his question.

"Because my water just broke darling. Our daughter has decided to be born today."


End file.
